Telling the family you’re going solo...and the fall out.

Keckster

Earning My Ears
Joined
Oct 18, 2018
I'm taking a first solo trip last week in October. Fortunately, it was easy to tell the family because the first half is a work-related convention. It also helped that we were all there just a year ago and then just my wife and me last February. My wife doesn't enjoy being crowds for long periods and all the walking involved, so she didn't give a second thought. Daughters, 14 and 12 (also a Star Wars fan), are a little jealous initially, but they've moved on for now. We'll see when the departure date gets closer. I'm sure I'll be required to return with some merch.
 

jimmymc

Professional Adventurer!
Joined
Nov 26, 2016
Tell husband now and tell son a few days before the trip, seems pretty easy and you won't have to deal with son complaining for months leading up to it (only after).
 

Alicefan

We're all mad here
Joined
Jul 1, 2015
I agree with previous posters, tell your DH immediately. Your DS may be upset, but as a mom and adult you deserve time away, he is 13 and old enough to understand that. Perhaps planning a trip after this one with DS included will help soften the blow. As far as your DH, of course you have the right to go on a solo trip...but it's always nice to ' check in' with your spouse before planning anything major...like a trip. Money aside,( as you have your own)....what if DH has other plans that week that he is thinking of doing? What if he isn't communicating those plans with you? If you both make plans without letting the other know before hand, then who will be home with the DS13? Communicating is important, you don't need ' permission' but it's nice to extend consideration to your spouse :) I hope things go well and you have a great trip!
I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said here except suggesting that she plan a whole other vacation just to appease the kid. That's why kids are so entitled these days. That sends the message that you can't have anything unless you also make sure your kid gets something as payment for letting you go. He needs to be taught that he doesn't run the show and his mom deserves a vacation. Simple as that. No bribes needed to "soften the blow".
 
  • DISNEY1975

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    May 5, 2008
    I went on a business trip to WDW one year for 5 days. The "business" part was 3 days, but I flew in 2 days early to hang out at the parks. I couldnt tell my daughter. All she knew was I was in FL....but definitely NOT Disney!!! I came home with some Disney souvenirs for her and her eyebrows raised. I told her I got them at the airport :) There is no way I could tell her where I was and that she wasnt coming. She would be soooo sad.
     

    Alicefan

    We're all mad here
    Joined
    Jul 1, 2015
    I was more commenting on the responses that I, and other's in this situation, get from friends/family, co-workers when we tell them that we are going on vacation solo. They act as is you are a horrible wife/mother for leaving your kids at home with their father. IDK why people have this reaction since no one has that reaction when a man goes on a trip without his family.
    I'm more concerned with all of the people suggesting that she plan another trip to include the son as if she has to somehow make up for going on this vacation. He's 13 years old. Old enough to learn that you don't get everything you want and that other people are important as well. He shouldn't be paid off in order for her to be able to do this. We are creating this generation of entitled kids that we do nothing but complain about. These are exactly the kind of situations that are teaching moments for our children. Use them well.
     

    Lilsia

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 17, 2018
    I'm more concerned with all of the people suggesting that she plan another trip to include the son as if she has to somehow make up for going on this vacation. He's 13 years old. Old enough to learn that you don't get everything you want and that other people are important as well. He shouldn't be paid off in order for her to be able to do this. We are creating this generation of entitled kids that we do nothing but complain about. These are exactly the kind of situations that are teaching moments for our children. Use them well.
    I 100% agree with you. Who is the adult in these situations. It is like that commercial for online shopping they are playing now where the Mom comes out to the playing kid and in a pleading voice, asks him to come on because she needs to go buy groceries and the kids does not want to. So of course she let the kid decide how to run the house and they don't go to the store. It is infuriating. When a Mom tells their kid to do something, they should do it immediately with a "yes Mom". Those are the kids that grow up and can do well in society.
     

    stephk1981

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Oct 11, 2013
    I agree wholeheartedly with everything you said here except suggesting that she plan a whole other vacation just to appease the kid. That's why kids are so entitled these days. That sends the message that you can't have anything unless you also make sure your kid gets something as payment for letting you go. He needs to be taught that he doesn't run the show and his mom deserves a vacation. Simple as that. No bribes needed to "soften the blow".
    I completely understand what you mean, I just meant sometimes it's fun to have something for her son to look forward to with his mom .....or mom and family. I agree she deserves a trip to herself.....I didn't mean it as a ' bribe.'
     
