Tell me it's going to be ok...college UPDATE pg 3******

[Poohforyou]

Thank you everyone for your experiences and stories. It really helped me get through the day yesterday!

So dd called me last night at eleven pm and I braced myself for tears and all that comes with that. I was absolutely floored. She had just gotten back to her room from a full day. She and her roommates brought lunch back to the suite and watched a movie. She and one roommate hung out for an hour in her room talking. She met new people and a girl across the hall asked her and others to go play bingo at the student union. They did that and were invited to a frat party. She said they all agreed they were not ready for that! Lol ! She and a boy she met in a peer group hung out for an hour and just talked and laughed. She has a full schedule today and is going to the club fair so she can sign up for a few things. I am blown away, this is not my daughter. She did say that she is ready for classes, that all this socializing is mentally exhausting!!! Lol, now that is more my daughter. I told her I was so proud of her putting herself out there. I told her to pace herself and take it all in a day at a time. It definitely makes my missing her a little bit more bearable. Amazing how things can change in one day. Thank you all again for your encouraging words. It is nice to see that even though we all here at the DIS have such differences we do have some commonality to bring us comfort. Hugs and thankfulness to you all!

I'm so glad she's off to such a great start. I'm hopeful for the same type of call from my daughter next week.

Here's hoping for a wonderful freshman year for all the new college kids.

 

[amberpi]

So glad for the update @Sabeking! She sounds like she's off to a great start and has even more plans! Hopefully you're too happy for her to miss her much!

 

[Sabeking]

OP, so glad I continued reading and got to your update! Great news!

We dropped our DS off at college out of state last Wednesday. He had a very similar first night. Told me his roommate knew lots of kids from high school and was hanging out with them and didn't invite DS along. Even with his door propped open no one stopped by and asked him to eat, so he ate cereal in his room. My heart was aching for him to be so sad, but by the next day things were better. He ate with his roommate and met his roommate's friends and they all started hanging out together.

The one thing I wanted to mention was about Labor Day weekend. Let your DD come home if she wants to. It's a long weekend and most kids will be going home. I think its completely different if kids start school after Labor Day - then sure, stay for at least a month. But if most kids will be going home for the long weekend, there is no reason for her to stay.

Not sure if this was already mentioned, but a campus job is a great way to make new friends!

She already mentioned coming home that weekend before we even got there. At first I was hesitant but did not say anything. Now that I feel more confident that she wouldn't be running away I think I'll just sit back and go with the flow. These experiences are making her stronger I know, but they really do a number on me as well. Letting go and trusting that what we have poured in the last 18 years has given her the confidence and courage to propel forward!

 

[Sabeking]

So glad for the update @Sabeking! She sounds like she's off to a great start and has even more plans! Hopefully you're too happy for her to miss her much!

It certainly makes it easier!

 

[Marchand63]

I just saw this thread. I was your DD in my college life. I was so introverted it was very hard to be sociable. I finally found that voice your DD seems to have found. I still have friends from college who are my ride or die friends. She will be so good. I know more my Dad was so worried about me, closer to him than my DM, but she is off to a great start.

The old saying about giving them wings, seems like you did your job

 

[MIGrandma]

This makes me want to cry! My dd and I are very close as well. I will miss her so much. I guess the flip side is that she could be living in my home till age thirty and sponging off me...which would be awful!!

Yeah, our adult son came back home when he was in his early 30's. At first he was going to truck driving school and then got a job with Trans Am Trucking and was only home one weekend a month. He was divorced at the time so it just didn't make sense for him to be paying rent on his house so we agreed to let him (and his 3 kids) stay with us on his weekends off. That was no problem. But. The job didn't turn out like he thought it would, he wasn't making any money, so he ended up quitting. He had nowhere else to go, and no money, so he lived with us full-time for several months. Very, very difficult. We were so glad when he finally got a good job and got out on his own again. We said never again!! Once they have been out on their own, and had a home of their own, etc. it's just too hard to go back to Mom and Dad's. Hard for everyone involved.

I totally understand you missing your daughter, and it's wonderful that the two of you are very close. Some mothers and daughters aren't and I always feel bad for them.

In 2013 I invited our DD to go with me to Disneyworld. She had never been (I know, we were terrible parents!!) and I had a pin code to use and DH didn't want to go but said I could take someone with me if I wanted to, so I invited her. Her DH was so sweet and thought it would be wonderful for us to spend some time together (8 nights) so we went. She admitted to me later that she kind of "rolled her eyes" to herself when I said Disney, but she wanted to spend the time with me so wanted to go. She LOVED Disney and we had an absolutely wonderful "mother/daughter trip."

She loved it so much that 2 years later she planned a big family trip with her and her DH and their two kids, plus DH and me, and her DH's parents. We went for another 8 nights and had a blast!

