In Search of my Body...Not The One I ate...#3 "Crowning Goddesses As We Go"

Steph, hope that Sam is doing okay. And I didn't get an ipod!! I got something better. :P

Kelly, I am imagining the nice bruise. :laughing:

Okay, need to finish packing, heading to the airport at 2ish. Hope I don't get stuck in Philly... man I hate layovers... hey Liz, if I get stuck there overnight will you come get me? ;)
 
OK - just bought my first pair of padded bike shorts online today thanks to a great sale at one of the websites / catalogues I buy my activewear and swimsuits from (it is geared specifically to plus sized women - smallest size is a 12 I think - and the fit and materials are awesome... pricing is high, but they were have a 30% off sale online so I bought my new shorts...).

Gotta be comfortable while training right???

OK - back to work for me... tomorrow is day one on the bike...

Paula
 
Hi all

posts will be short for a little bit, computer still on the fritz, new laptop will take several weeks, so i'm reading and typing on my nintendo wii.... i haven't gone out and bought a usb keyboard yet, so i type letter by letter with the wii-mote. awesome

Erika - not sure what is going on, but you are in my thoughts and prayers.

I hope everyone had a great christmas. Bruce worked both eve and xmas day so we haven't really had xmas. He works today too but off saturday and sun so we will do xmas then.

So instead of spending time with family i'm sitting here bored with no computer, just a wii :confused3
 


Hey team...glad to hear that everyone had a great holiday. Ours was good and tough both (Kel got sick). Thanks for all of the well wishes. I will post a longer post later tonight. Need to get everyone and everything settled.
 
E, glad everyone is home. So sad for you all though. I may be in and out of i-net access for the weekend but know I am thinking of you.

And, I am an idiot... flying through Baltimore, not Philly. Sitting here in the airport, somehow having scored free wi-fi (and a little freaked out at how easy it was). My next flight is supposed to leave in about an hour and a half. I am in a nice semi-quiet spot right now with a cushy seat, power outlets, and little end tables. :)

Stacey, sucks about the laptop. I would be twitching in a corner without computer access.
 


Hey team...glad to hear that everyone had a great holiday. Ours was good and tough both (Kel got sick). Thanks for all of the well wishes. I will post a longer post later tonight. Need to get everyone and everything settled.

Erika - sending hugs to you all...:hug:

Paula
 
I had an excellent Christmas in such a weird, weird way. It was truly wonderful.

One - and this is so flippin' funny. We pick names - Secret Santa. So I send a list that says Beyonce's CD - Pink's CD. Both I adore. But Beyonce I so wanted to teach one of her songs in class. So silly me I mention I love chocolate. But I didn't want huge amounts. And that most wanted 30 day Shred because my copy is having issues. Isn't that great? :lmao: :rotfl: I workout my Jillian CD so much that it's now having issues and I need a new one. And we do about $75 so I said whatever you want to buy me I like surprises. The lists are just guides for fun. We're not nuts about them. For some of us this is our one or main Christmas gift - long story.

So - my father God love him somehow erases Christmas lists so we all write back our lists and I can't recall if I said not too much chocolate when I said I loved it.

I open my gift - and I guessed it was my father instantly. You see my non chocolate loving - unlike me - mom has had fifty two years of chocolate. :lmao: :rotfl:Fifty two years of marriage and chocolates.

Get this here's my gift - a giant and I mean giant Toberlone - regular chocolate - massive. :lmao: A giant Dark chocolate Toberlone. Twin giant toberlones. :laughing: I so wish my camera battery was working. They are like baseball bats.

