S/O of Christmas Dishes...When is it Time to Let Someone Else Host?

[MIGrandma]

Since the family gathering is important to your granddaughter, I think it would be nice to include her in some of the preparation &, in a way, kind of "mentor" her & guide her in how to plan & prepare for family holiday gatherings, if that makes sense. In the next few years, maybe it will be she that picks up the hosting baton.

I do think it's important that traditions are passed down & that younger generations begin to take a bigger part in the traditions as they get older.

However, I wouldn't tell her that she "needs to," but I'd maybe ask her if she'd like to help, & I definitely wouldn't require that she spend the whole weekend w/ me. I don't think it should feel like a chore to her, but, rather, a privilege in getting to be an integral part of a tradition that's very important to her.

I definitely wouldn't want to make my granddaughter feel like the family Christmas celebration is totally dependent on whether or not she's willing to spend the entire weekend w/ me.

Oh, no, I didn't mean I would try to guilt her into helping or anything like that! I should have said "ask" in the first part of my post, like I said in the last sentence. I wouldn't want her to do it if SHE didn't WANT to!! Not at all!! Let me make that perfectly clear!

As far as spending the whole weekend, even though she owns her own home (she is a social worker, works with kids) she spends very few of her weekends at her own home. She spends a lot of them with friends (she's very popular), or with her Mom and step-Dad, or with her Dad (our son) and step-Mom. She has spent weekends with us as well, that's why I said "spend the weekend", as she's done it before. We have had "movie weekends" where she comes over on Friday night and we spend the whole weekend watching movies together. So it would just be normal for her to spend the whole weekend. Or, she could just come for Saturday if she would prefer. It wouldn't matter to me, whatever she would want to do would be fine. But if she wants me to continue to host it, maybe she should start helping a little with the preparations too. Or she should be prepared for me to decide I don't want to do it anymore.

 

[MIGrandma]

I like this idea and i'd bet she'd be open for that, especially if you tell her you don't have as much energy as you used to.

Recently I asked my 22 yr old niece to help me with my DD16's birthday party decorations and she jumped in with both feet and helped me tremendously. It was the first time I have asked her for that type of help and I think she was so thrilled to help. It's rare for me to ask for that kind of help but I was super exhausted and overwhelmed at that time so finally asked. I was helping her plan her summer vacation so it was nice that she was also able to do something for me. We had so much fun together with everything

I'd suggest inviting her the whole weekend and then letting her know that if she just prefers to come over each day instead of a sleepover, that would work too. or perhaps she just comes on the one day to help. The whole weekend can be rough especially since she likely has friend get-togethers to juggle too.

That's nice your niece helped you with your daughter's party preparations, and I think my granddaughter would probably jump in to help me with our Christmas preparations too. And I agree about the energy thing, the last couple of years I've been finding myself slowing down more and more as I get older. Things that used to take me a couple hours to do now take the whole day.

And if I do decide to change things up this year and either let someone else host (or not have a large family gathering if no one wants to) or do a pizza/dessert thing, etc. I may not want to continue it that way next year. Maybe next year I will feel more "normal" again. I just think this year is going to be so different without my Mom here, and maybe doing something different in our gathering would be the best thing, just change things up a big for THIS YEAR, I don't know. We'll see.

 

[elaine amj]

At 24, she's more than old enough to have more of the responsibilities of a family Christmas shifted to her shoulders. She's an adult, not a child. And from how you describe her, I'd bet she would thoroughly enjoy taking on more of a role.

 

[blana]

For the most part my dad & my in-laws host events. However, in my family, we ALL bring the food. The host just has to have a place for us to gather and their contribution to the pot luck. Makes it a lot easier on everyone. (And when we do the extended family for Thanksgiving, it's always at the community center rather than Daddy's house. So my brothers & I (plus spouses/older kids) get there early to help set up tables and then help tear down before going back to Daddy's.) It actually drives me crazy that my MIL won't let us pitch in more for holidays and then complains how tired she is. But no matter how many times we offer to help/host, she wants to do it. The one & only time we hosted Thanksgiving for that side, she insisted on bringing the turkey, ham, potatoes, dressing, so basically she still cooked everything & then had to transport it, which made NO SENSE!

 

[MIGrandma]

For the most part my dad & my in-laws host events. However, in my family, we ALL bring the food. The host just has to have a place for us to gather and their contribution to the pot luck. Makes it a lot easier on everyone. (And when we do the extended family for Thanksgiving, it's always at the community center rather than Daddy's house. So my brothers & I (plus spouses/older kids) get there early to help set up tables and then help tear down before going back to Daddy's.) It actually drives me crazy that my MIL won't let us pitch in more for holidays and then complains how tired she is. But no matter how many times we offer to help/host, she wants to do it. The one & only time we hosted Thanksgiving for that side, she insisted on bringing the turkey, ham, potatoes, dressing, so basically she still cooked everything & then had to transport it, which made NO SENSE!

If your MIL isn't willing to let people pitch in and help then she should keep quiet about being tired.

 

[BLAZEY]

We rotate who hosts Thanksgiving and Xmas dinner. They are also partially potluck. When we host DH & I do the turkey, stuffing and one vegetable plus a and appy or 2. Then my sister brings rolls, MIL a veggie tray as an appy, SMIL brings a dessert (Pumpkin pie), my mum her Christmas bean casserole. This year is my year to host Christmas and last year we did Thanksgiving. Nobody is stuck with both events unless they want too. BIL/SIL sometimes host both if SIL's parent come from Halifax for the holiday. Seems to work out pretty good.

