Sons best friend, what to do

Yes. When you play favorites, you will emotionally scar children. I really don’t think the PP was being flippant or exaggerating with that comment. Not trying to start anything.
The kids may be emotionally scarred from whatever happened with their biological parents. Missing a cruise is the least of their worries. The OP and her sister are doing the kids a big favor by taking them into their family. I know this is a Disney board where people think Disney trips are a right of passage, but really.
 
The kids may be emotionally scarred from whatever happened with their biological parents. Missing a cruise is the least of their worries. The OP and her sister are doing the kids a big favor by taking them into their family. I know this is a Disney board where people think Disney trips are a right of passage, but really.

She said they may be family members FOREVER. The whole story just reeked of what tore my family apart. Regardless the origins of the kids, if you take them on as family, they should be treated equally to the other children. My opinion is based on 30 years experience. It's fine to disagree if you've not had experience with such things.
 
Maybe me more so than my sons. But, yeah, they literally have no feelings for their grandparents. Why would they? They go to family get events, but feel like outsiders. They don't even know their grandparents, while my daughters were doted upon, taken on vacations constantly, and showered with every gift they could ever need or want. And meanwhile, my sons got nothing. You don't think that causes emotional harm? Oh pleazzz, yourself!

I shouldn't have let any of it happen. I tried to put a stop to it all on several occasions but ended up giving in after a few months. For all they put into my girls, nobody loves my parents. You can't buy love. They think they are the perfect grandparents, and are totally in denial about what pieces of crap they are. Everyone just waiting on them to die so we can have their money. I thought they were the best parents in the world before my sons were born. Now, I won't shed a tear when they go.

Of course they have their favorites of the great grandchildren as well. It's quite hurtful. Myself, and 3 of my grown children, stay as far away from them as we can get, only seeing them on holidays or when they need something done, even though they live less than 10 miles from us.
Like you said you should not have let this happened. That's on you. Totally your fault. These were your kids not a neighbors kids. I can't even imagine taking in someone else's kids. These are not the OP's kids. I think that's what's lost in this thread. Whatever she decides is above and beyond. She doesn't owe these kids anything.
 


The kids may be emotionally scarred from whatever happened with their biological parents. Missing a cruise is the least of their worries. The OP and her sister are doing the kids a big favor by taking them into their family. I know this is a Disney board where people think Disney trips are a right of passage, but really.
I see your point. I think the problem is leaving home the little girl while taking the boys. If none of the new kids go, it makes sense and can be explained to the children. I can’t imagine the explanation of why one child gets left behind happening without hurt feelings.
 
Foster parent here, slightly different perspective. I don't think it is a bad idea to put them all in respite. They know they aren't part of your family. The goal of fostering is reunification, so it is actually not bad (at this stage) for things to be different for foster kids. We do a lot of respite/short term placements in that age range, and every kid we have had has been very clear that they are not in our family. We try to treat them like our kids, but there is a difference...they often are in a different school, they have therapy/visits/social workers.

You know the kids themselves, but I think there's a good chance that "we planned this before we knew you'd be here, and we wish you could come but there's not room" will be clear to them.

Also, in our county bio parents need to approve out of state travel (assuming they still have rights), and many times they don't approve it. Is that a consideration??

Planned it before you got here??? Not room for you and that will be clear to them??? I doubt it. The pain of being left behind will last a lifetime. And so will the photos that they are not in.

My parents fostered many children. A sibling group needed a foster family, two girls and their little brother. The social worker said “oh, you can take the girls and we will find another home for their brother”. My parents said absolutely not, we will take all three. That little boy had a lot of issues and it was not an easy road but my parents lived the rest of their lives knowing they did the right thing. That was 59 years ago and my Mom still talks about it.

I would recommend taking all of the kids or not going until you can.
 
I hope you can update what happens, I saw you posted about working on it.
As a child that was left out on purpose a lot when a new family dynamic happened, I can tell you that, no matter the age, the kids will see what you are doing and feel extremely loved that you are.
 


No judgement from me whatever you decide. I think it's an amazing thing that you are doing. 99.99% of us are not selfless enough to undertake parenting and supporting someone else's kids. I think the kids will be fine either way. No kids life is going to be ruined by not taking a Disney cruise. They are very lucky to have you.

My perspective, having been "placed somewhere else for a while" as a child: I can tell you that seeing others receiving something (and not you) can amplify the feeling of rejection and make you feel like they are kinda "rubbing it in your face" ... So your life is not gonna be ruined by it but it might hurt.
 
Oh pleazzz. I'm sorry, but really emotionally scarred.

MIL's father worked for an airline. When he passed, the family was entitled to free plane tickets for about 10 years.

MIL's mother told my MIL that she (my MIL) was not allowed to use that privilege because she was married (which was a lie). During that time, she was giving her other children plane tickets behind her back.

My MIL has learned recently that her brothers and sister "secretly" went on trip 3 to 5 times each.

She's a grown up... She was completely destroyed when she learned that.
 
Like you said you should not have let this happened. That's on you. Totally your fault. These were your kids not a neighbors kids. I can't even imagine taking in someone else's kids. These are not the OP's kids. I think that's what's lost in this thread. Whatever she decides is above and beyond. She doesn't owe these kids anything.

If she has decided to take them forever, then she does.
 
The kids may be emotionally scarred from whatever happened with their biological parents. Missing a cruise is the least of their worries. The OP and her sister are doing the kids a big favor by taking them into their family. I know this is a Disney board where people think Disney trips are a right of passage, but really.

