This is a hilarious thread. One of the most creative I've seen in a long time. Nick and Cindy-LOVE the conehead!!!!!!
Switching gears back to the OP...I'm bumping this up because I hope the OP will let us know how he is feeling now that he realized he bought an expensive timeshare with many rules and regulations that he doesn't have time to read about, and dues that I hope he has time to pay, and didn't just merely "join" a club. I'd recommend starting with the paperwork that your wife signed when she signed the downpayment check. I hope you get up to speed soon, then feel free to ask any other questions you might have.
Cult? No. It's a timeshare. It comes with a deed. It's not really a "club." It's certainly not a cult.