In-laws at Walt Disney World

[sweetcreams]

I'm sure I'm going right to hell for even asking this, but I'm going to ask anyway:
My family has been going to WDW since I was a kid. After I got married, my DH and I started going every few years, then once we had kids we started going every year with the rest of my family (parents and brothers and sisters with their families). We are all Disney addicts and really enjoy every moment together on our yearly vacation. DH and I are not rich, but save money all year so that we can have this family vacation. We invited my MIL and FIL to join us for a few days in 2011 while they were visiting family in FL. They're not Disney lovers, and they never took my DH on family vacations when he was a child, except to visit grandparents in other states. I don't really get along with my MIL, but it was fine because they only went to the parks with us 1 day. They then proceeded to invite themselves to our 2012 vacation for a whole week. MIL was in a scooter and couldn't hear what any of the cm's were telling her, such as where to park, or whether to take the scooter key. Even though we told them to eat breakfast at the hotel, FIL didn't several days and almost passed out. They were too hot or too cold constantly, couldn't keep up with our pace, and didn't care to go on most rides ("we just want to watch the kids"). I gave them the Unofficial Guide, which they said they read, but didn't choose anything they would like to do. They both seemed genuinely miserable 75% of the time. I feel like I missed so many of my favorites because of their slower pace, and I had to split my time between them and my family the whole time. Now DH tells me they are asking about going with us again on our next trip. I really do not want a repeat of last time. Honestly I don't know why they would want to go anyway! Is there some way I can let them know that it didn't work out and we'd rather go alone? I am not even looking forward to starting my planning because this is hanging over my head.

 

[Dominion]

I agree with you - why would they even want to go?? Maybe they just love seeing their grandchildren??

First, have you talked to your husband? What does he think? It would help if you both were on the same page about this. If you are, I would have him talk to them about the trip - see if he can figure out why they really want to go, given last year's experience. If its just about seeing the kids, maybe you could figure out another way to spend a bunch of tie with them in a different setting (go visit them where they live, invite them to visit you, do a beach week, etc...) Frame it as though you and your husband are looking out for their best interests and want them to be comfortable, enjoy the time and have fun. If that doesn't work or at least get things moving in the right direction, you might have to be more direct!

Good luck!

 

[Kristian]

The best thing that you can do is to be honest with your dh and tell him how you feel. Voice your concerns and let him know that you do not want a repeat of what happened last time. I think it's best that he talk to them since they are his parents.

Obviously, you can't stop them from going to Disney, however you do have a say in how you want to spend your time on your trip. If they insist on going and they pay their own way and take care of their own arrangements then there isn't much you can do in that retrospect. However, if I were you, I'd talk to your dh and tell him that if they insist on going you still want to do Disney the way that you like to do it. They don't have to do everything that you do, nor do they have to keep up with your pace. It's fine if they want to take it slow, stay at the resort, etc. but let it be known that you plan on doing the things that you, as your own little family, are use to doing. I'm not suggesting that you exclude them by any means. Let them know and feel that they are welcome to tag along, but you plan on hitting the parks each day and if they would rather take it a little more easily, you can arrange to maybe meet up for a meal or something in the evenings.

I totally understand the situation though. We have traveled with both sides of our families and it never works out well for us regardless of who goes. My mom and I travel very differently (my dad doesn't travel at all). She's not a planner and I am and we clash as far as traveling goes. My dh's parents don't travel a lot, but when they do, they are totally stressed and it causes tension. They are raising both of their grandsons and they are getting a bit up in age and they are just stressed to the max. It's not their fault, but it causes a strain on our group and if I'm paying good money to have a good time on a vacation, such as Disney, I just don't want to deal with that. We went to a nearby amusement park for a weekend trip with my MIL and our nephews (her grandsons that she adopted) and it was a disaster. She complained the whole time, refused to eat because of how expensive food was, etc. Not a fun time at all. I tried to step in and help her out with him since my dd and our oldest nephew are a year apart and she jumped down my throat. Literally, she yelled at me while we were waiting in line to order food inside the park. Never again.

Talk to your dh and just tell him how you feel. Best of luck to you.

