Resort pool etiquette: other parents unsafe children

[MamaBelle4]

That's not a village. It's a dictatorship.

Well that's an extreme and completely inaccurate response.

Village implies tight knit community. It does not imply everyone with a butt hole and an opinion on planet Earth.

 

[MamaBelle4]

was shocked when my young children went to school and on one of the bathroom mirrors it said "you are special". No they are not. My kids, and all kids are just like everyone else.

I am sorry but that is a terrible take and it makes me incredibly sad. Every child is special. Special does not mean "limited edition" or "one-of-a-kind" or "better than everyone else". Special means that children are full of untapped potential. Special means that they are capable of extraordinary things. Special means that (hopefully) to someone, they are loved beyond logical explanation. As the leader of a parent-run sports organization in our school district, every child that I have an opportunity to interact with is special. Telling a child they are special is not telling them they are without fault, or perfect. It is telling them they are supported and believed in.

Perhaps if you feel current generations are over-validating their children, it is the fault of older generations for under-validating them and they are trying to find a balance.

This is my last response and I am unfollowing this thread. I will end by saying every generation has its faults and its finer points. The ratio of "bad parents" to "good parents" remains unchanged. I think the sheer number of young teens who are actively involved in their community, politics and the environment speaks volumes on this generation of parents putting a priority on children to care about more than themselves. But that's just my perspective as an observer, as my children aren't that age yet.

 

[marikujawa]

Google George Carlin - self-esteem movement.

 

[Disneypro1]

The participation trophy mind set has caused so much bad things to kids theses days. Fair playing time in sports. Etc. it’s just all nonsense. Kids need to learn there will be winners and losers. Etc. life isn’t fair and that’s that. Deal with it. Problem is certain parents these days support the notion that their kid deserves this and that. Well they don’t. It’s all earned. I know this is not what the OP was talking about lol. But think it all goes back to the notion that some parents like that bubble. And then the kids grows up and realizes that the bubble doesn’t exist. Now they can’t cope. Why? Because all their youth they were told how special they are and that all things are equally distributed and shared etc. literally 100% opposite of real life. Generation z. Kids say from 1-22 now are actually surprising experts that these kids are the opposite of their Generation Y. (22-38)Older young adults. Generation z is mostly kids of Generation x.(39-56) That is trying to fix the mess of Generation Y. That is mostly kids of young side of baby boomers. Once again us gen X. Folks have to fix the problems the Millennials causes. Had to say that. Lol
I just find this thread kinda funny. It really just boils down to bursting the fake bubble we put kids in these days. When in reality. There is no better safer time to be a kid.
Any stress a young person feels is self induced. Life couldn’t be easier in America than it is today.

 

[Disneypro1]

That's not a village. It's a dictatorship.

Agreed

 

[Lilsia]

I am sorry but that is a terrible take and it makes me incredibly sad. Every child is special. Special does not mean "limited edition" or "one-of-a-kind" or "better than everyone else". Special means that children are full of untapped potential. Special means that they are capable of extraordinary things. Special means that (hopefully) to someone, they are loved beyond logical explanation. As the leader of a parent-run sports organization in our school district, every child that I have an opportunity to interact with is special. Telling a child they are special is not telling them they are without fault, or perfect. It is telling them they are supported and believed in.

Perhaps if you feel current generations are over-validating their children, it is the fault of older generations for under-validating them and they are trying to find a balance.

This is my last response and I am unfollowing this thread. I will end by saying every generation has its faults and its finer points. The ratio of "bad parents" to "good parents" remains unchanged. I think the sheer number of young teens who are actively involved in their community, politics and the environment speaks volumes on this generation of parents putting a priority on children to care about more than themselves. But that's just my perspective as an observer, as my children aren't that age yet.

Of course kids are special to their family. But the reality is, the rest of the world does not really care about your kid like you do. Kids growing up thinking that they are the center of the universe does not make them happy or a better person, it makes them unable to cope with what the real world is like when they do grow up. I have seen it time and time again. Kids that are used to being the center of their parent's universe struggle when they come to realize that not everyone thinks that way about them. They don't know how to take direction, criticism, orders from their employer. They don't know how to self motivate and have no work ethic. Because their parents catered to them and told them how "special" they are and that they can have and do anything. What they failed to mention is that the child had to WORK for it. I have seen several videos by young people who have come out and expressed all of this. That they were unprepared for the real world. You can absolutely raise your child to know that they are loved and cherished by you, but still teach them how to live in society. And your statement about how the older generation were "under-validated" is nonsense. Unless the kids were abused, you will struggle to find an adult over 40 who will complain about their parents not "validating" them enough.

