Should I allow almost 18 year old daughter to bring boyfriend?

I am leaning towards saying yes, but it would really depend on a few different factors - how serious the relationship is, how much I like the BF and if he is respectful to DD, etc.

Not really sure how i'd feel about the sleeping arrangements though.
 
Depending on how long the relationship was, how well I knew the boyfriend and his family, I would let my dd at that age. We have no problem including others on our family vacations, afterall a family doesn't always have to be just us. By the time my dd is almost 18 we would have had plenty of vacations that were just the five of us, and plenty that included other family or friends.
I also wouldn't worry about sex, because by that age either they have had it, or if they are in a long term relationship and waiting, the sudden magic of WDW won't change that ;) If it were my dd, I would know if they already have because we would have discussed it way before the trip so if it turns out they were already having a sexual relationship, I would just set up ground rules for the trip and I would trust my dd and her BF to respect them. Of course thats just me, so I don't know what I would do if I were you OP. Good luck with your decision and enjoy your trip :thumbsup2
 
My second trip to Disney was with my parents and my boyfriend. I was 16. He had his own room. We had a blast. He had never been anywhere like that before and we did nothing but have innocent fun.

We were instructed before we went that we traveled to and from the park together. No going back to the room was allowed at all. During the day we could go our own way but at certain times of the day we met up with mom and dad just to check in and usually grab something to eat. I was not to be in his room, period (his was next door to ours) and had to agree to be in our room to stay by a certain time at night.

We had such a great time that we never even considered trying to sneak around and do anything. And yes we broke up about a year later. It was still a great memory and a very fun summer from my high school years.


After my own experience, would I allow the same thing with my own dd? Yes, with the same rules as I had when I was a teen.
 
We took 17 year old son's girlfriend- it was great- we were gone 18 nights....I am sure my son's trip was WAY better because she was there. They had been going out about a year and a half. Now if you are all in one hotel room........that I could not handle.......but I can't handle that with just my own family for more than a night.......
 
We have 2 DDs and 1 DS. All are grown now. We have been taking DW vactions for 38 yrs. We have allowed our childern to bring along friends and
boy and girlfriends. We all had great fun together. The last DW vacation we took together we brought along DDS DSILS 4 grandchildern DS and his girlfriend. They were both in college. This was the first time DS asked to bring a girlfriend. Both daughters had brought boyfriends after graduating from highschool. The only ones who objected to bring DS's girlfriend were my daughters. I could hardly believe they had objections since we had done the same for them. They said they weren't going to marry so why let her come?
No, they didn't get married,but they had a great time together. He was very happy and we got to know her better. We didn't know if she might someday be our DDIL.We were just allowing our son to bring someone who he liked very much to enjoy a great time with himself and his family. As it turned out she was a wonderful girl. She loved the grandkids and they loved her. She was a help to DDs on the trip. She did sleep in the same room with us and everyone was able to keep their modesty. I guess we have always believed that old saying,"The more,The merrier"!
 
I think the large amount of those responding yes to my post really surprised me! I just didn't know if I was being too old fashioned or too insecure about letting my DD grow up by not giving her the opportunity to bring BF. I'm going to leave the sex issue out of my decision factor, as like many said and I already know, teens will find a way if they choose to do so. I also have to leave out the fact that this is a family vacation. Without the oldest going and DS and DD being 9 years apart, it is not exactly a one vacation makes everyone happy type deal. Not all teens feel that being with their parents and lil' brother for 12 days is fun (probably not most!). I would be able to spend some time with just her, but that would be the only part that would be enjoyable to her. We don't have to worry about anyone getting along with BF, since we all like him. I do have to worry that he might get sick of her moods, but so far he has actually helped with that when it involves us.

Another opinion that really surprised me was that of my dear SIL and BIL, who both said they would let her as long as we had an understanding before hand of what we expect. They are a bit older than us, very respectable, and childless, so I thought that I would hear the total opposite. I'd like her to have a better attitude towards us parents, and be a little more helpful. Then I could treat her as the almost adult that she is. I can't just sit down and say, okay if you do this I will allow you to bring BF on the trip. I don't want to make it a reward or have her go back to the old way just because she got her way. Does that make any sense? I'm making her sound like a terrible girl, but she really is a good kid-just the attitude with us. On the other hand, I will have to have this trip planned soon, as we are either going to go in July as originallly stated with resort discount, or we just got the QSDP pin that we would need to use by 7/3. School's not out until 6/18, and probably not until 6/21 after expected snows this week-yuck!
 