And! She has invited me to go again with her in November 2019!! We do a lot together, and I just treasure each and every moment. Daughters are wonderful!!

 

[Sabeking]

Yeah, our adult son came back home when he was in his early 30's. At first he was going to truck driving school and then got a job with Trans Am Trucking and was only home one weekend a month. He was divorced at the time so it just didn't make sense for him to be paying rent on his house so we agreed to let him (and his 3 kids) stay with us on his weekends off. That was no problem. But. The job didn't turn out like he thought it would, he wasn't making any money, so he ended up quitting. He had nowhere else to go, and no money, so he lived with us full-time for several months. Very, very difficult. We were so glad when he finally got a good job and got out on his own again. We said never again!! Once they have been out on their own, and had a home of their own, etc. it's just too hard to go back to Mom and Dad's. Hard for everyone involved.

I totally understand you missing your daughter, and it's wonderful that the two of you are very close. Some mothers and daughters aren't and I always feel bad for them.

In 2013 I invited our DD to go with me to Disneyworld. She had never been (I know, we were terrible parents!!) and I had a pin code to use and DH didn't want to go but said I could take someone with me if I wanted to, so I invited her. Her DH was so sweet and thought it would be wonderful for us to spend some time together (8 nights) so we went. She admitted to me later that she kind of "rolled her eyes" to herself when I said Disney, but she wanted to spend the time with me so wanted to go. She LOVED Disney and we had an absolutely wonderful "mother/daughter trip."

She loved it so much that 2 years later she planned a big family trip with her and her DH and their two kids, plus DH and me, and her DH's parents. We went for another 8 nights and had a blast!

And! She has invited me to go again with her in November 2019!! We do a lot together, and I just treasure each and every moment. Daughters are wonderful!!

That is awesome! My dd and I went to the beach alone for a few days before she left and I am so glad I took the time to do it! She is an absolute Disney freak so that trip to her would be incredible. I feel blessed as well for my relationships with my girls, especially because I was the only girl with four brothers!!!

 

[Sabeking]

Good to hear. My quiet DD is leaving today. She has 3 roommates she has spent an afternoon with previously, and thinks they will be good companions for the most part. One she couldn't tell if she was just quiet or stuck-up...I told her to assume the best for now and see. DD tends to be one who waits to be invited and I have encouraged her to be an inviter at school. She has gotten better at it over junior/senior year so I think she will be able to make the effort. The three roommates all have boyfriends while DD does not, but I think 2 of them won't be close by, so they might not be around much.

When I went to college, I met a girl at an orientation event who said, "Let's just stick together" and we did. Over the years we each brought a couple more people into our little group.

My nephew transferred to a 4 year college his junior year and lived in an off-campus apartment with a high school friend who was never home. So at first he stayed alone in the apartment all the time. But then on Parent's Weekend they found out about a Christian house on campus where you could just hang out whenever you wanted, along with doing scheduled events. Those were HIS PEOPLE and he has had so much fun.

Hugs to everyone in this boat!

Let us know how she does this week?!

 

[Sabeking]

Several of you mentioned dropping kids off this week. Please update with how things went! Dd called again tonight. She had another good day and inquired about a few clubs at the fair. Enjoyed her roommates and is ready to get down to business she says!

 

[Mirielle]

Happy to read your wonderful news!

 

[mamamary]

Glad things are working out well. My DD leaves on Thursday. She put in for a roommate and it got approved. This is a girl she met a few months ago. They hung out a few times over the summer and my daughter really likes her so we feel pretty happy about that. She will also have two other girls who they will share a bathroom with but they did not provide my daughter with their info so she will meet them on Thursday. Love reading everyone's stories (except anything sad). Hopefully lots of positives news to come.

 

[RangerPooh]

I agree with encouraging her to look into joining clubs/organizations on campus. At the very least consider being involved with the organization/office on campus that promotes civic engagement (community service). While many of the volunteer opportunities are one time needs, there's often plenty that require a long term (semester long) commitment. This might assist her in making connections with others on campus.

 

[bjscheel]

Let us know how she does this week?!

She came home yesterday for the weekend (no Friday classes) and it sounds like all is good. She has 3 roommates and 2 of them are off to a great start with DD. They have had long talks and made arrangements for sharing kitchen things. The other one is never around and seems like she will not really be a part of their group but that's okay as long as she doesn't actually cause any issues.

It was a long couple of days waiting for classes to start and roommates to show up, and she has had to get used to noise around the apartments, but I think now that class has started and she has started bonding with roommates she will be good. In class she visited with a couple girls and sat by a couple cute guys. Helped one of them with his computer issue . After talking to her I think she'll be okay heading back for the week. Monday she has classes she is excited about (graphic art). Sure she will be sad to leave her cats again though!

