Testing the Waters

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smmcgarry

Mouseketeer
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Sep 1, 2017
First, please read this through and please, moderators, do not delete!

This post has nothing to do with the forum, but I assume that this is the most widely read forum and I'd like this to reach as many people as possible.

I've run into a life situation that I am having a lot of trouble not only navigating, but figuring out how to deal with on an emotional level. I'd like to get advice from as wide and varied an audience as possible (all ages, life experiences, etc.) and I'm not sure where the most appropriate place is to post the details of the situation on this board. I've gotten advice from m wife, but I'm really curious as to what uninterested, unbiased individuals would suggest.

So, that being said, what subform on discards would you suggest that is most appropriate on which to post?
 


First, please read this through and please, moderators, do not delete!

This post has nothing to do with the forum, but I assume that this is the most widely read forum and I'd like this to reach as many people as possible.

I've run into a life situation that I am having a lot of trouble not only navigating, but figuring out how to deal with on an emotional level. I'd like to get advice from as wide and varied an audience as possible (all ages, life experiences, etc.) and I'm not sure where the most appropriate place is to post the details of the situation on this board. I've gotten advice from m wife, but I'm really curious as to what uninterested, unbiased individuals would suggest.

So, that being said, what subform on discards would you suggest that is most appropriate on which to post?


Come on and test the waters; I have to go to bed soon!:goodvibes
 
First, please read this through and please, moderators, do not delete!

This post has nothing to do with the forum, but I assume that this is the most widely read forum and I'd like this to reach as many people as possible.

I've run into a life situation that I am having a lot of trouble not only navigating, but figuring out how to deal with on an emotional level. I'd like to get advice from as wide and varied an audience as possible (all ages, life experiences, etc.) and I'm not sure where the most appropriate place is to post the details of the situation on this board. I've gotten advice from m wife, but I'm really curious as to what uninterested, unbiased individuals would suggest.

So, that being said, what subform on discards would you suggest that is most appropriate on which to post?

Well not knowing what it is, I can't say much.

But here's some general advice. For best marriage success, there are three phrases the male should know and know well.

1. Yes dear.
2. Whatever you say dear.
3. I know you're right dear.
 


Women are always right. Unless they’re wrong. Then they’re still right.

What is your problem? We’ve had very few wedding, in laws, and sex/attraction problems on the CB lately. If you could manage all three problems in one thread that would be great.
 
So it appears your post has been moved to the COmmunity Board. Welcome! All sorts of threads happen here ande very few have anyhting to do with Disney. Lots of people ask for life advice. Fair warning, if you lay out your problem you are likely to get honest advice from many, it seems often posters do not like the advice/commentary/questions they get and seek to control the discussion or limit it to only supporting their view point. It doesn't work that way. If you share---you WILL see posts from all sorts of perspectives, and some might be critical of you or ask questions you don't want to think about.
If you are up for really hearing what people think, by all means post.
 
For those of you who were salivating, thinking that this was a marriage, sex or family issue, sorry too disappoint.


I am a current graduate student at a prominent university. I am also older than most graduate students and a recovering alcoholic (around 3 months).Last semester, I took a medical leave of absence because I suffered a pretty severe relapse and needed to get healthy and revaluate/reprioritize my life. I was completely honest with faculty, staff and fellow students/members of my cohort.

Upon my return to school 3 days ago, I was treated great by faculty. There are, however, members of my cohort that either refuse to look at me or give me dirty looks and ignore me. This kind of pisses me off. I'm putting a lot of blame on it being a "millennial" thing... these kids have not had life experience, most have never had to face a challenge in their lives and think that they have the right to look down on me.

I've also read "The Four Agreements," a Toltec wisdom book. One of the agreements that you are supposed to make with yourself is to not take things personally. It states that people who treat you wrongly do so because they see something in you that they see in themselves that they don't like.

I also understand that, though I had no intentions of doing so, I put my cohort though something substantial by going on a medical leave.. at least I think I did. So they may be reacting to that.

Finally, it may be that some just don't like me, don't believe that I put the effort into getting better, etc...

