Introverts! feedback

I believe myself to be an ambivert with a strong leaning to introversion. Human interaction is exhausting! :laughing: But I do realize I vary. For example, there are times where going to a brewery with a group of people sounds great. Sometimes I look forward to a big housewarming party coming up. And sometimes just sitting at some binging Netflix is what sounds the best. But I do realize that if I attend that large party or some other get-together, I'm "good"for awhile. I've had enough interaction, small-talk, and human energy to last me a bit.

Like other posters, my DH definitely balances me out. He is more extroverted and social and will learn someone's entire life story while in the grocery store checkout line. He's just that person.

To me, introversion can be a literal quiet strength. I like people, but I need to be alone. I don't rely on others for stimulation or happiness. I'm pretty much never bored or truly lonely. I've always been very independent (another trait I consider a strength!), and have no issues doing most things by myself if needed. One of my favorite quotes is "don't underestimate me because I'm quiet. I know more than I say, think more than I speak, and observe more than you know." Describes me perfectly.
 
Edit: that reminds me of something else that bothers introverts I think....small talk. Extroverts like small talk more than introverts who would prefer silence most of the time (IMO!)

Small talk is the social interaction I most dread. I would gladly take an argument, awkward blunder, or anything over small talk.

I think this is part of where the "shy or awkward" association comes for introverts. I'm not really shy and I'm not really socially awkward (I can read people well, I am good at mediating or mitigating conflict, and people tend to feel very comfortable confiding in me), but put me in a large group of new people who are just interested in engaging in the most basic small talk and I really struggle.

I wouldn't say that I always prefer silence. I really enjoy deep conversations and debates and can be quite talkative in many situations. That said, I think the difference is that introverts tend to be perfectly comfortable with silence.

I have extrovert family members and friends who cannot handle silence. They are always worried about it being awkward or whether the other person's needs are being met so they feel a compulsion to fill every silent moment with some type of chatter. Introverts do not tend to feel that same pressure. My husband, kids, and I are perfectly content to sit in a room together in silence, we can ride in the car for hours in silence, we can sit in a public area and just look around. For us those are moments of peace and relaxation, but for our extrovert friends they are moments buzzing with anxiety wondering if the other person is mad or bored and trying to figure out what they need to say to alleviate the tension.
 
Small talk is the social interaction I most dread. I would gladly take an argument, awkward blunder, or anything over small talk.

I think this is part of where the "shy or awkward" association comes for introverts. I'm not really shy and I'm not really socially awkward (I can read people well, I am good at mediating or mitigating conflict, and people tend to feel very comfortable confiding in me), but put me in a large group of new people who are just interested in engaging in the most basic small talk and I really struggle.

I wouldn't say that I always prefer silence. I really enjoy deep conversations and debates and can be quite talkative in many situations. That said, I think the difference is that introverts tend to be perfectly comfortable with silence.

I have extrovert family members and friends who cannot handle silence. They are always worried about it being awkward or whether the other person's needs are being met so they feel a compulsion to fill every silent moment with some type of chatter. Introverts do not tend to feel that same pressure. My husband, kids, and I are perfectly content to sit in a room together in silence, we can ride in the car for hours in silence, we can sit in a public area and just look around. For us those are moments of peace and relaxation, but for our extrovert friends they are moments buzzing with anxiety wondering if the other person is mad or bored and trying to figure out what they need to say to alleviate the tension.

To your last paragraph, this cause no end of issues between myself and my in laws, especially my MIL. She is was an extreme extrovert, like my husband, and she was personally offended pretty much every time I stayed over at their house, because she thought that I was unhappy there because I would be perfectly content sitting in silence reading a book in the living room. I would always socialize if people were around doing such, but if people were getting ready for the day or just doing their own thing, and I was already done with that, I would just sit quietly and read. She thought that I didn't like them enough to continue socializing, but I liked to read and I don't need to talk to people who are doing their makeup! She took my being OK being alone as me not liking her and her family and not wanting to be around her. I don't think she ever really understood me despite the many times I tried to explain it.

