S/O of Christmas Dishes...When is it Time to Let Someone Else Host?

MIGrandma

Lives in the middle-of-the-mitten.
Joined
Aug 12, 2009
I have been hosting Christmas since I was 20 years old. I'm 60 now so that's 40 years of hosting family Christmas gatherings. DH doesn't get involved much, it mostly falls on me to do it all.

My Mom passed away this summer so Christmas is going to be a bit difficult this year, and we just became great-grandparents a couple of weeks ago so a new branch of our family tree has started. The older grands like to bring their current boyfriend/girlfriend, and our DS and DIL have taken in another teen (DIL's sister's child) so as always we will have a houseful and truthfully I'm thinking it might be time to let someone else take over.

We always have to move the furniture in our family room, because of the way it sits normally, to be able to accommodate everyone and the last couple of years have seemed like it's been more work than enjoyable. And of course there is the clean up after everyone leaves.

Our DS and DIL host Thanksgiving every year, so I'm not sure they would want to take over the Christmas gathering as well. DD has never hosted any holiday dinner. She says their house is too small, yet they have both sides of the family over for their children's birthday parties and somehow everyone fits so to me that is kind of just an excuse. She does work full-time though, so doesn't have a lot of time, like I do (retired) to prepare for a big holiday gathering.

I've also thought of renting the township hall and just having the family gather there. But then I'd be hauling the food, drinks, etc. so I don't know if that would be any better really.

We've also thought about taking everyone out for pizza (we don't have our gathering on Christmas Day, but a weekend or two before the actual holiday) and then just have everyone come here for dessert/gifts.

I'm just not sure what to do. So, my questions are: Do you host family Christmas gatherings at your house? Or do you take turns with other family members? If you did host, but have now turned it over to someone else, how old were you when that happened and what were the circumstances that caused you to decide to let someone else take over?
 
My mom is going to be 79 next month, she stopped hosting Christmas 2 years ago, its now me and my 2 sisters who take turns doing the holidays and she finally gets to kick back now. But not really cause she is always at the sink trying to wash dishes, LOL.
 
I've done Christmas Eve for many years, and my Mom does Christmas Day. We just have my folks, my in laws, and the occasional sibling and their family, so it's not a lot of people. We only have seating for 6 at our table, so I do kind of a smorgasboard of foods that don't require fork and knife, so people can spread out, and sit in the family room. I usually do Italian food/salad/bread, easy desserts. Some years I do paper plates. Anyway, for myself only, it's more about getting together and having fun, than stressing about a formal meal. I do understand tradition, and my Mom is very traditional. So when my sister and I (the ones who always show up) go there on Christmas Day, we always do all the dishes, clean up etc, so Mom doesn't have to.

In your situation, I'd make the celebration easier for yourself. You've mentioned some different thoughts, and I think the pizza/dessert idea is great!
 
My mom hosted every year until my grandmother passed, because it was just too hard for Grandma to go out in her last years, and then I took over because I have more room and more time. But our family is so small that it isn't a big deal. With my brother there were 7 or 8 of us for holidays depending on whether or not he brought a date, but he never married or had kids and he passed away earlier this year. So this year I guess it'll just be a family dinner plus my mom. If we had a larger group I'd absolutely consider going out, because 10 is about the most I can host comfortably here during the winter (we have huge BBQs in the summer, but cold weather holidays are more challenging).

My inlaws have a beautiful open-concept home and FIL is a fabulous cook, so they host everything on that side of the family.
 


If you're not enjoying it like you used to, it sounds like it's time to change things up. :goodvibes

Do whatever makes life easiest for you. Maybe a buffet style restaurant would be a nice change of pace. And if you go that route, I really don't think you should be paying for everyone. Let everyone pay their own way.

Just suggest you'd like to do things differently this year. Who knows? Some people may not like the restaurant idea and offer to host instead. Even better. Problem solved! :thumbsup2
 
The pizza party idea then back to the house might be the least stressful way to go. Or have pizza/takeout delivered to the house and go with paper plates (skip the Christmas dishes!).

There is a good chance that no one wants to take it over if they have not yet offered.
 
I have been hosting Christmas since I was 20 years old. I'm 60 now so that's 40 years of hosting family Christmas gatherings. DH doesn't get involved much, it mostly falls on me to do it all.

