Parenting is hard..

[kimblebee]

Right now, I’m feeling equally mad, and that I’m a huge hypocrite.


When I was 19 I got a tattoo. It’s on my left outer thigh and it’s a smiley sun. It’s maybe 1 1/2” across? I don’t regret getting it and I want to get another one.

My daughter is 17, 18 in October. She’s very quirky and artistic and that’s what I love most about her. About two months ago, she got a package delivery and the customs label said it was tattoo ink. When she got home from school, I asked her why she bought it. She then confessed that she had given herself a stick and poke tattoo and had done them for a few friends. My daughter is a major hypochondriac so if she says she’s doing it safely, I believe her. It is small and is near her ankle and is actually very subtle. It’s of a butterfly. I wasn’t super happy about it but I let it drop.


Just now, she came home from work and was sitting on the couch catching me up on her day. I looked over at her and noticed a black splotch by her knee. I said ‘what is th......is that another tattoo’? She said yeah.

Here’s the hypocrite part..I got mad at her for this one. It’s a lot darker (granted, it is fresh) and it’s bigger and way more noticeable. I told her enough..no more tattoos.

She doesn’t get why I’m mad because I was ok with her first one AND I have one too. Mine was done in a shop so I know everything was sterile. Plus, mine is coloured and ‘regular’ tattoos don’t have the stigma that stick and pokes do (think prison tattoo). Sure, it looks nice and detailed now, but how’s it going to look in 30 years? Plus, unless she plans on wearing pants every day of her life, people will notice. I’m afraid she will regret it down the road.

I’m hoping in a few years it will fade a LOT and can be passed off as a birthmark lol

Parenting is not for the faint of heart..

 

[wenrob]

There are reasons why there are laws about getting tattoos and why you must be an adult to get them. No matter how careful she is that’s a recipe for disaster IMO.

I was okay with my DD getting a tattoo when she was of legal age. She waited until she was over 21 and she researched the heck out of artists for well over a year before she got her first one. We went together in May and got tattoos together, her second. She likes big and bold and I see her with at least a full calf. That’s cool with me because she’s grown, she’s going to a nice, clean shop, sticking with a great artist and thinking out design and placement. Your daughter in not grown and it doesn’t sound like she’s thinking it out. That doesn’t make you a hypocrite, it makes you a concerned mom.

I typically get annoyed when people say young people will regret tattoos but in this case if she keeps going she just might.

 

[low-key]

If I were to do it over I would tat myself up, but still time to get a couple and it be cool

 

[kimblebee]

If I were to do it over I would tat myself up, but still time to get a couple and it be cool

I’m not against tattoos. If I could afford it I’d have a few more.

I don’t like the fact that it’s a homemade one, and that it’s all black, and that it’s somewhere so noticeable.

 

[low-key]

I’m not against tattoos. If I could afford it I’d have a few more.

I don’t like the fact that it’s a homemade one, and that it’s all black, and that it’s somewhere so noticeable.

got ya, home made looks trashy , but of course she wont listen to you cause if your daughter is like mine "your dumb"

 

[kimblebee]

got ya, home made looks trashy , but of course she wont listen to you cause if your daughter is like mine "your dumb"

Hers don’t look trashy. That would make it way worse. I will say she has a light touch and they are both done with very fine lines. I think my biggest issue is that it’s so noticeable. Not that tattoos should be hidden, but there’s something about this one that bugs me.

 

[bellebud]

My dd18 has a stick and poke tiny moon on the side of her heal. And she has a large flower on her outer thigh from an artist. The kids all stick and poke each other these days rotfl:). But really, it's different times. I imagine my grandfather seeing my daughters tattoo and saying "only sailors get tattoos". I don't think either of our girls will regret it, because so many of the kids their ages have the same thing. What's it really that's bugging you about this one? Placement? If she's ever needing to cover it, there's really good makeup for that now. So try to let it go. And yea, parenting is so hard sometimes.

 

[kimblebee]

My dd18 has a stick and poke tiny moon on the side of her heal. And she has a large flower on her outer thigh from an artist. The kids all stick and poke each other these days rotfl:). But really, it's different times. I imagine my grandfather seeing my daughters tattoo and saying "only sailors get tattoos". I don't think either of our girls will regret it, because so many of the kids their ages have the same thing. What's it really that's bugging you about this one? Placement? If she's ever needing to cover it, there's really good makeup for that now. So try to let it go. And yea, parenting is so hard sometimes.

