Open Relationships?!?

[cobright]

I know in some sense it’s semantics, but I would not consider poly the same thing as “open”. I think most of the comments have been addressing “open relationships” as those where the partners are free to sleep with whomever they want (as opposed to a relationship that includes more than two partners)

Yeah, I get you, and my reply does not directly translate except to propose that there is a spectrum of openness to any relationship, and that we all find a place upon it.

 

[cobright]

Why not? I haven’t seen because its against certain religious beliefs posted so I guess I’ll be the first. “Thou shalt not covet thy neighbors wife”.....

And this commandment was delivered to his people by a man with two wives (that we know about). So a lot of these terms and definitions mean different things in different times. Not really meaning that to challenge any particular belief system; just pitching proverbial stones into the pond.

 

[jiminyC_fan]

I am old school. I am fully against it. My mid 30's friends are in one now. It has hurt their kids immensely. Figure out the relationship or leave. Don't put kids through it. It just isn't fair to them.

 

[LSUmiss]

Few "closed" relationships seem to work out long term.

Few??? No doubt many don’t, but I don’t think it’s b/c they’re not open relationships.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I am old school. I am fully against it. My mid 30's friends are in one now. It has hurt their kids immensely. Figure out the relationship or leave. Don't put kids through it. It just isn't fair to them.

Exactly.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

Children knowing anything about their parents sex life is just creepy. Whether it’s Open, closed, swinging or whatever you’re into.

 

[bdcp]

All the people ( just a couple of couples) that I knew for sure were in an open relationship ended up divorced after a few years. It's too easy to get emotionally involved with another person. It generally is something one person wants and the other goes along with it, for a while, just to try to hold onto the relationship. It pretty much never ends well. It's also 100% opposed to our personal morals and faith. DH and I have been married almost 37 years and we've seen a lot.

 

[sam_gordon]

Few??? No doubt many don’t, but I don’t think it’s b/c they’re not open relationships.

Not what I said or hinted at. If that's what you read...

 

[MickeyMinnieMom]

Children knowing anything about their parents sex life is just creepy. Whether it’s Open, closed, swinging or whatever you’re into.

At what age do you think kids start to figure it out for themselves if they have parents in an open relationship?

I have always been a "live and let live" type of person. Whatever works for you, go for it. But I do think that gets murky when you talk about kids being in the picture -- at least to me. They will begin to figure it out. Perhaps honest dialogue about it makes it all ok for some. Wouldn't be on the table for me, personally.

Honestly, I knew people in open relationships when I was in my 20's. Not these days. No idea if that's because fewer people do this sort of thing as they get older, or because I'm running with a different crowd these days... ...

 

[low-key]

call me old fashion but I think its best everyone just cheats and hides it

 

[Sabeking]

call me old fashion but I think its best everyone just cheats and hides it

You always deliver Low Key!

Here’s what I want to know. The majority here say they don’t care if others have an open relationship however, they would not. So, what I am interested to know is what would be the reason to not be in a closed relationship? Any open relationship people out there willing to share, just curious?

 

[Footnotegirl]

I was in a polyamorous relationship waaaaaay back in my 20's (so... uh, 2 decades ago, wow). Amusingly (now, not at the time) it broke up because my fiance insisted we go back to monogamy and then proceeded to cheat on me a month later.
My husband and I looked at all the options, considered them, and chose monogamy. We don't have the patience for drama, the scheduling skills, or the extra time for it. Between work, hobbies, and now the kiddo, I barely get enough time with him as it is! I can't imagine wanting to be with someone else so much that I could manage the juggling it would require.
We've been married 15 years now quite happily. We have friends who are in open relationships (one for over 20 years), friends in closed triads (one for over 30 years), etc. etc. In general, the break-up ratio seems to be about the same for all the forms of relationships in my social whirl. It works when the people involved communicate openly and lots and are realistic about how much more work it is. It does not work when someone thinks that it's all about having your cake and eating it too.
What doesn't work is when two people just assume monogamy, and assume one another knows precisely what that means and that it means the same to each of them, never discusses it, and then things blow up. In an alternate universe where I wasn't with my husband, I'd much rather be with someone who was open about wanting to be in a nonmonogamous relationship than with say, a serial monogamist.

 

[Disney Doll]

As long as everyone in the relationship is aware and informed of the circumstances and is consenting I see no issue with it. I, myself, would not be happy in an open relationship, but that doesn't mean that there aren't people that they don't work well for.

This. The important piece is EVERYONE involved knows and consents.

 

[Disney Doll]

call me old fashion but I think its best everyone just cheats and hides it

ROTFLMAO

 

[mi*vida*loca]

At what age do you think kids start to figure it out for themselves if they have parents in an open relationship?

I have always been a "live and let live" type of person. Whatever works for you, go for it. But I do think that gets murky when you talk about kids being in the picture -- at least to me. They will begin to figure it out. Perhaps honest dialogue about it makes it all ok for some. Wouldn't be on the table for me, personally.

Honestly, I knew people in open relationships when I was in my 20's. Not these days. No idea if that's because fewer people do this sort of thing as they get older, or because I'm running with a different crowd these days... ...

I do a lot of things in my private time that my kids have no clue about. I've been to swingers clubs but I've never swung. I'm sure my kids would have no clue even if I did. And if I ever chose to be in an open relationship (which I wouldn't, not my thing) I can guarantee you my kids would NEVER find out. I'm a very private person and can separate my private life from my home life. Two different worlds.

I have friends who swing. None of their kids know. Heck I didn't know until we had been friends for over 5 years. There certainly are ways to keep your private life away from your kids. You just don't bring it home.

 

[mi*vida*loca]

You can be in an open relationship and end up divorced and screw your kids over.

You can be in a monogamous relationship, have a horrible sex life and end up divorced and hurt your kids.

You can be in a monogamous relationship, cheat, end up divorced and screw your kids over.

You can be in a monogamous relationship, your spouse can cheat, fall in love with that person, decide that's their new love, you end up divorced and now that's your kids new stepmom/stepdad and then your kids are really screwed over.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

You can be in an open relationship and end up divorced and screw your kids over.

You can be in a monogamous relationship, have a horrible sex life and end up divorced and hurt your kids.

You can be in a monogamous relationship, cheat, end up divorced and screw your kids over.

You can be in a monogamous relationship, your spouse can cheat, fall in love with that person, decide that's their new love, you end up divorced and now that's your kids new stepmom/stepdad and then your kids are really screwed over.

I think when I comes to kids, just seeing their parents happy and confident in a relationship is what matters whether that be open, gay, hetero...WHATEVER...

In my opinion, I'd rather my kids see me in a happy open relationship (if that were the case), than a miserable closed one.

 

[FlightlessDuck]

I know in some sense it’s semantics, but I would not consider poly the same thing as “open”. I think most of the comments have been addressing “open relationships” as those where the partners are free to sleep with whomever they want (as opposed to a relationship that includes more than two partners)

As far as I understand it, polyamory does not require everyone involved to be in a relationship together.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

As far as I understand it, polyamory does not require everyone involved to be in a relationship together.

I thought polyamory was one big relationship where as open is basically when they individuals are able to do as they please sexually.

 

[Skellingtonj]

Ugh not for us. It’s something I really don’t understand. If you need to be with someone else to make your marriage work...