A huge box of Pot of Gold chocolates. Huge. Not finished. A chocolate orange. It's a chocolate land. And my two CDs. He told me Jillian was only in stock at a store too far away. Oh Jillian. :rotfl: I guess her forgot that he told me on the 23rd, with me not knowing that he had me, that he hadn't started his shopping. :woohoo: ;)

So flippin' funny - what memories. And this is the father who has suddenly asked me weekly my secrets to my weight loss. Well Daddy Doo - not eating my weight in chocolate. And not without a Jillan replacement DVD. ;) :lmao:

I so hope you can laugh at the next. You just have to. So I've told you about my mom. As in she's going - Alzheimer's or mini strokes. :confused3 I've had some hard days lately. She came home one day on a very cold day with a window wide open. And told me it's broken. And that she didn't put it down. Neither was the truth. And that not knowing a window was open she when in the bank with her purse in the car - which is not her - she takes her purse everywhere. This is Alzheimer's - yes the memory but's it's more or as much huge personality changes and irrational thought process. I was sad. Anyway Jean and I looked after her mom for years through Alzheimer's so do no I know that it is and has to be funny at times. It has to be. So here it is -

We pick names like I said. So one day I go to my mom and dads in late November and she announces on my arrival like a little girl - I've bought my secret Santa. Oh I say. Hmmmm. Has anyone sent any lists? No, I'm not doing lists. Nor am I sending a list. I don't do lists. :laughing: We are not nuts about these lists people. And she smiles at me and smiles at Jean.

So Jean and I are laughing on the way home that day in November. She thinks Mom has her. I think Mom has me. And we laugh and say, "one of us is so screwed. :lmao: :rotfl: . You see my mom just came home from some craft show.

It wasn't us. My sister God love her send this very specific list. But Santa isn't visiting her this year. She unwraps this leopard plush, homemade I guess, nightgown!!:rotfl: :lmao: OMG. It was really something.

You know because I've had two woman that I've loved having Alzheimer's - there is this beautiful thing in it as well as the ugly. It allows people to be at times who they couldn't be. My mom is a "good girl" woman. A woman who looks to the outside judgement. And I'll hate most of the progression. I will cause I've been there. But I love some of it. The freedom of it. To see her not give a sh!t. That makes me happy. That change. The freedom. Oh, I'm rambling. I hope I can express what I'm trying to say. So I'm embracing her for now.


And one of my sisters - didn't have my niece with her this Christmas at Father's - and I was sad thinking about not having my niece (this one is five 1/2). And you know what - it was so weird. So weird. I guess my sister gets wrapped up in mothering - long story guys - not regular parenting. Long story. But it was like I had part of my sister back that I hadn't seen in five - six years. So strange. But nice. I loved having that part of her back.

So wonderful Christmas in such a weird way. It really was lovely.:lovestruc
 
on a workout note i got jillians 30 day shred, first day is today, little nervous, not gonna lie....

Oh Stacey....

You should be nervous. :lmao: ;)

Just remember it gets better. :lmao: Which could mean so many things. :rotfl2:

Stacey - seriously - it's wonderful to feel "worked" in such a short time.
 
OK - just bought my first pair of padded bike shorts online today thanks to a great sale at one of the websites / catalogues I buy my activewear and swimsuits from (it is geared specifically to plus sized women - smallest size is a 12 I think - and the fit and materials are awesome... pricing is high, but they were have a 30% off sale online so I bought my new shorts...).

Gotta be comfortable while training right???

OK - back to work for me... tomorrow is day one on the bike...

Paula

That's great Paula. Exciting.
 
HEy just checking in .. have to wake Sam up for her surgery! Stephen just brought the boys to his mom's. I just told Sam that they will be doing an IV and she is flipping. She inherited my mother's fear of needles! But I told her that any meds that she will be getting will go through that instead of a shot! That went over better!


:hug: Steph.
 
Lyz - busy day and I hate anything form the ocean to eat...

This is the most blasphemous statement I have ever heard!!!! WTH! OMG, so many visions of yummy sea creatures starting with Rainbow Trout. OMG - how I love Rainbow Trout. I think all food actually.

Lisa - I was laughing and worrying about the events in your building...


Paula

So funny Paula. I was thinking about you as I peered up in the lobby today. I thought about you and your skills and studies and degree (degrees?). You know Paula - I love buildings.

I always say I could eat the condo across the street from me. Strange, eh? When it was being built I could stare at it for lengthy periods. It's so beautiful and delicious. So simple. I say that all the time - I could eat that building. I sound a tad psycho right now. But that's how I think about them - I guess on line with my love for food.