No, Disney trips are not a right, but family trips should include the whole family, not just a few chosen ones. OP said they are likely taking on these kids forever

I hate how so many people are like " Those kids should be grateful that OP took them in." or "OP has done enough for the kids, they shouldn't expect more" Please, if you feel that way, never EVER consider fostering or adoption. The kids don't understand why their mom couldn't be a grown up and take care of them like she needed to. They don't understand why a family with the resources to take a concierge level cruise can't include them too. All they know is that they have been bounced around to new families, new homes, and they probably feel very unwanted and rejected right now. Leaving them behind will do more damage than good. Honestly if OP can't make it work with the kids, I would suggest making alternate vacation plans that everyone can attend, and maybe do the cruise next year.
 
Planned it before you got here??? Not room for you and that will be clear to them??? I doubt it. The pain of being left behind will last a lifetime. And so will the photos that they are not in.

My parents fostered many children. A sibling group needed a foster family, two girls and their little brother. The social worker said “oh, you can take the girls and we will find another home for their brother”. My parents said absolutely not, we will take all three. That little boy had a lot of issues and it was not an easy road but my parents lived the rest of their lives knowing they did the right thing. That was 59 years ago and my Mom still talks about it.

I would recommend taking all of the kids or not going until you can.

I disagree that it will be scarring... I might not have been clear in my original post, but I think leaving the girl and taking the boys is not a good idea, but the other two options are viable.

Again, we have been in this situation. In our case, bio parents didn't approve travel and we had to do respite. We told them they weren't able to come because of the "social workers' rules", and they understood. Age 6 and 7. They loved respite, and I guarantee were not scarred.

We've also taken kids for respite when the foster family went on vacation, and those kids were fine, too. The kids we have encountered know they are in foster care, and their biggest concerns are their sibling bonds and finding permanency. We support them in this, treat them the same as our kids in terms of gifts, activities, etc. But we also don't pretend that we are their "permanent" home, and if a vacation doesn't work for us all to go together, we are prepared to explain why.

To be clear, all these kids have since moved out of these foster homes to be with family or a permanent adoptive placement. OP's situation is different in that, by the time the cruise rolls around, they might be forming a plan for the kids to stay permanently. Which could make it harder, but I still think the kids will be fine.
 
I'm not sure it is helpful to continue this, but I do want to make a comment to some of these, "I had/heard of an experience where kids were treated unfairly and it was terrible." I'm sure that is true, and my condolences for your pain. However, in those situations where the parents/guardians felt differently about the children, and not just once, but repeatedly over years reinforced those feelings, that is what did the damage, the prolonged attitudes of the guardians, not the results of one trip.

This OP is clearly not like that, they are concerned about these children as well as their other children, they are trying to do their best. Might the kids be upset? Sure. But might they also see, everyday, how much this person cares for them. Quite likely. So I really think it is a much different situation and those stories (though valid and sad) don't apply in this situation.

I hope we haven't scared the OP off. More likely it is just that plans as complicated as this (so many people and households) take a lot of time to work out, plus it's only been like a day.

All the best!
 
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Like you said you should not have let this happened. That's on you. Totally your fault. These were your kids not a neighbors kids.

I own that. But, all these years later, I'm not the one that's despised by all involved ... that would be my parents. And you have no idea where my sons came from.

Just like my situation is on me, so will be the OP's. When you decide to make children a part of your family, you shouldn't treat them differently.

It's not even about Disney. My opinion would stand if we were talking about going to the local zoo.

And leaving the little girl behind, and taking the boys, is an even more horrific option than leaving them all.
 
@Tallis, I had a grandmother who had favourites, too. I was lucky enough to be one, but my younger sister was not. It broke my mother's heart, and mine. Even as a pre-teen I remember checking my birthday/Xmas envelops to make sure there wasn't more than my sister had gotten in hers. If there was, Mom made it right before my sister could see. We all do our best, and I don't know why some people have favourites, but it sure does affect everyone, not just the child left out, but those who get more, as well. You are correct in that.
 
Wow, so many layers of complexity, especially considering the involvement of extended family units.

Bottom line: OP, you are the only one who knows your situation well enough to make an informed decision. The rest of us are just guessing at potential impact based on the very little we know. Like many others, my initial thought is "everyone goes or nobody does", but I don't know these kids, or their situations, or how strong their relationships are with anyone else involved, or how well they are coping (or not) with their new situation, or a million other relevant details. Many in this thread are trying to relate your situation to their own personal experiences and therefore projecting their own feelings and biases onto you and these kids. That's understandable - it's what people naturally do - but without a great deal more information it might also lead to wrong assumptions, however well intended.

If you are committed to finding a way to bring the kids along, I think contacting DCL as others have suggested is an excellent way to go about making it happen.

Best of luck with whatever you decide!
 
If I'm reading this correctly, you're booked in a large concierge suite. Instead of leaving those kids out, why not trade that expensive suite for a couple of verandah cabins? It'll likely cost you less money or close to the same at worst, the new kids can be included, and IMHO everyone will enjoy the trip more not feeling bad about leaving kids out. I don't think I could enjoy myself if I took in kids and then left for an expensive vacation without including them. If they have had a rough life up until now, you can't do anything about that, but you certainly have the power now to change their future.
 
I don't understand the part I bolded....If you don't have to pay for the kids, why can't you upgrade?


Just to note, I've never done a cruise, I have no idea of costs or room makeup or really anything. I'm was just thinking the funds you would have from the three kids would pay for an upgrade.
Concierge sold out that’s the only reason why we can’t upgrade
 

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