Honestly, the judgement is the thing that bugs me most. I’m very much a live and let live person, but I know lots of people who aren’t.

 

[Soldier's*Sweeties]

Unless she has an autoclave, or brand new supplies EVERYTIME she touches someone's skin, including her own she isn't as being as hygienic as a professional.

I think her interest is worth fostering, especially as an artist, but maybe just taking on a talent that takes years to develop isn't the best idea. See about getting her an apprenticeship.

 

[Disneylover99]

I had no idea what a stick and poke tattoo was. I just googled it.
I wouldn’t be happy if my daughter was giving herself and her friends tattoos.

 

[mjkacmom]

I am not a fan of tattoos. Dd21 said she was going to get one once she turned 18. I threatened to take her off of my cellphone plan. Last year I noticed she got a sea shell tattoo on her side, 3 inches, no color. If you are going to permanently disfigure your body, make sure you can afford to do it right. She is definitely my liberal artsy kid, even though she’s starting her job as a CPA in January (her 28 year old boyfriend is a film major, yes, still in college).

 

[dish rag]

I never heard of this. If my 17 year old daughter was doing this to herself and others I would be very upset and extremely concerned. It's not normal behaviour.

 

[dosekies]

You are definitely not a hypocrite for being upset that she's doing this to herself. She needs to realize the difference between getting a quality, safe tattoo from a reputable artist and doing a stick n poke to herself at home/school.

Would you be ok with her getting a small one at this time at a professional shop? If so, maybe sit her down and explain to her that you would be ok with her getting a small tattoo but that it has to be done by a professional. Going through that, talking with the artist, and seeing the difference in the outcome might also help her to realize the mistake in trying to tattoo herself.

My mom also has a tattoo that she got at the same time that she took my older brother to get his first - they went together. Once I graduated high school, she took my for my first. My dad is very against them and joked he was going to lock us out of the house when we got back. I went on to get two more before graduating college and was told if I got another while living under their (his really, my mom didn't mind) roof, they wouldn't continue to help paying for my phone bill, etc. so I haven't gotten another since even though I'm out on my own.

 

[mnrose]

I'm not big on tattoos. My DD (now 18) has been begging for one. If she decides to get a tasteful one someday, it won't bother me. However, I AM against her getting one NOW because so much changes between now and the time she will be fully grown. What she might like NOW is something she may truly hate when she's a bit older. My current rule (subject to change) is that so long as I am providing her support, and paying for her college education, she may not get a tattoo. When she is supporting herself, she may, of course, do anything she wants (so long as it's legal). I think that's fair. If I'm providing her the money to live, I get to make reasonable rules on how that money is spent. It just so happens that she will be done with school when her frontal lobe is more fully developed, with the ability to think more long term.

 

[wenrob]

I never heard of this. If my 17 year old daughter was doing this to herself and others I would be very upset and extremely concerned. It's not normal behaviour.

Eh, it’s been around since the dawn of time. My sister has two done like this when she was a teen.

Self expression is absolutely normal behavior. However, at 17 sometimes you don’t tend to think things all the way through. Like I mentioned above, there are laws for a reason. One of those reasons is liability and one of my concerns as a parent would be the tattoos she’s doing for others would come back on her/me. An angry parent or worse, someone getting an infection. I have two tattoos and the shops I got them in the sterilization and cleanliness rivaled a surgery set up. I’d even dare say they were better than some doctors offices I’ve been in. “Stick and Poke” is playing with fire IMO. As SoldiersSweeties mentioned if she doesn’t have a real set up she’s taking big chances.

 

[Mrs. Ciz]

I'm not big on tattoos. My DD (now 18) has been begging for one. If she decides to get a tasteful one someday, it won't bother me. However, I AM against her getting one NOW because so much changes between now and the time she will be fully grown. What she might like NOW is something she may truly hate when she's a bit older. My current rule (subject to change) is that so long as I am providing her support, and paying for her college education, she may not get a tattoo. When she is supporting herself, she may, of course, do anything she wants (so long as it's legal). I think that's fair. If I'm providing her the money to live, I get to make reasonable rules on how that money is spent. It just so happens that she will be done with school when her frontal lobe is more fully developed, with the ability to think more long term.

