Kids quitting extracurricular activities

[NinaBella]

Just throwing this out there... a lot of gymnast leave gymnastics and switch to competitive cheer. You might want to see if she prefers switching sports versus stopping all together.

 

[goofy4tink]

My kids had to finish what they started. If my dd signed up for soccer but decided, 4 games in, that she didn't like it? Oh well....finish the season, you don't have to do it again.
The only time I insisted a child stay with an activity was my youngest dd and color guard. She tried to quit several times but I said no! After four years on the squad, and captain her senior year, she was actually glad I hadn't allowed her to leave. But, other than that? She played basketball, soccer, field hockey, cheerleading, softball, swimming....all of which she did for various lengths of time, but was allowed to quit when she wanted to, at the end of the program/season.

 

[DopeyDame]

Another voice in the "finish the season and then you can quit" camp. I know it's harder with year-round things like gymnastics to have a clearly defined season, but it sounds like you do have a natural breaking point.

In addition to just not having fun, I'm concerned when we insist kids stay in something that it will make them hesitant to try new things or voice other interests.
You don't want a kid thinking that if they sign up for an activity that they have to stay with it forever - childhood is the time to try all sorts of activities. Some will be awesome and you'll stay with for life. Others will be miserable and you'll avoid all together. Most will be in the middle - perfectly fine and fun, but eventually you might be done with it. It sounds like that's where she is with gymnastics.

 

[sa cheermom]

nm

 

[sa cheermom]

nm

 

[tvguy]

Running is another one. My dad was a wildly successful track coach who also tells every runner he knows to find another, less impactful form of exercise once they're over 30.

Running and skiing are rough on your body. I know more than one person at age 40 that has had to have knee or hip replacement surgery due to injuries.

 

[soccerdad72]

Add me to the 'finish the season/session' camp.

We've been going through this with our oldest son - he's played soccer since he was 3 and has earned varsity letters for his first three years of HS, but is adamant about saying he isn't playing his senior year. He truly hates his current coach (who came to the school his sophomore year). While we think he'll regret it at some point, the fact is that it's his decision (heck, he'll be 18 at the start of his senior year).

When our boys were younger, we did generally have a "rule" (probably too strong of a word) of being involved in some sort of activity, mostly so that they weren't sitting around the house playing video games all day. Generally, it hasn't been an issue, as both of them were usually pretty active kids.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

Mine finish the season out, then they don't have to sign up again if they don't want to. All three have played their main sport relatively seriously, and all have wanted to quit at one time or another. We also have a "rule" that our kids have to do *something* active at least one season a year, just to keep them busy and remind them that they are part of a world larger than Minecraft and Madden '18.

DS17 - played football since 2nd grade. Tore his shoulder in summer camp before sophomore year, missed the season, had surgery, came back halfway through Jr year, and tore it again in a different place. The Dr. said he could play out his Senior year before having surgery. DS17, knowing his D1 college playing dreams were obsolete at that point, really debated whether he would continue and play out his last season. He decided to, had an amazing year (insert shameless brag here since it's all I've got left lol) and was being actively recruited by college coaches - until they found out about his shoulder - but tore his bicep tendon in addition to his shoulder injury at some point in their last playoff game, couldn't lift his arm for a week after that, had surgery, and now is playing his last season of HS lacrosse for fun.

DD13 - did competitive cheer since 1st grade. Quit to focus on dance in 3rd grade, went back to cheer for 4th-up. She has HS tryouts in 3 weeks, and has decided not to try out. I'm sad for her because she has done it so long and doesn't realize how valuable to a team she is. All she sees is the girls who can tumble better than her and would make varsity as a freshman while she will make JV. She says that's too embarrassing and she won't do it. (whatever), and that she is tired of being around the mean girls who are also trying out. It's too huge of a time commitment to have to hang around a bunch of girls you don't like, so I get it. But she has also played lacrosse in the past, gave it up for a few years, but just started back last week. Our HS just started offering Lax teams last year, so she will join the girl's team next spring as a freshman. She will also Jr. Coach for our youth cheer league.

DS12 - played football since Kindergarten, wasn't able to finish out his 5th grade season due to some health problems he was having, and didn't want to play in 6th grade because the same coach was there who made DS miserable the year before when he was sick and vomiting all the time. We didn't force him. He played fall lacrosse instead, and has decided to go back to football for 7th grade (DH will be the head coach). He will continue to play lax in the spring.