She will be home a lot of weekends at first- tomorrow is her sister's 16th birthday, then it's Labor Day, then family birthday party...and especially when she always has a 3 day weekend it is tempting to just go home. Once she gets a job up there (hopefully by next month) I'm sure she will have to stay some weekends. By then she will know more people too.

 

[Sabeking]

She came home yesterday for the weekend (no Friday classes) and it sounds like all is good. She has 3 roommates and 2 of them are off to a great start with DD. They have had long talks and made arrangements for sharing kitchen things. The other one is never around and seems like she will not really be a part of their group but that's okay as long as she doesn't actually cause any issues.

It was a long couple of days waiting for classes to start and roommates to show up, and she has had to get used to noise around the apartments, but I think now that class has started and she has started bonding with roommates she will be good. In class she visited with a couple girls and sat by a couple cute guys. Helped one of them with his computer issue . After talking to her I think she'll be okay heading back for the week. Monday she has classes she is excited about (graphic art). Sure she will be sad to leave her cats again though!

She will be home a lot of weekends at first- tomorrow is her sister's 16th birthday, then it's Labor Day, then family birthday party...and especially when she always has a 3 day weekend it is tempting to just go home. Once she gets a job up there (hopefully by next month) I'm sure she will have to stay some weekends. By then she will know more people too.

I am sooo glad for her and you! It makes life easier for us when they are happy! My dd also mentioned the noise being something to get used to as well. She made me video chat so she could see the dogs. She is missing them very much. My dd is coming home Labor day weekend BUT she doesn't have Monday off. I think that is totally bizarre. What is her major? My dd is in design.

 

[bjscheel]

She is taking Graphic Design! It is a 5 semester program at a community college that has just as many GD credits as a Bachelor's degree, so it saves a lot of money. Being a cc, the social scene is a bit different, but she lives on campus as do many of the students her age. There are parties two floors above her frequently, but I just said "Welcome to people your age!" She is not currently pleased with those people! But at least her roommates are more her speed. It would be awful if she ended up in a party apartment. She chose her roommates on a website, but for those people who don't end up finding a match online, the apartments randomly put them together. I am so happy she got input and got who she wanted. And she has her own bedroom/bathroom so she can have her privacy too.

Sometimes we moms worry too much maybe, I'm glad our kids are doing alright too after the first few days

 

[HeyIt'sMe]

@Sabeking - Just saw this thread. I'm so glad your DD seems to be doing well. Going away to college is so hard - maybe more so for the mama! I'm very introverted and I remember calling my mom crying after she dropped me off at school (5 hours away). Now that I'm a mom and see the other side. Ugh. So hard!


My (only child) DD is 20 and a junior in college. She attends a university in a city that is about an hour from our house so she commuted during her freshman & sophomore years. Even though DD still lived at home we saw her less and less because she was busy with school, a PT retail job, an executive position at her sorority, and her boyfriend (of 5 years). Plus the commute took up a lot of time. Also, this month she starts a paid internship at a hospital connected to the university she attends. She's a busy girl and we are so proud of the young woman she has become!

DD's boyfriend (22) attended the same university and also lived at home and commuted (his family lives in the same town we do). He graduated this past Spring and started his 2-year graduate program this month at the same university. He works for the university and makes a small salary. With his classes & job and DD's classes & internship it makes sense for them to live closer to campus. So, they got an apartment close to campus and moved this weekend.

I thought I would be OK with DD moving out and I was fine on moving day. Well, I'll tell ya - when we got home after the move and I walked by her (mostly) empty bedroom I lost it. This huge wave of sadness came over me and I cried the ugly cry. My DD is a homebody like me and she texted me several times that first night away and said both she and her boyfriend cried. She said it felt weird to not be at home; that she missed me, DH & our dog; and that she didn't like the thought that she'd never live at home again. Ugh. I was feeling the same way but had to be positive and reassuring and try to make her feel better while I was feeling so, so sad. Being a parent is HARD!

The one good thing is DD doesn't have classes or her internship on Fridays. She'll just work her PT retail hours Friday/Saturday/Sunday and since that job is at a mall that is close to our house she's planning to stay with us Thursday, Friday, and Saturday nights unless she has plans with friends at the apartment. It will be so nice to have her home those nights. Since she'll be back a few nights each week and I hated seeing her bedroom so empty I replaced most of the furniture that she moved to the apartment. Her dresser, nightstand, and cubicle storage bookshelf were all from Target so I replaced those yesterday and moved a bed from the spare bedroom into her room. I also bought a few other new things too. Maybe if I make her room nice enough she'll just move back permanently! J/K!

Best of luck to all the parents out there that are sending their kids off to school or to the military (or to a job or off getting married)!!!

Debbie