Hey all,

I have read back, but as I feel like Ive got food coming out of my eyes I cant remember who I was going to quote. Forgive me.

Dawn - New Traditions :hug: . In fact no, lets make it something to celebrate - New Traditions, woohoo :banana: (The banana is really just for fun!) You have a fabulous man, three fantastically beautiful children and you had an amazing Christmas Eve with them - dance with me baby :banana:

:hug: to everyone that needs them, my good thoughts are with you all.

Well, I had a wonderful Christmas, although I did fall down yesterday and have a very fetching bruise on my knee today. It may have been something to do with the wine I drank, but because a Lady never drinks and tells you'll all never know! :rotfl:

I hope everyone has a wonderful day :goodvibes

Kelly - I used a cheat sheet for months. Do it. Use it. Some of us have admitted to such practices.

EEk on the bruise but :love: on the alcohol.
 
<phew> Long day for me. First time all day I've been on the computer at all! We had our Christmas gathering with Stephen's family. All 22 of them , all day. Lots of fun. :goodvibes One more "Christmas" to go - my family gets together to celebrate on New Years Day....

I got a Sansa Fuze (i-pod for people who don't want to pay Apple)

:laughing: We are totally anti-apple here. No ipods, no iphones, no macs...:rolleyes1

My in-laws LOVE Disney and don't have the funds to go, so they were thrilled. My FIL actually broke down in tears. We are doing 2 2-beds at BW, BW view, for a week in September.


What an awesome surprise!

Have a great visit with your family! Travel safely, 'K?



I will always be sad when I am not with them....I'm their Mom...but loving them means accepting things that are just a part of change as well...and they did not come into this world asking to be with parents who would end up divorced...

:hug: They are lucky kids you know. Sadly, many parents just don't see things that way, and that can make it really hard for the kids...

but as I feel like Ive got food coming out of my eyes I cant remember who I was going to quote.

ugh. I've eaten enough in the past few days to last me a good long while :scared: Tomorrow...this train wreck is getting back on track :thumbsup2

Well, I had a wonderful Christmas, although I did fall down yesterday and have a very fetching bruise on my knee today. It may have been something to do with the wine I drank, but because a Lady never drinks and tells you'll all never know! :rotfl:

:laughing: A *lady* doesn't drink and tell...well...guess I'm not much of a lady...:rolleyes1 ...I seem to confess to ALL my drinking. Oh...and Sorry about the bruise!

Gotta be comfortable while training right???

OK - back to work for me... tomorrow is day one on the bike...

Oh yes. Comfort is KEY. Let me know how the biking works out for you tomorrow, 'K?

Hey team...glad to hear that everyone had a great holiday. Ours was good and tough both (Kel got sick). Thanks for all of the well wishes. I will post a longer post later tonight. Need to get everyone and everything settled.

:grouphug: sorry Kel got sick....I trust everythings going ok now?

I so hope you can laugh at the next. You just have to. So I've told you about my mom. As in she's going - Alzheimer's or mini strokes. :confused3 I've had some hard days lately.

Stephen's grandfather had Alzheimers. He lived with my in-laws when he could no longer care for himself. It's hard. And funny. And sad. And emotionally draining....yet, fulfilling and satisfying to care for them. So many emotions all rolled into one. And somedays, if you didn't LAUGH, you'd break down and cry....

My sister God love her send this very specific list. But Santa isn't visiting her this year. She unwraps this leopard plush, homemade I guess, nightgown!!:rotfl: :lmao: OMG. It was really something.


:rotfl2: :rotfl2: You know- this will be the Christmas gift that you all talk about forever now. :lovestruc

Now that my house is quiet....and the guests have all left....I think I'll just sit in the dark and enjoy my tree for a while....
 
hey...just wanted to point out that we need a new "chapter" soon....

just sayin'. Not that I have any brilliant ideas for titles to offer or anything...
 