What we learned: Taking a season off isn't going to make or break a kid. IF they are are that good, they will rebound and catch right back up. If they aren't, they were probably going to fall behind anyway.

 

[GaSleepingBeautyFan]

I let them quit. I am usually relieved when they do - one less thing for me to co-ordinate. Although I was sad when my DD who was just about to turn 18 decided to quit her bass guitar lessons. Her instructor left and she didn't like the new one.

I told her we could continue to look for another instructor but she said she wants a break. At least I hear her playing sometimes so she hasn't totally given up bass guitar.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

My boys swam through college and I can guarantee there is a huge impact to the body in high level swimming. The amount of shoulder surgeries was enormous. Any sport that requires constant repetitive motions at a high level for a sustained amount of time is going to cause problems at some point.

Take a look around at one of your children's meets and notice all the tape on the shoulders and other joints under those suits.

My daughter has done competitive cheer since 1st grade, and she wanted to try swimming last winter so I signed her up for a "pre" team class, where all they did was swim laps with different strokes for an hour. She would come out EXHAUSTED and sore, and said swimming for an hour was about 100x harder than any tumbling class she has ever taken!

 

[DLgal]

My daughter has done competitive cheer since 1st grade, and she wanted to try swimming last winter so I signed her up for a "pre" team class, where all they did was swim laps with different strokes for an hour. She would come out EXHAUSTED and sore, and said swimming for an hour was about 100x harder than any tumbling class she has ever taken!

Your daughter is 100% right! I was a competitive gymnast for 5 years, had to stop due to two separate stress fractures. Took up swimming on the HS swim team. Practices COMPLETELY wiped me out. The sustained full body, aerobic effort of swimming can't be matched by most sports. I lost so much weight and ate SO MUCH FOOD during swim seasons, it was crazy.

But today, I still swim laps for exercise as it is enjoyable for me. I did obtain a shoulder injury last year from swimming, though, that required 12 weeks of PT to heal. Swimming is very taxing on your shoulders.

 

[DLgal]

I whole heartedly agree.

I have 2 kids-one on the spectrum, one neuro-typ. neither were ones who wanted to do extracurriculars as kids and we never forced it. I've honestly never seen where being/not being in extracurriculars has had any major impact on a person in later life (I learned all the team building and participation skills I needed in college and excelled professionally well beyond many of my peers who spent every waking moment of their childhoods on team sports). sure, if someone has an interest in something then training/practicing/performing or competing in it can lead to improving their skills but if someone has no interest in any extracurricular then I can't see what benefit comes of making them miserable forcing participation in it (and often makes their teacher, trainer, coach, teammates, fellow performers miserable as well).

with my 2 we also waited for them to initiate-with dd it came a year or so into college. she tried several things, found her niche and it has helped to determine her career path. it's nothing that would have been available to her as a child nor would any extracurricular activities available to children have benefited it. with ds (on the spectrum), he's in a college program designed for asd adults held at a local college. it's been through his own initiative that he's become involved with 2 separate clubs on campus-and not only attends but volunteers for their activities. I never would have thought it would do something like this, but again-it had to be on his own time with something he was comfortable with.

That's great that your kids found their niche. I am confident that my kids social skills will develop later in life and they will find something that interests them, as everything else has eventually happened developmentally, just on a bit slower of a timeline.

My oldest is quite a smart kid...just built his first PC over winter break with basically no assistance, at age 13. He is a math whiz and VERY adept at learning languages with perfect pronunciation. I imagine he will eventually join some computer, engineering, or math club. My youngest in an artist, through and through. He is extremely talented at drawing cartoon characters from memory and using raw materials like styrofoam, paper, and cardboard to create little models of different things. He is ridiculously talented at creating novel things from Legos. He will probably find the other artists naturally, eventually. He never wants to take art classes though, because he doesn't like when people watch what he is doing and doesn't like to be told what he has to create.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

My boys swam through college and I can guarantee there is a huge impact to the body in high level swimming. The amount of shoulder surgeries was enormous. Any sport that requires constant repetitive motions at a high level for a sustained amount of time is going to cause problems at some point.