 

[PollyannaMom]

...I just find this thread kinda funny. It really just boils down to bursting the fake bubble we put kids in these days. When in reality. There is no better safer time to be a kid.
Any stress a young person feels is self induced. Life couldn’t be easier in America than it is today.

You had me until that last line. I do agree that we don't expect a lot of the right things from kids nowadays, but we're filling that gap by expecting some of the wrong ones. (For example, we seem to have forgotten kids can do appropriate chores, but have pushed academics younger and younger.) There's still stress, it's just a different kind.

 

[Sue M]

It’s a sad situation when vacationing parents don‘t supervise their poorly behaved children and make it everyone else’s problem. But I guess that’s why they don’t know how to behave, no parental supervision. I feel the problem was their poor behaviour rather than height.
I hope you followed this up with hotel management. The splash areas really need a full time lifeguard. And I hope this happens before a tragic accident.

 

[superdiz]

When I was raised, I was hit to behave, my parents didn’t sign me up for any extracurricular activities, I was a latch key kid, but yes, my parents loved me in their way. They fed me and clothed me and kept a roof over my head.

As generations grow, each try to do better by their kids. My parents were raised by siblings and largely ignored. Loved yes, but cared for, questionable.

Because of this I do sign my kids up, I am home after school, I do play, I do take them on trips, I don’t hit, I tell them I like them AND I love them (a big one - my parents would say I love you but I don’t like you right now). I still yell when I’m angry, I’m not perfect, but I’m striving to be a better parent for my kids as my parents tried for me and I’m going to make mistakes and my kids will have bad memories of things I’m doing because that’s life.

I don’t think it’s that we aren’t “parenting” we just aren’t parenting in the same way they did when we were kids and so on down the line.

The kids being raised winning trophies they didn’t earn probably had parents that never won a trophy. Life sticks to you. Most parents are trying their best to be good parents.

Judging a parent because their KIDS got a little wild on vacation at a splash pad is a huge stretch. A little grace is a kindness we should all be afforded from time to time.

 

[marikujawa]

When I was raised, I was hit to behave, my parents didn’t sign me up for any extracurricular activities, I was a latch key kid, but yes, my parents loved me in their way. They fed me and clothed me and kept a roof over my head.

As generations grow, each try to do better by their kids. My parents were raised by siblings and largely ignored. Loved yes, but cared for, questionable.

Because of this I do sign my kids up, I am home after school, I do play, I do take them on trips, I don’t hit, I tell them I like them AND I love them (a big one - my parents would say I love you but I don’t like you right now). I still yell when I’m angry, I’m not perfect, but I’m striving to be a better parent for my kids as my parents tried for me and I’m going to make mistakes and my kids will have bad memories of things I’m doing because that’s life.

I don’t think it’s that we aren’t “parenting” we just aren’t parenting in the same way they did when we were kids and so on down the line.

The kids being raised winning trophies they didn’t earn probably had parents that never won a trophy. Life sticks to you. Most parents are trying their best to be good parents.

Judging a parent because their KIDS got a little wild on vacation at a splash pad is a huge stretch. A little grace is a kindness we should all be afforded from time to time.

I can identify with a lot of what you say, but I don't think the mom here was being judged because her kids got a little wild on vacation. I think she was being judged based on her own decisions of leaving the boys with a cousin who was unwilling or unable to supervise them, then assuming that the OP was wrong in reprimanding them. I don't think it's fair to judge anyone based on hearing one side of the story. Kids are often poor interpreters of what they hear because they have so little experience in life. Who knows what those boys told their mother (I doubt it was "a man yelled at us to stop running and said he would call a lifeguard") - she may have thought she had good reason to behave the way she did. And adults will often tell a version of events that casts the best light on their behavior or decisions.