 

[pryncess527]

I would suggest a heart to heart with your kids about the fact that you are not feeling up to hosting the traditional dinner this year. See if someone volunteers to take it over, or if they have another idea.

Ditto. If my mom floated the idea of pizza instead of our traditional meal, I'd take the hint and volunteer to take over hosting. Or, they'll be happy with pizza

 

[mom2rb]

I demanded Christmas Eve when my twins were one. The grandparents would help put out cookies and milk and then go home. My boys are now 19 and dinner has grown to 30 people. My brother just had a daughter. I will be happy to hand over Christmas Eve for the same reason that I wanted it to begin with.

 

[Julylady]

For most holidays we take turns, but my Mom always hosted our Christmas party. For the last 20 years or so, its been held the Sunday afternoon/evening prior to Christmas. About 5 years ago, my Mom was stressing about the house cleaning and decorating part of it. She loved doing all the cooking, but didn't like the rest of it. So....we moved the party to my house. She is still the "hostess," and either brings the food to prepares it at my house the day prior. But she doesn't have to worry about the things that stress her out - the decorating and cleaning. I don't mind at all and the rest of the family seems fine with this arrangement. OP - could your family assist you in same way like I am assisting my Mom? Don't be afraid to ask for help.

 

[wonder whisper]

Oh, "Christmas Vacation" - no thank you!! So thankful I don't have to deal with overnight guests, that would REALLY put me over the edge! Ha ha!!

This isn't too far from the reality with some of the older relatives who come!!

 

[ols386]

I would get your group (or at least one person from each family) together at the same time, tell them that you'd like to turn over the reins, and ask how they'd like to handle it. You could also mention the pizza idea to them too.

If you want to make the change this year, I would call the meeting very soon.

 

[tarheel618]

If you end up doing it this year, order pizza in and have everyone bring a dessert. Pizza is portable and easy to eat and you won't have to do the big furniture move of course you would have to be okay with people eating away from the table.

 

[osopecoso]

Well this is the first year we are not doing Christmas. We have a home in key west and we all go there for about a week from Christmas through New Years. Since out home took a bit of damage (tree fell on roof and some other damage that will take a while to fix). Lazy brother and sister in law decided to do it finally this year.

 

[rodeo65]

I have tried for years to get my parents to let me host Christmas and / or Thanksgiving. They are now early 80's and while their house is able to accommodate all of us for a sit down meal, they are saying it's getting to be too much. I've suggested appetiser meals that we can eat in the living and family rooms at my house since my table isn't large enough for all of us. They've agreed to this for Christmas Eve or another evening close to, but still insist on the traditional sit down for Christmas Day. My brother lives far enough away that they stay at my parents house with their two young kids for the week they're usually here which is tiring enough for them.

I do all of the sides and take them over early in the day and mom and dad to an app plus the turkey / stuffing and dinner rolls. DD does dessert and mom usually also buys either a yule log or plum pudding. For the last two or three years I've gone over and put up and decorated their tree and sent DD over early to do the table for dinner. I'm going to try again this year but I know the answer will be the same.

 

[MIGrandma]

Well this is the first year we are not doing Christmas. We have a home in key west and we all go there for about a week from Christmas through New Years. Since out home took a bit of damage (tree fell on roof and some other damage that will take a while to fix). Lazy brother and sister in law decided to do it finally this year.

So sorry about the damage to your home in Key West! But glad your brother and sister-in-law have stepped up to host it this year.

I have tried for years to get my parents to let me host Christmas and / or Thanksgiving. They are now early 80's and while their house is able to accommodate all of us for a sit down meal, they are saying it's getting to be too much. I've suggested appetiser meals that we can eat in the living and family rooms at my house since my table isn't large enough for all of us. They've agreed to this for Christmas Eve or another evening close to, but still insist on the traditional sit down for Christmas Day. My brother lives far enough away that they stay at my parents house with their two young kids for the week they're usually here which is tiring enough for them.

I do all of the sides and take them over early in the day and mom and dad to an app plus the turkey / stuffing and dinner rolls. DD does dessert and mom usually also buys either a yule log or plum pudding. For the last two or three years I've gone over and put up and decorated their tree and sent DD over early to do the table for dinner. I'm going to try again this year but I know the answer will be the same.

Hey, at least you've tried to get them to let you host. And it sounds like you do a lot to help them out since they still insist on hosting. I know I won't be at 80 years old, ha ha!!

 

[Pea-n-Me]

I demanded Christmas Eve when my twins were one. The grandparents would help put out cookies and milk and then go home. My boys are now 19 and dinner has grown to 30 people. My brother just had a daughter. I will be happy to hand over Christmas Eve for the same reason that I wanted it to begin with.

Wait, you wanted to host? So you could stay home? I guess that makes sense, but it still seems like a lot of work with two new babies! My twins are the same age. I remember that first XMas Eve, when they were about 8 weeks old, as being a disaster! We were supposed to be at in law's house around 4pm. It was 3pm and I still wasn't showered or dressed yet, was home alone trying to bathe the babies and get them dressed in their little outfits, lol. I had taken a basin in their room and was bathing them in that (don't ask me why, just trailing it, I think) when DS pooped in the water and I just about lost it! In the midst of that chaos, DH called on his way home from work to say that he was sitting in horrible traffic and was going to be super late. I think we got to in laws pretty late! I don't think I would've had it in me that year to host, though.

 

[mom2rb]

Pea-n-me, not the first year. When they were 16 months I started hosting. Since my niece is only 6 weeks old, I think that I have one more year to host. Even though it was stressful, it was easier to get ready for Christmas morning if I was in my house.