Hi guys, I am going through a rough patch right now, and I just needed to share it with someone. I recently found out that mom has liver cancer. She was diagnosed in November and wanted to wait until after the holidays to announce it to all of us. So she waited until we were all gathered together on Dad's birthday, a month ago, to announce the bad news. We were all in shock to say the least. My sister's first reaction was anger that she kept it a secret. Myself, I just cried. Dad just was disappointed that mom did not share the news with him sooner since she had gone to the oncologist with her best friend instead of him. Mom wants us to keep it a secret from the rest of the family and from her co-workers. Since I work with mom that means that I have to be careful not to slip up at work. Our boss is the only one at work who knows and since he is battling prostate cancer himself has been very supportive of my mom missing so much work. I am finding all the secrecy hard on me. I have my husband to talk to and my sister but I have not told my kids who are only 8 and 12 y.o. (my mom's wishes). Honestly I knew something was up since she had not been feeling well since April and kept having pressure hikes, fainting spells and dizziness.The doctors kept saying it was panic attacks, then they told her it was high blood pressure, but finally she insisted to an ultrasound done since she already was diagnosed with intestinal cancer 20 years ago. She had had a rare form of cancer, a carcenoid tumor in her small intestine which is a slow growing tumor and once removed was supposed to not come back. After surgery, they followed her for another five years and announced she was cancer-free for good. Unfortunately, there must have still been some cancer cells left and they seeped into the liver. She now has several tumors (8-10) that spread throughout her liver but the good news is that they are still carcenoids so they are slow growing tumors. The first time Mom was diagnosed I was only 20 years old and I remember feeling stronger and more in control. I am the one who brought her to the hospital and I was with her when they diagnosed her. Even though the news was dismal, I was able to stay positive and help her through the ordeal and the surgery. I am the oldest of the family and I was always the most level-headed of the family so in an emergency I seem to be the first one that every one calls for help. I lost my grand-father to lung cancer 10 years ago and I was the one at the hospital, talking to the doctors taking care of the family and so on. This time I am having trouble dealing with it all. At night, I find myself crying in bed and I feel heavy and depressed during the day. My husband is being really supportive but I just can't do this again. I brought mom to her first chemotherapy treatment two weeks ago and once we got home, I was emotionally and physically drained. To add to the stress, I have been struggling with health issues and keep having to run tests. I just feel so tired these days. Cancer is hard on the whole family so I don't want to add more drama to the situation. I know I will get through this one way or the other but I just feel so lonely, even though I am surrounded by tons of people who love me. It is tough! Anyway thanks for reading my story and letting me vent. Sometimes it just feels good to let it all out!