My Mom passed away this summer so Christmas is going to be a bit difficult this year, and we just became great-grandparents a couple of weeks ago so a new branch of our family tree has started. The older grands like to bring their current boyfriend/girlfriend, and our DS and DIL have taken in another teen (DIL's sister's child) so as always we will have a houseful and truthfully I'm thinking it might be time to let someone else take over.

We always have to move the furniture in our family room, because of the way it sits normally, to be able to accommodate everyone and the last couple of years have seemed like it's been more work than enjoyable. And of course there is the clean up after everyone leaves.

Our DS and DIL host Thanksgiving every year, so I'm not sure they would want to take over the Christmas gathering as well. DD has never hosted any holiday dinner. She says their house is too small, yet they have both sides of the family over for their children's birthday parties and somehow everyone fits so to me that is kind of just an excuse. She does work full-time though, so doesn't have a lot of time, like I do (retired) to prepare for a big holiday gathering.

I've also thought of renting the township hall and just having the family gather there. But then I'd be hauling the food, drinks, etc. so I don't know if that would be any better really.

We've also thought about taking everyone out for pizza (we don't have our gathering on Christmas Day, but a weekend or two before the actual holiday) and then just have everyone come here for dessert/gifts.

I'm just not sure what to do. So, my questions are: Do you host family Christmas gatherings at your house? Or do you take turns with other family members? If you did host, but have now turned it over to someone else, how old were you when that happened and what were the circumstances that caused you to decide to let someone else take over?

My sister (38 years old) took over Thanksgiving years 9 years ago when my dad died. I've (41) offered to do Christmas when my mom doesn't want to anymore. However, Christmas isn't as difficult for her as it sounds like it is for you. She cooks the meat and maybe a side and my sisters and I (3 of us) divide up the rest of the meal. We assemble and disassemble the table (taking leaves in and out) and set it most of the time. Sometimes she does this herself. The dishes are always washed and put away before we leave, wrapping paper is thrown out, and food is divided up.

I would give your kids a choice maybe. They need to help, switch off and on who's hosting or you're going to do the pizza out idea. I def would not rent the hall and haul food! Too much work! Good luck with whatever you decide to do!
 


We eat out on Christmas Eve. We have tamales on Christmas Day - but we buy those. We also have a massive sundae bar on Christmas Day. I like that it's family time without anyone having to slave away in the kitchen. I live in Houston, so I can buy some awesome tamales. The sundae bar is easy and fun. Everyone participates by bringing some things they think would be fun. My only cooking on Christmas Eve and Christmas day is running the waffle maker for the sundae bar. And mixing drinks.

I think that if you aren't into it anymore that you should pass the baton.
 
We hosted Christmas Eve for the extended family over 30 years, but the family has grown so much it's quite a crowd, and most of the younger generation is DBIL's posterity. There's been some grumbling about the "gift grab" but sis-in-law insists. So I was happy to pass the hostess-with-the-mostess tradition to their side of the family. We've had several legit excuses not to attend the past few years, but this year we'll be in town so I'm not sure how to avoid the partying. The niece who's hosted the past few years isn't much of a cook and would like to give the job back to me, but I'm really not interested. Too much work, and too much family drama.
 
I would suggest a heart to heart with your kids about the fact that you are not feeling up to hosting the traditional dinner this year. See if someone volunteers to take it over, or if they have another idea.
This.

It's time to "hand off" the job.

Since my in-laws (who used to host such dates downsized years ago) I've hosted Christmas & Thanksgiving for years. Mostly because our house is a little larger than anyone else's (typical family gathering size - 20+). Also because my husband works holidays if the holiday is on one of his actual work days. It's easier to plan dinner for when he gets home that way.

Now, with older relatives no longer with us, and kid's families in widespread areas, no one hosts any longer.
 
When our DS got married and had kids, we "passed the baton" as far as hosting Christmas dinner was concerned. However, it sounds as if your DS already hosts Thanksgiving. You could always do what a couple we met at HHI resort one holiday did. She'd hosted Christmas dinner for years and wanted some one else to do it. Since everyone just assumed she'd do it, they (she and her DH) just announced to everyone that the 2 of them were going to HHI for the holiday. Apparently, they told us, everyone yelled about "So now what are we going to do?" As she sat in the hot tub, she told us, "They'll just have to figure something out,"
 
Eek, it sounds like you've hosted more than your fair share of Christmas gatherings. I'm not clear; are you doing all the cooking too? Turning it into a potluck could take some of the pressure off but, in any case, if you're tired of hosting you're perfectly within your rights to say you want to pass the torch. If no one else wants to take on that responsibility, oh well. Perhaps it's time to forego the big family get togethers and do smaller, nuclear family celebrations.
 