 

[kevschickee]

Oh my ugh hard situation for sure but here being honest with dh is best. Tell him to talk to them about you doing disney your way. You will not wait for them and they are to make their own arrangements. Good luck

 

[kevschickee]

Btw keep us updated

 

[tlh0726]

As others said, you and your DH need to talk and be on the same page and then TOGETHER talk to your in laws.

Good luck!

 

[mm1971]

I'm sure I'm going right to hell for even asking this, but I'm going to ask anyway:
My family has been going to WDW since I was a kid. After I got married, my DH and I started going every few years, then once we had kids we started going every year with the rest of my family (parents and brothers and sisters with their families). We are all Disney addicts and really enjoy every moment together on our yearly vacation. DH and I are not rich, but save money all year so that we can have this family vacation. We invited my MIL and FIL to join us for a few days in 2011 while they were visiting family in FL. They're not Disney lovers, and they never took my DH on family vacations when he was a child, except to visit grandparents in other states. I don't really get along with my MIL, but it was fine because they only went to the parks with us 1 day. They then proceeded to invite themselves to our 2012 vacation for a whole week. MIL was in a scooter and couldn't hear what any of the cm's were telling her, such as where to park, or whether to take the scooter key. Even though we told them to eat breakfast at the hotel, FIL didn't several days and almost passed out. They were too hot or too cold constantly, couldn't keep up with our pace, and didn't care to go on most rides ("we just want to watch the kids"). I gave them the Unofficial Guide, which they said they read, but didn't choose anything they would like to do. They both seemed genuinely miserable 75% of the time. I feel like I missed so many of my favorites because of their slower pace, and I had to split my time between them and my family the whole time. Now DH tells me they are asking about going with us again on our next trip. I really do not want a repeat of last time. Honestly I don't know why they would want to go anyway! Is there some way I can let them know that it didn't work out and we'd rather go alone? I am not even looking forward to starting my planning because this is hanging over my head.

I may be going to hell with you. We have gone twice with my parents and brothers family. My wife keeps saying we should bring my in-laws, but I always find a way to change the topic. It's not that I dislike them, but we would need at least one scooter, maybe two. They would not be able to do much riding and never really vacationed when my wife was young due to finances.

I can see us waiting everywhere, the complaints about not wanting to be in the parks all day and just not having the same vacation that we are used to. Even when we go with my family, we all go our separate ways a lot. I know that wouldn't happen.

I'm not sure there's an easy solution to this one. Can you maybe plan a time where they are unavailable? I would suggest having a discussion with your DH and let him know how you feel. I am guessing from your thinking they are miserable, but they still want to go back that maybe they enjoy being that way. I know my dad can be difficult at times and he truly enjoys it. Maybe take a different vacation somewhere everyone would enjoy that would satisfy your in laws and allow you to be in Disney alone?

Good luck! No easy answer to this one.

 

[TwinkleKS]

Maybe you could suggest that they rent a condo nearby and do x,y, and z because you know that they will enjoy that more than the parks and then join you for one day, or to eat meals at the hotels, etc. Kind of a compromise that gives everyone what they want. We have done similar things with DH's family becuase they have totally different vacation ideas than I have.

 

[sweetcreams]

Thanks eerybody! My husband does know how I feel, and he pretty much feels the same way (he gets even more annoyed than me sometimes!), but he doesn't think we can ask them not to come. We did tell them that we were going to be doing the parks at a quick pace, and we don't stop for meals and snacks constantly, so they knew that going into it, but they are not independent AT ALL...they couldn't even find their way around the hotel by themselves, much less on Disney transportation. I do believe that they want to visit with the kids (though DS couldn't really care less), so maybe I will be able to get DH to take them for a long visit during Christmas break this year instead of them coming along. I really appreciate the comments, suggestions, and commiserating!

 

[sweetcreams]

I may be going to hell with you. We have gone twice with my parents and brothers family. My wife keeps saying we should bring my in-laws, but I always find a way to change the topic. It's not that I dislike them, but we would need at least one scooter, maybe two. They would not be able to do much riding and never really vacationed when my wife was young due to finances.

