New Party Trend: The Fiver Party... Your Thoughts?

[HopperFan]

The fiver party is blowing up in my mommy groups... here's the gist.

Instead of buying a gift for the birthday child, you give the kiddo a card with a $5 bill inside. This $5 goes to cover a "big" present that the child has been wanting and the parents bought.

A cute little note is dictated on the invite so parents know 1. what a fiver party is and 2. that this party is one.

So, my DIS etiquette queens (and kings!), what say you?

Never heard of it. Assuming from posts it's just playgroup/classmate type things ....

So is this party for your "mommy groups" happening during one of your group times or in lieu of your group time?

Or are you invited to a party during another time where you have the option to attend or not?

 

[LSUmiss]

It’s almost like people around here don’t want anybody to actually enjoy their gifts. The so many rules and people seem so caught up in “don’t tell me what to do.”

I don’t know anybody who shows up (generally, there are exceptions due to circumstance) to a kid’s bday party without a gift. They’re expected so saying having a $5 party is demanding a gift is kind of silly IMO. All kids parties are basically “a money/gift grab” as this board calls it.

I think it’s great and likely coming from parents who are the younger generations balking at over consumption and consumerist culture. its a way to do one big gift and not have a bunch of unwanted toys to try to get rid of or keep for re-gifting. Let’s face it-duplicate gifts and stuff the family/kid doesn’t want is a reality of most bday parties.

Saying you don’t want to supplement the parents and it’s their job to buy a big gift is kind of missing the point. Sure they could-but most people won’t show up to a bday party empty handed even when a “no gifts” request is made. Etiquette is usually quite strong with the “don’t show up empty handed” so $5 is really reasonable and it keeps from having excess of toys.

Every time one of these types of threads pop up I’m kind of amazed. It sounds like some people are really resentful that gift giving is a custom so anything to ensure the recipient gets something they want or fits their lifestyle is sacrilege. It’s truly bizarre to me. The gifts I give people come from a place of wanting them to enjoy so if they tell me we really want x,y,z or we’re saving for x big thing then why wouldn’t I give them something towards that knowing it would bring them joy and fulfill a want?

I think I’m annoyed by the endless attempt (mostly b/c of social media IMO) to try to constantly improve on something that really doesn’t need improving. Trying to “fix” one problem begets another. One of the reasons kids get so many unwanted gifts is b/c they’re pressured or even required to invite the whole class...30-40 deep. Not all those kids really know each other & then you get generic unwanted gifts. If kids only invited a few friends, the gifts would likely be more meaningful & definitely less plentiful.

Separate conversation, but what I think is funny about the “younger generation” who claim to be less into consumption are some of the same ones who get a new cell phone or other high end product every yr who seem to always want the latest & greatest, etc.

 

[Hrhpd]

Separate conversation, but what I think is funny about the “younger generation” who claim to be less into consumption are some of the same ones who get a new cell phone or other high end product every yr who seem to always want the latest & greatest, etc.

And who think the little gifts are not "good enough" for Sammy, so let's ask for money to get that iPhone 10s or the latest and greatest video consoles.

I find it amusing that most people here trash GoFundMe campaigns yet see nothing wrong with doing a similar type of fundraising for birthday parties or weddings. Whether you call it a GoFundMe page or a "fiver" it is a fundraiser. And you cannot say they are different because people were going to donate to a birthday party anyway. Asking for money for a cause whether it is a "fiver" or a GoFundMe is exactly the same thing, a fundraiser. Actually, the "fiver" is worse than a GoFundMe because the 'fiver" is a self-initiated fundraiser. At least with a GoFundMe, someone close to the person in need usually starts it.

 

[Disneylover99]

I'd be happy like most everyone else here to just give a $5 gift. But what about loot bags? Are they still a thing?

Most of the loot bags my kids received over the years were in the $5-$10 price range. I wonder if the fiver party parents still give out loot bags.

 

[runwad]

I think it's a great idea!! I wish it would carry over to family parties. All my nieces and nephews are having kids so we have a lot of birthday parties. We also have a really big family!! Oh man, how much junk does one kid need? The parents would be smarter if they took all the money and put it in a college fund for the kid. No kid needs to get 30 presents or cheap plastic junk toys that last all of a week! And it's not like the junk is cheap! It's not uncommon to spend 50 bucks for a worthless piece of plastic.

To the college fund I say! Can you tell I have 3 kids in college

 

[Christine]

I'd be happy like most everyone else here to just give a $5 gift. But what about loot bags? Are they still a thing?

Most of the loot bags my kids received over the years were in the $5-$10 price range. I wonder if the fiver party parents still give out loot bags.

No kidding. The money I used to spend making up those goodie bags! But the kids loved getting them.

 

[kamik86]

I guess I am one that really thinks most of the etiquette stuff is kind of dumb.