We just had this exact conversation with our DD19. Not about tattoos though, but about getting caught at school smoking pot (got a deferred suspension), lying to us about where she’s going and who she’s with, engaging in risky behaviors and skipping work to party with friends leaving her employer in a lurch. It’s been a long summer. She claims she’s an “adult” and can do whatever she wants. We’ve said she’s still a dependent living in our house and she needs to follow our rules about courtesy and honesty. We are trying to protect her future but she just doesn’t see it. Parenting is so hard! The crazy thing is that she is normally a pretty good kid. Family counseling may be on the horizon for us.

 

[MrsCobraBubbles]

I'd be pissed too. However, you really can't lay down the law at this point, she's not going to listen. And if she's feeling particularly rebellious it might fuel her desire for more diy tattoos. So I'd maybe appeal to her reasoning skills, and point out that if she is doing this to minors she could find herself in some serious trouble if someone's parents decide to take it to the police, or if someone gets an infection. That's what would get through to my son anyway. And if you ever get the chance, I'd make the ink/supplies somehow disappear.

 

[ronandannette]

Right now, I’m feeling equally mad, and that I’m a huge hypocrite.


When I was 19 I got a tattoo. It’s on my left outer thigh and it’s a smiley sun. It’s maybe 1 1/2” across? I don’t regret getting it and I want to get another one.

My daughter is 17, 18 in October. She’s very quirky and artistic and that’s what I love most about her. About two months ago, she got a package delivery and the customs label said it was tattoo ink. When she got home from school, I asked her why she bought it. She then confessed that she had given herself a stick and poke tattoo and had done them for a few friends. My daughter is a major hypochondriac so if she says she’s doing it safely, I believe her. It is small and is near her ankle and is actually very subtle. It’s of a butterfly. I wasn’t super happy about it but I let it drop.


Just now, she came home from work and was sitting on the couch catching me up on her day. I looked over at her and noticed a black splotch by her knee. I said ‘what is th......is that another tattoo’? She said yeah.

Here’s the hypocrite part..I got mad at her for this one. It’s a lot darker (granted, it is fresh) and it’s bigger and way more noticeable. I told her enough..no more tattoos.

She doesn’t get why I’m mad because I was ok with her first one AND I have one too. Mine was done in a shop so I know everything was sterile. Plus, mine is coloured and ‘regular’ tattoos don’t have the stigma that stick and pokes do (think prison tattoo). Sure, it looks nice and detailed now, but how’s it going to look in 30 years? Plus, unless she plans on wearing pants every day of her life, people will notice. I’m afraid she will regret it down the road.

I’m hoping in a few years it will fade a LOT and can be passed off as a birthmark lol

Parenting is not for the faint of heart..

Oh Sweet Mother of Pearl, thank you so much for posting this!! (You actually had me at the title, before I even read the thread! ) My jack *** DS is doing the exact same thing and I'm beside myself!! I've been living in "secret shame" thinking I raised the stupidest child on earth. He's studied graphic arts in University and spends his summers as a full-time volunteer at a local church camp. Last year apparently they (the camp staff) decided these poke-and-sticks (I prefer to call them prison tats ) were cool so he began designing them and they went at each other. I almost fainted when I accidentally saw the first one and I know he's acquired several more since. I begged him to get it covered over professionally but he refuses.

I’m not against tattoos. If I could afford it I’d have a few more.

I don’t like the fact that it’s a homemade one, and that it’s all black, and that it’s somewhere so noticeable.

I hate tatoos as an aesthetic; I've never seen one I didn't think was ugly. I've got no moral compunction against them though and wouldn't have stopped DS from getting one if he wanted. I'm just so, so appalled at what they're doing. So far though all of his are on his biceps and upper thigh, so they're rarely ever visible.

Unless she has an autoclave, or brand new supplies EVERYTIME she touches someone's skin, including her own she isn't as being as hygienic as a professional.

I think her interest is worth fostering, especially as an artist, but maybe just taking on a talent that takes years to develop isn't the best idea. See about getting her an apprenticeship.

I was absolutely freaking about the recklessness of this - my only hope is that since this is a church camp, maybe, just maybe they're not passing Hep C back and forth?

