Sons best friend, what to do

[Disneyhenry]

My sister, her family along with our mother and my family have a Merrytime cruise planned, this will be her and her hubbys 1st cruise along with my mothers.
We live a block apart and we recently added to our families. We took in two boys and their little sister between the two of us. The boys are our kids best friends, their life has been very hard. We will have them for at least a year.

Our ship is pretty full already so here is our options
1) find respite care for all 3 kids and go without them ( non family respite care)
2) we can only add 2, so it would be only the 2 boys and the little girl can stay with her Grandma for a week

Without adding another 1 bedroom these are our only options, we can’t afford to add another 1 bedroom, there is no more concierge family suites.
We will not have to pay for the kids, the funds will be 100% covered.

My sister wants to just relax and enjoy her 1st cruise so she is struggling with the choices. I know cruises and we won’t see the kids much lol. I really want to take the boys, however feel guilty not taking their sister. BTW we booked through DCL and I haven’t called to see if there is other options.
Ages are 11, 10 and 5. What’s your opinions? And thx for your input

 

[squirk]

The little girl will probably feel awful if her brothers get to go and she’s left behind. Sounds like she might have already suffered enough of people letting her down.

When you say you “can’t afford another 1 bedroom,” do you mean you can’t afford another concierge room, or you can’t afford another stateroom, period? And when you say your ship is “pretty full,” does that mean that’s there aren’t even, say, Cat 11's someplace that could help accommodate everyone?

Give up Concierge and downgrade if you must, but don't exclude the little girl.

And no matter what anyone says here, you should call DCL anyway. Extremely knowledgeable folks here, but none of us are “the final word” on anything.

 

[martikus]

I would cancel the cruise and reschedule for when the kids are no longer with you. They must obviously have a rough life to have to be not living at home. I can’t imagine leaving them behind while going on a major vacation. How awful that would feel.

Or find another vacation where you can afford to take them all such as a cheaper non Disney Cruise. And I would never take 2 of the 3.

Nope. Sorry probably not what you wanted to hear. But if I had taken in other kids I’d be treating them like a member of my family as long as I had them.

 

[Disneyland_emily]

Take them all even if it means changing room type.

 

[MomOfDisneyPrincess]

I would do everything in my power to take them along or cancel/postpone the trip. By the end of the year they will feel much more a part of the family and would feel the rejection of being left out even more. I don’t know the details of their situation, but having done foster care for a few years, these children often are in the system for two years or more before situations are resolved. I know many people treat foster children as just that, temporary, and do not include them on vacations and other major family events, but I believe they should be treated as you would your other children. It sounds like that is your feeling, as well, so I would encourage you to make it happen and bring some Disney magic into the lives of these children.

 

[SG131]

Having fostered I’m also all about doing anything in your power to bring them along or postpone the trip. Realistically, are you going to be able to enjoy the vacation if even one of the kids is stuck at home?? I know I would feel horrible and wouldn’t really enjoy myself anyway.

 

[ThinkBelieveDream&Dare]

My sister, her family along with our mother and my family have a Merrytime cruise planned, this will be her and her hubbys 1st cruise along with my mothers.
We live a block apart and we recently added to our families. We took in two boys and their little sister between the two of us. The boys are our kids best friends, their life has been very hard. We will have them for at least a year.

Our ship is pretty full already so here is our options
1) find respite care for all 3 kids and go without them ( non family respite care)
2) we can only add 2, so it would be only the 2 boys and the little girl can stay with her Grandma for a week

Without adding another 1 bedroom these are our only options, we can’t afford to add another 1 bedroom, there is no more concierge family suites.
We will not have to pay for the kids, the funds will be 100% covered.