Take a look around at one of your children's meets and notice all the tape on the shoulders and other joints under those suits.

I'm not doubting that is what you've witnessed I can only tell you what I've seen during the 15 years of competitive swimming with my own 3 kids (oldest being 28 years old). I've very rarely seen anyone with shoulder injuries and I texted my daughter this morning to ask her opinion (she's ranked nationally as is my son). Very little injuries that she's witnessed and there is no one with tape on their shoulders in her club. My kids have never had an injury from swimming.

https://www.livestrong.com/article/430379-the-effects-of-swimming-on-the-body/

"Injuries are incredibly rare"http://www.coachmag.co.uk/exercises/3828/5-key-benefits-of-swimming

 

[katie01]

I agree with the philosophy of having kids finish out a season, and then they can quit after that if they don't like something. We will talk through it though too, sometimes there are reasons giving for wanting to quit that can be remedied (finding a different coach, teacher, or facility) and other times it's clearly a "no" to continue on, and that's all ok. I would absolutely hate it if I was forced to keep doing a sport or hobby indefinitely just because I had once wanted to try it! Imagine being an adult and taking ballroom dance or something, finding out it gave you absolutely no enjoyment and you just dreaded going, but someone forced you to continue on and on just because you'd once thought it would be fun. That would sure ruin ever wanting to try new things again, and would probably ruin any chance of enjoying ball room dance ever again too

 

[DawnM]

Sigh. I am sad about this. Older two boys have Eagle Scout. Youngest is in 8th grade and wants to quit scouting altogether. It has been almost a full year of him begging to quit and him not really being "in the game," so it is time to stop.

For your situation, I might let her quit in May.

 

[J'aime Paris]

Eh. I don't agree. My kids don't do any activities. They are 12 and 14. They don't want to. I could make them. It would probably "be good for them", but they are autistic and anything we have suggested has been met with a vehement NO. My oldest did adaptive Tae Kwon Do for almost two years until he got to the point he was crying through every class because he has such bad anxiety and was worried that he wasn't doing everything "the right way." Quitting that class was necessary, obviously. He has no desire to do anything social or team oriented where other kids are involved. My other son can't handle anyone bumping into him and has absolutely no stamina, so sports of most kinds are a hard no. Due to sensory issues, music of any kind is out as well.

I take them swimming every day in the summer. They swim laps, and one is probably good enough to be on a team, but he doesn't want to. Doesn't want the pressure to perform a certain way and prefers the solitude of swimming by himself. We also cycle together....long 10-15 mile rides on weekends on nearby bike trails. So they are active, just not outside of our family circle.

But I guess I already know my kids aren't getting into trouble. I mean, they are always home or at school. When (if) they are ready to join some activities, we will gladly sign them up, but I have stopped asking because I don't want them to get the message that something is wrong with NOT wanting to do activities. I do plan to have my kids get after school jobs when they are old enough. In my opinion, that's a far bigger life skill than anything a sport will impart. I played a ton of sports as a kid/teen: baseball, gymnastics, soccer, softball, swimming. I also worked in high school and value the work experience above all the sports experiences, to be honest.

Just a thought....what about Special Olympics?

My BFF's son has Aspergers. He would shoot around in their driveway, and seemed to have some natural skill. She got him involved with Special Olympics and it has been wonderful!! No pressure whatsoever, very loving and supportive environment. The family noticed that he had also developed into a great runner from all the Basketball games and went out for SO track. He made it to State in track! My BFF cried and cried when he earned a medal at state!! Her son had never been so well accepted, never earned "awards" ever before. It was a big bolster to his self worth!

As a side note...her son also swims. (An active boy for certain). The High School swim coach was very accepting of him practicing with the team, but with no strings attached. Simply let him come and swim laps. In fact, he swims so many laps and has such great endurance, the other boys on the team are kinda in awe!

 

[DLgal]

Just a thought....what about Special Olympics?

My BFF's son has Aspergers. He would shoot around in their driveway, and seemed to have some natural skill. She got him involved with Special Olympics and it has been wonderful!! No pressure whatsoever, very loving and supportive environment. The family noticed that he had also developed into a great runner from all the Basketball games and went out for SO track. He made it to State in track! My BFF cried and cried when he earned a medal at state!! Her son had never been so well accepted, never earned "awards" ever before. It was a big bolster to his self worth!

