Men, I will never understand them!

[tc]

Stephen, my DH, either rides his motorcycle or his bicycle to work every day. It's about 10 miles, one way, through town. In the summer, he usually rides his bicycle. This morning he left the house at 6:00 a.m. and returned home at 6:20. He had a wreck on his bicycle. He looked behind him to merge into a turn lane, and when he turned his head back around, he saw a huge tree branch in the road, too wide to go around. He went over the handle bars. He broke his helmut and totally made hamburger out of his hands. Normally, he wears gloves, but I put them in the closet last weekend, and he never asked where they were, so he's been w/o them all week (I thought he knew where they were, you know, they were where they belong). Anyway, the part I don't understand is the anger. His hands were bleeding pretty bad, but he was more angry than hurt. He kept saying things about why does he always get hurt (referring to the mountain bike wreck he had earlier this summer and the knee injury playing b-ball that lead to his surgery in March), how could he be so stupid (like he could have known the branch would have been in the road), and why does he even try to get in shape (he's lost two inches from his waist this summer from cycling and lifting weights). He was livid. He wouldn't even let me help him clean up his hands. He just yelled a lot and did it himself. He left for work as mad as he got home. Now, please tell me why do men get so mad (or maybe it's just my man) when something like this happens? BTW: he's normally a very patient man, and never allows his temper to take over.

 

[bfeller]

I guess is that he is trying so hard to keep healthy and in trying to do that he is injured. Poor Guy!!!! Just give him a kiss and I am sure that everything will be alright. Of ocurse you may want to wait until this evening to give him that kiss. A man's ego needs time to heal.

 

[The Mystery Machine]

Well tc, I have been like that for 2 weeks. Right now I am overwhelmed and I get "set off" for things that normally I handle.
{HUGS}

 

[Snowwark]

I don't know tc, perhaps his anger is really concealing embarrassment. All I can say is, thank goodness for all of you that he was smart enough to be wearing a helmet!!

I hope he feels better soon!

 

[tc]

Yes, I'm very glad he wore a helmut. It's weird, but, cylcists always wear helmuts (there are a ton of cyclists in Colorado, and you never see one w/o a helmut), whereas bikers do not. But, he wears a helmut on both. Our deal is, I don't talk on the cell phone when I drive, and he wears a helmut when he rides, simple as that.

It could have been embarrassment, but I don't understand why, he didn't do anything wrong, except not being all seeing and all knowing. I hope he's better by tonight. There is a town festival in the downtown area tonight that we were going to, and I hate for him to be a grouch the whole time. Besides, Sunday is my birthday, and I want him happy.

 

[Snowwark]

It could have been embarrassment, but I don't understand why, he didn't do anything wrong, except not being all seeing and all knowing.

.......sometimes, they like to think they are...

 

[browneyes]

I thought we kept our men in our lives to to confuse us. I don't think they're understandable.

I know the feeling, Kelli. Allen was sick 2 days this week. On the 3rd he went to go back to work, his car tore up. He couldn't drive his truck because he needed to put a new accelerator cable on it-I got it on Monday. He stayed mad all day Wednesday because he has bad luck. Somehow that's my fault?

I hope Stephen's ok. I bet he'll make up for his short temper later on today.

 

[Mskanga]

I gave up a long time ago. So please, when someone finally figures out how to understand them...send me a PM and let me know the formula!! LOL

 

[Towncrier]

It's quite simple. Men (in general) have very limited emotions in their repitoire. Whereas a woman might have a dozen or so emotions to use when falling off a bicycle, guys end up falling back on the one universal male emotion - ANGER. Lord knows a guy can't cry, so sadness is out of the question. And since guys are supposed to be "strong", you can't expect him to have hurt feelings either. The emotions have to come out, so anger it is.

Just try to be nice to DH and understand that he's crying on the inside, but yelling on the outside.

 

[Sheree Bobbins]

I agree with Towncrier. Good explanation!

 

[nativetxn]

I agree that the anger is actually embarrassment. My dh is the same way, he was quite the athlete in his day and he never did things like fall down or have a bike wreck, so when he falls down, or gets scraped up mowing the lawn or slips on ice, he reacts in anger.

Now if your husband had been hit by a car (God forbid) he probably wouldn't have been angry because that's a macho way to skin up your hands. Running over a tree limb in the middle of the road is something a kid might do but not a grown up, macho, in great physical condition, natural athlete man would do

I could be wrong, of course

 

[Towncrier]

I found a website that explains things a lot better than I can. Check out Men and Emotions

The article starts out with the following explanation:

Dr. Ron Levant, a professor at Harvard University, coined the term "normative male alexithymia". He teaches that most North American males suffer to some degree from the conditioning of our culture which causes men to be underdeveloped emotionally. His research shows that men have developed two primary responses to emotional issues. For vulnerable feelings including fear, hurt and shame, he sees men using anger as the "manly" response. For nurturing feelings, including caring, warmth, connectedness and intimacy, he sees men channeling these feelings through sex. It is called normative because his research shows that this limited dual response of anger or sex is the norm for men.

 

[DaveH]

i bet he is frustrated because he thinks he should have seen it and should know better. I hope he is better soon.