Should I ask my Dad's wife to see his will?

[mummabear]

Police where you live are stretched so thin that breaking and entering, larceny from a building or home invasion aren't followed up on? Surely there would be no problem then with the "crazy psycho" breaking in to take a look around your home and retrieve the items you removed from theirs?

You seem really ok with someone keeping irreplaceable sentimental things that have no value besides to the person they are being kept from.

And yes where I live police will barely do more than a report if your tv is stolen, they aren’t going to go CSI on a box of recipes and photos.

And I would dare the widow to try.

It is really down to the widow recognising that the hold (even an estranged one) also has a relationship to the deceased, if they want to be cruel to grieving children then thy deserve whatever they get.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

You seem really ok with someone keeping irreplaceable sentimental things that have no value besides to the person they are being kept from.

And yes where I live police will barely do more than a report if your tv is stolen, they aren’t going to go CSI on a box of recipes and photos.

And I would dare the widow to try.

It is really down to the widow recognising that the hold (even an estranged one) also has a relationship to the deceased, if they want to be cruel to grieving children then thy deserve whatever they get.

I'm really not okay with breaking and entering. Or stealing.

My memories aren't dependent on a few pictures or recipes.

 

[tvguy]

Police where you live are stretched so thin that breaking and entering, larceny from a building or home invasion aren't followed up on? Surely there would be no problem then with the "crazy psycho" breaking in to take a look around your home and retrieve the items you removed from theirs?

I can't speak to mummabear's town, but here that would be petty theft, and at best they would take a phone report. Been that way here for at least 25 years.
However, in this digital age, you can buy a photo scanner for under $100, borrow all the photos, and then there isn't an issue.

 

[mummabear]

I can't speak to mummabear's town, but here that would be petty theft, and at best they would take a phone report. Been that way here for at least 25 years.
However, in this digital age, you can buy a photo scanner for under $100, borrow all the photos, and then there isn't an issue.

There is only an issue if the Widow won’t let ou scan them...

 

[mummabear]

I'm really not okay with breaking and entering. Or stealing.

My memories aren't dependent on a few pictures or recipes.

I don’t consider taking something that is kind to be stealing

 

[wvjules]

I don’t consider taking something that is kind to be stealing

If they are not yours and you take them that is stealing. It’s a pretty simple definition.

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I don’t consider taking something that is kind to be stealing

As @wvjules said, taking something that doesn't belong to you, that is stealing. Even if you want it really bad. Even if you think it should be yours.

If it isn't yours, keep your hands off. Heck, it is something we teach children when they are young.

 

[mummabear]

If they are not yours and you take them that is stealing. It’s a pretty simple definition.

As @wvjules said, taking something that doesn't belong to you, that is stealing. Even if you want it really bad. Even if you think it should be yours.

If it isn't yours, keep your hands off. Heck, it is something we teach children when they are young.

If my dad had left it to me in his will that makes it mine, if his wife refused to hand it over it’s not stealing it is recovering my property.

We also try to insteal human decency in children-some step parents miss this memo when dealing with the children of their partners (after they have passed)

 

[QueenIsabella]

If my dad had left it to me in his will that makes it mine, if his wife refused to hand it over it’s not stealing it is recovering my property.

We also try to insteal human decency in children-some step parents miss this memo when dealing with the children of their partners (after they have passed)

But that's the point--if the will said all his belongings went to X, then X owns them. Not his children or his ex-wife or his barber. That includes photos, knick-knacks, old baseball cards, and Grandma's recipe box. You have no right to take them--none, zero, zip, nada. You seem to think you can just help yourself to what you perceive is yours, but it's not. I'm mystified as to why you cannot grasp that you have no claim to these items.

 

[barkley]

If my dad had left it to me in his will that makes it mine, if his wife refused to hand it over it’s not stealing it is recovering my property.

it may not meet your definition of stealing but it pretty clearly meets the legal definitions of trespass and breaking and entering-

trespass

1. enter the owner's land or property without permission.

breaking and entering. v., n. entering a residence or other enclosed property through the slightest amount of force (even pushing open a door), without authorization.

We also try to insteal human decency in children-some step parents miss this memo when dealing with the children of their partners (after they have passed)

so human decency no longer follows the concept that two wrongs don't make a right?

 

[mummabear]

But that's the point--if the will said all his belongings went to X, then X owns them. Not his children or his ex-wife or his barber. That includes photos, knick-knacks, old baseball cards, and Grandma's recipe box. You have no right to take them--none, zero, zip, nada. You seem to think you can just help yourself to what you perceive is yours, but it's not. I'm mystified as to why you cannot grasp that you have no claim to these items.

I’m mystified that you would allow precious irreplaceable items to be kept or destroyed by a vindictive person.

Sometimes the only way to fight crazy is with crazy.

it may not meet your definition of stealing but it pretty clearly meets the legal definitions of trespass and breaking and entering-

trespass

1. enter the owner's land or property without permission.

breaking and entering. v., n. entering a residence or other enclosed property through the slightest amount of force (even pushing open a door), without authorization.





so human decency no longer follows the concept that two wrongs don't make a right?[/QUOTE]

Sometimes they do.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I’m mystified that you would allow precious irreplaceable items to be kept or destroyed by a vindictive person.

Sometimes the only way to fight crazy is with crazy.