I personally don't necessarily prefer silence, I like talking and good conversations, but silence also doesn't bother me in the slightest. My husband does not do silence at all, it makes him extremely uncomfortable.
 


She is was an extreme extrovert, like my husband, and she was personally offended pretty much every time I stayed over at their house, because she thought that I was unhappy there because I would be perfectly content sitting in silence reading a book in the living room.
My mother-in-law wasn't offended in the least that I loved to read but it did take all of my husband's family (both mom and dad's side) time to get used to the fact that I almost always had a book with me (these days it's a kindle). The idea of reading (and not magazines) and actually enjoying it was a bit foreign to them. They hadn't met anyone else who did that so it was surprising to them.

I have zero issues chatting it up with them but I also have zero issues reading a book while they watch something on tv.

For all of them I don't think it was introverted vs extroverted but rather the idea that someone would enjoy reading that much that they could do it just about anywhere lol. Getting lost in a book is one of my favorite pasttimes.
 


Hmmmm....

As an introvert, I find I don't agree with a lot of those statements. It almost sounds like you have to coddle us and I don't think much of this is necessary. I think all that needs to be done is the first bullet and the last two, which are respect issues. The rest of the items are things that could be said about anybody. I think a lot of these items would never fly in the professional world, at least.
 


Hmmmm....

As an introvert, I find I don't agree with a lot of those statements. It almost sounds like you have to coddle us and I don't think much of this is necessary. I think all that needs to be done is the first bullet and the last two, which are respect issues. The rest of the items are things that could be said about anybody. I think a lot of these items would never fly in the professional world, at least.

Totally agree, I am an introvert not a fragile piece of china. I would never be able to survive, let alone thrive, in my fast paced, high pressure job if those were the requirements for working with me.
 
While I'm introverted I've never been called shy.

But what really gets me is my co-workers basically think I have no life. My friends get me and realize how I enjoy spending a lot of time to myself at home. But co-workers we are talking about what we are each doing tonight. My answer is always the same, not much just staying home. Or even for the weekend, that's my answer. No one can understand how I can just enjoy being at home. I have a ton of different crafty things I do, I like to cook and bake, putz in the yard, work out, read, etc. Yet they all look at me like it's pathetic I don't want to go do stuff. Today everyone was talking about what they're doing tonight and which restaurant they are going to. Even going out to eat, when I get home from work both DH & I just want to stay in, sit on the couch and watch TV. We are both mentally exhausted at the end of the day. So I said how I was hoping the rain would let up as I wanted to grill out. One persons response "wow too bad we can't just stay home like you that would be a cheap life". That comment offended me. I don't sit home because I can't afford to do anything. I stay home because it's what I enjoy. LOL and we do a ton of shopping it's just online and I don't brag to my co-workers what I spent money on that weekend. So that is my biggest gripe about people not understanding our lives. I live mine the way that makes me happy and I wouldn't want to be go go go / socialize / socialize / socialize. This weekend we will see both our fathers and that will be good for us.
 
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No one can understand how I can just enjoy being at home.
Purely my opinion I find that to be far more of an interest level thing combined with sometimes an age thing.

My husband and I weren't uber party people back in college days but we did go to parties. As we've gotten older we prefer to stay home most of the time. It's fun getting out every now and then but we're content chillin' at home too.

We know people who spend boatloads on food at nicer restaurants but rarely if ever go on vacation. We like to vacation and spend a lot less on average on food. We know people that love to host get togethers all the time but rarely go out to bars or out to dinner with other couples. We know people that their idea of a good time is drinking..nearly every night and that was always at their house (though with a new baby I know the new mom isn't doing that the new dad on the other hand probably still does), etc.

Just different levels of interests. I feel you because I wouldn't want people to make those sorts of comments to me. If it wasn't your co-workers I would probably just avoid those kinds of people like crazy.
 
Just different levels of interests. I feel you because I wouldn't want people to make those sorts of comments to me. If it wasn't your co-workers I would probably just avoid those kinds of people like crazy.

