I know it's early but how do you "do Christmas" with the grown children?

[MIGrandma]

Our adult children are 41 and 38, both married, and we have 7 grandchildren (24, 21, 18, 15, 12, 12, and 8).

We buy each person a small gift so they have something from under the tree to open, then we give cards with cash in to each person as well. Our son and daughter get more cash than the grands do, and we typically give each of the married couples another gift as well (like a restaurant gift card, gift certificate to a bed & breakfast, etc.).

Then everyone's favorite thing at our family Christmas gathering is our gift exchange or sometimes called "white elephant." If you're going to participate (and everyone does) you buy a gift in the $20-$25 range, then we put them all in a pile and draw numbers. #1 opens a gift, #2 can open a gift OR they can steal from #1, and so on. It's fun to see which gifts are the popular ones and get "stolen" more than once. We enjoy the game so much that everyone wanted to do it twice so now we each buy TWO gifts. The younger grands have just started participating, their parents used to buy them a small gift (toy) to open while the adults were playing the game, but they are now old enough that they enjoy participating too.

This year there will be a GREAT-grandchild (due in September) and I plan to just buy toys/outfits equal to the amount we spend on the other grands. She won't have use for cash yet, and I don't trust her parents not to keep it for themselves.

If a grandchild brings a boyfriend/girlfriend, they get a small gift to open and a smaller amount of cash in a card.

I used to do stockings for the grandchildren, but in 2015 when my Mom went into a nursing home I stopped doing that as it was just too much to deal with. I of course let everyone know I wasn't going to do the stockings any longer, so they wouldn't be surprised and/or disappointed when we had our get-together and they all understood. In fact, our oldest granddaughter made a canvas painting for us of a snow globe with our house in the center, and wrote a heart-felt message on the back. I cried. Also, my DIL made a 4-foot stocking and all the kids/grandkids filled it for me, with all my favorite things, and made clay "snowmen" to look like themselves, and clay Christmas ornaments, etc. I was so touched, and it really made my Christmas so special that year and I will never forget it.

 

[Snowysmom]

We do the whole Christmas thing for everyone. We even do stockings still except now the sons have to share stockings with their wives. One stocking per couple. DH and I do stockings for each other. We have cut back on what we get the guys over the years as we got ridiculous amounts of stuff for them. Now we have grandchildren and daughters-in-law so we spread the gifts around. As long as we can do it, we will.

 

[Wendy31]

Our kids aren't grown yet, but we will probably do Christmas the way both of our parents continued to do Christmas after we were grown.

DH & I are both very blessed w/ generous parents, & both of our moms try really hard to make things equal & special.

On my side --

I have a younger sister. Once I was married, my parents continued to spend the same amount on me that they spent on my sister - however, what they spent on "me" was split equally between DH & me, if that makes sense.

When my sister got married, my parents spent the same amount of money on both couples - and we always have the same number of presents to unwrap, & the presents are similar. For instance, if my mom buys DH a sweater, she'll also buy my sister's husband a sweater.

And my parents don't spend more money on my sister & me than they do on our husbands - Spouses are treated equally.

We typically have about 2 presents to open each, & then we also receive a bigger "couple" gift (usually something we can use for our homes). If they don't give us the bigger couple gift, they'll give us money.

My mom also puts together a family stocking "bag" for each family - some candy, fruit, nuts, & other little things - one year, she did a breakfast theme.

There are 7 grandkids, & my parents spend the same amount of money on each, & my mom makes sure that there are the same number of presents for each. Each grandkid also receives a stocking "bag" as well.

(My mom doesn't do actual stockings - she puts items that she'd normally put in stockings into gift bags.)

We buy presents for my parents & for my nieces & nephew & some kind of couple or family gift for my sister & her DH. (My sister & her DH do the same.)

On DH's side --

It's pretty much the same as it is on my side - except his parents don't really do a bigger couple gift for each married set.

DH's parents have 4 sons (including DH) & 3 daughters-in-law. At Christmas, all 7 of us get the same amount of money each. We also have a couple of little things to open - the daughters-in-law may get a lotion set while the sons get PJ pants, for example.

There are 8 grandkids plus 1 great grandkid, & they each receive the same amount of gifts and/or money. The older grandkids now usually get money w/ maybe a couple of smaller gifts to open - but always the same number to open, while the younger grandkids may receive more presents to open & less money - but, again, it's always the same number & amount.

We don't have any grandkids that are married right now, but, when the older grandkids do bring boyfriends/girlfriends to the holiday gathering, the boyfriends/girlfriends receive the same number of gifts, but I don't think they receive any money (I could be wrong).

DH's mom used to do stockings years ago for the grandkids, but doesn't any longer.

We buy presents for DH's parents & our great-nephew & put together a family gift for his brothers & their wives & kids.

We (the married sons & daughters-in-law) used to buy presents for the nieces & nephews on DH's side, but we all mutually agreed to stop a few years ago - some years we get together & do some kind of activity as the kids' "present".

 

[Superchikk]

There are 7 kids in my family. We're all adults now, and 4 of us are married, 1 engaged. Here's how our family works:

Mom & Dad do stockings for everyone (including grandkids, girlfriends, etc.). Mom loves shopping for stocking things, and she's pretty creative. They also do a cash gift for each family member (the same for everyone), and a gift valued around the same amount. That way Mom gets to shop for everyone, but doesn't have to kill herself finding gifts. And we all appreciate the cash. The kids usually get 2-3 gifts plus the cash, because it's easy to pick up inexpensive things they'll love. The parents are free to use the cash how we like - sometimes I pool my kids' gift money from a few people and we buy a zoo membership or something similar.

Siblings: We used to draw names between the siblings & brothers in-law, with a $25 limit. However, the last two years, we've decided to pool our $ and give it to a family/someone who needed help. Last year, we helped provide Christmas gifts and groceries for the kids of a single mom who was going through ovarian cancer. We felt it was a much better use of our money than getting gift cards for each other or buying stuff we didn't really need. We'll probably continue in that tradition.

Cousins: Between the 7 of us, only 3 of us have kids. We let the cousins draw names between themselves and give a gift to each other. $25 limit. If the aunts & uncles (without kids) want to get gifts for all the nieces and nephews, they're welcome to (and sometimes do), but aren't obligated. Honestly, the kids are so busy, they don't even notice... or care.

The other side of the family... changes every year. It's frustrating to never know what to expect or do. I like that my family has kind of a system that we all "get". And several of us are planners, so we're already thinking about Christmas stuff in July. In fact, one of my sisters and I have already had a conversation about Christmas this year.

 

[loves to dive]

We used to do the whole go to his family's and go to my family's and buy everyone gifts and my son got loads of stuff from me. Last year I decided enough was enough. We went to his family after the holidays (they don't live in the same town we do) and I told my brother's we weren't doing the whole thing, it was just getting too much. My honey and I stopped buy each other gifts for any occasion years ago, we are truly blessed to be one of those couples that don't need anything and figuring out what to give each other was getting in the way of any kind of joy. Now we take the laid back approach and just relax. I still decorate house and still buy my son something big but honey and I only give each other one sort of practical gift.

 

[runwad]

Our kids are 21, 19 & 17 and all at home so we still do Christmas gifts under the tree. But let me tell ya I can't wait for the day I can just give them a big check!! That's what my parents and DH's parents did with us and we loved it (I miss it now that they are gone ).

My kids are so hard to buy for. They all work and buy whatever they want when they want, so really there isn't much they need or want. But they would be disappointed with no gifts under the tree so I'll keep putting my best effort forward for a little while longer.