My sister wants to just relax and enjoy her 1st cruise so she is struggling with the choices. I know cruises and we won’t see the kids much lol. I really want to take the boys, however feel guilty not taking their sister. BTW we booked through DCL and I haven’t called to see if there is other options.
Ages are 11, 10 and 5. What’s your opinions? And thx for your input

I think your best option is to call Disney as soon as you can @Disneyhenry
Explain your circumstances and the 3 children's situation, then ask if there is any way they could create a phenomenal Magical Moment for the 3 children.
Who knows, perhaps they would upgrade you to accommodate everybody at a reduced and more affordable cost?
If no joy there, maybe consider setting up a fundraiser auction to cover the extra cost. Disney sometimes make donations … https://support.disney.com/hc/en-gb/articles/360000306286-Charity-requests
https://www.thewaltdisneycompany.eu/social-purpose/
In the UK we have JustGiving.com do you have similar in US?
I wish you all the luck in the world finding a solution

 

[Lisa F]

I would definitely call Disney. this is the kind of situation they shine at. Don't leave anyone behind. I'm sure there is a category 11 nearby they could add (even if they have to make magic for another family and upgrade them out of it), shuffle adults around on the reservations and then everyone can sleep where they want to once you're onboard.

that said, how amazing of you to take them in. Follow your heart, which is to take all 3 - talk to Disney about how to make it happen. Convince your sister they won't be any trouble at all on the cruise, she will be able to relax and enjoy it just fine.

please let us know what happens.

 

[aggiedog]

What kind of message does it send "We care enough to take you in but not enough to take you on vacation."

Agree with everyone above. Find a way to make it work.

 

[Lisa F]

I just want to stick my neck out there and say "let's not judge the OP too harshly." It's an amazing and probably overwhelming (for the adults as well as the kids) thing they did to take in these children and it sounds like they are trying to figure it all out with hearts definitely in the right place.

 

[ThinkBelieveDream&Dare]

I would definitely call Disney. this is the kind of situation they shine at. Don't leave anyone behind. I'm sure there is a category 11 nearby they could add (even if they have to make magic for another family and upgrade them out of it), shuffle adults around on the reservations and then everyone can sleep where they want to once you're onboard.

that said, how amazing of you to take them in. Follow your heart, which is to take all 3 - talk to Disney about how to make it happen. Convince your sister they won't be any trouble at all on the cruise, she will be able to relax and enjoy it just fine.

please let us know what happens.

Nicely put @Lisa F I hope the OP comes back and takes it onboard

 

[doublesided]

Hi there. That's awesome that you took them in. I'd say take them all or the whole family doesn't go. Downgrade from concierge to ocean view rooms so you have enough rooms for everyone. Concierge isn't a necessity and the kids will remember this forever.

 

[DWillowBay]

Either you took them into your home, or you didn't. If your family ...which now includes them...is going on a cruise, then so should they. You can't pick and choose which parts of your family they belong to.

 

[cruisehopeful]

Either don't take them at all or downgrade your rooms and take all of them. Personally, I'd downgrade my rooms so that everyone could go.

 

[jo-jo]

My sister, her family along with our mother and my family have a Merrytime cruise planned, this will be her and her hubbys 1st cruise along with my mothers.
We live a block apart and we recently added to our families. We took in two boys and their little sister between the two of us. The boys are our kids best friends, their life has been very hard. We will have them for at least a year.

Our ship is pretty full already so here is our options
1) find respite care for all 3 kids and go without them ( non family respite care)
2) we can only add 2, so it would be only the 2 boys and the little girl can stay with her Grandma for a week

Without adding another 1 bedroom these are our only options, we can’t afford to add another 1 bedroom, there is no more concierge family suites.
We will not have to pay for the kids, the funds will be 100% covered.

My sister wants to just relax and enjoy her 1st cruise so she is struggling with the choices. I know cruises and we won’t see the kids much lol. I really want to take the boys, however feel guilty not taking their sister. BTW we booked through DCL and I haven’t called to see if there is other options.
Ages are 11, 10 and 5. What’s your opinions? And thx for your input

I don't understand the part I bolded....If you don't have to pay for the kids, why can't you upgrade?