I can see us waiting everywhere, the complaints about not wanting to be in the parks all day and just not having the same vacation that we are used to. Even when we go with my family, we all go our separate ways a lot. I know that wouldn't happen.


I'm not sure there's an easy solution to this one. Can you maybe plan a time where they are unavailable? I would suggest having a discussion with your DH and let him know how you feel. I am guessing from your thinking they are miserable, but they still want to go back that maybe they enjoy being that way. I know my dad can be difficult at times and he truly enjoys it. Maybe take a different vacation somewhere everyone would enjoy that would satisfy your in laws and allow you to be in Disney alone?

Good luck! No easy answer to this one.

Don't Do It! That sounds exactly like my situation! My family all knows how to get around, and we meet up for a meal or a few rides here and there. His parents follow us all day long, complaining. Not to mention how long it takes to get around with someone on a scooter, who doesn't know where she's going, and has never really been a good driver to begin with!

 

[Aliceacc]

I would invite them along.

But I would have a rough draft of my schedule, and give them a copy. See which dinners or breakfasts they want to join you for. Let them know that you certainly understand if they choose not to keep the pace your children set. In fact, consider making some separate plans for them as a Mother's Day/ Father's Day gift-- maybe Lunch with an Imagineer or the Dessert party or one of the tours-- things that your kids may be too young to enjoy.

Maybe even stay at an Epcot or MK resort, to make it easier for them to pick and choose the times they join you.

My outlook is different from some here. We lost my dad 10 years ago, my father in law 5 years ago, and my mother in law on Christmas Day 2011. I miss them all, as do my husband and kids. In your shoes, I would be more than happy to have them join us, but to let them know that it's OK to pick and choose the parts of the trip and the parts of each day that they join the kids. Perhaps, if you choose the right resort, they would prefer to spend the heat of the day at the resort, then join your husband and kids for the evenings.

I say you make this one easy on your husband by finding a way to make it work.

 

[RachaelA]

You may not to be able to "tell" them they can't go to Disney, but you can very much tell them that you guys want your own family vacation without them (in a nice way of course).

If they want to go all the way to Disney to spend time alone, then that's on them.

Honestly, they need to nicely be told that they are not welcome on this trip with you guys. If you sugarcoat it they are going to play dumb and you are going to be stuck with them.

There is nothing wrong about not wanting to vacation with people that don't fit in with your vacation style. Even if those people are family.

 

[DSNY4ever]

First I TOTALLY understand. We had a very similar family situation with Disneyland. I am sorry, I hope something works out.

I like the suggestion of printing out your itinerary and maybe telling them something like "This will be a very busy trip as we have a lot that we want to do and see. You are welcome to join us for any of these activities or we can plan some special times to meet up as a group..." maybe that will give them a hint that you want to go at your pace. Or maybe you could talk to your husband and just be blunt and come up with a way to tell them that this time you are going to do a special trip with just your family to have some special time together, but that you look forward to doing something special with them again sometime in the future.

Good luck! I think especially once you have kids your whole family suddenly feels like they are automatically invited on all your Disney vacations... Disney needs to stop those "grand gathering" commercials

 

[purpledisneyprncess]

That is a very tough situation, especially when dealing with in-laws that you don't get along with. (You mentioned not being fond of your MIL, how about your FIL?) Being that it sounds like they are good grandparents and want to come along on the trip to spend time with the kids, I would say let them go. Reason being that I asked if you like your FIL more is when you guys do split up (Some may want to go on 1 ride, and some on another) you can take your FIL along with you and leave your MIL with your DH.

I feel your pain though---- I can't STAND my in laws. My MIL and FIL are tolerable, but his sisters are wicked nasty. Which means, when they've invited us to go on vacations with them, we always pass. I'd love to do a trip with just DH's parents, but they don't seem to want to do that with us- they only like going with their daughters--which is fine, maybe they just feel more comfortable with them and that is okay.

So yeah, I think you should think of the positives with them coming but also make sure you set time aside where they can stay back at the hotel and rest, relax, swim at the pool, while you go to the parks with your family.

