Mother of the groom dress advice

The only thing I specified for my mother and MIL’s dresses was they not be the same color as mine. I didn’t wear white so this was a little more complicated than just not wearing white.

I do remember while trying on their dresses at the store the attendant did suggest beige for my MIL but we all nixed that pretty quickly. I hate beige.
 
Traditionally, here at least, the mob/mog check with each other on style and color and both colors should take the wedding colors into consideration. David’s Bridal even has a chart that shows what colors they should wear dependent on the wedding colors. But there is a choice. I would have to at least look at the chart and ask about other colors.

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This is exactly what I did t our local formal dress shop.

Worked out that my dress was similar to the MOBs dress but different colors.

She and DIL were very gracious and told me to pick what I wanted to wear.

In fact, Mob called me to apologize because her mother shopped before I did and picked a formal gold/beige dress. So that choice was taken lol!

My dress was burgandy, by the way. Bridesmaids wore navy blue and MOB wore a periwinkle blue dress.
 
As I think we are getting ready to enter into one of these life events I find myself reading more discussions on it. I have very strong opinions on what is okay and not okay, I did things almost 40 years ago that were "eye turning" .... Keep hoping a nice enough check will get them to elope :rolleyes:

I just got word from my future DIL and beige it is. Actually gold tones. Ick! All sympathetic words accepted! I asked yesterday after finding what I hoped might be the perfect blue dress, so I'm allowing myself a few days to be quietly irritated.

Anyway, has anyone ordered from JJ'sHouse online? I am NOT a shopper and stores in my area have not turned up any possibilities so far.

There you go ... you shouldn't have asked. :D

I would be cautious... there are a lot of China-based businesses like this. They show photos of dresses lifted from various sites, then have their seamstresses create a replica when you order. The quality seems to vary wildly. What you receive may not be close to what you expect. Returns and customer service are not what we expect from US companies.

If you order from them, allow LOTS of time for a good Plan B...

I would NEVER order from these companies. I've heard nothing but complaints and delivery times of months out if at all. There are way too many top US options if you go the online order route.

Order from Nordstrom. They have a huge selection of dresses online, some with very reasonable prices. Shipping is fast and free both ways so you can order six or seven styles, try them on and ship back. They seem to have a lot of choices for wedding guests, wedding party guests, etc. My friend's daughter is getting married next month and they all the mothers and grandmothers and sisters did their dresses this way. I do this work for work attire.

Oh and my condolences on "beige" or "gold." While I actually love the color, it looks HORRIBLE on me.

Here's a link to Mother of the Bride dresses in beige:
https://shop.nordstrom.com/c/womens-mother-of-the-bride-dresses?breadcrumb=Home/Women/Clothing/Dresses/Mother of the Bride&top=72&offset=0&page=1&sort=Boosted&color='Beige'

If you need something less formal, then just choose the "Wedding Guest" category. That's what I love about their site; how easy it is to refine the search for what you're looking for.

THIS^

Nordstrom, Nordstrom Rack, Dillards, Belk, Macy's ........ all have quality dresses I have ordered from and I know there are more. If you have an outlet mall in close driving distance sometimes you can find some great ones there after each season of dresses.

:flower3: Not sure if this will be of much comfort, but as the stepmother of 2, the implied instructions have always been "pay up, shut up and show up." That's exactly what I've done both times. For the first one I did wear beige and for the most recent wedding last October, which was an "Autumn Splendor" theme, the dress colour I was assigned was orange. Yes, orange (SMH). I actually found a nice one on-line at Macy's.

That would be a FIRM NO and let's figure out another color. I hate orange, I won't wear orange. I actually don't work skin color wise with yellows and most greens. I get it's her wedding, and I should dress simple and never try to stand out ... but I'm not going to wear something I would never ever wear. And would hope she wouldn't want to make me wear a color that looks awful on me.

This may be another of those wedding issues that are completely standard in some places and unheard of in others. It's been this way here for quite a long time. I was married 20-some years ago and both mothers checked in with me and each other to be sure what they were wearing would look good in the pictures. I didn't "assign" either of them a colour, but they both kept the overall scheme in mind when they were choosing.