We weren't big party goers either. Yep we like to vacation too! But when at home there isn't a ton of stuff that interests us; lots of town type festivals which is usually just drinking. When we go do stuff at home it's hiking or biking or something outside and active. And, most of our friends don't enjoy that because alcohol isn't involved.

I had dinner with a friend last week and she had no plans like me for the weekend and perfectly content too. I commented how our lives sure changed vs when we used to always be on the go. She hit it on the head that we have been there and done that and now we are content just at home with our stuff in our house and our family.
 
Extroverts are just big drama queens. Can't be alone with their thoughts... do they even have thoughts or an inner monologue? Only a coward has to fill silence.

Most annoying is they can't think unless they talk. I've had far too many "brainstorming" meetings because dumb extroverts can't use their empty heads to think or ideate, so everyone is forced to sit and listen to them jibber-jabber their way through things they'd be able to think of in five minutes if they ever shut their pie hole long enough for their grey matter to actually engage.

And as the March Hare said, "if you don't think, you shouldn't talk."
 
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While I'm introverted I've never been called shy.

But what really gets me is my co-workers basically think I have no life. My friends get me and realize how I enjoy spending a lot of time to myself at home. But co-workers we are talking about what we are each doing tonight. My answer is always the same, not much just staying home. Or even for the weekend, that's my answer. No one can understand how I can just enjoy being at home. I have a ton of different crafty things I do, I like to cook and bake, putz in the yard, work out, read, etc. Yet they all look at me like it's pathetic I don't want to go do stuff. Today everyone was talking about what they're doing tonight and which restaurant they are going to. Even going out to eat, when I get home from work both DH & I just want to stay in, sit on the couch and watch TV. We are both mentally exhausted at the end of the day. So I said how I was hoping the rain would let up as I wanted to grill out. One persons response "wow too bad we can't just stay home like you that would be a cheap life". That comment offended me. I don't sit home because I can't afford to do anything. I stay home because it's what I enjoy. LOL and we do a ton of shopping it's just online and I don't brag to my co-workers what I spent money on that weekend. So that is my biggest gripe about people not understanding our lives. I live mine the way that makes me happy and I wouldn't want to be go go go / socialize / socialize / socialize. This weekend we will see both our fathers and that will be good for us.

I like spending time at home too. Dh likes to go out and do stuff. We try and compromise. I have no idea how some folks do the constant busyness. I would be overwhelmed with that. Plus, the kids are happy just going to the neighborhood pool. We don’t need to go to the water park an hour or so away to have a good time. I also hate crowds.
 
It isn't some random person, it's the person I'm going to marry, so yes, I did need to explain it, and now she understands better.

Yep. It helps. :laughing:;)

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A little OT - and my harsh thought for the day --

I think "except me as I am" is one of the more destructive sayings out there.

Sometimes it translates to "I'm being an *******, leave me be."
 
I am an introvert, but you would never guess that if you met me and most people don't believe me when I tell them. I am very outgoing, and have no problem in group situations or with strangers, but I am absolutely exhausted by them, and need time away from people to recharge. I have found that some people confuse social anxiety with being introverted, someone can have social anxiety and be an introvert, but they are not the same thing at all. I married an extreme extrovert, and for the most part it works out, but we have a lot of differences regarding how we approach things which can cause some misunderstanding if we aren't communicating well, and explaining where we are coming from. Thankfully, my husband has a lot of hobbies that take up his time and give me the alone time that I need. I don't think that I personally could be married to another introvert, I just don't think anything about it would work at all whatsoever.

I don't need to answer because this is exactly me.

People often start arguing with me when I say that I am an introvert!

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I even love large crowds. And the pace, energy and beautiful chaos of a city.
 
Extroverts are just big drama queens. Can't be alone with their thoughts... do they even have thoughts or an inner monologue? Only a coward has to fill silence.

