Rude House guests!

[luvbwv]

My DD and her family are currently living with me in my house, that is not the problem. Her in laws have been here for 9 days, they are staying in my camper in the driveway. (That story would require another post!)
DD was released from the hospital yesterday with baby #3. . I returned home this evening after eating out with some friends to find my kitchen a mess. Pans on the stove, dishes in the sink, food on the counter. DD and the baby were sleeping, she is not feeling well. My SIL was giving the other 2 little ones a bath. The mother in law was on the couch with her feet up reading a book. When I walked in she said “I made dinner.” That was it. An hour later she hadn’t moved off the couch so I started to clean up the kitchen. I cleaned the entire mess, she didn’t offer to help.
She has been a bit annoying all week but I can’t believe she is that rude!!
I am so happy that I will be moved into my new place before their visit next year, I just feel bad for DD.
My son in law was abused by them when he was growing up. He still tries so hard to win their approval and will not do anything to upset them. Thank goodness they only visit once a year.

 

[sonnyjane]

My DD and her family are currently living with me in my house, that is not the problem. Her in laws have been here for 9 days, they are staying in my camper in the driveway. (That story would require another post!)
DD was released from the hospital yesterday with baby #3. . I returned home this evening after eating out with some friends to find my kitchen a mess. Pans on the stove, dishes in the sink, food on the counter. DD and the baby were sleeping, she is not feeling well. My SIL was giving the other 2 little ones a bath. The mother in law was on the couch with her feet up reading a book. When I walked in she said “I made dinner.” That was it. An hour later she hadn’t moved off the couch so I started to clean up the kitchen. I cleaned the entire mess, she didn’t offer to help.
She has been a bit annoying all week but I can’t believe she is that rude!!
I am so happy that I will be moved into my new place before their visit next year, I just feel bad for DD.
My son in law was abused by them when he was growing up. He still tries so hard to win their approval and will not do anything to upset them. Thank goodness they only visit once a year.

So to summarize, you’re letting people stay at your home, they’ve left it a mess, and you’re teaching them a lesson by quietly cleaning up after them? Remember, we teach people how to treat us.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

You’re giving your son-in-law’s abusers a place to stay so they can trample all over your daughter’s postpartum recovery?

 

[kuhltiffany]

Hope they're leaving in the morning!

 

[luvbwv]

So to summarize, you’re letting people stay at your home, they’ve left it a mess, and you’re teaching them a lesson by quietly cleaning up after them? Remember, we teach people how to treat us.

I have always tried to be nice to people and I am sure people take advantage of that fact. I have had it out with this woman a few times in the past, sadly she doesn’t care and I end up feeling worse. It may not be a great quality, but that is who I am.

 

[Southernmiss]

Was she aware you were eating out with friends?

But yea 9 days of messy houseguests would get old. Especially with 2 generations and a new baby already there.

 

[luvbwv]

You’re giving your son-in-law’s abusers a place to stay so they can trample all over your daughter’s postpartum recovery?

When you put it like that it sounds terrible, but I guess that is what I am doing. I do it because I love my son in law and even after a rough childhood he still wants his parents love. I can’t stand in his way. I own the house but they pay rent so it is their home too.

 

[luvbwv]

Southernmiss- yes, she knew where I was.
They leave on Monday so the end is near!

 

[AuntieMe3]

Ugh.... I've had my share of rude house guests so you have my sympathies!!

 

[karensi]

I have always tried to be nice to people and I am sure people take advantage of that fact. I have had it out with this woman a few times in the past, sadly she doesn’t care and I end up feeling worse. It may not be a great quality, but that is who I am.

No advice, just want to say I'm just like you are, so I completely understand. Hang in there!

 

[Gumbo4x4]

Kind of doubt it would work with a slob, but the “normal” trick is to let the dog lick the dishes and then put them straight in the cabinet. Needs to be witnessed, obviously.

