Kids quitting extracurricular activities

[la79al]

How do you decide when it is time for your child to be done with an extracurricular activity? DD (almost 10) has been in gymnastics for almost a year and a half. They test in May and she would most likely have the option to move up to team. She does not want to do team but would be able to stay in her current group with no problem. Except she has decided she wants to quit. I don't care either way. DH says DD loves gymnastics too much (she is constantly cartwheeling through the living room or flipping over couches) and will regret quitting. He thinks we should make her continue for at least a bit longer. So how do you decide when is the right time to let a child move on?

 

[missbrooke06]

Why does she want to quit?

 

[Poohforyou]

I always made my daughter finish the class/season or whatever but after that she could stop if she wanted. If she regretted it she could join again.

Learning to make decisions and live with the consequences is an important life lesson. If she does regret quitting she might think twice the next time she's in that situation.

Why force her to stay once the program year is over?

 

[mjkacmom]

I let my kids quit. Dd15 just stopped dancing after 9 years, she is loving HS soccer and track (she’s been playing soccer 9 years also). If she’s already 10 and not even on a team, I don’t know how far she would get in gymnastics. Does she want to try something else?

ETA my kids have quit gymnastics, ice skating, hockey, swimming, softball, different forms of dance, scouting, basketball, piano, violin, flute, clarinet, saxophone - I’m sure there is more. Dd17 was always my one year and done, except dance, 14 years so far. 1 1/2 years is nothing.

 

[gotomu212]

I always made my daughter finish the class/season or whatever but after that she could stop if she wanted. If she regretted it she could join again.

Learning to make decisions and live with the consequences is an important life lesson. If she does regret quitting she might think twice the next time she's in that situation.

Why force her to stay once the program year is over?

This is us- once you sign up and make a commitment you need to finish it. We won’t make you continue with it after the season/term if you don’t want.

 

[Hikergirl]

I don't force my kids to do any extra curricular. I make them finish what they start, but once the season ends they are free to not continue.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

My doctor told me to save my very athletic daughter from a lifetime of arthritis from gymnastics and put her into competitive swimming instead. I did and she did very well, along with sprinting. If they aren't enjoying it I'm strongly against forcing a child to do an activity they don't want to do. Too many parents living vicariously through their children when it pertains to sports.

 

[OneOftheB's]

My doctor told me to save my very athletic daughter from a lifetime of arthritis from gymnastics and put her into competitive swimming instead.

While swimming can be easier on the joints, it makes me laugh when people chose it over other sports because it's supposed to be easier on your body. Trust me, any competitive sport is tough on joints. I swam competitively for 10 years, taught swimming lessons and was a life guard (basically I lived at the pool for years). Lots of competitive swimmers have joint issues, myself included. By the time I was 18, I was in severe knee pain. I went through PT, but the bottom line is I'll need knee replacement due to the damage I did to it with repetitive motion.

As for the original question, if my kids are tired of an activity, I make them finish the season and find another sport. My son has done soccer and jui jitsu, my daughter has done dance and gymnastics. Both swim, but not competitively.

 

[usnuzuloose]

My son used to do BMX racing. He did it for a long time. Then he started losing interest. The ex would yell at him, I tried to explain that if he no longer wanted to do it why make him. It was not a team effort so it was solo. But he made him continue. I felt so bad, and did not know what to do. Kids really do know when they have had enough.

 

[design_mom]

I agree with most, finish the season you signed up for, then you can decide if you're going to do it again.

There is one exception to that. My son had a very bad season of ice hockey. He had loved hockey for many years, but that season was a mess. We had a horrible coach and an even worse assistant coach, several less-than-nice boys on the team that the coaches either encouraged or turned a blind eye to. No teamwork + no camaraderie = few wins. It was an awful, non-fun season. My son was ready to quit, but I thought he really still liked hockey so I strongly encouraged him to give it another try (new season = new team, new coach, new teammates.) He had a much better year and played for several more years after that before he end up quitting for good. In retrospect though, I wish I'd let him quit mid-season and just said "we'll try again next year." I made him stick it out becuase 'you finish what you start, you don't quit just because X-Y-Z' etc... but it was a bad situation. In retrospect, I wish I'd gotten him out of the situation. The years after were "better" but he never really regained his love of the game.

 

[NAB]

Mine finished the season out . If they wanted to quit fine with us. We don't have to do it.

