Tracking your teen

How closely do you track your teen


  • Total voters
    60
My daughter is 18. SHe just graduated high school. She put the find my friends app on my phone. She has been going on dates from online dating apps.
 
My daughter and I both have it on our phones- she can track me and I can track her. Its very funny when I am driving home from someplace and get a text saying "hey mom you are coming up to a mcdonalds, can you pick me up a number 6" LOL

We use Life360 and my daughter has it programmed that it notifies her when I'm near Sonic, Starbucks, Kroger, and Target. I often get those messages of "hey I see you're at xyz can you pick me up..."

Ours are not yet driving, but we still track our kids and they track us on Life360. It's peace of mind. We do encourage them to check in every so often.
 


I'm not that hung up on tracking my kids. In fact, DD16 had her driver's ed driving this week/last week, and the instructor specifically told me that she likes the parents to track where she takes the kids while they're driving. I still didn't do it. I have basically good kids, now reason to check up on them. I'm not above asking them to text me when they get somewhere, but even that--it's usually my oldest, who's 24 and lives 800 miles away. As in, "Text me when your flight lands". Sometimes, she even remembers to do it--more likely, I'm texting her hours later, making sure she's okay.

I think some parents can be really relaxed about their kids' travels, and some just can't. No right or wrong, just some people are naturally more worry-worts. It doesn't make anybody a good or bad parent.
 
Mine is almost 20 and I haven't ever had a reason or felt the need to track her. She let's us know when she gets where she's going and if her plans have changed.
 
We don't use an app to track our kids, although we could DS16 with find my iphone. Our rule with DS18 has been that he text us when he gets where he is going and when he leaves to come home, and he doesn't have a problem with that, even now. DS16 won't get his license for 2 more weeks, but it will be the same for him. I trust them until I have a reason not to.

We did track DS18 the first time he went on a mission trip, which was 5 years ago. We were trying to figure out what time he would need picked up because we lived almost an hour away. He kept saying he didn't know where they were...and heaven forbid he ask and adult for an eta...so we told him we tracked his phone.
 


Hmm, when you ask if one tracks their kids, do you mean just to check up on them? I don’t do that, if they tell me they are going somewhere, that’s where I think they are. I can’t imagine our lives without find my iPhone, we literally use it everyday to find a missing phone (usually DH’s). I think it’s great that some children text their parents where they are going, mine don’t always, and during the school year, their phone sound is usually off.
 
See, every parent I know in real life seems to be in the "track your child" camp. As soon as I mention that he just got his license, I am told about life360 or find my family or other such apps. I was starting to feel crazy that I had no interest in tracking him. Thank you all for making me feel sane.
 
Everyone in my family can track everyone else - I can see where my kids are, DH can see where I am, I can see where he is. It's convenient. I like it the most because I can tell when they're going to be home as I'm preparing dinner, so there's a hot meal on the table and not a meal that was hot 45 minutes ago. ;)

I've heard folks argue that it's a violation of privacy, but I don't really need privacy from my immediate family - we don't keep secrets or hide things from each other, really. If I didn't want them to know where I was for some reason (like when I'm shopping for holiday presents!) I just ask them not to track me, and trust that they'll listen.
 
Mine is older now but when she was a teen we did ask that she text/call when she got where ever she was going as well as when she was heading home. Not that we didn't trust her but to give us peace of mind that she wasn't in a ditch somewhere having been in an accident.

This actually happened last month & was reported on national news. A mom knew something was horribly wrong when her very responsible, 17 yr old daughter missed curfew and wasn't answering her phone. The mom was able to track her DD down by using the iPhone's "Find A Friend" app. Her DD's car slid off an embankment. The DD was pinned under her car. She was trapped for 7 hours. In another news story, the DD recounts how many cars she heard had driven by, not knowing she was down there.

If it wasn't for the Find A Friend app, and the mom seeing she was getting closer to the location, the mom wouldn't have known to be on the look out for the skid marks at that location. She might have also just driven by. BOTH mom & DD are now advocates of having a tracking app to be able to use if necessary.

https://abc7news.com/mom-says-find-my-friends-app-helped-save-daughter-after-crash/5348150/


OP, I don't see this as an either or situation. You can give him all the freedom he wants, and still have the technology in place to locate him in an emergency. On another thread, you mentioned that your DS has recently been witness to some volatile situations between his boss & the wife, where DS thought he might need to call the police. While unlikely, if your DS is ever off somewhere with them, maybe picking up supplies for the job, as they needed his manpower, and he is witness to another volatile argument between them and just doesn't want to get back in the car with them, you're going to need to know where he is. He may not know his exact location and may feel uneasy to ask the feuding couple. That's when you or DH needs to be able to locate him and just jump in a car to go get him.
 
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I didn't track DD. But she and I both and still let each other know if we are going out etc as a common courtesy.

OP, tell your husband to stop supervising from the sidelines asking YOU if your son texted etc. That would grate my nerves.if he wants to track him then he will be the one doing it. End of story.
 
See, every parent I know in real life seems to be in the "track your child" camp. As soon as I mention that he just got his license, I am told about life360 or find my family or other such apps. I was starting to feel crazy that I had no interest in tracking him. Thank you all for making me feel sane.

I used it all the time when my daughter was 14/15 and going into NYC to concerts or to just hang out there- I just felt better looking and seeing "oh she is on the High Line"... It was better than having to keep texting "where are you now" all day LOL.
 