OP-I just wanted to post something that keeps jumping out to me. You keep mentioning how he keeps her in check - eg. covering her mouth so she doesn't sass etc. It is almost as if you are enamored with the fact that he can make her behave. I am sorry but I would not find that endearing behavior. It is not a bf/gf's place to be getting involved between a parent and child. I don't care what the intention is. I just wanted to point that out to you. I have seen many parents rave about the bf and their own kid starts to feel like you think the bf is so great and their own child not so much. Of course a parent loves their child like no other but it is very easy for it to come off that way.
I still don't think he should come. She is a high schooler. Vacationing with a love interest imo is for adults.
Good luck with your decision.
 


Mouse House Mama said:
OP-I just wanted to post something that keeps jumping out to me. You keep mentioning how he keeps her in check - eg. covering her mouth so she doesn't sass etc. It is almost as if you are enamored with the fact that he can make her behave.
Click to expand...

That's pretty normal with all kids. My boys (22 and 23) are a lot nicer when their girlfriends are around. When the girls are around, they help with the dishes and keep their rooms clean without even rolling their eyes at us. They smile and show off when we ask them to lift or move something or reach something tall (They are both over 6'3" tall). So don't really read anything into her daughter acting better because of the boyfriend. That is typical teen/young adult behavior :-)
 
I can see where I've come across as wanting BF to help keep the moods in check, but having a GF come along would do the same. Some teens, and in our circle of friends anyway I'd say almost all, would not be happy to be on a trip with parents and little brother. I will say at that age I would have been miserable hanging out with my parents and sister who is 14 years older than me.

I am not giving her permission to do THAT with her BF! When she chooses to be active that way, or if she already is doing so is her decision She knows that I would want her to wait, but I have to be realistic here. I know she does not want a baby now or probably ever! I would not allow them to hang out at the room together if I did let him come. Towels are given out at the pool, so the bathing suit can either be worn in a back pack, or as another poster mentioned, put in a locker making it easier to take the room key if need be. I can give her my cell and BF has his own, so using my DH's we will be in touch. BF does not sleep in, so if she doesn't get up he will be with us. We are the parents, and we do make the rules! I sound like I have made up my mind, but I am just considering suggestions that have been made here.

For those of you who have given me your opinion without insulting my parenting, thank you! I've been told that I'm a good parent many, many times. And yes, when you are at many sporting, dancing, cheering events over a course of 19 years you do get much input on teen attitudes, and she is very normal. Yup, having friends or BF over definitely brings out the best. I'd rather have it taken out on me than explaining it to everyone else though.
My oldest has a very calm attitude, and we didn't teach him any differently. GF and friends when he's home from college still make him help more too though!
 
I haven't read the rest of this thread so I'm not sure what advice you've been given so far, but here's my take. I'm 20 years old, going on my first vacation alone with my BF of 4 years this april. When we were both 18 I was in the same situation as you, my family was going to WDW and my mom mentioned that I could invite my BF!!
We invited him and he was going to come, but his lacrosse schedule got in the way so he never came. But I think the reason my mom wanted him to come wasn't to please me or try to keep me happy or anything, but because he'd never been before and she loves taking people in their first trip!!
When my BF couldn't come I was upset but I wasn't miserable the whole trip, in fact I wasn't miserable at all, I brought my laptop so I could send him e-mails every night.

I don't understand what the issue would be with bringing him, I don't know what would be inappropriate about it to be quite honest :confused3
If sex if the issue you're worried about, take it from someone who was just 18 two years ago, sex would not be the first thing on my mind while I'm at Disney with my family (especially if we're all in one room!!)
 
clkelley said:
That's pretty normal with all kids. My boys (22 and 23) are a lot nicer when their girlfriends are around. When the girls are around, they help with the dishes and keep their rooms clean without even rolling their eyes at us. They smile and show off when we ask them to lift or move something or reach something tall (They are both over 6'3" tall). So don't really read anything into her daughter acting better because of the boyfriend. That is typical teen/young adult behavior :-)
Click to expand...


I totally agree with what you are saying. Aren't we all always on our best behavior aroung others?:cutie:I meant the OP saying HE keeps her in check by covering her mouth etc. That was my concern. I think the OP sounds like a great parent who is really trying to make the best decision for her family.
I can't imagine that it is easy at that age.
 
