Should you have to get training and a permit to have a child?

[amberpi]

I’d actually be down for that on a surface level...but that’s a slippery slope that’s far more problematic than the % of crap parents; so I’m also firmly in the nope camp.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Not everyone can adopt, there is criteria that must be met. Should the same criteria and more be applied to those who which to produce a child?

No. To make this work, you'd pretty much have to force medical birth control on girls as soon as they reached the age of puberty, then only remove it after all the criteria were met. I'm not OK with the government making that kind of personal decision about my health.

Have we hit a point where we should require that prospective parent(s) receive counseling and training for what to expect before they have a child?

This part I'm more OK with - not to the point of arresting someone who declines, and certainly not removing children over it, but I would support, say, tying child tax credits to attending some sort of parenting education. (Ideally, you would start before you got pregnant, but those with unplanned pregnancies could just jump in late.)

There would need to be a lot of times and locations offered in order to make it feasible for everyone, but I'd love to see three sessions - a "planning for children" seminar ahead of time, a follow-up counseling session soon after the baby is born (to screen for PPD and help with any difficulties the new parents may be having) and a child development seminar around toddler age.

Only the middle one would need to be repeated for subsequent children, but if I had unlimited funds to really do this, I'd also want to offer an optional mentoring program after the third session to anyone who didn't feel they already had trusted parenting resources in their lives - just someone they could check in with on a regular basis, who could answer questions when they needed a little support.
...

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

OP, do you really want the government to be able to dictate childrearing?

What exactly do you propose to do with all the children born to parents without these permits? I don't want anyone to be able to tell me how to raise my child or tell me when or if I'm allowed to bear one. And those who think this is a good idea, be careful what you wish for. It could be you and yours turned down.

I do support mandatory childhood education for teens in high school.

Really an ill considered, nonsensical idea.

 

[kimblebee]

As someone who would fail several of these criteria I say no, no, and HELL NO.

 

[barkley]

i'm totally against it for a number of reasons.

I also don't believe that just b/c a person can pass a test they can practically apply the concepts they are tested on. I base this in part on the massive 'confidential caseload' I handled at dshs. these cases were deemed confidential by the department b/c they were active ongoing cases that included current active social services staff and their own children. people who spent YEARS studying, earning degrees and advanced degrees, given continuing education, being tested and licensed in all the best practices in child welfare yet were unable to apply those same practices in their own lives

 

[kdonnel]

No...no....no.... It's mind boggling to me that someone would even come up with this.

I came up with this after hearing about 5 year olds who steal food every day from the classroom. Why? Because they remember being hungry, hungrier then I have ever been in my life, until they were taken from their parents and put in foster care.

The abuse these children have endured is astonishing.

 

[Ben E N]

Well, most of the answers will be religious or political in nature, so not sure any of us can respond on this forum.

But, as a society we are at an interesting point. In nature, it is survival of the fittest. And what you are proposing is certainly humane, but it is altering the course of nature.

People have overwritten and outsmarted survival of the fittest that it has reached a worse point though. Now it's who can have the most kids, not the best kids, that wins the multiplying race. Bunnies keep getting faster and smarter. Can the same be said about people?

 

[Southernmiss]

I came up with this after hearing about 5 year olds who steal food every day from the classroom. Why? Because they remember being hungry, hungrier then I have ever been in my life, until they were taken from their parents and put in foster care.

The abuse these children have endured is astonishing.

Unfortunately, many teachers can tell several of these stories. Heard several myself this week from my sister who assisted in a classoom (kindergarten kid came to school in shorts with weed leaves printed on his socks) and from my sister in law who is a special ed teacher with 7 children in her 1st grade class who have not only special needs, but difficult family dynamics.

I get the sense that you just want to 'fix' the situation. But that is not something we can do for these children. But we can affect the children in our lives and that is what teachers do every day.

 

[smokeyblue]

Hard no. Way too The Handmaids Tale for me.

Comprehensive sex ed, yes. Affordable birth control, yes. Mental health, especially to address trauma and addiction, yes.

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

Unfortunately, many teachers can tell several of these stories. Heard several myself this week from my siser who assisted in a classoom and from my sister in law who is a special ed teacher with 7 children in her 1st grade class who have not only special needs, but difficult family dynamics.

I get the sense that you just want to 'fix' the situation. But that is not something we can do for these children. But we can affect the children in our lives and that is what teachers do every day.

Very true. I know many people who were helped tremendously by teachers and friends' parents. Bringing lunches and snacks for kids that come to school hungry, mentoring of students and parents who are struggling and notifying children's services when necessary. It takes a village.

 

[FairestOfThemAll37]

This is some real dystopian future society with a tyrannyical government thinking and it’s terrifying.

 

[Kitty 34]

I have read too many stories about kids being abused by their parents either physically or mentally. Too many kids are born into extreme poverty. Too many kids are born to parents who have serious medical and mental conditions that keep them from fully caring for themselves, let alone their child(ren).

Have we hit a point where we should require that prospective parent(s) receive counseling and training for what to expect before they have a child? Should a prospective parent receive financial counseling to understand the true cost of having a child?