My dd18 has a stick and poke tiny moon on the side of her heal. And she has a large flower on her outer thigh from an artist. The kids all stick and poke each other these days rotfl:). But really, it's different times. I imagine my grandfather seeing my daughters tattoo and saying "only sailors get tattoos". I don't think either of our girls will regret it, because so many of the kids their ages have the same thing. What's it really that's bugging you about this one? Placement? If she's ever needing to cover it, there's really good makeup for that now. So try to let it go. And yea, parenting is so hard sometimes.

I never heard of this. If my 17 year old daughter was doing this to herself and others I would be very upset and extremely concerned. It's not normal behaviour.

Not desirable, I grant you, but I guess it's not actually as "abnormal" as it seems when you first hear about it. (See quote above.)

 

[allison443]

She already had the first tattoo when you saw she received the shipment of additional ink, correct? Since you “let it drop” she probably assumed you were ok with her using the ink for herself/others.
Personally I had a “no tattoo” rule for my kids but I know many are ok with them. Aside from that I would not be ok with my kid giving tattoos to (underage?) friends. So many things that could go wrong there...

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your dd so keep talking with her. Yes, parenting is hard!

 

[kimblebee]

You are definitely not a hypocrite for being upset that she's doing this to herself. She needs to realize the difference between getting a quality, safe tattoo from a reputable artist and doing a stick n poke to herself at home/school.

Would you be ok with her getting a small one at this time at a professional shop? If so, maybe sit her down and explain to her that you would be ok with her getting a small tattoo but that it has to be done by a professional. Going through that, talking with the artist, and seeing the difference in the outcome might also help her to realize the mistake in trying to tattoo herself.

My mom also has a tattoo that she got at the same time that she took my older brother to get his first - they went together. Once I graduated high school, she took my for my first. My dad is very against them and joked he was going to lock us out of the house when we got back. I went on to get two more before graduating college and was told if I got another while living under their (his really, my mom didn't mind) roof, they wouldn't continue to help paying for my phone bill, etc. so I haven't gotten another since even though I'm out on my own.

I’d be fine if she decided to go to a pro and get one..provided it’s not on her face, or her bf name or something like that.

I'm not big on tattoos. My DD (now 18) has been begging for one. If she decides to get a tasteful one someday, it won't bother me. However, I AM against her getting one NOW because so much changes between now and the time she will be fully grown. What she might like NOW is something she may truly hate when she's a bit older. My current rule (subject to change) is that so long as I am providing her support, and paying for her college education, she may not get a tattoo. When she is supporting herself, she may, of course, do anything she wants (so long as it's legal). I think that's fair. If I'm providing her the money to live, I get to make reasonable rules on how that money is spent. It just so happens that she will be done with school when her frontal lobe is more fully developed, with the ability to think more long term.

You haven’t gone from liking something as an adult, to disliking the same thing? I know I have.

I'd be pissed too. However, you really can't lay down the law at this point, she's not going to listen. And if she's feeling particularly rebellious it might fuel her desire for more diy tattoos. So I'd maybe appeal to her reasoning skills, and point out that if she is doing this to minors she could find herself in some serious trouble if someone's parents decide to take it to the police, or if someone gets an infection. That's what would get through to my son anyway. And if you ever get the chance, I'd make the ink/supplies somehow disappear.

I can lay down the law, and she does and will listen. She didn’t do it to be rebellious, she did it for the artistic aspect and frankly, because others are doing it too. Don’t take that to mean she might start drinking or doing drugs..she’s not that kind of kid.

I do agree that she probably hasn’t thought about infections even though I’m sure she’s being ‘safe’, but never in a million years would a parent sue her. As far as I know she’s only done it for one friend, but I will be finding out more today when I see her.

She already had the first tattoo when you saw she received the shipment of additional ink, correct? Since you “let it drop” she probably assumed you were ok with her using the ink for herself/others.
Personally I had a “no tattoo” rule for my kids but I know many are ok with them. Aside from that I would not be ok with my kid giving tattoos to (underage?) friends. So many things that could go wrong there...

It sounds like you have a good relationship with your dd so keep talking with her. Yes, parenting is hard!

Trying to think back to the time line..she may not have done the first one before she got the ink in the mail.

I definitely will reiterate the no friends thing.