I don't think it's easy to be a kid these days. When I was growing up, if you made a mistake the only ones who knew about it were the parties involved. The internet and pervasive influence of social media have changed this. Everyone has a camera on their person to film any goofy thing a kid does, recording mistakes and poor decision for all time. It's a different kind of pressure than we faced as kids, but it is pressure nonetheless.

 

[MomOTwins]

I can identify with a lot of what you say, but I don't think the mom here was being judged because her kids got a little wild on vacation. I think she was being judged based on her own decisions of leaving the boys with a cousin who was unwilling or unable to supervise them, then assuming that the OP was wrong in reprimanding them.

Funny how everyone keeps saying "it takes a village" to justify OP raising his voice at some kids whose only offense was playing a bit rambunctiously at a playground, and then turn around and say that the mom was wrong to trust her "village" of family members by allowing another adult (a relative) to supervise her kids for a short time.

 

[marikujawa]

Funny how everyone keeps saying "it takes a village" to justify OP raising his voice at some kids whose only offense was playing a bit rambunctiously at a playground, and then turn around and say that the mom was wrong to trust her "village" of family members by allowing another adult (a relative) to supervise her kids for a short time.

Well, this is certainly a rewriting of the reported facts. If the only offense was playing "a bit" rambunctiously, this thread likely would never have been started. The facts as reported by the OP were that the boys were in an area designed for smaller children - clearly to protect them from the normal play of older children, who tend to be more rambunctious. They were running at full speed, jumped over a small child, sat in the slide exit, ran up the slide, etc., all of which were unsafe behaviors. Then the OP's wife asked them to stop and they ignored her and continued to behave in a way that violated pool rules.

I can't say whether or not the mom was justified in trusting her family member to watch her children, but yes, she runs the risk of being judged if her decision was a bad one. Just as we all must accept the consequences of our decisions. Had she gone to the pool and asked the OP what happened instead of going in guns blazing, the whole issue could have been resolved without all the drama. If the OP explained that the boys were violating the pool rules and the cousin was not doing anything about it, the mom should have apologized and used the incident as a learning experience for all concerned.

On a side note, I don't think people understand the premise of "it takes a village." It doesn't mean that any adult can tell any child what to do in any circumstance But no adult needs to cower before someone else's poorly behaved children.

 

[Summer2018]

When I was raised, I was hit to behave, my parents didn’t sign me up for any extracurricular activities, I was a latch key kid, but yes, my parents loved me in their way. They fed me and clothed me and kept a roof over my head.

As generations grow, each try to do better by their kids. My parents were raised by siblings and largely ignored. Loved yes, but cared for, questionable.

Because of this I do sign my kids up, I am home after school, I do play, I do take them on trips, I don’t hit, I tell them I like them AND I love them (a big one - my parents would say I love you but I don’t like you right now). I still yell when I’m angry, I’m not perfect, but I’m striving to be a better parent for my kids as my parents tried for me and I’m going to make mistakes and my kids will have bad memories of things I’m doing because that’s life.

I don’t think it’s that we aren’t “parenting” we just aren’t parenting in the same way they did when we were kids and so on down the line.

The kids being raised winning trophies they didn’t earn probably had parents that never won a trophy. Life sticks to you. Most parents are trying their best to be good parents.

Judging a parent because their KIDS got a little wild on vacation at a splash pad is a huge stretch. A little grace is a kindness we should all be afforded from time to time.

The judgement is not that kids got wild, it’s that the parents were not watching their kids. The cousin clearly had no control. Ultimately, it’s the parents’ JOB to watch their kids. It’s not the lifeguard’s job to babysit. The lifeguards are there to save lives. They are not at the pool to provide child care.

When DD was a child, my DH and I supervised her. If one of us wanted “me time,” the other kept an eye on her. She wasn’t wandering the resort and, especially the pool, without an adult. As a teenager, she obviously had more freedom, but as a child, one or both of us were with her.

Clearly these kids at the splash pad were NOT being watched by an adult, so OP spoke up. Could the situation been handled better? Probably.

Bottom line: If you don’t want people dealing with your children’s bad behavior, then take responsibility for them and watch them yourself.

 

[Lynne M]

As we are now WAY off topic, this thread is closed.