Sympathy Card question

[clh2]

This is the situation:
My sister-in-law passed away 1 1/2 weeks ago. They were not having a service, I sent sympathy cards to my BIL, and my 4 nieces. The oldest niece is from my SIL’s first marriage. The oldest niece has been in the family longer than me, which is 30 years, so in my opinion, she isn’t a “step anything”, she is simply my niece.

So, the sympathy cards got mailed earlier this week.

Tonight, I received a text from the oldest niece, thanking us for the card and the note. She mentioned she just returned home from her dad’s funeral. Her dad passed away, ironically, within 2 hours of her mom. How sad to loose both parents on the same day. (They’ve been divorced for ~35 years).

The question, do I send her another sympathy card?

I feel so bad for her, my BIL and SIL moved AZ about 2 years ago, and the other nieces are in MN, CO, and WA. I feel like this niece (and her husband and kids) are in WI, across the state from where we are, but with no one from her mom’s side of the family.

Thanks for helping me figure this out, My gut reaction is to send her one.

 

[low-key]

yes, but write a long note in it, telling them what you just told us

 

[Southernmiss]

I might consider sending a little more than a sympathy card.

Maybe an Edible Arrangement or plant with a note telling her that you can't imagine what they are dealing with and that you are there for her.

 

[disneychrista]

Did you know that the father had passed when you sent the first card? I think the one card kinda covers both.

 

[leebee]

I'd send her a note instead of another card. Just a short note, if you aren't sure, but Jason's right; tell her what you told us, how badly you feel about all of this, and that you love her.

 

[clh2]

Did you know that the father had passed when you sent the first card? I think the one card kinda covers both.

No, she sent me a text today to thank me for the sympathy card I sent because she lost her mother, and mentioned her father had passed.

And, I make 95% of all cards that we send out. The card I sent everyone (other nieces and my BIL) was very floral, very feminine. Had I known she was handling both parents deaths, I would have sent something more gender neutral, if it was covering both parents.

I feel so bad for her. A card seems so inadequate.

 

[disneychrista]

I feel so bad for her. A card seems so inadequate.

That has to be tough for her. I think the best thing you can do for her, is to just let her know that you are there for her if she need a friend/aunt to lean on.

 

[ronandannette]

I don't think another card is appropriate. Why not call her? Tell her how sorry you are and that you love her. I'd do it immediately and let her pour her heart out a little if she needs to. She's been through a lot in a short time and many people find it helpful to process out loud.

 

[Welsh_Dragon]

This is exactly what I was going to suggest.

 

[L&Lfan]

Yes, but be sure to spell “lose” correctly in your card/note.

 

[anniemae]

I would not send another card, but I would send a personal note and/or a phone call.

 

[lorimay]

Poor girl, I would send her another card.

 

[mom2rtk]

Send a card, write a note, send a plant. Just reach out to her in some way again. And I agree with sharing what you posted here.

 

[DietCoke18]

Flowers or something similar seems more appropriate then a card.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Wow. I'd probably send a basket of something now, and a "thinking of you" card in a month or two.

Sounds harsh, but I use Outlook tasks or calendar appointments to remind me to send a card to someone at a given point in time.

 

[Disney Doll]

I’d send another card. I’d also probably call her.

 

[Hikergirl]

I don't think sending a card would be wrong, however given that she just lost both parents I would do something more. I think just reaching out to her in some way is what is important.

 

[PollyannaMom]

Why not call her? Tell her how sorry you are and that you love her.

I agree. And I'm not a phone person. But it sounds like checking up on her would be the right thing to do.

Sounds harsh, but I use Outlook tasks or calendar appointments to remind me to send a card to someone at a given point in time.

Nothing harsh about that at all! It's using tech to do good.

 

[nkereina]

How awful. I think anything you do she will appreciate, and I don't think there is a right or wrong answer.

I think sending a second card with a note in it is a fine gesture. If it were me, I might send flowers or an edible arrangement with a note that you're thinking of her during these difficult days. Her situation is unique given the circumstances, so the extra effort may be a comfort to her, especially if she's alone with family in other areas of the country.

 

[CdnCarrie]

Honestly I wouldn't bother with a 2nd card. Since you already text her I would keep sending her text messages of support instead.