Should I pay for my college student?

[Kristie Smith]

Need some opinions here. I have 20 year old college student who lives away in a college town. We are planning a trip to Disneyland for her younger sisters high school graduation next summer. At this point we don't plan on paying for my college daughter to go. She is welcome to go but would need to pay her own way.

Here is some insight on what our situation is...my youngest who will be graduating high school is bringing a friend as it will be her senior trip. (We did the same for my oldest but her younger sister also went because she was still school age and living in the house.) We will have a hard time paying for my oldest to go because it will be hard enough to for 4 of us. My college student also hasn't done well at college and has lost her financial aid because she isn't meeting the requirements. That has lead to larger personal loans. She does work part time but mainly lives off her loans.

My feelings...I have some guilt because we have always paid until now. I still have some anger because she hasn't done well in college and still continues to rack up debt. She hasn't taken ownership for her poor performance in school and gets mad if I try to talk to her about it.

She did just go on a 7 day trip to Mexico with her dad. My husband is her stepdad.

 

[ELSA711]

Not much help because I don't have experience (yet) with that age range so I feel for you.
I personally would view this situation as a family trip to celebrate her sister's graduation so yes I would pay

 

[Kristie Smith]

Not much help because I don't have experience (yet) with that age range so I feel for you.
I personally would view this situation as a family trip to celebrate her sister's graduation so yes I would pay

Thank you!

 

[Southernmiss]

At age 20 family vacations are fading away.

We paid for our 19 and 22 year olds vacations to Disneyworld last year. To me, family time is worth every penny we spent.

No vacation this year at all. Our $ is going to the 22 year old's wedding in 2 weeks. That vacation was the last for our nuclear family of 6. Next vacations will have in laws and different dynamics.

But that's our family. You have to do what's best for yours.

 

[hereyago]

Heck no.

And I would have her leave college and come home and get a full time job and she can pay for her education, maybe she will take it seriously.

 

[Kristie Smith]

At age 20 family vacations are fading away.

We paid for our 19 and 22 year olds vacations to Disneyworld last year. To me, family time is worth every penny we spent.

No vacation this year at all. Our $ is going to the 22 year old's wedding in 2 weeks. That vacation was the last for our nuclear family of 6. Next vacations will have in laws and different dynamics.

But that's our family. You have to do what's best for yours.

Thanks for your reply!

 

[sam_gordon]

Need some opinions here. I have 20 year old college student who lives away in a college town. We are planning a trip to Disneyland for her younger sisters high school graduation next summer. At this point we don't plan on paying for my college daughter to go. She is welcome to go but would need to pay her own way.

Here is some insight on what our situation is...my youngest who will be graduating high school is bringing a friend as it will be her senior trip. (We did the same for my oldest but her younger sister also went because she was still school age and living in the house.) We will have a hard time paying for my oldest to go because it will be hard enough to for 4 of us. My college student also hasn't done well at college and has lost her financial aid because she isn't meeting the requirements. That has lead to larger personal loans. She does work part time but mainly lives off her loans.

My feelings...I have some guilt because we have always paid until now. I still have some anger because she hasn't done well in college and still continues to rack up debt. She hasn't taken ownership for her poor performance in school and gets mad if I try to talk to her about it.

She did just go on a 7 day trip to Mexico with her dad. My husband is her stepdad.

My opinion... unless you have previously told her "bring up your grades" (or whatever you decide) or she won't go, I feel you do pay for her. It's a family thing. Depending on if you can change reservations, you can actually even tell her now, "We're taking everyone to Disneyland next summer. However, if your grades/attitude don't improve by <insert a deadline here, can be Christmas break, spring break, whatever>, if you want to go, you need to pay your own way."

 

[Christine]

Me..I would pay. As another poster said, family vacations are a fading thing as kids get older. You actually don't have many years left when the four of you, as a family, will vacation together.

At 20, I think one of my kids would be absolutely hurt if I didn't include them (and pay) for the trip. If I couldn't take the whole family, I'm not sure I'd go. But that's me. I don't think there is a general right or wrong answer.

 

[sksjasams]

Struggling in college has nothing to do with being a member of the family. Kids mature at different rates and she is having a tough time getting her act together.

The bottom line is, this is a family trip and she is part of your family. Her sister got to go on her graduation trip, I imagine she is fully expecting to go along on this one.

ETA: I guess in answer to the question, should you pay? Yes. You know there is no way she can afford that. Not paying would basically be same as not inviting her.

 

[Kristie Smith]

Heck no.