Not everyone can adopt, there is criteria that must be met. Should the same criteria and more be applied to those who which to produce a child?

https://adoptionnetwork.com/requirements-to-adopt-a-child

• For domestic and international adoptions, the age of the prospective parents must be legal age, which is 21 years or older. There is also no age cutoff, meaning you can adopt as long as you are 21 or over. Typically for private and independent adoptions, the Birth Mother or parents select the adoptive home, which means their may be an age cut off if the mother so desires. Usually, 40 is the cutoff age, but it is subjective depending upon the preference of the Birth Parents. For international adoptions, age cutoffs depend upon the agency and country you are adopting from. In some counties, older parents are offered older children rather than infants and toddlers.
• Medical Health: Stable medical condition is necessary for prospective Adoptive Parents because it can determine whether or not adoption disruption is likely. If one or both of the parents have a history of a chronic illness or are currently experiencing a serious illness, a letter from their primary physician is needed stating that their physical stability, ability to parent, and expectation to live to a child’s majority (16 years old). Other issues, such as a history of substance abuse, may result in need for rehabilitation, and all other members of the household must prove that they are also physically stable.
• Emotional Health: Stable emotional health is incredibly important for prospective Adoptive Parents. If one or both parents have a current psychiatric illness, or if there is a history of such an illness, a professional statement vouching for their emotional stability is required. A doctor’s statement indicating stability and ability to parent is also needed if there is, or was, medication use. All additional household members must also be emotionally stable in order for the home to be considered safe for the adoptive child.
• Child Abuse History: Any household members over the age of 18 must undergo a child abuse clearance process for every U.S. state. If anything is found, it most likely will prevent adoption all together. For international adoption, the process is the same, but varies with each agency.
• Criminal History: A requirement of the adoption home study, both state and FBI clearances will be conducted for criminal history. If an arrest history is found, you will need to provide personal statements of the incident as well as dispositions. Rehabilitation will then be evaluated if needed. In some cases, certain criminal charges may prevent adoption all together.
• Marital History: Requirements vary for marriage history by adoption Agency and U.S. state, so it is best to check the specific requirements where you live. In some states, samesex partners, domestic partners, and singles may also be able to adopt.
• Financial Security: Though an income requirement is not usually specified, you will have to undergo an assessment to prove that you have the resources necessary to raise a child. The assessment will look over your income and assets, as well as proof of medical insurance.
• Home Environment: A home study will determine whether or not the home is a safe, secure place for a child to live. Requirements may vary depending upon each state’s own safety requirements and some countries may request proof of ownership of the home.
• Adoption and Parenting Education: Education: Some agencies will ask prospective parents to complete Adoptive Parent Education. This includes going over everything from the lifelong implications of adoption on the child and family, bonding and attachment, sharing adoption with the child and others, open or closed adoption, medical issues, academic issues, and emotional and developmental issues.

This criteria is for both the female and the male right? And do they need to fill this out before they wed or before they, ya know....do it?

 

[AnnaFloridaLover]

I came up with this after hearing about 5 year olds who steal food every day from the classroom. Why? Because they remember being hungry, hungrier then I have ever been in my life, until they were taken from their parents and put in foster care.

The abuse these children have endured is astonishing.

Instead of being only outraged, find ways in your community to help feeding the kids that come to school hungry. Donate to food banks, volunteer or start a breakfast or lunch program for kids. Join a Big Brothers Big Sisters program and mentor. My husband wouldn't be the person he is today without teachers, coaches and parents stepping up in big ways. His parents did the best they could/knew how but unfortunately they were limited.

 

[Mackenzie Click-Mickelson]

It's straight up out of a dystopian novel or film or tv show.

Heck to the no way.

I'm still trying to figure out how the issue presented in the OP and subsequent comments should lead to this much control over individuals.

 

[barkley]

Instead of being only outraged, find ways in your community to help feeding the kids that come to school hungry. Donate to food banks

NOW is an optimal time to donate to food banks. the big rush of donations is generally around the holidays when the greatest needs for families with kids is when school is out. kids whose primary source of nutrition is through school based breakfast, snack and lunch programs often go without during school breaks and the long summer vacation. some are fortunate enough to participate in summer programs that provide meals but these are sadly lacking such that many go without even basic needs met.

 

[Poohforyou]

We adopted and had to go thru all kinds of checks. While I don't think it should be a requirement, I think there are people who don't give having children enough thought. Of course there are people who do all kinds of things without much thought.

 

[Southernmiss]

And many schools, churches and civic organizations provide weekend back packs of non perishable foods for underprivileged kids to take home for the weekend. Donations for these are always needed.

Often the school nurse knows who is in need and can discreetly get donations to the family.

 

[msjprincess]

I'm curious how it would work if circumstances change after the child is born? Would people have to renew their permit and go through the screening all over again?

 

[GreatLakes]

In a theoretical perfect world only people capable of being good, or at least not bad, parents would have children. In the real world the negative side effects, many of which have already been mentioned, would be too great an obstacle to overcome. Sadly society will always have to deal with crappy parents.

I have friends going through the process to adopt now. They are looking for a pregnant mother in the USA to adopt pre-birth. They had a lot of hoops to jump through. I joke with them that all we got when having our baby was basically "here you go. Don't shake him too hard and try not to kill him". See you in few weeks for his first appointment.

ETA: The hospital we gave birth at did have optionally, but strongly encouraged, classes for both the couple and each parent individually. We did the couple class and I did daddy boot camp so the option is out there for parents that actually care to go.

 

[Summer2018]

No...no....no.... It's mind boggling to me that someone would even come up with this.

Honestly, I thought she was being facetious. It's frustrating witnessing horrible parenting especially when Department of Children and Families does so little to protect children.

Obviously her idea is not realistic or reasonable in any way.