:scratchin It's not that big a deal buy any means, but thinking about it now, I wonder what I would have done if one of them had wanted to wear a really wild colour? Probably nothing, but I'm glad it didn't happen.

Yeah, this is my fear for my one kid. The potential MIL wears very bright colorful patterned dresses to weddings, I've seen pictures. At times she has stood out among guests .......... this makes me a bit nervous.

We also have a family member on our side that shows up to all weddings in very bold colors to stand out (as if her behavior wasn't enough). She'll beat you down to sit on the end seat on the aisle. Her bright red dress at an evening wedding where most wore tasteful formal colors stood out and the first thing you saw in their beautiful down the aisle to candle light photos - yup her dress. Have already decided if she pulls that for our kids, we will have her photoshopped into a black dress.

I've heard it often.
For DS's wedding, I just had to coordinate with bride's mother so we didn't wear the same color and also did not match the bridesmaids
A specific color would be hard, especially an unbecoming one.
Must say beige is better than orange!!

Agree that coordinating with the other mother is important for everyone. I know some weddings want no competition but lately it seems most weddings I've watched have the mothers and non-party siblings in complimentary colors .... I guess for photos. And the photos are usually very pretty.
 
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"Would you mind very much if I wore this beautiful, tasteful, navy gown that compliments all of the color choices? I had my heart set on it." Then have a pic of said dress ready to show. If I was the bride, I'd have a hard time saying no when approached like that. Of course, I didn't care one iota what the moms wore at our wedding.
 
...That would be a FIRM NO and let's figure out another color. I hate orange, I won't wear orange. I actually don't work skin color wise with yellows and most greens. I get it's her wedding, and I should dress simple and never try to stand out ... but I'm not going to wear something I would never ever wear. And would hope she wouldn't want to make me wear a color that looks awful on me.



Yeah, this is my fear for my one kid. The potential MIL wears very bright colorful patterned dresses to weddings, I've seen pictures. At times she has stood out among guests .......... this makes me a bit nervous.

We also have a family member on our side that shows up to all weddings in very bold colors to stand out (as if her behavior wasn't enough). She'll beat you down to sit on the end seat on the aisle. Her bright red dress at an evening wedding where most wore tasteful formal colors stood out and the first thing you saw in their beautiful down the aisle to candle light photos - yup her dress. Have already decided if she pulls that for our kids, we will have her photoshopped into a black dress.



Agree that coordinating with the other mother is important for everyone. I know some weddings want no competition but lately it seems most weddings I've watched have the mothers and non-party siblings in complimentary colors .... I guess for photos. And the photos are usually very pretty.
I'm pretty easy-going and it seemed a small enough sacrifice to keep from making waves. It was tricky to find something in that colour though and I confess to feeling a bit like a traffic-cone. I did get tons of compliments on it and given the wild riot of Fall colours, didn't stand out too, too much. Ironically, the MOB had been "assigned" deep red, which I would have loved to wear. She ended up in black at the last moment because the dress she bought wouldn't zip on the day. (Where's the little devil-horned smiley when we need it? ;) )
 
I have heard of the mother of the groom where's beige and keeps her mouth shut.
Thank God I have an amazing daughter in law and never said a word about my dress.
She wore blush, her mother wore ivory and I went with gray. The bridesmaids wore gold sequins (they really popped) it all blended nicely.

I fell in love with a dress and the color was rum pink, its a beautiful color, beige with a hint of pink. I would have went with that color, but the bride wearing pink made me stear clear.
 


My son got married in August and I asked my future dil if I could wear navy. She was fine with it.

She showed me a picture of her mom's dress which was a sparkly beige/gold gown.

wedding party was all black.

I wear a big size and ordered online from VonMaur.
I agree with the other posters about
Macys, Nordstrom or Dillards
Don't order from JJ's.

Best of luck and enjoy the wedding.
 
I’ve had good luck with dressy dresses from Lord & Taylor and Nordstrom.