And I would have her leave college and come home and get a full time job and she can pay for her education, maybe she will take it seriously.

Thanks for replying, I'm really having a hard time with it. I agree with the one of the responses as it its a celebration for her sisters hs graduation but I feel like my oldest needs to grow up a little and not sure if taking her on another fully paid vacation will help that. I also know if we were going somewhere "less fun" she wouldn't want to go.

 

[aprilgail]

I would pay for it and bring her since she had to have her sister along on her graduation trip so why shouldn't she be included in the sisters trip?

 

[Mizzoufan]

Does she wanna go?

 

[Kristie Smith]

Me..I would pay. As another poster said, family vacations are a fading thing as kids get older. You actually don't have many years left when the four of you, as a family, will vacation together.

At 20, I think one of my kids would be absolutely hurt if I didn't include them (and pay) for the trip. If I couldn't take the whole family, I'm not sure I'd go. But that's me. I don't think there is a general right or wrong answer.

Thanks for the reply. I've had that same thought about not going. We could present it for her for birthday as it will be her 21st but that would be her present.

 

[Kristie Smith]

My opinion... unless you have previously told her "bring up your grades" (or whatever you decide) or she won't go, I feel you do pay for her. It's a family thing. Depending on if you can change reservations, you can actually even tell her now, "We're taking everyone to Disneyland next summer. However, if your grades/attitude don't improve by <insert a deadline here, can be Christmas break, spring break, whatever>, if you want to go, you need to pay your own way."

That's a good idea!

 

[Kristie Smith]

Does she wanna go?

Absolutely, because it's Disneyland. She probably wouldn't want to go if were going somewhere less fun.

 

[Kristie Smith]

I would pay for it and bring her since she had to have her sister along on her graduation trip so why shouldn't she be included in the sisters trip?

Because she is moved out of the house mainly. Also because she hasn't taken college very seriously and has done a lot of partying instead.

 

[mousefanmichelle]

My vote is this is family trip so you bring her. I think you are mad at her and don't want her to go - that is totally different. I didn't do senior trips for my 2 older boys because we couldn't afford it then but my dd, who just graduated, did get a sr trip because we were in a better position. We took our boys who are 20 and 22 on the trip and paid for it except for their spending money. Life isn't fair but a family trip, is a family trip. I knew this was one of the last ones we will have so it was very important to me.

 

[VandVsmama]

Need some opinions here. I have 20 year old college student who lives away in a college town. We are planning a trip to Disneyland for her younger sisters high school graduation next summer. At this point we don't plan on paying for my college daughter to go. She is welcome to go but would need to pay her own way.

Here is some insight on what our situation is...my youngest who will be graduating high school is bringing a friend as it will be her senior trip. (We did the same for my oldest but her younger sister also went because she was still school age and living in the house.) We will have a hard time paying for my oldest to go because it will be hard enough to for 4 of us. My college student also hasn't done well at college and has lost her financial aid because she isn't meeting the requirements. That has lead to larger personal loans. She does work part time but mainly lives off her loans.

My feelings...I have some guilt because we have always paid until now. I still have some anger because she hasn't done well in college and still continues to rack up debt. She hasn't taken ownership for her poor performance in school and gets mad if I try to talk to her about it.

She did just go on a 7 day trip to Mexico with her dad. My husband is her stepdad.

No. The college student daughter should not get to go to Disneyland by having you pay for it. If she really wants to go, then she can work more hours at her part time job or go out to eat less at school or figure out a way to save up the money herself for the trip.

It will be a hard, but very necessary, lesson for her to learn. It's called Adulting 101 in the School of Hard Knocks. You know what happens when you can't afford to go on vacation? You don't go on vacation.

 

[ELSA711]

Just a quick thought, are you paying for younger daughter's friend fully? if so there may be hurt feelings there.
I know if it was something that I was penny pinching for between friend and daughter, the friend wouldn't be coming. I just view graduation celebrations as a family event first.

 

[Kristie Smith]

Struggling in college has nothing to do with being a member of the family. Kids mature at different rates and she is having a tough time getting her act together.

The bottom line is, this is a family trip and she is part of your family. Her sister got to go on her graduation trip, I imagine she is fully expecting to go along on this one.

ETA: I guess in answer to the question, should you pay? Yes. You know there is no way she can afford that. Not paying would basically be same as not inviting her.

Yes and no...we have always told the kids that they are responsible for paying for vacations once they graduate high school. That is why we take them on a senior trip. It's their last hurrah before they leave the house.