Hey. It is midnight and I am finally checking in. Long couple of days and a long night ahead.

We have to "sleep shift" Kel, which means that one of us has to stay awake at all times and basically listen to her while she sleeps. I am on till 3 and then J takes over and I sleep. This was a normal routine for us for a long time, so we are just back into it.

Long story short...on Christmas Eve her body decided to come out of remission. Of course, we are stunned and sad as we really didn't expect it. She has missed literally all of Christmas, though we did manage to salvage it for everyone else. We were able to treat her at home till about 2pm on Christmas Day when we finally had to get her to the hospital.

Short-term she will be fine within the next coupleo of days. We are already home, etc. and while she is still very sick and needs to be watched at all times, we know that she will be back to herself very quickly.

Long-term is a bit trickier. We have a lot of testing ahead, but my guess is that the surgery that she was scheduled to have next summer will end up being moved to a farily close date.

Sorry to not respond to everyone, but I am just self-absorbed at the moment. I am going to read and watch a movie while I sit at her bedside, so I will likely pop in and out.

And DAWN--yeah, we really need Volume 4...like now, m-kay? :goodvibes
 
Hey. It is midnight and I am finally checking in. Long couple of days and a long night ahead.

We have to "sleep shift" Kel, which means that one of us has to stay awake at all times and basically listen to her while she sleeps. I am on till 3 and then J takes over and I sleep. This was a normal routine for us for a long time, so we are just back into it.

Long story short...on Christmas Eve her body decided to come out of remission. Of course, we are stunned and sad as we really didn't expect it. She has missed literally all of Christmas, though we did manage to salvage it for everyone else. We were able to treat her at home till about 2pm on Christmas Day when we finally had to get her to the hospital.

Short-term she will be fine within the next coupleo of days. We are already home, etc. and while she is still very sick and needs to be watched at all times, we know that she will be back to herself very quickly.

Long-term is a bit trickier. We have a lot of testing ahead, but my guess is that the surgery that she was scheduled to have next summer will end up being moved to a farily close date.

Sorry to not respond to everyone, but I am just self-absorbed at the moment. I am going to read and watch a movie while I sit at her bedside, so I will likely pop in and out.

And DAWN--yeah, we really need Volume 4...like now, m-kay? :goodvibes

:hug: Erika. I was very saddened to hear/read of your time. I guess when Kat first posted I was kind of hoping - no really hoping - that it wasn't Kelly's health. But then again any sad situation for you is not wanted at all. But you know what I mean. Wishes and prayers to your entire family. Thinking of you all.

With love,

Lisa
 
Good Morning to all...

E - I need to address you first because I am so sorry about Kelly. I also want to say that I do not want you to ever appologize for being self absorbed when it comes to your child. You are a beautiful mother and speaking only for myself, you have no other responsibilities to anything right now besides your kids. All three of them and J. I know how hard it was for Treyner and Carsyn when Baylor got burned...and Kelly's illness is much more severe...so please never appologize for putting first things first.

I will be praying for your relief and hers...that God will place an Angel on your shoulder to whisper in your ear and hold you when things overwhelm you. You are the strongest woman I have ever met E - and that means you need strong faith and strong love to get you all through this...which I know God has already given you. Trust in that.



That for me is the hardest part.

Trusting.

I have actually felt very bad the past year on and off...here I started this thread and yet I was one who did not stick to the weight loss like I needed to...there were times I faded away emotionally... dealing with the divorce and also Dan and my relationship... Treyner and college...and recently Baylor. When very stressfull times seem to swallow me...I have a hard time multi tasking enough to get everything done...I worry I am a dissapointment to someone...since I can't be everything to everyone perfectly...so I leave...not trusting in myself or my faith that God has me in his eyes...and I need time to re-assess and then...make my way back..(Lisa I was thinking of this when you departed for wee bit esp. after what you wrote when you came back...)

My New Years Goal...is so simple and yet so profound...and that is taking responsibility about what I can control...giving up what I cannot and accepting I am not perfect. Trusting that no one but me expects me to be.

