That moment when it clicks

[dakotix]

I have to share this tiny miracle from last night. Our 4yo son has been going through a hell of a time. He is our foster (soon to be adopted) son. He's had to endure a lot of trauma. It comes out in funny (and not so funny) ways. One major challenge he has is control. Most kids this age have this issue but for him it is magnified. And like most kids his age, bed time is a huge challenge. He goes to bed just fine but once there, "let the games begin!" This is where he likes to wield control. He will try to control everything about the routine but will do it in such a way that is, well, nasty and rude. He'll get out of bed EVERY night and come back downstairs within minutes if we don't sit with him until he falls asleep. A bed time story is a MUST.

Last night was no different except he was especially mean, whiny, and rude to me as we were going through his routine. Finally I'd had it with his antics and said he was not getting his story until he calmed down. He refused so I put his book on his bed, tucked him in, and said "I love you. Good night." and left the room. Well that didn't go over well! lol

He followed me downstairs. My husband and I watched the news as he stood just outside the livingroom screaming and demanding I read him a story. My husband told him if he could go upstairs and be quiet then he would get his story. After about 10 minutes of continued screaming/crying he all of a sudden just stopped. He turned on his heels and went upstairs.

I look at my husband and said, "either something just clicked or he's going to start trashing his room". After a few minutes I went upstairs. Our little terror had tucked himself in to bed, was turned over with his eyes closed!

I turned on his light, grabbed his story, and told him how proud I was that he was acting like such a big boy. We read his story and he fell asleep in my arms.

 

[Frozen Canuck]

That is such an awesome story! You need to record that in his baby book (or whatever you use to record the milestone moments). Yeah, there are going to be days where things might backslide or your limits are tested again, but you will have this memory to remind you that all of the trials are worth it for that sweet little boy! There will come a day, where the bedtime challenges completely melt away, but new hurdles may appear in their place. Know that you are strong enough to face them and take them on.

 

[mom2rtk]

Great story! Congrats and thanks for sharing it.

 

[LovesTimone]

Congrats... Each step you make is a win... A woman I worked with, her and her husband adopted a brother and sister, when they were 2 and 3 and they went through a lot... basically to hades and back... they never gave up, and they fought for them, for their family...with the kids they endured terrible abuse's, and a horrible living environment, hunger, violence, drugs in the house... It was terrible... the first year, they wanted to sleep together the brother wanted to protect his sister even that little he knew what danger was... It took about 18 months for them to finally sleep in separate rooms, there was counseling, for the kids and them off and on... as things would start cropping up at different times... especially in middle school... but again they never gave up... Both kids made it, their son is a career navy, married and has 3 kids, Their Daughter got married, a few years ago...and they are expecting their 1st baby...

Sending hugs, prayers, and pixie dust for you and your family...

 

[ronandannette]

I have to share this tiny miracle from last night. Our 4yo son has been going through a hell of a time. He is our foster (soon to be adopted) son. He's had to endure a lot of trauma. It comes out in funny (and not so funny) ways. One major challenge he has is control. Most kids this age have this issue but for him it is magnified. And like most kids his age, bed time is a huge challenge. He goes to bed just fine but once there, "let the games begin!" This is where he likes to wield control. He will try to control everything about the routine but will do it in such a way that is, well, nasty and rude. He'll get out of bed EVERY night and come back downstairs within minutes if we don't sit with him until he falls asleep. A bed time story is a MUST.

Last night was no different except he was especially mean, whiny, and rude to me as we were going through his routine. Finally I'd had it with his antics and said he was not getting his story until he calmed down. He refused so I put his book on his bed, tucked him in, and said "I love you. Good night." and left the room. Well that didn't go over well! lol

He followed me downstairs. My husband and I watched the news as he stood just outside the livingroom screaming and demanding I read him a story. My husband told him if he could go upstairs and be quiet then he would get his story. After about 10 minutes of continued screaming/crying he all of a sudden just stopped. He turned on his heels and went upstairs.

I look at my husband and said, "either something just clicked or he's going to start trashing his room". After a few minutes I went upstairs. Our little terror had tucked himself in to bed, was turned over with his eyes closed!

I turned on his light, grabbed his story, and told him how proud I was that he was acting like such a big boy. We read his story and he fell asleep in my arms.

Nice!! And in terms of things “clicking”, all of us parents have had similar moments where we’ve had to draw a line and force ourselves to stick to it, which is waaaay easier said than done. I’d imagine it’s especially hard to be firm with your little one in his circumstances but if that’s what he needs it will be a game changer. You did good.

 

[VandVsmama]

Victory! That's so awesome!!!!!!

 

[superme80]

That is wonderful! I love it when something just clicks for our children.

 

[dakotix]

Nice!! And in terms of things “clicking”, all of us parents have had similar moments where we’ve had to draw a line and force ourselves to stick to it, which is waaaay easier said than done. I’d imagine it’s especially hard to be firm with your little one in his circumstances but if that’s what he needs it will be a game changer. You did good.

You got that right! Its so hard to stick to our guns with him because we know how ridiculous and sad it is that he even has to go through any of this at such a young age. But as you say, if it is exactly what he needs and actually makes him feel more secure. So hard to do but necessary.