Just to note, I've never done a cruise, I have no idea of costs or room makeup or really anything. I'm was just thinking the funds you would have from the three kids would pay for an upgrade.

 

[DisLiss]

I would not consider going without them....all of them. I would either cancel, postpone, or change the plans in such a way to make it possible for everyone to go. If you think you can find a way to afford a different room category/configuration, but don't see it possible on the ship, definitely call and explain in case they can help find a way to fit you all.

As you mentioned, the kids will likely be very busy a lot of the time with the age appropriate activities set up for them by the DCL. So there will be ample adult relaxation time on the trip, even if everyone comes along.

Best of luck!

 

[coast2coastmickey]

I'd give up concierge, do a few balcony rooms, and you'll probably save money even after adding the kids. If giving up concierge is not an option (I'm kinda judging you negatively if you say it's not an option), then I'd say cancel the cruise altogether.

Like someone else said, they either are part of your family or they aren't.

 

[FigmentSpark]

I don't understand the part I bolded....If you don't have to pay for the kids, why can't you upgrade?


Just to note, I've never done a cruise, I have no idea of costs or room makeup or really anything. I'm was just thinking the funds you would have from the three kids would pay for an upgrade.

I think he means he won't have to pay if he can put them in his existing rooms. There aren't other rooms available to get an extra room and anyway, they can't afford that.

So, my opinion. You are fostering and if you leave them at home, you'll be doing what most other foster parents do. In fact, I expect the foster system will find a temporary home for them while you travel. My question to you is what will your children think? These are their close friends, which is why you took them in. If you leave them at home, you'll really be highlighting the fact that they aren't really your family and your children might not even have that great a time, worrying about their friends. They might even be embarrassed that they are getting a great vacation while they know their friends and, now roommates at home are living without even the security of a permanent homelife.

Now, if you leave the 5 year old home, you could justify it by saying she's of such a different age gap and certainly, if she were with you, you might do other activities, like princess tea or meet and greets that you won't do with the older boys. I can see a case for that, especially if the older kids agree to spare her feelings and not talk about the cruise too much in front of her. It might work out to leave her at home if she's going to get something special out of it. Is staying with Grandma something she would love? Will that give her some much desired special time with grandma or will it just be more of the same shuffling around from home to home? That really depends on who grandma is and what their relationship is like. Is Grandma trustworthy? You got the kids, not her. There must be a reason for that.

Finally, and this is only my opinion, if I were in your shoes, I would downgrade from concierge to cat 4 rooms with connecting doors or next door so that I could take all the kids and still be comfortable. But I have never gone concierge and don't know what you'd be giving up. Then again, in my opinion, it would be weighing the relationship with these children who could become solid members of your family (even if not legally) for a lifetime and the comforts of a private lounge for a week.

Your call, but if those are your only two choices, think very carefully about how either decision will affect your ability to parent (even temporarily) these children and how it will affect your own children and their relationship with their friends.

 

[dclpluto]

Take the kids that are in your home. Your sister should do the same. It doesn’t really matter if you are getting money from the state for the kids or you are not getting money for the kids. They live in your home you should take them. If you can’t take them cancel the cruise.

 

[Disneyhenry]

I would cancel the cruise and reschedule for when the kids are no longer with you. They must obviously have a rough life to have to be not living at home. I can’t imagine leaving them behind while going on a major vacation. How awful that would feel.

Or find another vacation where you can afford to take them all such as a cheaper non Disney Cruise. And I would never take 2 of the 3.

Nope. Sorry probably not what you wanted to hear. But if I had taken in other kids I’d be treating them like a member of my family as long as I had them.

Honestly I think we will have them for over a year, maybe even forever. Their parents are in a real bad place and they have volunteered giving up the boys and have no desire to make any changes.

I’m fine with taking all 3, maybe I’ll talk with our mother and she will let my sister know she is going to help (sorry I’ve cruised with my nephew lol we didn’t see him or my son much) this was my mother will actually something to help with