Not sure how close a relationship you have with DIL at this point, but if I were you, I’d be honest and voice your disappointment. Talk to her respectfully and show her the blue dress you’d like to wear. IMO, if she wanted you in a certain color, she should’ve told you this upfront, before you started shopping. It’s kind of unfair to spring it on you now.

AFAIK, it’s not something that’s commonly done around here. I didn’t choose colors for the moms (or grandmothers), only for my bridesmaids (part of the deal of being in the wedding party, which they could’ve declined.)
 
Wow I couldn't imagine telling either of our Mom's what colors to wear. I knew my Mom didn't want one of the fancy MOB dresses which was fine with me and I let my MIL know. She was happy about that. I just gave them a FYI the bridesmaids would be in Navy. And I certainly wasn't going to say anything to my 90+ year Grandmom. I was thrilled to still have a grandparent alive.
 
I had 4 children get married within 9 months of each other. I ordered from Dillard’s.com. They have free shipping both ways too. My credit card bill would be over a thousand dollars. They are pretty quick with returns and giving credit back right away, you do not have to wait 30 days or more.

Is the Mother of the bride wearing beige or gold and does she wants you to match her or match the whole wedding party. It is silly if the bride feels she needs to dictate what color everyone needs to wear. But maybe she doesn’t want you to feel left out and told you the color. I would talk to her. Keep communication open.

Another vote for Dillard's! They have a really good selection of wedding guest dresses & mother of the bride/groom dresses.

I think it's pretty customary for the mother of the bride & the mother of the groom to at least "check-in" w/ the bride & see if she has any particular colors in mind. As a rule, you don't want the same color as the bridesmaids' dresses, but you don't want to clash either.

It's also customary, I think, for the mother of the bride to choose her dress first, & then for the mother of the groom to choose a dress in a different, but still coordinating color.

And, in more recent weddings, I think brides are putting together a "family of colors" for the wedding party - where even the bridesmaids' dresses aren't necessarily the same color but in the same color family or tone - kind of like the example another PP mentioned w/ the "autumn splendor".

I was a guest at a recent wedding where the bride had requested both the mothers to wear black & white which they did. (The bridesmaids' dresses were black.) However, the mother of the bride wore a really lovely formal black & white dress that fit the formality level of the wedding. The mother of the groom's dress was black & white but very casual. The two dresses didn't coordinate well together, & the mother of the groom's dress didn't fit the formality of the rest of the wedding party.

So, I would say having the right style dress (level of formality) is going to be as important as the color.

Are you looking for long or short?

https://www.dillards.com/p/adrianna-papell-beaded-flutter-sleeve-sheath-gown/508200945
 
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Thanks for the sympathy and suggestions! I've already looked online at many of the store's that were suggested websites.

I don't fault future dil because I did ask if she had a color scheme in mind for the moms. I know many of my friends have run into this with daughters and dils. I kept the blue dress, because I might end up asking if it's okay. Her colors are burgundy with gold accents. If her mom wears gold tones, I'd obviously have to do a different color that went (like beige tones, brown tones, etc.) - all colors I would still not want to wear. To me, blue seems reasonable since moms generally just have to coordinate with, not match, the color scheme. If I have a corsage with burgundy and gold, it will look fine.

I'm kind of surprised that so many moms don't coordinate at all. I know my mom and mil asked (I didn't care) and made an effort to try to "fit in" to the pictures. I thought it was just how it was done.
 
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Huh. I never heard of a bride assigning colors to people. I guess I can see why so people don't clash in photos. Just not something that would have ever been on my radar. I would just want everyone happy and comfortable. But then again, we ran off to Vegas to get hitched....................
 
I'm pretty easy-going and it seemed a small enough sacrifice to keep from making waves. It was tricky to find something in that colour though and I confess to feeling a bit like a traffic-cone. I did get tons of compliments on it and given the wild riot of Fall colours, didn't stand out too, too much. Ironically, the MOB had been "assigned" deep red, which I would have loved to wear. She ended up in black at the last moment because the dress she bought wouldn't zip on the day. (Where's the little devil-horned smiley when we need it? ;) )

I shall remember that one! Plan B was Plan A all along ....... sneaky.

