Non-custodial visitation time

[MommyMeNDisney]

What do you do when your child(ren) are visiting with your ex?

Me:

1) Count the SECONDS until DS is back with me, while trying hard not to be so sad.

2) Work. I try to work on the days DS is with his dad, so I can stay busy, make money and have the illusion of time going by fast.

3) Get some things done around the house (clean, make food pouches w/Baby Bullet for DS, take a LONG shower, wash my hair, etc.)

4) Get a manicure and/or a pedicure (usually just a pedicure).

5) Pump breast milk to keep up my supply and have milk to send with DS when he's away.

6) Count the SECONDS until my baby is back home with me!!!

Btw, I should be washing my hair now, but it's such a dreaded, long process, I keep finding excuses to put it off until later. Hmmm, maybe I'll go get a pedicure now instead. Lol

 

[MsMamaBear]

She doesn't stay the night, so it's just an afternoon. I usually watch shows I can't watch when she is here. LOL! Or go shopping alone.

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

She doesn't stay the night, so it's just an afternoon. I usually watch shows I can't watch when she is here. LOL! Or go shopping alone.

Oh ok. My DS is gone the ENTIRE weekend! I can't wait until tomorrow evening!

I forgot to add...

I eat things DS can't have (popcorn, sweets, cereal, etc.) I have to sneak and eat them when he's here, because he wants whatever I eat. Lol

 

[Tiffylv]

.

 

[MsMamaBear]

Oh ok. My DS is gone the ENTIRE weekend! I can't wait until tomorrow evening!

I forgot to add...

I eat things DS can't have (popcorn, sweets, cereal, etc.) I have to sneak and eat them when he's here, because he wants whatever I eat. Lol

I know the whole weekend IS rough! It'll be over in a few more hours!

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

Oh my....is it every weekend? That has to be the worst!

My ex doesn't have visitation but if he did grocery shopping alone would be at the top of my list. I love to get a frappuccino from the Starbucks inside and sip it while slowly walking through every single aisle discovering new things I didn't know I needed. It's the simple things haha.

Every other weekend, plus some holidays. It SUCKS being away from my baby! Especially while he's so young.

Yes, I went grocery shopping this weekend too!

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

I know the whole weekend IS rough! It'll be over in a few more hours!

Thanks! YEP! I am watching the clock, counting the hours! I can't wait to hold, kiss and nurse my baby!!!!

 

[DisneyClown]

I imagine that is torture for you! Mine don't do overnight's with their Dad either. He has them every other Sunday from 11:30am(after church)-7pm and he has them every Monday, from the time I go to work early in the morning, until either I get off work, or until 7pm, depending on if it's "his weekend". This depends on his work days off as well, as sometimes they change.
If they were to do overnight's with him, I would be a basket case.
I usually get groceries or mow the lawn while they are not here.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

We divorced when DD was 19 months old. Her dad has her every other weekend. I was still nursing her when we divorced, although just at bedtime. I hated being without her in the beginning. But as time has gone by and she's gotten older (she's now 11), I've come to the point where I enjoy the downtime. During my busy season at work, I absolutely need the time without her in order to make project deadlines. During slower times, I use the free time to work out at the gym, run errands, go out to dinner with friends, read, get gardening done. I can get some of this done when she's with me, but not nearly as much as I can do when she's not with me. Puberty hit this past winter and I wish I could make sure she's with her dad when she's PMSing.

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

We divorced when DD was 19 months old. Her dad has her every other weekend. I was still nursing her when we divorced, although just at bedtime. I hated being without her in the beginning. But as time has gone by and she's gotten older (she's now 11), I've come to the point where I enjoy the downtime. During my busy season at work, I absolutely need the time without her in order to make project deadlines. During slower times, I use the free time to work out at the gym, run errands, go out to dinner with friends, read, get gardening done. I can get some of this done when she's with me, but not nearly as much as I can do when she's not with me. Puberty hit this past winter and I wish I could make sure she's with her dad when she's PMSing.