I much prefer people just tell me what they want and not play these dumb games.

Then again I think christmas presents between my husband and I are an inefficient means of buying ourselves things (our money is combined). I also think buying for my parents is dumb because we literally exchange gift cards. I am really tempted to ask my mom just to make a deal that we don't and just take each other out to dinner instead of the restaurant gift cards. Pretty sure she would go for it since she wants to spend time with me more than she wants 50 bucks.

So although I don't have kids, sure $5 would be easier. The outdoing people would annoy me. I hated the whole having to invite the whole class thing as a kid from two sides. 1 I didn't know if the kid actually wanted me there or not. 2) I didn't want all the people at mine. So much easier when I was older and could just decide to do things with one or two people. I get that schools make this rule so that everyone isn't getting invites without that one kid getting one but still annoying

I also think telling people about your wedding registry etc are perfectly fine... because honestly I want to get people something they want.

 

[tcufrog]

"No gift" parties do not work here. A few people comply and bring no gift. The rest show up with gifts and make the no gift crowd feel awkward.

I find that if I give people a chance to bring something they won't do that. For my second son's baby shower I asked for my friends and family to bring new and gently used baby items for donation to a local shelter. I got a few pampering things for myself but most guests did what I asked. One year my older son asked for donations for the city's animal shelter instead of gifts and I let it known through the grapevine that it was his idea and he meant it. His guests listened and he had fun delivering the donations to the shelter.

I think receiving gifts can be a learning experience for kids if parents let it be. It can teach kids how to be gracious recipients and can give them experience writing thank you notes. My current pet peeve lately are generic emails or copied generic thank you notes in lieu of a proper thank you note.

 

[Floridaman999]

Get your fiver party off my lawn!!!



Honestly though, I kinda like the idea. Saves me time, energy and money trying to figure out what to buy.

 

[Lilacs4Me]

While I would think it tacky as hell, I would also be all over it. BUT...I see it quickly devolving into another power competition between the mommy crowd that usually thinks up these things. If the party was supposed to be a "fiver," the mommy crowd would try to outdo each other by throwing in a $10, $20, or even a $50. And then figure out a way to let it slip how much "they" contributed to the big gift. So, as I think about it, I would not be all over it because the peer pressure to put more than $5 in would be intense. I would not play and have my child pick out a nice gift.

I thought about this overnight and decided that I wouldn't bow to the pressure, and instead laugh at all the people who did, while I got away with giving the kid the $5 bucks like his mom asked.

Unless it was a close friend on my kids. Then I would feel like the fiver rule didn't apply to me and give him/her whatever the heck my kid wanted to give them! (within a $25-limit...)

I'm just really, really bad at conforming, I guess!

 

[shoney]

$5 seems a bit low. By the time my kids were 6 or 7 they only got cash/gift cards from friends. The going rate was $20/$25 though Before that there was a mix of presents and gift cards/cash.

I say let the gift giver give what they want however I guess they picked such a low amount in the hopes people would oblige

 

[mummabear]

A) You’re essentially requiring me to bring a gift.

I believe the etiquette/social contract of you accepting the invitation already did that

 

[mummabear]

This was on stuff.co.nz
Thought the voting was interesting.

 

[tzolkin]

Part of receiving gifts is the valuable life lesson of learning how to be a polite person, still smiling and politely saying "thank you" while unwrapping the 15th pink purse. Did you want 15 pink purses? Probably not. But learning the act of accepting graciously and politely a gift someone has chosen to give you is a skill that is vitally important. The entitlement mentality of "gimme, gimme only what I want" is just sad.

I agree that this is a valuable life skill, but all I can think is how wasteful.

What are you going to do with 15 pink purses? Essentially the gift givers are giving just for appearances (so they can watch their gift be unwrapped) and then it will be disposed of. To me, that just seems like a sad waste of money and resources (the plastic, the packaging, etc)

My kids have learned the skill of being gracious and appreciative receivers, but they did not need to be given 30 gifts from classmates for their birthdays to do so. (We actually avoided big birthday parties because of this very reason— we didn’t want all that “stuff”. Even when you request “no gifts” people will still feel the need to bring something.)

 

[mjkacmom]

I agree that this is a valuable life skill, but all I can think is how wasteful.

What are you going to do with 15 pink purses? Essentially the gift givers are giving just for appearances (so they can watch their gift be unwrapped) and then it will be disposed of. To me, that just seems like a sad waste of money and resources (the plastic, the packaging, etc)

My kids have learned the skill of being gracious and appreciative receivers, but they did not need to be given 30 gifts from classmates for their birthdays to do so. (We actually avoided big birthday parties because of this very reason— we didn’t want all that “stuff”. Even when you request “no gifts” people will still feel the need to bring something.)

Gifts aren’t even opened at parties here.