Let’s be friends

[wenrob]

Me? Nah. I’m a move on type of person. I’m not one to get back in touch with high school/past friends either. Done is done. There’s a reason those relationships ended and it only takes an interaction or two to remember why.

I can only think of once where I tried. We were best friends in high school, tried the relationship thing and it was a disaster. Tried to go back to being friends but yeah, we broke that pretty badly. I suspect even if we hadn’t tried the relationship thing the friendship would have ended. Looking back the relationship was an attempt to try and save the friendship.

 

[Kitty 34]

Me? Nah. I’m a move on type of person. I’m not one to get back in touch with high school/past friends either. Done is done. There’s a reason those relationships ended and it only takes an interaction or two to remember why.

I can only think of once where I tried. We were best friends in high school, tried the relationship thing and it was a disaster. Tried to go back to being friends but yeah, we broke that pretty badly. I suspect even if we hadn’t tried the relationship thing the friendship would have ended. Looking back the relationship was an attempt to try and save the friendship.

Well said and I agree.

 

[hereyago]

Up until a month ago, I was really good friends with ex husband and his wife. I doubt I would have been friends if we didn't have a kid together.

I am FB friends with my former fiance, he lives across the country.
I am close with another past guy.

 

[disneychrista]

For me, I am really not sure. I am friendly with a guy I was casually seeing. I see him regularly because of work. When we see each other we chat and we have had a beer together a couple times. And I have to think that if I hadn't started seeing someone else we would have fallen back into the casual thing. But he is not someone that I can call up and Friday night and say lets hang out.

 

[superme80]

I have one ex I wish well. One I hope he gets his act together for his family. The rest...we broke up for a reason and I am completely fine if I never see or hear about them again. My aunt is on good terms with her ex husband. They have 3 children together. My husband is friendly with a couple of exes, but nothing that is remotely close to friendship. His first major girlfriend I wouldn't mind being friends with, but her husband hates my family, so oh well!

 

[Sjm9911]

For me, I am really not sure. I am friendly with a guy I was casually seeing. I see him regularly because of work. When we see each other we chat and we have had a beer together a couple times. And I have to think that if I hadn't started seeing someone else we would have fallen back into the casual thing. But he is not someone that I can call up and Friday night and say lets hang out.

I think there is a fine line between freinds , and friendly. My ex wife im freindly with , yes because we have a kid, tbh if it wasnt for my daughter i wouldn't be. But like you said , not someone i wish to hang out with and talk to. But i do it for the sake of my child( 7 now), i figure she needs a mother. And im taking both to disney, dont ask its way too complex! And im way to nice.

 

[disneychrista]

I think there is a fine line between freinds , and friendly.

Totally agree. Which is why I said I am friendly with this person, not friends.

I honestly don't know if you can go from being more than friends backwards to just friends without things getting awkward, feelings getting complicated.

 

[disneychrista]

After tonight, in this instance, no we can’t be “just friends.”

 

[ronandannette]

After tonight, in this instance, no we can’t be “just friends.”

Sorry. I’ve been wondering, based on your posts in this thread why you even wanted to?

 

[mom2rtk]

After tonight, in this instance, no we can’t be “just friends.”

I'm sorry. But at least you have some clarity on it now.

 

[disneychrista]

Sorry. I’ve been wondering, based on your posts in this thread why you even wanted to?

I'm sorry. But at least you have some clarity on it now.

I think you missed understood. When I say can’t be “just friends” I meant things went the other direction. As in back to “more than friends.” As for clarity, things are about as clear as mud, just like they’ve been our entire relationship.

(For clarification this is a different guy then the one I mentioned being “friendly” with above.)

 

[mom2rtk]

I think you missed understood. When I say can’t be “just friends” I meant things went the other direction. As in back to “more than friends.” As for clarity, things are about as clear as mud, just like they’ve been our entire relationship.

(For clarification this is a different guy then the one I mentioned being “friendly” with above.)

Hah! I did read that differently. Good luck with it!