First, thank you for sharing your story! It's encouraging to hear that it gets better. He doesn't support me breastfeeding DS, so he doesn't give him the milk I send. It's so ignorant and annoying! But, I won't say anymore because we are STILL in a custody battle.

Second, that PMSing comment is hilarious! I often wish DS would poop the entire time he's with him. Lol

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

I imagine that is torture for you! Mine don't do overnight's with their Dad either. He has them every other Sunday from 11:30am(after church)-7pm and he has them every Monday, from the time I go to work early in the morning, until either I get off work, or until 7pm, depending on if it's "his weekend". This depends on his work days off as well, as sometimes they change.
If they were to do overnight's with him, I would be a basket case.
I usually get groceries or mow the lawn while they are not here.

Yeah, it's not easy being away from my DS, especially overnight. That's nice your kids can spend time with their dad, you can have some downtime, but don't have to be away from them overnight.

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

But, on a brighter note...

My DS is back home with me now! He immediately wanted to nurse when we got home, we had dinner, I smothered him in tons of hugs and kisses, we went for a walk in his wagon, came back and got ready for bed. I just finished nursing him to sleep.

 

[Maggie'sMom]

First, thank you for sharing your story! It's encouraging to hear that it gets better. He doesn't support me breastfeeding DS, so he doesn't give him the milk I send. It's so ignorant and annoying! But, I won't say anymore because we are STILL in a custody battle.

Second, that PMSing comment is hilarious! I often wish DS would poop the entire time he's with him. Lol

That's too bad that he's being so difficult with the milk. BFing is that absolute best for baby and it's sad that he won't think of his son's needs. I let DD self-wean and she completely gave up nursing when she was 22 months old. I wonder if she would have kept it up longer if it hadn't been for spending every other weekend with her dad. I wasn't about to start pumping again (I hated pumping) so those 48 hours every other weekend probably impacted my milk production.

But yes, it does get better as they get older. I think there are times when DD enjoys the break from me. I'm much stricter than her dad in regards to bedtimes and limiting screen time.

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

That's too bad that he's being so difficult with the milk. BFing is that absolute best for baby and it's sad that he won't think of his son's needs. I let DD self-wean and she completely gave up nursing when she was 22 months old. I wonder if she would have kept it up longer if it hadn't been for spending every other weekend with her dad. I wasn't about to start pumping again (I hated pumping) so those 48 hours every other weekend probably impacted my milk production.

But yes, it does get better as they get older. I think there are times when DD enjoys the break from me. I'm much stricter than her dad in regards to bedtimes and limiting screen time.

Yeah, I just have to pick my battles and be grateful DS is with me more, so he can get breastmilk more often than not. I pray all the time, this custody stuff doesn't affect our breastfeeding relationship. It's what's best for DS, so I'm sacrificing to maintain it all costs. I hate pumping too, but I'm afraid of losing my supply. So, I pump when I'm away from him. Today, I went 7 hours between pumping. That was no bueno! Oh, the painful lumps! It took DS 3 nursing sessions to get rid of them tonight. I haven't had an adult beverage since 2013! I made the decision not to pump n dump. I'm just going to abstain until DS self weans. I hope he goes until at least 2 years old. Longer would be better. However, when he does wean, mama's having a cocktail. Lol

 

[imthegoose]

OK... Male perspective.... Calling time with my son 'visitation' is highly offensive. I am technically a non custodial parent. My son is with me every weekday after school or camp for 2-5 hours depending on the day. He is then overnight with me every other weekend. I have him on holidays, we go on vacations. I go to parent teacher conferences. I am at every event. I am a real father. I have never been nor will I ever be a visitor in my son's life.

I'm sorry... but hearing how torturous it is for some of you to have your children spend time with their father is infuriating. You should be insisting that your children be in their father's care 50% of the time b/c that is what is best for them.