DramaQueen said:
I haven't read the rest of this thread so I'm not sure what advice you've been given so far, but here's my take. I'm 20 years old, going on my first vacation alone with my BF of 4 years this april. When we were both 18 I was in the same situation as you, my family was going to WDW and my mom mentioned that I could invite my BF!!
We invited him and he was going to come, but his lacrosse schedule got in the way so he never came. But I think the reason my mom wanted him to come wasn't to please me or try to keep me happy or anything, but because he'd never been before and she loves taking people in their first trip!!
When my BF couldn't come I was upset but I wasn't miserable the whole trip, in fact I wasn't miserable at all, I brought my laptop so I could send him e-mails every night.

I don't understand what the issue would be with bringing him, I don't know what would be inappropriate about it to be quite honest :confused3
If sex if the issue you're worried about, take it from someone who was just 18 two years ago, sex would not be the first thing on my mind while I'm at Disney with my family (especially if we're all in one room!!)
Click to expand...

I'm only a year older than you and I went in 2008 with my BF of 3 years for our anniversary...and honestly even then (and we were living together so it's a little different) sex was farthest from my mind. I was mostly just happy to be at Disney! We were there for 5 days, 4 nights and it was so much fun. We ate anniversary meals at sit down restaraunts and went on Splash Mountain a million times during the fireworks (which, if you've already seen the fireworks and you're like me and don't need to see them more than 5 times...it's the perfect time to get on a ride like Splash. You can go on it more than once in a row and watch fireworks during the outside portion). It's fun with my family and I missed them a lot while we were there, but it's really about being at Disney and has nothing to do with sex or even the relationship. I felt 5 years old again just like every other time I go.

So...if your DD really loves Disney and you've had him watch TV shows or the vaca planning DVD and he's like "Oh my gosh, I would love to go there" I think it would be more about having fun at Disney than being together! :)

Good Luck with your decision! :goodvibes
 
I have a DD that is now 24 and married. Over the years she has taken 3 boyfriends with her on or family trips to WDW. I now have pictures of 3 ex-boyfriends in all of my scrapbooks......ugh.... Sure wish we had left those boyfriends at home!!!
 
It's funny...the old fashioned me started to say 'no way' because you know they will be messing around in the room when she knows you aren't a risk to come walking in the door.
But now...room checks come walking in so she won't be safe regardless.

But then....I realized, the chances of your wonderful daughter at almost 18, who has been with the same boy for a year, to have not already gotten physical, is probably a very rare chance indeed.

My sister had this very same situation with her daughter and they talked it out and the daughter told her it was time to get on birth control.

As someone who is a mama to kids 28 & 30, I would say, it's time to be honest. Share with your daughter your concerns and tell her you realize she will be making these decisions on her own and as much as you would love to see her wait, you have to be realistic and you would rather keep open communication between you two and if she needs to get on birth control, to please let you know and you will arrange it.

Because, quite honestly, just because we don't want our kids to have sex, doesn't make it so. (it's funny, my sister's gal, who is having sex with boyfriend, is now in college and the boy came to visit and his mama came with him! Apparently, she didn't want him out visiting her on his on because, you know, they might do the deed!...when in reality they have been having sex for a year.)

Bring the boy. Let her have a great vacation and realize your baby girl is growing up.
 
Hisgirl said:
It's funny...the old fashioned me started to say 'no way' because you know they will be messing around in the room when she knows you aren't a risk to come walking in the door.
But now...room checks come walking in so she won't be safe regardless.

But then....I realized, the chances of your wonderful daughter at almost 18, who has been with the same boy for a year, to have not already gotten physical, is probably a very rare chance indeed.

My sister had this very same situation with her daughter and they talked it out and the daughter told her it was time to get on birth control.

As someone who is a mama to kids 28 & 30, I would say, it's time to be honest. Share with your daughter your concerns and tell her you realize she will be making these decisions on her own and as much as you would love to see her wait, you have to be realistic and you would rather keep open communication between you two and if she needs to get on birth control, to please let you know and you will arrange it.

Because, quite honestly, just because we don't want our kids to have sex, doesn't make it so. (it's funny, my sister's gal, who is having sex with boyfriend, is now in college and the boy came to visit and his mama came with him! Apparently, she didn't want him out visiting her on his on because, you know, they might do the deed!...when in reality they have been having sex for a year.)

Bring the boy. Let her have a great vacation and realize your baby girl is growing up.
Click to expand...
Um.....the daughter is now 25 or 26.
 
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