Showing up unannounced

eksmama01

Life is happening when busy making other plans
Joined
Oct 2, 2020
It makes me CRAZY to have unannounced visitors. I know some probably welcome a drop in, but I can't stand it. My sister in law is particularly prone to doing this and it is making me bonkers. I've been married to her brother 23 years, but we have never lived in the same state until recently.

It annoys me that I have to either deal with it or awkwardly say, please call or text to give me a heads up. Shouldn't it just be common courtesy? Ok, rant over. 😆
 

Ellie008

in the wild blue yonder
Joined
Nov 18, 2018
I live far enough away from family that it isn't usually a problem for me. Though my parents did make the (LONG!) drive out as a surprise once. Shocked me.
The kids have friends show up unannounced now and again. Doesn't bother me. Either they can play, or they can't. If not, I just send them away.
If someone went WAY out of their way to stop by and see me unannounced I would find it a bit odd, but would accommodate it. If it was someone local who stopped by, I would have no problem telling them it wasn't a good time and come back some other time, if that was the situation. If it is a common problem with your SIL, you just have to come up with a short response to provide if she arrives at a time that doesn't work for you. Now, don't turn her away every time or that could get ugly. But if you turn her away a few times because you are legitimately busy, then she will either be fine with it or will start calling first.
 

fly girl

DIS Veteran
Joined
Jan 20, 2012
It makes me CRAZY to have unannounced visitors. I know some probably welcome a drop in, but I can't stand it. My sister in law is particularly prone to doing this and it is making me bonkers. I've been married to her brother 23 years, but we have never lived in the same state until recently.

It annoys me that I have to either deal with it or awkwardly say, please call or text to give me a heads up. Shouldn't it just be common courtesy? Ok, rant over. 😆
I don't like it either. Not a fan of the pop-in guest, ever. Even if it is just family. Most of the time if I am home, I am braless. I have layers on so it is hidden, I have modesty, but still. I don't want to come to the door that way. And I am not having a bra on "just in case." :laughing:

I would make a point to tell SIL to shoot a text so you can be prepared. Should this be common knowledge, yeah to us. But other people love the pop-in, so I guess it all depends on your personality.

I though, feel your anguish. :)
 
  • mi*vida*loca

    Collect memories, not things
    Joined
    Mar 29, 2008
    Growing up it was normal to just drop in. We lived in the city (and were poor) so most of us didn’t have phone or cars. Stopping by someone’s house to chat or just ask a question was normal.

    Now I don’t like it. But no one does it. We get a text or call. I’m also one of those that is braless at home. So please call first.
     

    Kittyblue

    7322
    Joined
    Jan 23, 2020
    I prefer to know if someone wants to come over. I've a had friend's son try to drop in a couple times now, I didn't even answer the door because I was busy and I didn't know who it was 😂. He finally figured out he better text me first to let me know he's stopping by.
     
  • _19disnA

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Aug 8, 2018
    Even if a relative, showing up to visit without first calling/texting is rude. The person may not be home, may be leaving for an appointment or doing house cleaning. If they do it consistently, you need to let them know you don't appreciate uninvited guests and they should inform you ahead of time in the future to see if it is a good time for you. If they don't get the hint, then meet them at the door next time, say you are just going out and now isn't a good time. Unless they are clueless, they should get the hint.

    I would never just drop in on anyone even they are relatives who live in the area.
     

    lynxstch

    I Love Figment
    Joined
    Feb 2, 2001
    I had that problem with my ex in laws, when we bought our house. They would show up whenever they felt like it. Usually on a Saturday or Sunday evening, after 7 or so. I finally got tired of it, told my ex that the next time they did that, I was going upstairs and not coming down till they left. It was our house, not theirs, and common courtesy would tell someone to call first? The next time they showed up, I went upstairs without saying a word, and never came down till they left. They did it one more time after that, and I guess they finally got the message. They were mad at me for awhile (so what else was new? LOL!) From then on, they would call and ask if it was okay to stop by. They have both been gone for years, but thinking about that, still irritates me :P I never go to anyone's house unannounced, I always call, message, or text first and wait for an answer.
     

    aprilchem

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jan 9, 2013
    Nobody ever really does that to us other than my best friend, who will occasionally text me "I'm in your front yard!" unexpectedly. I love it when she stops by, no matter what time it is or what we're doing - pre-COVID we shared an office at work and were together all the time, so any time I get to see her in person now it makes me happy.
     