 

[MommyMeNDisney]

OK... Male perspective.... Calling time with my son 'visitation' is highly offensive. I am technically a non custodial parent. My son is with me every weekday after school or camp for 2-5 hours depending on the day. He is then overnight with me every other weekend. I have him on holidays, we go on vacations. I go to parent teacher conferences. I am at every event. I am a real father. I have never been nor will I ever be a visitor in my son's life.

I'm sorry... but hearing how torturous it is for some of you to have your children spend time with their father is infuriating. You should be insisting that your children be in their father's care 50% of the time b/c that is what is best for them.

I'm sorry you're offended. I used the term the court uses..."non-custodial parent visitation time". Next, it is "torturous" for me to be away from my child. I never said it was torturous for my child to be with his dad. I'm NEVER going to apologize for wanting to spend every second with my child or for missing my child when he's away from me. Lastly, I started this post to hear how the other single parents (custodial parents) spend their time when their child(ren) have "visitation" time with their ex.

 

[imthegoose]

When your child is with you, is he visiting? If the answer is no, then refer to it as parenting time, please. Telling me that I only visit my son is insulting to both me and him. Just b/c the courts do something surely does not make it correct. So, I'm guessing since I am considered a non custodial parent, then what I do when I don't have parenting time isn't welcome on this thread?

 

[piccolopat]

I'm sure we can all agree that it is hard on a parent, custodial or not, during times when they can't spend time with their children. I don't think this should be a custodial versus non-custodial issue or a mother versus father issue. It is almost always in the child's best interest to have two active and loving parents. Single parents have it extra hard in cases where they have to make up for an absentee parent. When two parents dissolve their relationship, they should do everything in their power to remain on good terms for the sake of their children and both should be fully involved in their children's lives to the extent possible. I do agree that "parenting time" is a much better description than "visitation". To me this is the same issue when people say Dad is babysitting the kids so Mom can do something.

 

[DisneyClown]

OK... Male perspective.... Calling time with my son 'visitation' is highly offensive. I am technically a non custodial parent. My son is with me every weekday after school or camp for 2-5 hours depending on the day. He is then overnight with me every other weekend. I have him on holidays, we go on vacations. I go to parent teacher conferences. I am at every event. I am a real father. I have never been nor will I ever be a visitor in my son's life.

I'm sorry... but hearing how torturous it is for some of you to have your children spend time with their father is infuriating. You should be insisting that your children be in their father's care 50% of the time b/c that is what is best for them.

I can't speak for others, but my ex-husband and I came to our visitation agreement ourselves. The reason he does not get them overnight is because he is an alcoholic. He knows this and he himself does not want them overnight. (He complains about some of the time he has them now.) To make up for not having them overnight, he gets them all school holidays, except we alternate Christmas and Thanksgiving, and to be honest, I have them those days as well because he works, and he really does not care if he has them or not, but it is provided for in our agreement. It is also provided that he can have them midweek for several hours, but he chooses not to. In addition, he is free to stop by and take them to the park, or swimming, or whatever he wants to, and he has taken advantage of that a couple times. He sometimes stops by for short periods of time too, because he stores his motorcycle in my garage and he will stop by for it, and we have a very civil relationship.

I understand your frustration though. I know several men who have problems seeing their child because of an ex, and my ex had problems with the mother of his first child. I totally believe that fathers need to be part of their childrens’ lives, and I have expressed concern to my ex that he needs to stay close by, (he has expressed interest in moving) as I do think it is important our children have him in their lives. He is a good father and helps provide for them. If it wasn’t for the alcohol problem, I would have been fine with overnight visitation, but honestly, he wouldn’t want it anyway.

 

[DisneyClown]

When your child is with you, is he visiting? If the answer is no, then refer to it as parenting time, please. Telling me that I only visit my son is insulting to both me and him. Just b/c the courts do something surely does not make it correct. So, I'm guessing since I am considered a non custodial parent, then what I do when I don't have parenting time isn't welcome on this thread?

Of course it is welcome!