Relationship Lessons

disneychrista

DIS Veteran
Joined
Dec 26, 2002
Have to somewhat disagree. That perfect person doesn’t always exist.

Try dating at 47, it sucks!!
Of course there isn't. I am not talking about waiting for prince charming with everything you ever wanted. I am talking about the big things. In my last relationship I felt like an after thought. He never seemed to make the effort to make time for me/us. He always seems to do just enough to make me think I was over thinking it, expecting too much, etc. I put up with it because I figured hey it was better than nothing, it was better than being alone.

I AM 47 and I agree it does SUCK.
 

ronandannette

I gave myself this tag and I "Like" myself too!
Joined
May 4, 2006
Of course there isn't. I am not talking about waiting for prince charming with everything you ever wanted. I am talking about the big things. In my last relationship I felt like an after thought. He never seemed to make the effort to make time for me/us. He always seems to do just enough to make me think I was over thinking it, expecting too much, etc. I put up with it because I figured hey it was better than nothing, it was better than being alone.

I AM 47 and I agree it does SUCK.
I think that right there is the crux to everything - not just for you but for everybody who's ever stayed in an unsatisfactory relationship. And for some maybe it's even true, IDK. :confused3 Personally I've never felt that way and never, ever will.
 
  • ronandannette

    I gave myself this tag and I "Like" myself too!
    Joined
    May 4, 2006
    I am happy for you. I never thought I would allow myself to feel that way either. I was single and happy for most of my adult life.
    :confused3 It's not a boast, it's just a choice. Maybe some would see it as a selfish one, but I valued my own comfort and peace-of-mind too much to sacrifice it just to have a romantic partner. That said, I'm mostly referring to dating; getting-to-know-you type relationships. As I mentioned up-thread, IMO it's massively important to choose wisely. Now that I'm married, we're both obligated to prioritize each other's well-being over our own and we both do it willingly.
     

    disneychrista

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Dec 26, 2002
    :confused3 It's not a boast, it's just a choice. Maybe some would see it as a selfish one, but I valued my own comfort and peace-of-mind too much to sacrifice it just to have a romantic partner.
    I know you don't mean it any negative way. But as someone who is just coming out of that situation it feels like a put down. Like I said I never thought it would be something I would do. I certainly don't need someone telling me they would never do that. I never would have done it either, until I did.
     

    mikehn

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Mar 5, 2008
    You can’t fix a ‘bad boy’ so quit seeking them out. :rotfl:

    I think the lessons I’ve (and I think my DH) learned the most from are my parents previous relationships before they finally got it right. Third time was a charm for both.

    I can’t really pin it to any one relationship I’ve had or observed but the things I have picked up along the way are:

    Communication
    Compromise
    Mutual respect
    Leaving the past in the past.
    Never using the the threat of a break up or divorce as a weapon.
    Be an independent person alongside of the relationship.

    When I look back, at least one of more of these were missing in previous relationships.
    This thread hits home, but yeah, communication was difficult at best. A couple of the other ones are right up there also. The takeaway is to apply the lessons learned going forward.
     

    Disney Doll

    DIS Security Matron
    Joined
    Nov 5, 2000
    With regard to cheating - A leopard doesn’t change its spots. If your boyfriend/girlfriend/spouse/partner cheated on you once they’ll do it again at some point despite their assurances that they’ve learned, they’ve changed etc.

    You get treated the way you allow yourself to be treated.

    Pay attention while you’re dating and if there are red flags...run. You’re not going to change fundamental defects in the other person. And by fundamental defects I don’t mean that sometimes he throws his socks on the floor. I mean abusiveness, addiction, money management (super stingy or super spends)... big ticket items.

    List isn’t love and it doesn’t hold things together for the long term.
     
  • disneychrista

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Dec 26, 2002
    You get treated the way you allow yourself to be treated.
    I would love to argue with you on this point. No one WANTS to be treated badly. No one wants to be treated as an afterthought, a second choice, like they are being used, etc. But you are 100% CORRECT. I ALLOWED myself to be treated that way because I put up with the behavior. It is a tough lesson but a good one.
     


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