As a side note...her son also swims. (An active boy for certain). The High School swim coach was very accepting of him practicing with the team, but with no strings attached. Simply let him come and swim laps. In fact, he swims so many laps and has such great endurance, the other boys on the team are kinda in awe!

I have thought about it and asked the kids and THEY are the ones who really don't want to do it. The younger one has pretty severe sensory issues and can't stand loud nosies or when people clap or cheer. He can't handle any unwanted physical contact at all. During PE in school, everyone knows not to bump into him and he has to sit out games like dodgeball and kickball because he thinks they are "too dangerous." (Because the ball hits people) He has very low muscle tone and little endurance so running is very hard on him. He likes to shoot baskets alone but won't even let me or my husband shoot with him. He is the artist..not athletic at ALL. LOL. He likes to shoot baskets but he needs to use a junior size ball and he's not very good.

The older one is simply a major introvert with social anxiety. He simply doesn't like to be around other people. He certainly would not want to do any type of team sport, pressure or no pressure. He creates the pressure by holding himself to the standard of perfection, so even in the absence of outside pressure by a coach or team members, he would put himself under pressure....this is a kid who cries if he drops his pencil in class because he "didn't hold it tight enough."

I am friends with several parents whose kids participate in Special Olympics so I know all about it and agree it is a wonderful program. My friends kids, though, are SUPER into their sports and so it's a natural fit. These are also kids with a much greater desire to be involved in social activities in general. They are, for the most part, outgoing kids. Mine are very shy and introverted.

 

[DLgal]

I'm not doubting that is what you've witnessed I can only tell you what I've seen during the 15 years of competitive swimming with my own 3 kids (oldest being 28 years old). I've very rarely seen anyone with shoulder injuries and I texted my daughter this morning to ask her opinion (she's ranked nationally as is my son). Very little injuries that she's witnessed and there is no one with tape on their shoulders in her club. My kids have never had an injury from swimming.

https://www.livestrong.com/article/430379-the-effects-of-swimming-on-the-body/

"Injuries are incredibly rare"http://www.coachmag.co.uk/exercises/3828/5-key-benefits-of-swimming

Rotator cuff injuries are a very common swimming injury. I never got injured when I was younger BUT after years of swimming, I injured my rotator cuff just doing laps last year. I will be 40 this year. You start feeling the results of cumulative years of sports when you get older.

My best friend who was a competitive swimmer for over 20 years also has a "bad shoulder" and chronic lower back problems from swimming both butterfly and breast stroke. Her swimming put her through college.

The injuries and wear/tear will surface eventually. 28 years old is still young.

Not really sure what being "nationally ranked" has to do with it. Professional athletes suffer from injuries too.

Michael Phelps has even quit swimming due to the risk of further shoulder injury. He competed in the last Olympics injured. Maybe you've heard of him...he's nationally ranked too.

http://olympics.nbcsports.com/2017/02/24/michael-phelps-comeback-shoulder-congress-doping-hearing/

 

[lifesavacation]

I think it benefits kids to try different kinds activities (sports, art, music, etc) rather than be forced to only do the same one year after year. They’ll find something they’ll want to stick with at some point.

I’m a true believer that all kids should be encouraged to stay physically active, whether in an organized sport or on their own. It will help them stay physically active as adults.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Rotator cuff injuries are a very common swimming injury. I never got injured when I was younger BUT after years of swimming, I injured my rotator cuff just doing laps last year. I will be 40 this year. You start feeling the results of cumulative years of sports when you get older.

My best friend who was a competitive swimmer for over 20 years also has a "bad shoulder" and chronic lower back problems from swimming both butterfly and breast stroke. Her swimming put her through college.

The injuries and wear/tear will surface eventually. 28 years old is still young.

Not really sure what being "nationally ranked" has to do with it. Professional athletes suffer from injuries too.

Michael Phelps has even quit swimming due to the risk of further shoulder injury. He competed in the last Olympics injured. Maybe you've heard of him...he's nationally ranked too.

http://olympics.nbcsports.com/2017/02/24/michael-phelps-comeback-shoulder-congress-doping-hearing/

I'm not sure why you are being rude. I'm stating what my own kids experience is and don't tell me that you know my kids will eventually be injured.