Telling the family you’re going solo...and the fall out.

RedK

Mouseketeer
Joined
Mar 14, 2017
Could DH and DS do something special together while you are gone? Movie? sports event? dinner? sitting around in their underwear? If DS feels like he is getting something special too, it will make it easier.

Alternatively, at 13 he may like going to the mall without mom and dad around. Ask him to think about why, then tell him that's why sometimes you like to be on your own too.
 

queenofthehill

Mouseketeer
Joined
Aug 12, 2008
My DS is 13. So he won’t get over it that fast.
Sorry don't know where I got 5 from. OOOPS. You deserve time away for yourself. I guess for me it's different. When I met DH I was a very seasoned solo traveler and I was very frank with him when dating that it is not something that will ever change. I invite him on some trips and not on others but I do always let him know when either I'm thinking about a new trip or as soon as I booked a flight or something. So as far as letting your DH know, there's no time like the present. Good luck
 

GabetrixDisney

Earning My Ears
Joined
Jan 21, 2017
Wow so for me, I have been to Disney 4 times in the past 4 years.. all with my now fiancé. We recently returned from our latest trip and we got engaged. It was magical. I have completely fallen in love with Disney. It’s the ultimate escape and with Galaxys Edge coming.. I have to back. I have to go see it.

I am the massive Disney fan and while my fiancé enjoys it and appreciates the magic.. she needs a break and I completely understand but I have to go to Galaxys Edge. She says she’s okay with it but we’re gonna have to work things out cause we need to save for a wedding but I am saving everything and when I go on my solo trip I will do it at the lowest cost possible
 
  • NoahsMommy3

    Dreaming of days well spent!
    Joined
    Jun 24, 2009
    I’m taking my first solo trip in December and I’ve made my reservations and bought my airfare (so there’s no turning back now😉). But I haven’t told anyone yet. My DH probably won’t care too much as he doesn’t like Disney and never goes anyway but my DS is another matter, I think he will freak out at being left out and that I will be away for 5 days. Im going no matter how bad the freak outs are but I’d like to know how those of you with kids or other family told them that you were going solo and how you dealt with any fits and tears and such.
    I’m thinking of telling them later rather than sooner so I don’t have to listen to months of whining, any thoughts or suggestions from you guys would be much appreciated! Thanks :thanks:
    I'm not necessarily going solo but my husband and I are going kid free. We booked the trip in January for the first week of November. We were torn on whether we would actually tell the kids where we were going before we left or if we were just going to tell them that we were going to Florida for a work conference. Fast forward to July 7th. We were sitting at lunch after church and we were trying to talk the kids into going to stay with my inlaws out of town (about an hour away) and my son (who will be 13 next week), said "I just want them to come stay at our house with us instead of us going to their house". So with that comment, my husband said "well I guess you won't mind them coming to stay with you while mom & I go on vacation in November". My son was disappointed but said "where are yall going? Let me guess...Disney World" yep! As a matter of fact, we are kid! My daughter who is 4 said "YES! Yall can bring me more disney toys" but my son was little more upset. He didn't cry but you could tell he wanted to. But ever since then, he's been fine. He hasn't brought it up anymore surprisingly. Of course that's subject to change the closer it gets.
     

    MsOnceUponATime

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Sep 10, 2014
    I’m taking my first solo trip in December and I’ve made my reservations and bought my airfare (so there’s no turning back now😉). But I haven’t told anyone yet. My DH probably won’t care too much as he doesn’t like Disney and never goes anyway but my DS is another matter, I think he will freak out at being left out and that I will be away for 5 days. Im going no matter how bad the freak outs are but I’d like to know how those of you with kids or other family told them that you were going solo and how you dealt with any fits and tears and such.
    I’m thinking of telling them later rather than sooner so I don’t have to listen to months of whining, any thoughts or suggestions from you guys would be much appreciated! Thanks :thanks:
    I'm not going solo, but am going on an adults only ladies trip during F&W in October and have yet to tell my 13 year old and my husband. Quite frankly, we just got back from Hawaii and before Hawaii we'd just gone to Alaska and before Alaska we went to Denver so I'm sure that my husband, who is the exact opposite personality type of wanderlust, is going to raise his eyebrows a bit. And that's okay. At least he won't have to go too! We both work, we both have generous incomes, and I have the advantage of having 5 weeks of vacation while he only has 3. I fully am on board with you going solo!!

    Now, I've already come to the conclusion that my DD13 is going to be upset about this, but there are a lot of factors that make this a not kid friendly trip (can you say that when you're talking about Disney?) and those are 1) it's during the school year 2) it's mainly to do F&W 3) it's adults only this time.
    There will be raised eyebrows from both my daughter and my husband so... I just haven't told them yet. But I will soon and when I do, I will approach it as a trip that I am taking to have some "me" time. Everyone (even my 13 year old) likes a little bit of me time!
     

    lorenae

    I'm going to Disney World!
    Joined
    Sep 12, 2015
    I'm going with a friend in January, and my husband hates traveling and especially anything like Disney World, but I did mention it to him first. I wanted to make sure the dates were ok with him, mostly. I travel often without him, most recently in the last year to Germany, Italy, and a couple of places in the US. I don't ask permission, but I ask him if he's ok with the dates just in case there is something that I'm not considering with the dates I've chosen.