Not sure how many there are of you but I would let everyone know now that you are not planning on hosting. I would then give some options. 1) someone else takes the reigns, 2) pizza party 3) a nice restaurant dinner (you could probably reserve a room or portion of the restaurant) and everyone pays their own way. I think if you're looking to make the change- now is the time to let everyone know.
 
I host Christmas every year but stopped doing a traditional dinner several years ago. We do lots of hot and cold appetizers and people can sit wherever they like. I set up side tables near seating areas so there are places for dishes. Everyone really enjoys it, especially me. Maybe something like that would work for you so you don't have to move furniture and spend all day in the kitchen.
 
I think you should speak up and like a pp said, give options. Someone else can do it, or you can all go out for dinner somewhere.
 
If hosting seems more like a burden than a pleasure, it's time to change things up. I would talk to your children/grandchildren, see what direction the family wants to go. If your "kids" (I use the term loosely, since you mentioned being a great-grandmother) want to host, let them. You can still make whatever dish they love of yours, but they can cook the turkey/roast and worry about fitting everyone in and doing the clean-up. Or you could go out to eat, do a buffet--whatever works for your gang. There aren't any hard-and-fast rules.

In our house, we used to visit relatives for holiday meals, and we'd contribute a dish or two. Now, it's just the 6 of us--the kids don't like a big, formal meal, so we go for something more buffet-like, where anyone can pick at the food. It may not be traditional, but it works for us.
 
I can speak to this. I host the Big 3: Easter, Thanksgiving & Christmas. I am centrally located & have a large enough house for 20+ people. That said, Thanksgiving is the only sit-down meal. Easter & Christmas are buffet-style. Everyone knows what to bring on Thanksgiving & it's a hodge-podge on Christmas. We host brunch & then folks move onto other families. (I have 7 siblings, all but one in the immediate area.)

I'm not quite ready to relinquish. Thankfully, they all bring food & some contribute a couple of $$ for chair rental. You bet when I've had enough, I'll speak up!
 
Due to logistics and family dynamics, our family Christmas is always the Saturday before christmas. One of my siblings or I host, and it is always an overnight affair because we come from between 1 to 5 hours away, depending on location, and our dad comes for brunch the next morning.

We kind of take turns, but there are a few houses that seem to host more than others. These sisters are in a better location, or have a better house setup or whatever, but honestly, this is the one of two MUST attends for the year where we can count on all 5 of us and our families attending, so we make it all work no matter what. Some of the older kids now have significant others that they bring, and we just took guardianship of DH's nephew, so our family is ever expanding and growing. I love it!

I would LOVE to host every year, and I used to when we were centrally located and had the biggest house, but the house we are in now, while big enough at 1400 sq feet and 4 beds, 2 baths for our family, is not conducive AT ALL for entertaining. There are a lot of very small rooms instead of a big great room. We've done it, but it doesn't work well, so I'm glad we all switch it around every year.

Growing up, we used to go to my great grandmothers, then later my grandmas, then my moms, and now the older generations have passed away and my mother doesn't celebrate Christmas with us (her daughters) anymore, so we have adapted to fit what works for us. I know that someday my kids will have kids, who will have kids, etc and we will probably break off from my sisters' families, but I don't want to think about that yet! For now, it works well the way it is :)
 
My aunt has hosted Christmas (including Christmas Eve) for years and years. My mom hosted 1 time one year when they couldn't do it at my aunt's house and my other aunt hosted it one year. The year we moved into our home we hosted Christmas (back in 2014). That sorta made my aunt go into a tizzie. See she gets very stressed out about all the little details (she's the worry person of the family) but at the same time she likes that she hosts it.

OP I would talk with your family about it all. If you're at the point where you either just need a break from hosting or want to let someone else do the hosting from now on that would be something to discuss with everyone. Maybe someone has thought about hosting (either because they want to or just wanted a change) but didn't know how or if they should broach the subject with you.
 

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