Stressed Out Teens--What Helps?

[abdmom]

they were changing things so much,

I have a child in Nutcracker. It's our 3rd year. At least at our studio, it's not normal to be changing things at this late date. I have an older child was in many performances growing up and I don't recall any mention of last minute changes. Nutcracker is insane at the best of times, but if they're making last minute changes, I can see how it would be too much to handle.

Teach her to say no.

This is an excellent skill to have. It took me way too long to be able to say this, but life got so much better once I did. If she's a young teen, I'd have no problem telling the studio myself that she won't be able to do the latest task that she was asked to do. If she's older, I'd encourage her to talk to the studio about dropping the backstage work.

My older D would get almost hysterical if she got over tired. Make sure she's getting enough sleep and eating properly.

 

[Colleen27]

I've done two things to help DD manage her type-A tendencies, one that is very "conventional wisdom" and one that is less so. We set up a charging station for all of our phones in the living room, and no one takes their phone up to bed. That made a surprising amount of difference because I realized that if she had it with her and she didn't fall immediately asleep, she'd try to "use that time wisely" by opening online study guides, practicing her Japanese, etc. rather than giving herself the downtime she needed to drift off. And that was leading to just enough sleep deprivation to make her more stressed and anxious.

The other thing that helped was adding her to my gym membership. We both realized that she was managing her stress better during the softball season, despite additional demands on her time, than during the fall/winter, so adding evening exercise classes (some calming, like yoga, but she's also done cardio and self-defense classes with the same effect) helps her keep that kind of balance in the off season. I think it is just the "turning off" of the worrying part of the mind during exercise that makes a difference, because classes seem more beneficial than just running or hitting the elliptical, but it all has a measurable effect on her coping skills.

 

[NYCgrrl]

I have a teen who gets stressed pretty easily. She's a hard worker, over-achiever type who tends to over-think situations and not handle life's curveballs very well. I don't think she would be diagnosed with anxiety, but she could benefit from some calming techniques. Any suggestions that have worked for your teens? Yoga? Meditation? Visualization?

If it matters, my DD plays an instrument and dances several hours a week, both of which IMHO, provide balance to her schoolwork.

Sounds like you are already on the right track as far as encapsulating the senses. Seems as if yoga and/or Pilates is already incorporated in her start up stretches so that's a good start. I like the aromatherapy suggestion by a pp and think it might be nice for you two to carve a little us time into your busy schedules for a Mom/Daughter massage with herbal tea after. It can easily be done at home as well as a salon.

However it also sounds like she has bitten off more than she can currently chew. I'm sure you are both well committed to doing the Nutcracker this season so perhaps January is a good time to sit down with her and have a conversation about her workload.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I do mention to her that she needs to say "No". I feel the dance studio relies on her more than they should. On the good side, Nutcracker went well last night, and after today, we're done.

In other news, I had an opening yesterday, and I mentioned the possibility of her seeing a therapist. She really liked the idea! I came at it from the angle of "no shots, probably no meds, just someone to talk to and gain coping skills". It helped that her older brother was there, and he explained that, with his therapist, sometimes they talk about baseball and sometimes school, sometimes religion--any topic. I'm going to call her regular MD this week, see if we can get an appointment and then a referral. I'll see about getting her in with a therapist who specializes in teens--I like my son's therapist just fine, but feel it would be better to go with someone different for DD.

 

[QueenIsabella]

I have a child in Nutcracker. It's our 3rd year. At least at our studio, it's not normal to be changing things at this late date. I have an older child was in many performances growing up and I don't recall any mention of last minute changes. Nutcracker is insane at the best of times, but if they're making last minute changes, I can see how it would be too much to handle.

This is an excellent skill to have. It took me way too long to be able to say this, but life got so much better once I did. If she's a young teen, I'd have no problem telling the studio myself that she won't be able to do the latest task that she was asked to do. If she's older, I'd encourage her to talk to the studio about dropping the backstage work.

My older D would get almost hysterical if she got over tired. Make sure she's getting enough sleep and eating properly.

I KNOW!!! And don't even get me started! My oldest is 23, I've been a backstage mom for 20 years. They should be able to put on Nutcracker in their sleep! But, the studio owner brought in professionals, and they're really changing how the place is run. I understand them wanting to put their stamp on things, but they seem to be much better at dancing than at directing and managing. All the support staff is tearing their hair out. On the good side, my DD said she felt better as soon as she stepped into the performance venue. It just calmed her right down. And the performance went great--the Special Olympics kids received a standing ovation!

 

[PollyannaMom]

They ask her to do these things because she's so kind and gentle, but it's the last-minute aspect that throws her.

She sounds a lot like me! I'm pretty good with stuff I have time to digest and plan for, but constant change stresses me out.

It's great that she's interested in seeing someone to talk to, and I definitely second getting enough sleep! (I'm a different person when I'm overtired.) I think finishing the production and having the holiday break from school will probably help a lot, too.

 

[MrsPete]

Limit her screen time. Social media is not kind, especially to teens, especially to teen girls. Allow her mind to "rest". Give her a break from the "expectations" that social media places on people.