When I feel like I am going to dissapoint you all the most...or when I am ashamed of my actions...(and not even food choices...but something as simple as engaging Chad in a conversation...trying to help him see a point...knowing he will never get it..because he is so self centered...) I back away...embarrassed of my choices...and yet from your perspective...I am sure I came accross as selfish...and not being equally as good of a friend back...The irony is I am trying to spare you all my failures...

For that I am sorry...but please know that truly...I need each of you...I look at this thread as a lifeline to a sinking ship...because you each have thrown me a rope...at different times...when I needed it the most.



Nancy - Thank you for the kind words about my mothering...I have floundered so many times...looking in and not out...but I have made great strides in that this year...and I hope it only gets better.

Lisa - I only have 2 things for food I really cannot stand...
#1 Things that swim in it's own poop...and #2...fungus...

None of which chocolate falls into!



BTW: Dan is down to 338...and at the first of the year...he was at 354...so he may just hit the 20 pound loss mark before Jan 1! I am very proud of him...but I told him he needs to get back here and we need an excersize regiment...:3dglasses
 
Hi.

Just want you all to know I am reading.

Erika, please just post updates and forget all about our posts, okay? No pressure. And sleep when you can, because I know you need it. xoxo.


Dawn, I liked your last post. And yours Lisa. And Nancy, yours, except what you said about Apple. :lmao: We are, well Nick is, an Apple geek. Very very into them in the W-D household. In fact, today I am going to the Apple store!

Okay, so here's the thing. Christmas was lovely, ate a lot, but back on track and heading to the gym today (walked for an hour, part of it on the phone with Lyz, yesterday).

But. The Three Dramas of Christmas are active. Well, two of them. One is a good thing, one is not. I might not be on very much for a few more days, because I have to tend to someone who is hurting emotionally. That's how simple it is, and there might be nothing I can do, but I'm going to try. That's Drama Number One.

So, Drama Number Two is my friend is pregnant, very very early, six weeks. She is 37, thought she would never get pregnant, and is so worried about all this early stuff. Spotting, and it freaks her out. But her husband who is a bundle of nerves, wants to tell everyone. He claims to feel panic at every moment, but he's HAPPY.

I can't tell you what it's like to watch them. I so want this for them, so so badly. They are our closest friends, the ones we do everything with. We go out every weekend, she and I talk every day, Emily calls them aunt and uncle. They are ready for this change, but she's just afraid to get happy about it. So, it's wonderful and fingers crossed at the same time. If God forbid something happens, her heart will not recover enough to try again. After 7 years of trying, with no luck, this is a miracle. And yes, unplanned and no drugs or anything. She gave up and stopped every treatment about a year ago.

Drama Number Three is funny. I live across the street from my high school friend M's sister. We actually picked this house for that reason, because I have known the sister and her husband since I was 15. Now, after 5 years, we are tight with them and their kids and all. It's very nice. So, I get to see M on holidays because we are across the street from each other! Anyway, M is divorced, lives in NYC, my age. The day after Thanksgiving, everyone comes over here. As usual. I think I wrote about this part before...after Thanksgiving. Jackie's brothers come, too. Her older brother (and these are like my brothers, since I have known them since I was 8) is home from Kentucky. So it's great to see him, etc. Well, we all spend Friday night and Saturday night together and M and Big Brother hit it off!

Now, they have always like each other, but we were in high school and he was in college, or we were in college and he was in med school, and then both of them were married. Now both are divorced, and they have SO much in common. So! They decide he will come home for Christmas, too. AND that M will come to my mom's big party on Christmas Eve. His family always comes. So, wink, wink, they manage to spend Christmas together without having to tell the families they are dating! But of course it was the talk of the night. And now they are in NYC for the weekend...and then he goes home and she goes out there for 5 days!

Honestly, I LOVE them together and hope it works. But it was SUCH a drama that night, as everyone tried to figure out what was going on! So funny.


So there's the good stuff. Now I'm off to the gym and to be present for someone. Sometimes, that's all we can do.


xoxo to all of you.
 

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