 

[SpartanMommy]

What if you split your time with both families? Maybe after doing Disney with your family you could stay a few extra days and be with his parents. That way you can still have your fun with your family and do what you want before you go around with his. Everyone gets what they want and no one has hurt feelings.

 

[sweetcreams]

That is a very tough situation, especially when dealing with in-laws that you don't get along with. (You mentioned not being fond of your MIL, how about your FIL?) Being that it sounds like they are good grandparents and want to come along on the trip to spend time with the kids, I would say let them go. Reason being that I asked if you like your FIL more is when you guys do split up (Some may want to go on 1 ride, and some on another) you can take your FIL along with you and leave your MIL with your DH.

I feel your pain though---- I can't STAND my in laws. My MIL and FIL are tolerable, but his sisters are wicked nasty. Which means, when they've invited us to go on vacations with them, we always pass. I'd love to do a trip with just DH's parents, but they don't seem to want to do that with us- they only like going with their daughters--which is fine, maybe they just feel more comfortable with them and that is okay.

So yeah, I think you should think of the positives with them coming but also make sure you set time aside where they can stay back at the hotel and rest, relax, swim at the pool, while you go to the parks with your family.

I do like my FIL a lot better than my MIL. As far as them being good grandparents, not so much IMO. They come to our house once or twice a year and stay for a week each time. MIL will play a game once if my DD asks her to. Then she says she is tired. She watches TV or plays games on the computer most of the time she is here. FIL used to spend more time with the kids when he came, but he is a bit less mobile now, so doesn't play outside as much. I feel that he at least makes an effort though.
Unfortunately, my in-laws NEVER split up, but I do sit by my FIL on rides and at meals whenever possible, and stick my DD with MIL.

 

[Annie78]

I think this is the ILs wanting more grandchild time and being jealous that the "other" grandparents get to do this. Since the ILs are never going to do Disney in a way you'd enjoy, I say try and come up with another yearly vacation that can be specific to them and more their speed. If they'd rather sit and watch the kids play, maybe the beach? It may require sacrificing some Disney time, but I'd rather go every second year and have fun than go every year with boat anchors...

 

[sweetcreams]

You guys have given me an idea; a wonderful, awful idea. Maybe if I take them to my local amusement park this summer they will remember what a pain it is to go to the parks with us. Then I'll bring up Disney at the end of the long, hot, exhausting day. Kind of aversion therapy! Maybe that will do the trick!

 

[purpledisneyprncess]

I do like my FIL a lot better than my MIL. As far as them being good grandparents, not so much IMO. They come to our house once or twice a year and stay for a week each time. MIL will play a game once if my DD asks her to. Then she says she is tired. She watches TV or plays games on the computer most of the time she is here. FIL used to spend more time with the kids when he came, but he is a bit less mobile now, so doesn't play outside as much. I feel that he at least makes an effort though.
Unfortunately, my in-laws NEVER split up, but I do sit by my FIL on rides and at meals whenever possible, and stick my DD with MIL.

Oh, yeah I just assumed that they were good grand parents b/c they actually want to go on these vacations with the kids, lol. I have the opposite problem- my MIL will get on the floor and interact with the kids and is good with them. FIL on the other hand has his head stuck in a book at all times (This is what he chooses to do in his retirement days..to each their own...)

I think it's a great idea to stick your DD or DH next to MIL.... keep her at a distance.. Hope you have a great vacation though. Just try to ditch them once in a while when in Disney...

 

[ThreeBeans]

You guys have given me an idea; a wonderful, awful idea. Maybe if I take them to my local amusement park this summer they will remember what a pain it is to go to the parks with us. Then I'll bring up Disney at the end of the long, hot, exhausting day. Kind of aversion therapy! Maybe that will do the trick!

How long will you be there? What about a compromise? Suggesting they come for two days and then saying, "For days 3-7 we are going to be going at a super-fast pace and we can't put you guys through that. We'd love to do stuff with you on Sunday and Monday though?"


My first instinct is to slip arsenic in their coffee, but I just double checked and I'm pretty sure it's frowned on.