 

[smokeyblue]

Some people are just totally obtuse. I had a friend come to visit last evening with his two dogs. He was about to leave and opened the door to let the dogs out. The one dog ran right out and the second was lagging behind because he was having a hard time walking on my laminate floor. He left the door open and probably about 20 moths come flying in. I very directly told him to hurry up and shut the door, that he was letting all the moths in. He took his sweet time and closed the door and went on to tell me that the moths are harmless and they aren't the ones that ruin clothes. I still don't want them in my freaking house!!! I still have stupid moths flying all around tonight. Yuck!

 

[kimblebee]

Some people are just totally obtuse. I had a friend come to visit last evening with his two dogs. He was about to leave and opened the door to let the dogs out. The one dog ran right out and the second was lagging behind because he was having a hard time walking on my laminate floor. He left the door open and probably about 20 moths come flying in. I very directly told him to hurry up and shut the door, that he was letting all the moths in. He took his sweet time and closed the door and went on to tell me that the moths are harmless and they aren't the ones that ruin clothes. I still don't want them in my freaking house!!! I still have stupid moths flying all around tonight. Yuck!

That’s a common refrain around here..hurry up and shut the door. You’re letting all the bugs in/letting all the cold out.

 

[dreamin_disney]

Before they visit again give them a list of hotels. Tell your dd to do the same . I’d go nuts with rude guest. Probably why our spare room is a craft room and no bed. If we go visit we always get a hotel room. We hate to bother others having to host us or interrupt their living situation

 

[wgeo]

Sometimes people are just clueless. Perhaps a "I'm glad you made some dinner, if you need help figuring out where to put the clean dishes after you're done cleaning up just let me know" type of thing would alert them to the fact that you were expecting them to do the cleaning.

Also in the future, I would try very hard to shorten the length of the visits.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Yep.... while I applaud the OP's efforts to be accommodating and to be a positive help for her DD and SIL at this time...
BOUNDARIES, people... BOUNDARIES!!!!!

OP, you have tried to confront (have it out) with her before...
Yet, HERE SHE IS AGAIN?????
And, perhaps this is a big heads-up. But, having it out with somebody is NEVER the answer.
It should not come to that.
Not in your own home.

OP, this wouldn't be happening at my home.
Visits.... fine.
Camping and taking over my house...
Sorry... Never.
Rude, and abusive people would not be welcome to come in and take over my home.

If your son-in-law would be hesitant or simply unable to tell them no... then I would be more than willing to take the heat, and call the shots in my OWN home!!!!

PS: When I hear the word abused, that concerns me.
Are your grandchildren not at risk... even if it is just on an emotional/psychological level.

 

[TipsyTraveler]

PS: When I hear the word abused, that concerns me.
Are your grandchildren not at risk... even if it is just on an emotional/psychological level.

^^This. Crappy parents don’t suddenly become good grandparents. If they couldn’t even treat their own child well, why would they treat anyone else’s children well?

 

[lifesavacation]

OP, family dynamics can be complicated. You will really be better off in the long run if you figure out a tactful way of dealing with your inlaws. Set boundaries and be firm. If you want them to clean up after themselves, tell them.

 

[amcnj]

Well it sounds like you won’t be there for next years visit, but how will your DD handle it? Will she speak up or will she be cleaning up after them while also caring for a one year old and two other children?

Congrats on the new grandchild!

 

[North of Mouse]

My DD and her family are currently living with me in my house, that is not the problem. Her in laws have been here for 9 days, they are staying in my camper in the driveway. (That story would require another post!)
DD was released from the hospital yesterday with baby #3. . I returned home this evening after eating out with some friends to find my kitchen a mess. Pans on the stove, dishes in the sink, food on the counter. DD and the baby were sleeping, she is not feeling well. My SIL was giving the other 2 little ones a bath. The mother in law was on the couch with her feet up reading a book. When I walked in she said “I made dinner.” That was it. An hour later she hadn’t moved off the couch so I started to clean up the kitchen. I cleaned the entire mess, she didn’t offer to help.
She has been a bit annoying all week but I can’t believe she is that rude!!
I am so happy that I will be moved into my new place before their visit next year, I just feel bad for DD.
My son in law was abused by them when he was growing up. He still tries so hard to win their approval and will not do anything to upset them. Thank goodness they only visit once a year.

One question - Why are YOU putting up with that?? We can't be doormats if we don't lay down and let people walk over us!!