 

[OKW8297]

I applaud exes who have kids who are friends and have a healthy relationship as they coparent.

 

[lovin'fl]

Having started dating my DH in 1993, I haven't had an ex in a long long time. But I never remained friends with any of them. There were times we bumped into each other and could be friendly (and there is one I am FB friends with but we never really chat, maybe like posts here and there)....but no, not friends with any. Neither is DH. I guess it's possible but would take a certain personality of both parties IMO.

 

[SteveH]

I will say it depends. The next question, is it healthy? An ex from High School or College, yeah. An ex from a long term relationship after, that's a bit more complicated, an EX after marriage in rare circumstances.

My wife and I didn't know each other in high school or college, we're both friends with people we dated back then. Neither of us are the jealous type, and very comfortable and confident in our marriage and love. Some people can handle that, some can't. We have a few divorced friends that have tried to maintain that "friendship" and honestly I never thought it was healthy, but that is their relationship so it really doesn't matter what I think.

My best friend and his ex get along great, in public with their daughter. You'd swear they were still married, but there is a reason they are separated.

 

[Jimmy Mouse]

I’m friends with a lot of my exes. Mostly Facebook, including my high school sweetheart.

 

[lovemygoofy]

I don't know if I missed and there is someone new but you have been mentioning for the last year you didn't think you were in a relationship or know what you are doing or a status. If you weren't in a relationship, then you wouldn't be exes now, right? You really need to learn to stand up for yourself and respect what you want and deserve to be happy and on sure footing.

To answer your question, no I don't want to be friends with exes. I mean I've been married almost 20 years but no there's no reason at all to hang out to things that weren't a good fit in your life. Real life isn't a Friends sitcom.

 

[ronandannette]

I think you missed understood. When I say can’t be “just friends” I meant things went the other direction. As in back to “more than friends.” As for clarity, things are about as clear as mud, just like they’ve been our entire relationship.

(For clarification this is a different guy then the one I mentioned being “friendly” with above.)

Is it the guy from the thread awhile back whose mother died? Sorry - I know this is totally NOMB but I’m not really into social media too much and I’m unclear on how vague-booking works.

 

[MIGrandma]

I think you can, if both people involved want it to work that way.

My son has been married/divorced 3 times. His first marriage he was just too young. He was 16 when his girlfriend got pregnant, 17 when their daughter was born and they got married 2 weeks after he graduated from high school, he was 18. They had a son a couple years later, and got divorced after 5 years of marriage. I wouldn't say they are friends actually, but they can speak to each other and be in the same room with each other with no problems. They co-parented their children, and since they lived in the same town each had the children one week, the other week they stayed with the other parent so they had two homes and never seemed to mind that. They were always able to discuss anything to do with the children in a civil matter, didn't bad-mouth the other parent, etc. I thought they did very well in raising their children together, even though they were divorced. His ex-wife's husband has liver cancer, and there was a benefit dinner for them a few weeks ago and our son went to that, to show his support.

His 2nd wife he has no communication with. His 3rd wife he still talks to occasionally, he is still very much her children's step-father and still has a relationship with both of them.

I think it might be harder to be "friends" if only one person wanted out of the marriage/relationship. The other person could be bitter over that. But if both people want it to end, it might be easier to remain friends afterward.

 

[Colleen27]

When I was younger, yes. But those were "kid" relationships (high school/early adulthood) and quite a few of them were us starting as friends, trying to make it something more, and then realizing we were better as friends. No hard feelings, no baggage.

My only "serious" ex and I have a friendly enough relationship now but I still wouldn't call us friends. He's not someone I'd ever call just to chat, or get together with just because, or confide in about my life/worries, but if we're in the same place for some reason we can swap friendly small talk without any stress. And it took a while to even get to that - we were pretty vile to one another at the end of our relationship, when we both knew it was a disaster but didn't want to end things because of DS, and he kind of went off the rails when DS was young which made even somewhat friendly co-parenting impossible for years.