Huh. I never heard of a bride assigning colors to people. I guess I can see why so people don't clash in photos. Just not something that would have ever been on my radar. I would just want everyone happy and comfortable. But then again, we ran off to Vegas to get hitched....................

I don't think you should tell someone what color to wear, honestly they are not in the wedding nor next to each other except one photo for the most part. But I do know folks who asked them to compliment the wedding colors and that can be done with many shades. Assigning seems to be a bit controlling and not respectful to the Moms, like not wanting them to pick something that makes them feel good. Although I would be okay with saying "Choose something you like to blend with xxx colors but please do not pick red, orange or yellow".

I think our discussions will also involve length, and that gets tricky with personality and body type .... and what are the bridesmaids wearing???
 
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I'm kind of surprised that so many moms don't coordinate at all. I know my mom and mil asked (I didn't care) and made an effort to try to "fit in" to the pictures. I thought it was just how it was done.

I suppose, but my parents and IL’s weren’t in pictures with the bridesmaids and groomsmen, except for the ones that are our siblings. Posed family pictures were separate from the bridal party.

I have heard that MOB should choose first as a courtesy and MOG should be different but even that seems sort of old-fashioned. As it turned out, my mom wore pink (dusty rose) and DH’s mom wore a pale blue. Which is maybe a bit cliche, but both looked great in the colors and styles they chose themselves.
 
Ooh. Interesting point. I forgot there will be no bridesmaids in the family pictures. So often there are because of sisters. The brides mother and I will be the only female besides the brides in the family pictures. The bride has all brothers, as does the groom. Only one brother is married and his wife may not travel from out of the country for the wedding.

That almost makes me see why pops of gold tones (since all the men will be in black) would be good. Not enough to make me want to wear it though! Maybe I'll see if I can find a scarf or wrap with gold tones?

I want knee length, and trying hard to be formal - which is not my traditional mode of operation. The blue dress has some sparkle and is definitely evening wear.
 
I have also looked at Macy's for dresses.

I am thinking of the old saying....
Mother of the Groom - Wear beige, sit down, shut up!!!!
Hahahaha!!!!!

I am a one-day MOG here. I don't really think my son's long-time GF will be one that will expect/want the beige. But, if so, I am good with that!!! I could do will with a nice neutral beige... But, the more tan/camel goldtone colors would be awful !!!!!

I can see how a blue, especially dark/navy blue, might not go the best with black, if this a male bridal party, with the black suits/tuxes.
Coordinating and Complementary, but not matching, would be good.
 
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:flower3: Not sure if this will be of much comfort, but as the stepmother of 2, the implied instructions have always been "pay up, shut up and show up." That's exactly what I've done both times. For the first one I did wear beige and for the most recent wedding last October, which was an "Autumn Splendor" theme, the dress colour I was assigned was orange. Yes, orange (SMH). I actually found a nice one on-line at Macy's.

Ouch! lol!

I live in New York and sometimes the bride dictates the color for all, including what the mothers will wear, but most times, it is customary for the MOG to wait to see what color the MOB has chosen so she doesnt purchase the same color.

I didn't dictate colors to either mother. Mom picked out her dress and asked me if it was okay (it was). Then mil asked what color my mom was wearing so she wouldn't be wearing the same color. Worked out great. I did have a bridesmaid get a little huffy about the color I picked out for the bridesmaids. I told her I wasn't going to compromise on that. Wear it or don't be in the wedding. She wore it!
 
As one who was just the MOG a week ago, thank God for my daughter in law! She couldn't care less what color I wore. Her mother and I spoke and both picked colors that we liked, end of story. I'm not one to "wear beige and shut up"...that ain't gonna happen! In this day and age, the beige thing is ridiculous.
 
Never heard of mom's needing to coordinate... My colors were fall... Navy dresses, flowers were deep orange, rust, gold, etc. My mom wore a short black dress, my MIL wore a long mint-green dress.

I would speak up...
 

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