Serious Dating question

[Disney_traveler]

sorry @gryffindors I accidentally quoted you

Ok, we've got the 2 things that were bothering me, the smoking thing, which I didn't feel like was yet my place to discuss besides saying "I'd rather you didn't" and explaining and pointing to my trache scar when he asked if he could smoke, and one more. At this point, no matter how easy it is to talk to him, perhaps that many points of discomfort mean I should walk? I thought maybe I was being unduly hard on him, but maybe my initial feelings are right, for me, right now. He's trying to nail me down on our next date, so gotta figure out if I'm going to continue this or just cut bait. Honestly, I should just decline. That's how I've been feeling. I thought maybe it was me but all this crap combined it just too much for so early on.

maybe y'all need a short break to reevaluate ?

 

[amberpi]

I am very strongly suspecting that he is familiar with this bartender.
The possibility would be a big factor.
It would mean that he not only enjoys 'messing with people'... But that he is doing this with this bartender/friend, without being upfront about any friendly relationship with this person.

And now that possibility is really in my head and makes it even meaner seeming.

 

[amberpi]

And, is it even really that easy to talk to him when I don't know if he's "pulling my leg?" How about he's fun and not creepy seeming? Ugh. I know what I should do.

 

[dish rag]

OP you've come for opinions. Pls don't take this wrong it's only to offer an opinion. Reading this thread and others similar of yours is just strange. The constant use of the word dating. You may be getting fed here by some women in boring marriages living through you. I think if any well adjusted man read these posts he would head for the hills, I know I would. You might consider talking with a therapist and show him or her these dating threads of yours. You seem obsessed. Good luck with whatever happens.

 

[amberpi]

OP you've come for opinions. Pls don't take this wrong it's only to offer an opinion. Reading this thread and others similar of yours is just strange. The constant use of the word dating. You may be getting fed here by some women in boring marriages living through you. I think if any well adjusted man read these posts he would head for the hills, I know I would. You might consider talking with a therapist and show him or her these dating threads of yours. You seem obsessed. Good luck with whatever happens.

No offense! These are online boards where I can vent all my weirdness and get all kinds of different opinions - from strangers. I enjoy the Dis boards a ton and get some solid advice, but its not like I'd belabor this crap with friends. I have a therapist - because admittedly this stuff makes me nutty. I'm just trying to figure the dating thing out again after a long break/health issue and it seems like its more complicated every time I go back on the scene. Its great to get all my crazy out here. I learn something, hear different opinions and can then chill in the real world.

 

[declansdad]

Ok, we've got the 2 things that were bothering me, the smoking thing, which I didn't feel like was yet my place to discuss besides saying "I'd rather you didn't" and explaining and pointing to my trache scar when he asked if he could smoke, and one more. At this point, no matter how easy it is to talk to him, perhaps that many points of discomfort mean I should walk? I thought maybe I was being unduly hard on him, but maybe my initial feelings are right, for me, right now. He's trying to nail me down on our next date, so gotta figure out if I'm going to continue this or just cut bait. Honestly, I should just decline. That's how I've been feeling. I thought maybe it was me but all this crap combined it just too much for so early on.

So you have a guy that should have been out with a few times and he is keen on seeing you again and that is a problem?

 

[bellebud]

i didn't 'get' the messing with you in front of that particular bartender at first, but now that others have pointed it out, I really, really don't like it. something super weird about it.

 

[Kathryn Merteuil]

I had been reading this thread, just had refrained from commenting until now. I guess the entire board remembers the drama and stuff I aired a year or so ago, and beyond. @amberpi I know the whole dating thing is so tough. People who seem to be in relationships and feel fulfilled sometimes just don't "get it".
I did skip ahead a few pages, so there may have been developments that I don't know. In regards to the original thing about being cut off about talking about an ex... I can kind of see both sides of it. Sometimes you feel a need to tell something, believe me I have told things I should not have. It is like I leave my body, and I am standing outside yelling SHUT UP at myself, but I just won't stop talking If he finds stories about an ex offensive, I think it has already been mentioned, just change the wording a bit and it should all be good.

As far as him being bothered about exes being mentioned... who knows, that is really a sensitive issue. I have been on the other end of a somebody talking about exes I know I have struggled with my fiance's oversharing. I have been very offended and upset about some of the stuff he said, but I didn't say anything. I have decided that it is less him trying to hold on to the past, and more that he is insensitive and doesn't bother thinking before he speaks.

I have a constant reminder of his ex wife because I have to deal with her regularly. Actually having to interact with the person that a lot of the "stories" are about takes the awkwardness to a whole new level.

Don't let the stuff get you down, (much easier said than done) it is easy to get discouraged. You just gotta keep fighting the good fight.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Well, since this has now been bumped back up, I will just say this. (regarding the comments above)

Yes, if one begins to feel that the other person might be disingenuous or disrespectful, it can def. be a problem...

Even if one just feels that this is not a relationship that they want/need in their lives, it can def. be a problem.

To the OP: I had to kind of wonder about the wording, which sounds 'harsh'... that he is trying to nail you down on a next date... If you feel undue pressure, that too should be something that you take into consideration.

A half-dozen dates does not equate with any kind of obligation or commitment.