Everyone in my family can track everyone else - I can see where my kids are, DH can see where I am, I can see where he is. It's convenient. I like it the most because I can tell when they're going to be home as I'm preparing dinner, so there's a hot meal on the table and not a meal that was hot 45 minutes ago. ;)

I've heard folks argue that it's a violation of privacy, but I don't really need privacy from my immediate family - we don't keep secrets or hide things from each other, really. If I didn't want them to know where I was for some reason (like when I'm shopping for holiday presents!) I just ask them not to track me, and trust that they'll listen.

For me it isn't about having to hide something or keep secrets, it's just that I don't feel the need to know where someone is at every moment of the day, every day. It feels a little too big brother to me, and that isn't how I want to parent or how I want to be in my marriage. Having the ability to stalk over someone is not something I want/need and it isn't something I want people, even those I love, to have over me.
If anyone wants to know where I was or what I did during the day, they can just ask because I'm not hiding anything or keeping secrets ;)
I think it can be a great tool, especially for those of us who have teens and young adults still living at home for when they are travelling, but just general checking to see where they are- no thank you.
 
We have full access to our kids phones, this includes tracking. We don't actively track our kids, we've spent a lot of time talking with them about responsibility, accountability, treating people with respect, and about bullying. Their friends also know we have full access to their phones, so that means that whatever our kids send we can see, but we can also see whatever their friends send to them. In this age, it seems like it is so easy for all ages to become keyboard warriors, say things they wouldn't say to someone's face, or not remember that once you send something electronically, it's out there forever. And regardless of how well we think we've covered every base about internet safety, kids (and even adults) don't always pick up on things that are questionable. We haven't had reason to utilize our capabilities to their fullest, but if a situation arises that we need to find them in an emergency, or there is questionable communication that needs intervention, we will be prepared to deal with it instead of reacting.
 
We never tracked our two; and, we don't track each other. The accident scenario that a pp shared is the only reason I would even think about it. My kids never gave me any concerns or worries, so I never felt the need to track their movements as teens.
They are 22 and 19 now. One is five hours from home and the other is halfway across the country. We communicate every other day or so; but, I don't get stressed if I don't hear from them right away.
One of my sisters expects constant updates on her kids whereabouts and plans; and, honestly I feel like it causes more stress because kids will forget to check in or run a little late or end up in an area with no signal... and then she's freaking out, worried, and feels like she has to punish them for the "infraction." Not my idea of a good time, especially when they're good kids who are not making poor decisions or rebelling or anything like that, they're just having fun with friends.
 
Everyone in my family can track everyone else - I can see where my kids are, DH can see where I am, I can see where he is. It's convenient. I like it the most because I can tell when they're going to be home as I'm preparing dinner, so there's a hot meal on the table and not a meal that was hot 45 minutes ago. ;)

I've heard folks argue that it's a violation of privacy, but I don't really need privacy from my immediate family - we don't keep secrets or hide things from each other, really. If I didn't want them to know where I was for some reason (like when I'm shopping for holiday presents!) I just ask them not to track me, and trust that they'll listen.
Why is it when people don't like the idea of being constantly watched it falls back to 'you must have something to hide or you want to keep secrets'. That may be your impression but not everyone feels like they have something to hide they just don't like the idea of someone tracking them like that.

There's very useful means of being able to find someone through technology. That doesn't mean you have to track someone for the sake of tracking. I agree with a few other posters--great for emergency uses but I wouldn't want to do it for everyday usages.

To give an example just over 12 years ago a local girl who had just graduated high school was kidnapped from my area. I didn't personally know her but there were a few friends of mine that went to her high school who knew her. Where she was taken shocked the heck out of many people because well false sense of security in my area.

Anyways she was found because her cell phone was pinged but it wasn't until 4 days later that the FBI and local police were able to convince the cell phone carrier to allow her phone to be pinged; she was found on the other side of the state line in under an hour after her phone had been pinged. She had been assaulted sexually and had been murdered. At that time getting pings out of cell phones with going to the cell phone carrier ran into a lot of roadblocks and they still do today. On the one hand there's understanding privacy and on the other hand there's life or death situations which is this one.

Anyways from her death has come the Kelsey Smith Act that came about around 2 years after her death. This act and ones similar to it have passed in at least 23 states, requires cellphone companies to turn over device location information in emergency situations with those privacy concerns temporarily suspended.

These days though there are many apps out there with knowing where someone is and I would wholeheartedly agree with using that in such cases where you're expecting a loved one and they don't answer or pick up and you're concerned about their welfare and I can see vacation/travellling as a good usage too at least as a fall back. It's the looking at it in day to day life that seems just too much. YMMV of course.
 
I am in my 40s and my parents track me. lol It doesn't bother me in the slightest. It entertains my dad. He is forever sending screenshots of where we are. Thanks dad, I didn't know I was at Target, haha. He really loves it when we go on vacation. I can do a whole vacation album from my Find Friends screen shots from him. We have a big family group chat with my siblings and parents and just had 3 different siblings on vacation and got location updates on all 3 of them from my Dad. He loved to travel and doesn't' get to as much so he feels like he is traveling with us. I have the ability to track my kids and DH too. It is for safety and not because I do not trust them. I did send that article mentioned above to my kids a few weeks ago (after my mom sent it to me, lol) and said see, this might save your life one day.
 
Mine always told me where they were going and would call if they were going to be late or going somewhere else. I saw no need for a real time tracking app. The phone has a built in tracker and if the kids are late or something happens, I can then find out where they are. If they had all this stuff when I was a kid, I'd pull the battery out of my phone. HAHA. Track that Mom!!!!
 

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