    My kids are grown, but my DGSs were not thrilled when they heard I was going without them!
     

    Melissakay1q

    Do you suppose she's a wildflower?
    Joined
    Jun 16, 2012
    Since my first child was around a year and a half, I've made "mom trips" a normal thing. My husband is on board completely. My oldest child, now age 4, knows that mom goes on her trips sometimes and it's NBD. At the same time, I don't exactly tell them I'm going to Disney but rather to Florida. She's old enough now to start piecing it together but she and her brother enjoy some fun time with dad while I'm gone and I come home with gifts! Yay gifts!
     
  • Lilsia

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 17, 2018
    Since my first child was around a year and a half, I've made "mom trips" a normal thing. My husband is on board completely. My oldest child, now age 4, knows that mom goes on her trips sometimes and it's NBD. At the same time, I don't exactly tell them I'm going to Disney but rather to Florida. She's old enough now to start piecing it together but she and her brother enjoy some fun time with dad while I'm gone and I come home with gifts! Yay gifts!
    Good on you. I do the same thing. There is absolutely nothing wrong or weird with a Mom going on vacation by herself. And any guilt is self imposed and unnecessary. So what if your kid is sad or disappointed. They will be upset about something a million times before they move out. It is actually good for them to see that their Mom does something for herself and is not a slave to the rest of the family. Every Mom should do things for herself more often.
     

    Simba's Mom

    <font color=green>everything went to "H*** in a ha
    Joined
    Aug 26, 1999
    I waited until my sons were teenagers. Then they and DH chipped in and sent me on my first solo trip (it was my surprise Mother's Day gift). Come to think of it-maybe they were trying to get rid of me? See what you have to look forward to? Actually, I think the poster who mentioned it as a "mom's trip" was right. Just wait till you tell DMIL! I know one woman whose DMIL was so freaked out that DH's wife was going on vacation without him, she was sure there must be marital problems. Her DH decided to just pretend she was in the shower and couldn't come to the phone rather than admit she was on a solo trip to WDW.
     

    Lilsia

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 17, 2018
    I waited until my sons were teenagers. Then they and DH chipped in and sent me on my first solo trip (it was my surprise Mother's Day gift). Come to think of it-maybe they were trying to get rid of me? See what you have to look forward to? Actually, I think the poster who mentioned it as a "mom's trip" was right. Just wait till you tell DMIL! I know one woman whose DMIL was so freaked out that DH's wife was going on vacation without him, she was sure there must be marital problems. Her DH decided to just pretend she was in the shower and couldn't come to the phone rather than admit she was on a solo trip to WDW.
    My grandma thought the same thing when I started going solo. I find it sad that the older generation of woman would not do things for themselves and that it was taboo. My grandma keeps saying how most husbands would not allow their wives to do things like that. As if we are property. It makes me a bit angry that there are still woman out there that have the attitude that they could "never leave their family behind" and do something for themselves. It seems to be a backward way of thinking. I can see if you don't enjoy going on vacation, but no one should feel guilty about it if they do want to go.
     

    MaggieBags

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Feb 14, 2009
    I like the idea of explaining this is a special trip for Mom because you need a little time to yourself; that there will be more trips for all of you. Then try to get him excited with the idea of the gifts you will bring and special things he and Dad will do while you are gone. I'd also try and plan a mini trip with him before or after - an overnight in a waterpark hotel or a local amusement park. Have a great time!
     
  • Wild4Walt

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Jul 28, 2008
    Sounds like your husband will probably be OK with this and that your concern is more about your son. Understandable. If you've gone on other trips without him I'd use the same tactic. If you haven't, I'd explain that you are doing this because Mom's need time too. If you're in a position to say when you'd like to plan the next trip as a family, then I'd focus on that and let him help plan.
     

    Melissakay1q

    Do you suppose she's a wildflower?
    Joined
    Jun 16, 2012
    Good on you. I do the same thing. There is absolutely nothing wrong or weird with a Mom going on vacation by herself. And any guilt is self imposed and unnecessary. So what if your kid is sad or disappointed. They will be upset about something a million times before they move out. It is actually good for them to see that their Mom does something for herself and is not a slave to the rest of the family. Every Mom should do things for herself more often.
    The people who seem to have the most opinions about it are other family members. Instead of foolishly sharing my excitement with them, I'm just keeping these trips to myself from now on. What my husband and I decide for our family is all that matters.
     

