Monatery Wedding Gift

[WVMomof3]

Do you factor differently for a second wedding? How about if it is a small, very low key outside wedding? I am stumped on what to give a good friend.

 

[TwoMisfits]

Do you factor differently for a second wedding? How about if it is a small, very low key outside wedding? I am stumped on what to give a good friend.

I've never heard of giving gifts for 2nd weddings, so yes, I would give much less to a 2nd wedding (my families' 2nd marriages have not even had "weddings" - they were normally weekend solo getaways by the couple to a justice of the peace - no fanfare, no invites, etc)...

Edit: Etiquette agrees with me - phew...https://www.thespruce.com/is-a-gift-appropriate-for-a-second-wedding-1216870

 

[shoney]

Do you factor differently for a second wedding? How about if it is a small, very low key outside wedding? I am stumped on what to give a good friend.

That really depends

My sister in law had 100 people at her second wedding but it was at a restaurant not catering hall. Buffet. No cocktail hour. Beer and wine only. I still have $500. She is my husbands sister!

My uncle was remarried and had a full blown affair. They were in the late fifties and the wife didn't have a real wedding the first time around so they went all out. My husband and I attended and I only gave $200. We were not that close.

 

[mjkacmom]

I've never heard of giving gifts for 2nd weddings, so yes, I would give much less to a 2nd wedding (my families' 2nd marriages have not even had "weddings" - they were normally weekend solo getaways by the couple to a justice of the peace - no fanfare, no invites, etc)...

Edit: Etiquette agrees with me - phew...https://www.thespruce.com/is-a-gift-appropriate-for-a-second-wedding-1216870

I've never heard of not giving a gift. You show up empty handed? What about birthday parties?

 

[kymom99]

I've never heard of giving gifts for 2nd weddings, so yes, I would give much less to a 2nd wedding (my families' 2nd marriages have not even had "weddings" - they were normally weekend solo getaways by the couple to a justice of the peace - no fanfare, no invites, etc)...

Edit: Etiquette agrees with me - phew...https://www.thespruce.com/is-a-gift-appropriate-for-a-second-wedding-1216870

I had a second wedding. My guests gave us gifts

 

[theseacallsme]

I recently got married. I think the average gift amount we got from aunts/uncles was about $250. I usually give $100-$200 when I attend a wedding (depends on if I'm in the wedding party, my relationship to the person, etc.)

 

[holden]

We attended a wedding in Philadelphia at the Lowes. I'm sure they spent a pretty penny on the reception & cocktail hour. We were not related to the bride or groom nor are we close friends. We gave $300.

 

[MrsPete]

I never say the stupid cover your plate thing. My opinion is buy what you feel right and can afford off the registry. Our registry has a drastic span of items so that everyone attending can pick something they feel comfortable with. I didn't even want to do a registry as the whole thing felt wrong but my future sister-in-law said people would buy stuff even if we said not to so why not at least guide them towards stuff we actually want haha.

I'm with you. I choose what I'd like to give the couple based upon my relationship with them. I'd give more to a relative or long-time friend, less to a co-worker.

LOL brides don't tell people what the wedding cost, but if there is a full cocktail hour with a raw bar, carving stations, passed hor d'oeuvres, and then a 5 course meal followed by a Venetian table, you know it was much more than $100 a plate (and I've never been to a wedding with plastic wear).

I just priced out a normal wedding reception at a venue a few miles from me, $160 pp, not including DJ, flowers, photography, limo, invitations...just your average reception.

Thing is, I've never known ahead of time whether the couple was planning a fancy spread like you describe or a more modest meal. I'm not sure how you could politely ask, "Just how fancy's your wedding going to be?" without sounding insulting or condescending. (And it's ware, not wear.)

I want to get remarried and invite you all to my wedding for these big monetary gifts!!!! We got married 9 years ago and the largest cash gift was $100 from my Grandma. Most people gave us $25-50. We also had a gift table and I would say we were about 50/50 on money gifts and registry gifts.

Yeah, more than $100 would be pretty much unheard of -- except maybe from a parent or grandparent. Personally, I never give money; first because I can get always choose a nice gift that looks like it cost more than it actually did; second because I still have gifts from my showers/wedding 27 years ago that I still use, and they make me remember the wedding/the giver -- money, while certainly nice, is used, gone and forgotten.

 

[theseacallsme]

[QUOTE="Personally, I never give money; first because I can get always choose a nice gift that looks like it cost more than it actually did; second because I still have gifts from my showers/wedding 27 years ago that I still use, and they make me remember the wedding/the giver -- money, while certainly nice, is used, gone and forgotten.[/QUOTE]

I think it depends. When people asked, we let them know we were saving for our honeymoon to Japan. We had a wonderful trip full of memories made possible in large part to our monetary wedding gifts.

 

[mjkacmom]

I'm with you. I choose what I'd like to give the couple based upon my relationship with them. I'd give more to a relative or long-time friend, less to a co-worker.
Thing is, I've never known ahead of time whether the couple was planning a fancy spread like you describe or a more modest meal. I'm not sure how you could politely ask, "Just how fancy's your wedding going to be?" without sounding insulting or condescending. (And it's ware, not wear.)

Yeah, more than $100 would be pretty much unheard of -- except maybe from a parent or grandparent. Personally, I never give money; first because I can get always choose a nice gift that looks like it cost more than it actually did; second because I still have gifts from my showers/wedding 27 years ago that I still use, and they make me remember the wedding/the giver -- money, while certainly nice, is used, gone and forgotten.

When you go out to eat, you have some idea on what the cost is going to be, based on the restaurant. It's the same with weddings. BTW, I realize it's ware, not wear (and it's nice that you don't want to sound insulting or condescending...)

 

[mi*vida*loca]

I'm in South Jersey (near Philadelphia) and most people do the "cost of the plate" gift. Most weddings are $100+ per person. There is no way I'm giving $400 for my family of 4 to attend a wedding. Just NOT happening. Just because you decided to have a fancy wedding doesn't mean I have to give a bigger gift. I'm not paying a cover charge here.

I base my gift on our relationship and what I can afford. It's usually around $100-200.

I just went to my SO's cousin's destination wedding. I gave no gift AT the wedding but I gave a gift at their engagement party (more of a get to know the family party since they wanted to get both families together before the destination wedding) and at the bridal shower.

 

[wgeo]

The right amount to give is what you are comfortable with. Trying to pick a dollar amount just so that someone else's opinion of you is one thing or another isn't a good idea, because you will never win that game. If someone likes you well enough to ask you to their wedding then what you choose to give or not to give them shouldn't have any affect on your future relationship.

We've been married for awhile now, but there are very very few people that I can remember what they gifts they gave us, and I couldn't even begin to tell you who gave what dollar amounts. Although I will say, $100 would have been considered an extremely generous gift, so either I move in different circles than the rest of the disboards, or you all are super generous!

FWIW - I attend about 7 or 8 weddings a year due to husbands job and I've never seen a wedding without a gift table.