  • Alicefan

    We're all mad here
    Joined
    Jul 1, 2015
    I completely understand what you mean, I just meant sometimes it's fun to have something for her son to look forward to with his mom .....or mom and family. I agree she deserves a trip to herself.....I didn't mean it as a ' bribe.'
    I hear you but in essence it ends up being the same thing. It's still making the OP feel as if she has to in some way make up for this trip by planning something else. Let's face it, after a Disney trip there probably won't be much left for another trip. I see where you're coming from but I'm more of the mindset of, "Hey I'm going on this vacation and you'll get over it because I've taken you on several trips already and it's not always about you." but I'm mean like that. lol
     

    Alicefan

    We're all mad here
    Joined
    Jul 1, 2015
    I 100% agree with you. Who is the adult in these situations. It is like that commercial for online shopping they are playing now where the Mom comes out to the playing kid and in a pleading voice, asks him to come on because she needs to go buy groceries and the kids does not want to. So of course she let the kid decide how to run the house and they don't go to the store. It is infuriating. When a Mom tells their kid to do something, they should do it immediately with a "yes Mom". Those are the kids that grow up and can do well in society.
    Oh my gosh I haven't seen that one yet! My all time favorite is the Ensure commercial where the mom talks about how her kid won't eat this and that and then the announcer says, "when your childs growth is stunted from not getting the right nutrition".....I'm literally standing on my couch yelling, "STOP MAKING HIM SOMETHING DIFFERENT THAN WHAT THE REST OF YOU ARE EATING!" I've been through that garbage with step sons and when you stop asking them what they want and just start cooking dinner....that ends real fast. My ex catered to them and they ran the show. When I came into the picture I thought, "man, you don't seem to know a thing about parenting and manipulation." They ended up liking just about anything you put in front of them when you took pizza and nuggets out of the equation. But you're right, they are now making commercials that are relatable to this kind of parenting because the scales have tipped and this is the norm. Scary.
     

    Lilsia

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Feb 17, 2018
    Oh my gosh I haven't seen that one yet! My all time favorite is the Ensure commercial where the mom talks about how her kid won't eat this and that and then the announcer says, "when your childs growth is stunted from not getting the right nutrition".....I'm literally standing on my couch yelling, "STOP MAKING HIM SOMETHING DIFFERENT THAN WHAT THE REST OF YOU ARE EATING!" I've been through that garbage with step sons and when you stop asking them what they want and just start cooking dinner....that ends real fast. My ex catered to them and they ran the show. When I came into the picture I thought, "man, you don't seem to know a thing about parenting and manipulation." They ended up liking just about anything you put in front of them when you took pizza and nuggets out of the equation. But you're right, they are now making commercials that are relatable to this kind of parenting because the scales have tipped and this is the norm. Scary.
    Be careful with that kind of talk around here. People will think that you are the worst kind of parent abusing your child by making them eat healthy meals.:rolleyes: What is crazy is that the way you describe meals(which is how I fed my kids) is how every single person before the last couple of generations grew up. Mom never asked the kid what they wanted. And she sure as heck didn't make the kids a different meal. You ate what Mom cooked whether you liked it or not. No one is traumatized from it. The companies that sell these junk products have done an amazing job convincing all of these new parents that kids are incapable of eating normal food. A child will eat what the parents feed them. If parents never introduces mac and cheese and chicken strips to the child, then they won't want to eat them. Sounds like common sense but evidently it's not. What is extra scary is that they did a study that children that are fed these types of diets have a lower IQ then those who eat normal food. They need to make sure the new parents have this kind of information. Pediatricians need to really focus on telling new parents what to feed their kids since no one listens to the older generations anymore.
     

    Alicefan

    We're all mad here
    Joined
    Jul 1, 2015
    Be careful with that kind of talk around here. People will think that you are the worst kind of parent abusing your child by making them eat healthy meals.:rolleyes: What is crazy is that the way you describe meals(which is how I fed my kids) is how every single person before the last couple of generations grew up. Mom never asked the kid what they wanted. And she sure as heck didn't make the kids a different meal. You ate what Mom cooked whether you liked it or not. No one is traumatized from it. The companies that sell these junk products have done an amazing job convincing all of these new parents that kids are incapable of eating normal food. A child will eat what the parents feed them. If parents never introduces mac and cheese and chicken strips to the child, then they won't want to eat them. Sounds like common sense but evidently it's not. What is extra scary is that they did a study that children that are fed these types of diets have a lower IQ then those who eat normal food. They need to make sure the new parents have this kind of information. Pediatricians need to really focus on telling new parents what to feed their kids since no one listens to the older generations anymore.
    You are so right! I've been yelled at before on this topic but I couldn't care less. If you are this kind of person and are parenting this way, I wouldn't give any credit to anything you said anyway lol. Girl, we need to hang out! :rotfl2: Yep, true that it wasn't done in earlier generations because people didn't have time, nor the money to cater to children the way they do now. And whaddya know??? No "me" generation spawning from back then either. hmmmm....it's not rocket science but ya sure would think it was. I guess it's time to stop hijacking the thread with all of our knowledge. :joker:
     



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