    Melissakay1q

    Do you suppose she's a wildflower?
    Joined
    Jun 16, 2012
    My husband took my kids to a play place when I was on my last Mom Trip and my daughter told another kid's mom that her mom was on vacation by herself at Disney. The mom was like WHAT?! You can do that?! Yeah! My husband told her he goes on trips with his friends: camping, hiking, stuff he enjoys. I do the occasional trip to do things I enjoy that he's not big on, parks being one of them. He's told me that anytime it comes up in conversation, the people he tells have a similar reaction, like they didn't realize adults can like different things and go on trips for fun!
     

    spacegirl2007

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Jul 22, 2019
    I am taking my first solo trip in November. I did run it by my husband before I booked my airfare (scored a promotion deal on a room so I reserved that first, but that's easy to cancel). I work two jobs and make more money than my husband, so the money is not an issue. He doesn't care for WDW but was somewhat jealous that I got to take a vacation and he didn't. For the record - if my husband wanted to go on a trip by himself I would encourage him 100%. In fact, I encouraged him to go on a motorcycle tour in India next May but he decided he didn't want to spend the money (about $3500). I really need a break and I recharge by spending time by myself and I'm never alone. I have a busy fall coming up at work which I am kind of dreading, so I'm using this trip as a lifeline. We kind of made a compromise that we will also take a short family trip this fall.

    My daughter will be 5 and I haven't told her yet. I think we will probably not divulge my destination. I am kind of making excuses for myself by saying that I will scope out a bunch of things we've never done to see what we want to do on our next family trip (in April).
     

    Lilsia

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 17, 2018
    My husband took my kids to a play place when I was on my last Mom Trip and my daughter told another kid's mom that her mom was on vacation by herself at Disney. The mom was like WHAT?! You can do that?! Yeah! My husband told her he goes on trips with his friends: camping, hiking, stuff he enjoys. I do the occasional trip to do things I enjoy that he's not big on, parks being one of them. He's told me that anytime it comes up in conversation, the people he tells have a similar reaction, like they didn't realize adults can like different things and go on trips for fun!
    And still be able to have a normal, healthy, happy relationship. For years men have been going on their hunting/camping/fishing/golf trips and no one bats and eye. As soon as a Mom says she is going solo, people act as if she is the most selfish jerk on the planet. I don't get it.
     

    OhDannyBoy

    DISdad #850
    Joined
    Jan 10, 2014
    And still be able to have a normal, healthy, happy relationship. For years men have been going on their hunting/camping/fishing/golf trips and no one bats and eye. As soon as a Mom says she is going solo, people act as if she is the most selfish jerk on the planet. I don't get it.
    I don't think it's the fact she's taking a mom trip that seems different (not bad in anyway), at least to me.

    For me what seemed different (again, not BAD, just different) was the booking it before discussing with the husband.

    But that's me.
     

    Lilsia

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 17, 2018
    I don't think it's the fact she's taking a mom trip that seems different (not bad in anyway), at least to me.

    For me what seemed different (again, not BAD, just different) was the booking it before discussing with the husband.

    But that's me.
    I was more commenting on the responses that I, and other's in this situation, get from friends/family, co-workers when we tell them that we are going on vacation solo. They act as is you are a horrible wife/mother for leaving your kids at home with their father. IDK why people have this reaction since no one has that reaction when a man goes on a trip without his family.
     

    Melissakay1q

    Do you suppose she's a wildflower?
    Joined
    Jun 16, 2012
    And still be able to have a normal, healthy, happy relationship. For years men have been going on their hunting/camping/fishing/golf trips and no one bats and eye. As soon as a Mom says she is going solo, people act as if she is the most selfish jerk on the planet. I don't get it.
    It's a funny double standard! When I visited in March, my mom called around the time I arrived. She commented that she and my sister in law were discussing me going solo and how they'd decided that it was weird that I get to go someplace alone when I have a family. I let it ruin my first day even though I knew she was wrong.
     

    dvcterry

    DIS Veteran
    DVC Gold
    Joined
    Jul 14, 2010
    I’m taking my first solo trip in December and I’ve made my reservations and bought my airfare (so there’s no turning back now😉). But I haven’t told anyone yet. My DH probably won’t care too much as he doesn’t like Disney and never goes anyway but my DS is another matter, I think he will freak out at being left out and that I will be away for 5 days. Im going no matter how bad the freak outs are but I’d like to know how those of you with kids or other family told them that you were going solo and how you dealt with any fits and tears and such.
    I’m thinking of telling them later rather than sooner so I don’t have to listen to months of whining, any thoughts or suggestions from you guys would be much appreciated! Thanks :thanks:
    I used to travel with the children when my DH had to work but after the divorce I took my first solo trip and waited until the very last moment before telling everyone. Like right before leaving for the airport. I do have to say I got to enjoy so many things about WDW solo and you will too. Enjoy!
     

    Connect

    Disney News and Updates

    Daily Updates and News




    Top