Most annoying is they can't think unless they talk. I've had far too many "brainstorming" meetings because dumb extroverts can't use their empty heads to think or ideate, so everyone is forced to sit and listen to them jibber-jabber their way through things they'd be able to think of in five minutes if they ever shut their pie hole long enough for their grey matter to actually engage/

And as the March Hare said, "if you don't think, you shouldn't talk."


Your post made me laugh!!! I have run into this too. And as I said upthread, I was just in an emotional intelligence course last week and the instructor, who admitted to being an extrovert, said just what you have: that extroverts have to speak outloud to think. She's really had to retrain herself (but you have to be self-aware to do this). She coaches some extroverts and she tells them to take 3 paperclips (or whatever to a meeting). The paperclips represent their "speaking bank" and they have to put down a paperclip everytime they speak. After they use of the clips, they can no longer interject. She said it has helped a lot of them to be mindful of how much they speak and to try to use their time wisely.

In turn, she provides the same clips to introverts and tells them to make sure they USE their paperclips.
 
I am definitely an introvert, however, I would say only the bottom two really describe me personally. The rest of that list sounds more like someone who is sensitive or can't deal with change or go with the flow (or gets their feelings hurt easily). In my opinion, that is really not introversion.
I have a fairly demanding job where I am interacting with people all day and get into some fairly intense and heated discussions. I have no problem with healthy debate or confrontation.
However, by the end of the week, I come home exhausted and I definitely need the weekend to recharge. In other words, the forced interaction at work does exhaust me. But honestly, that is just the way it is. Now we do some social things over the weekend, but mostly with people we know well, etc. I too am fine being alone and going places alone if my husband is not around. I do not need (or want) to engage with people all the time.
 
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I am definitely an introvert. When I was younger I was also shy and somewhat socially awkward. In the past several years I have gained self esteem and self confidence and am no longer shy or socially awkward. I need my alone time to recharge. If I have a day when I have alot of interaction with others, I have to go home and have some alone time. I like the book "The Introvert's Way" by Sophia Demling. When I started reading the book, it was like they wrote it about me. I also read the other book recommended earlier in this thread. DH is an extrovert and cannot understand that I need alone time or that I don't want him to always read things to me from the internet or the book he is reading. I want Quiet! I told him he needs to read the book I mentioned so he can understand. I can and do talk with people at the store or Disney or get togethers. I also stand back and observe enjoying the peaceful quiet. I like being an introvert.
 
I am an introvert, and often feel misunderstood by extroverts, including my fiancee when I had to explain that introvert does not mean shy.

Extroverts don't seem to understand that being introverted can seem like being shy, but it's not the same kind of thing.

I've been reading random things recently and the one thing that stuck out to me is the need to be alone to re-gather our thoughts of experiences, like being with large groups and parties...kind of a re-charge mentally that needs to happen.

I was thinking if being introverted is possibly more of a symptom of this different way the brain works and processes lots of information. Being in a crowd of people, including trying to hold conversations can cause the stimulus issue where we feel like we need to take a break.

Just speculating here. I also have no problem living alone, I've done that for about 3 years and I rarely feel lonely, though I do talk to co-workers a bit, I don't spend a ton of time outside of the house. My fiancee will be moving in next year hopefully (She's overseas right now) so that will be a change of pace for me.

I’m married to an introvert so I definitely understand. I come from a family of extroverts so he’s like an alien to them. They presume that my husband must just not like them or that he’s not family oriented but this isn’t true. He just doesn’t have the same needs as they do. And to be honest, when we first started dating I didn’t understand it either. But now I do and realize we’re all different and some people just don’t like being at large social events for long, they find it draining and overwhelming.
 
I am an introvert, and I've found that now that I've reached a certain age, it's a lot easier for me to tell people that my "introvert batteries are empty" or "I need to charge my introvert batteries." It's so helpful. Social events can be draining, not because I don't want to be there or enjoy being there, they just are! And being able to know that you are not in the right space to have a good time can be freeing.

I am also very independent and enjoy doing things alone. I consider this a perk of my introvertedness!
 

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