  • CT Yankee

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Jan 26, 2013
    I would not do this - I always call or send a text before showing up. I don't like it when it is done to me - since I see it as an imposition on my time and space. If I am home, I am usually in the middle of something and now have to stop what I am doing to accommodate the person who is visiting.
    I have to admit though, my attitude would be colored based on who it is doing the visiting. A sibling or a good friend? Happy to see you, come on in! A casual acquaintance or an in-law? What the heck are they doing here?
     

    mjkacmom

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 20, 2006
    My parents lived a 3 minute drive away and would stop by several times a day (ours doors were unlocked). Never to visit, but drop off stuff, or see the kids. I never said anything because they would do anything for us and the kids, and I’d drop by their house a lot too (they didn’t mind if anyone dropped by their house and walked right in). I thought about asking for a text first, but by then it was going on for so many years, it would’ve been awkward.
     

    paisleys

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Oct 25, 2013
    I don't like it either. Not a fan of the pop-in guest, ever. Even if it is just family. Most of the time if I am home, I am braless. I have layers on so it is hidden, I have modesty, but still. I don't want to come to the door that way. And I am not having a bra on "just in case." :laughing:

    I would make a point to tell SIL to shoot a text so you can be prepared. Should this be common knowledge, yeah to us. But other people love the pop-in, so I guess it all depends on your personality.

    I though, feel your anguish. :)
    Ha, this is so me! Braless, also in my stretchy 'fat pants'. Plus the house can get unruly. I hate when people say 'ooh I don't mind!" But maybe I do? I've had to train neighbors. I just stopped budging when they knock, I won't even pretend we are not home. It conveys a point since asking to text first and signs imploring people not to ring bell due to crazy dogs barking don't work. People pop in when it's a good time for them, but it's probably not a good time for you.
     
    Joined
    Oct 23, 2015
    :wave2: add me to the braless list while at home.

    I don't really have people that drop on by unannounced (other than neighbors which is rare but is fine they are always conveying an important thing in our specific case like a garage door left opened, talking to us about an inground pool and tree limbs, etc) but I do have people who may not get much notice so I'm scrambling around to get appropriately dressed and look at least somewhat presentable :rotfl:

    I would think it is common sense to give a heads up unless the explicit agreement is "come on over whenever"...and you actually mean it :flower1:

    The only thing we have is when we're expecting you we unlock our front door and you don't need to knock or anything like that just come on in. Most of the time it's more disruptive to knock or ring the doorbell when we're expecting you (this excludes delivery peeps where we would not just unlock our door for them).

    The thing is dropping by unannounced may mean we're not home and why drive all that way to chit chat or to give us something or whatever if you don't know we're actually going to be there?
     
    Joined
    Oct 23, 2015
    A sibling or a good friend? Happy to see you, come on in! A casual acquaintance or an in-law? What the heck are they doing here?
    Wouldn't that really depend on the relationship you have with your in-laws?

    I wouldn't expect my father-in-law to just drop on by to chit chat with me but that would be much more expected with my mother-in-law or one of my sister-in-laws plus it wouldn't be uncommon for us to drop off stuff, pick up stuff, ask to get food or go shopping, etc. They'd still call or text first but probably wouldn't give much notice beforehand whereas with my mom we're almost always making plans well in advance (which is how I grew up, my husband's family is much more go with the flow less advanced planning).
     

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