I'm not sure how to react to and handle this. When class starts, I am happy because the professors are very friendly with me (I should state that I am 40 years old and the oldest member of my cohort). However, when I'm waiting to go to class, I am treated like a pariah. It is extremely disheartening. It feels awful to be around a group of people who clearly don't want you around and exclude you from things (including group emails that contain good and important information regarding class material). I so badly want to drop out to avoid 3.5 more years of this, but I know that, if I do that, they win.

Any thoughts/advice? How do I get through 3 and a half years of being an outcast? Believe me, I know what being an outcast is... I was in elementary, middle and high schools. I thought that things would change in a Ph.D. program, though.

Thanks for listening.
 
I also understand that, though I had no intentions of doing so, I put my cohort though something substantial by going on a medical leave.. at least I think I did. So they may be reacting to that.

Were you part of a group project, and they had to do all the work alone or something?

Otherwise, I expect the people who won't look at you are just nervous because they don't have a "script" for what to say.
 
No... no group project. When I say "cohort," I just mean that we all started the same semester/year.
 
I think you are reading way more into this than likely exists. I also think you may have made it a bit awkward for your classmates, who probably didn't know you very well, when you were so honest about why you took a medical leave of absence, it really was very personal information, and wasn't something that they needed to know. I know that I was way too busy trying to survive graduate school to give the amount of thought to my fellow classmates that you are ascribing to them.

Also, right or wrong, working in academia my entire career, I will say that my own experience is that older students are in general excluded more often than not. When most of the group is of a certain age, it is just difficult to make connections with someone who is so much older, and in a different place in his or her life, I am not saying it is ok, but it is what I have observed over the years.

Also, please don't assume that you are the only person with any valid life experience, just because someone is younger than you, does not mean that they have not faced struggles or adversity.
 
For those of you who were salivating, thinking that this was a marriage, sex or family issue, sorry too disappoint.


I am a current graduate student at a prominent university. I am also older than most graduate students and a recovering alcoholic (around 3 months).Last semester, I took a medical leave of absence because I suffered a pretty severe relapse and needed to get healthy and revaluate/reprioritize my life. I was completely honest with faculty, staff and fellow students/members of my cohort.

Upon my return to school 3 days ago, I was treated great by faculty. There are, however, members of my cohort that either refuse to look at me or give me dirty looks and ignore me. This kind of pisses me off. I'm putting a lot of blame on it being a "millennial" thing... these kids have not had life experience, most have never had to face a challenge in their lives and think that they have the right to look down on me.

I've also read "The Four Agreements," a Toltec wisdom book. One of the agreements that you are supposed to make with yourself is to not take things personally. It states that people who treat you wrongly do so because they see something in you that they see in themselves that they don't like.

I also understand that, though I had no intentions of doing so, I put my cohort though something substantial by going on a medical leave.. at least I think I did. So they may be reacting to that.

Finally, it may be that some just don't like me, don't believe that I put the effort into getting better, etc...

I'm not sure how to react to and handle this. When class starts, I am happy because the professors are very friendly with me (I should state that I am 40 years old and the oldest member of my cohort). However, when I'm waiting to go to class, I am treated like a pariah. It is extremely disheartening. It feels awful to be around a group of people who clearly don't want you around and exclude you from things (including group emails that contain good and important information regarding class material). I so badly want to drop out to avoid 3.5 more years of this, but I know that, if I do that, they win.

Any thoughts/advice? How do I get through 3 and a half years of being an outcast? Believe me, I know what being an outcast is... I was in elementary, middle and high schools. I thought that things would change in a Ph.D. program, though.

Thanks for listening.

Sorry, momentarily forgot the rule.
 
Also, please don't assume that you are the only person with any valid life experience, just because someone is younger than you, does not mean that they have not faced struggles or adversity.

Yeah, this struck me too. The whole, "They're millennials and have never faced a challenge" stuck me as incredibly ignorant.

There are (unfortunately) 3 year olds on this planet who have faced more adversity and challenges than we can ever imagine. Age does not mean that life has been smooth sailing.
 
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