Just because she likes do do cartwheels etc. That is fun for her and does it when she wants. Maybe she is just tired of being told to do it. Like someone said she can always rejoin.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

While swimming can be easier on the joints, it makes me laugh when people chose it over other sports because it's supposed to be easier on your body. Trust me, any competitive sport is tough on joints. I swam competitively for 10 years, taught swimming lessons and was a life guard (basically I lived at the pool for years). Lots of competitive swimmers have joint issues, myself included. By the time I was 18, I was in severe knee pain. I went through PT, but the bottom line is I'll need knee replacement due to the damage I did to it with repetitive motion.

As for the original question, if my kids are tired of an activity, I make them finish the season and find another sport. My son has done soccer and jui jitsu, my daughter has done dance and gymnastics. Both swim, but not competitively.

My now adult children swim nationally and are gold medalists and have had zero problems with their joints yet. And they are also national lifeguards certified for oceans, lakes and pools. My doctor also swims nationally in her age group. Of course any athlete can can get hurt but swimming has been the perfect sport for my kids.

 

[OneOftheB's]

My now adult children swim nationally and are gold medalists and have had zero problems with their joints yet. And they are also national lifeguards certified for oceans, lakes and pools. My doctor also swims nationally in her age group. Of course any athlete can can get hurt but swimming has been the perfect sport for my kids.

I'm glad it's been good for you & yours. I just remember more than a few fellow swimmers with shoulder issues (ice & Ben Gay were a must at most meets). Everyone is different, and I agree swimming typically is easier on joints, it's not the perfect activity that some people seem to think.

 

[sonnyjane]

I have a near PTSD response when I think about a kid voicing that they want to quit a sport and a parent potentially forcing them to continue. I swam forever, not necessarily by choice. It got my college paid for, but the pressure, both mentally and physically, of gymnastics is very similar to that of swimming. If something is causing her to want to quit, I'd certainly hear her out. If she likes to just tumble around for fun, maybe she'd like dance or something along those lines? I think it's good to be involved in an activity, but it needs to be one that she is onboard with.

 

[Wishing on a star]

If she seems to love gymnastics, and is active with them at home, but doesn't want to stay in this group, I would wonder why.
My decision would be based on WHY she wants to quit.
Is there something going on with her in the group?
And, kids are not always forthcoming or able to verbalize things like this.

Are you around enough to have a good feel for how things are going, whether there are any issues with other kids or coaches?

I do NOT believe in forcing anything on kids!!!
But, sometimes when they are younger, I do feel that a parent might need to have some influence and make some decisions.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Mine finished the season out . If they wanted to quit fine with us. We don't have to do it.

Just because she likes do do cartwheels etc. That is fun for her and does it when she wants. Maybe she is just tired of being told to do it. Like someone said she can always rejoin.

Yes, I think most kids love cartwheeling and jumping over furniture. It's a kid thing.

 

[Colleen27]

Other than making them finish out the session/season, we leave it up to them. If they don't want to continue, they don't. No childhood activity is worth forcing, IMO, with the very limited exception of learning to swim well enough to be safe around the water. Trying different activities is how they figure out what they like well enough to commit to when they get older and activities demand more time/dedication, so I don't care if they're one-and-done with a dozen different sports and activities as they narrow down what they like and don't like.

 

[brooke789]

My kids (oldest two are 7) have not done any extracurricular activities for the last 1.5 years. they don't want to sign up for anything new and don't want to repeat anything they've already done. They like the free time and not rushing and running out the door for practices, especially during the school year.

Hoenstly, I'm not going to force them. If they don't want to do it it's easier on me, too...so that's fine.

 

[tvguy]

Both DS and DD did extracurricular sports, and I was on the Board of Directors of my son's league. To me, there is nothing worse than a child being forced by a parent to do an extracurricular sport. They have to do their school work and chores, but extracurricular stuff, no. I've seen too many kids get burned out, or suffer injuries because their parents forced them to continue with a sport they didn't want to do anymore.

 

[Gumbo4x4]

While swimming can be easier on the joints, it makes me laugh when people chose it over other sports because it's supposed to be easier on your body. Trust me, any competitive sport is tough on joints. I swam competitively for 10 years, taught swimming lessons and was a life guard (basically I lived at the pool for years). Lots of competitive swimmers have joint issues, myself included. By the time I was 18, I was in severe knee pain. I went through PT, but the bottom line is I'll need knee replacement due to the damage I did to it with repetitive motion.

As for the original question, if my kids are tired of an activity, I make them finish the season and find another sport. My son has done soccer and jui jitsu, my daughter has done dance and gymnastics. Both swim, but not competitively.

Running is another one. My dad was a wildly successful track coach who also tells every runner he knows to find another, less impactful form of exercise once they're over 30.