Sometimes, items are destroyed by a crazy person--in my case, a literal crazy person--my mom. She wasn't mean or vindictive, she was mentally ill. She left our photo albums in a bookcase thing. Outside on her deck. All winter. In Connecticut. We had one (one!) nice, framed photo of my dad's family when he was a child--this photo had hung in my grandmother's house my entire childhood. My mother threw it in the dumpster. My sister literally had to dumpster-dive to retrieve it. I have very, very few photos from my childhood. Does it suck? You bet! But that still doesn't give me the right to break the law! I'm also not mad at my mom--I'm sad. Sad that she couldn't function as a healthy person in this world.

As it happens, I have a quasi-uncle (long story) who's been mentally ill all his life. He's lived in a nursing home for 20 years, and is 79 now. He mailed me several photos from decades ago, including an 8"x10" from my parents' wedding, and another that might be my mom's college graduation. I cried when I saw them--those photos mean the world to me. I GET the importance of photos.

The problem you have is two-fold. One is, you have no right to any photos not explicitly left to you. None, zero, zip. No matter how justified you might feel, you just don't. The other problem is, if you were dealing with a mad, vindictive person, you would only incite them. If it were me, and I was the spiteful type, I would burn that pile of photos after your first attempt to take them--then you would have nothing. A better approach would be to use every ounce of kindness you have, to try to get them to give you the photos. Better yet--if you know your parents have photos that you want copies of, ask now. Offer to sort through them, ask questions, maybe make a nice album or two (one for you, one for the parents).

P.S. If you're breaking in to someone's house to retrieve photos and a recipe box, good luck convincing the judge that THEY'RE the crazy one!

 

[tvguy]

I’m mystified that you would allow precious irreplaceable items to be kept or destroyed by a vindictive person.

Sometimes the only way to fight crazy is with crazy.

I get the emotions. I get the personal value. But this is a legal issue. If the owner willed them to someone specifically, that was his or her legal right. And it is the legal right of the person who inherited them to do with them what they want.

 

[cabanafrau]

You seem really ok with someone keeping irreplaceable sentimental things that have no value besides to the person they are being kept from.

And yes where I live police will barely do more than a report if your tv is stolen, they aren’t going to go CSI on a box of recipes and photos.

And I would dare the widow to try.

It is really down to the widow recognising that the hold (even an estranged one) also has a relationship to the deceased, if they want to be cruel to grieving children then thy deserve whatever they get.

Clearly the fact that I don't advocate breaking into someone's home and taking what I feel should be mine on the basis of sentiment trumps means I thrive on crushing others' spirits and reveling in their heartache, hence all of my recommendations to OP. It's tough to be an evil mastermind behind a keyboard when you out me publicly.

 

[mom2rtk]

P.S. If you're breaking in to someone's house to retrieve photos and a recipe box, good luck convincing the judge that THEY'RE the crazy one!

 

[Hikergirl]

If my dad had left it to me in his will that makes it mine, if his wife refused to hand it over it’s not stealing it is recovering my property.

We also try to insteal human decency in children-some step parents miss this memo when dealing with the children of their partners (after they have passed)

Anyone else find this incredibly amusing

 

[MaryLovesPoohBear]

I think you’re being outside the US has you a little confused about wills and estates here. It’s not like the movies. The only things you can contest are whether the signer had capacity (was in his right mind and not under duress/gun to the head when he signed), if there’s something that’s unclear (will says the vacation house goes to Bob and there are 2 vacation homes and it’s not clear which one they are talking about), whether there is a later valid will, if you have a claim against the estate that needs repayment (I loaned dad $2k), and if the executor is not following the will (will says Bob gets the car and they won’t give it to him). That’s it. You can’t go and say I think dad should have given me x or the wife doesn’t have the right to y in my opinion.

There’s no standing there and the judge won’t even allow the case to proceed

In that case I would need to take matters into my own hands to ensure I, not some second spouse, had my childhood memories

They would a)have to prove it and b) has to care. With resources stretched they are unlikely to care about some photos and a recipe box.
Furthermore I bet I could convince them that the crazy physco that would not give me pictures of my parent and I from a time before they were even part of our lives has thrown them out and is now making up stories.

If my dad had left it to me in his will that makes it mine, if his wife refused to hand it over it’s not stealing it is recovering my property.

We also try to insteal human decency in children-some step parents miss this memo when dealing with the children of their partners (after they have passed)

But see, in the scaneario, by @gotomu212 , indicated that you can't go to the judge saying dad should have given me x or wife doesn't have right to y. In other words, when dad doesn't leave you anything. And you want it anyway.

Then you indicated that you would "take matters into" your own hands. And essentially take whatever it was you wanted.

That is stealing.

 

[cabanafrau]

If my dad had left it to me in his will that makes it mine, if his wife refused to hand it over it’s not stealing it is recovering my property.

We also try to insteal human decency in children-some step parents miss this memo when dealing with the children of their partners (after they have passed)

I've seen more than my share of stepchildren who need a healthy infusion of human decency as well -- oftentimes that includes how they treated their own parent when they were alive as well.

 

[mousefan73]

Discussion has making me think about how can you actually prove ownership of a box of random family/ generational pictures? just because they are in a deceased home does not mean that they own them? One could argue the point that they are just simply holding them at the moment Are there receipts this person purchase these?
A good example in our extended family there is an infamous box of family photos that were passed between family members throughout the years. Even while living, for a while they are at my aunts than they were at my uncles people go through them take things out put things in etc. who owns these?

BYW My case is closed step mom still does not know I saw the will and I got what I need through other family members I am happy. I wish Karma on others

 

[mousefan73]

Oh and i will not address her on those specific items willed to me... The fact my Dad still thought of me for his will is worth more than those items.