Wedding RSVP’s

sk!mom

DIS Veteran
Joined
Dec 30, 2000
Why don’t people respond? That was one week ago. After a week of phone calls and texts we are down to the last 22.

DH is in a bad mood because I made him contact everyone he had put on the guest list this morning. He and the groom both wanted to just say, if they didn’t respond... they aren’t coming. Thank goodness for a wedding planner who told DD and her fiancé last night in their planning meeting, don't make assumptions- make phone calls.
 
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:goodvibes Wow - that was a huge guest list; 379 people! If you don't mind me asking, what kind of venue is the event being held at? Were you really ready to accommodate the entire list if they'd all accepted?
 
When were the invitations sent? Was October 19 a sufficient time to respond? Even though it's an e-invite, you can't expect everyone to answer immediately.
 
I would have also said non-responders weren’t coming and saved a boatload of money in the process. What’s the point of sending out RSVPs if you’re still going to chase people down with personal calls? Not saying you were wrong for doing so, just that I don’t have patience for that kind of thing.
 


When were the invitations sent? Was October 19 a sufficient time to respond? Even though it's an e-invite, you can't expect everyone to answer immediately.

it wasn’t an e-invite. Save the dates we’re mailed 6 months ago and invitations were mailed 8 weeks ago. In trying to make RSVP easy, you could respond via The Knot.
 
I would have also said non-responders weren’t coming and saved a boatload of money in the process. What’s the point of sending out RSVPs if you’re still going to chase people down with personal calls? Not saying you were wrong for doing so, just that I don’t have patience for that kind of thing.

Then what do you do if they show up?
 
I would have also said non-responders weren’t coming and saved a boatload of money in the process. What’s the point of sending out RSVPs if you’re still going to chase people down with personal calls? Not saying you were wrong for doing so, just that I don’t have patience for that kind of thing.
I kind of agree with this and I wonder how those conversations went? Granted, it's poor etiquette to neglect to RSVP but being (sort of) called out would feel awkward.
 


:goodvibes Wow - that was a huge guest list; 379 people! If you don't mind me asking, what kind of venue is the event being held at? Were you really ready to accommodate the entire list if they'd all accepted?

completely agree that the guest list was too large and responses likely would have been easier if some (not me) hadn’t felt that they needed to invite everyone they know.

the venue is an “urban barn” and could accommodate 350 guests. Only the configuration is affected by adding. Mostly just the dance floor gets smaller. We always anticipated that the final count would be between 150-200 due to the fact that all but maybe 30 invitees are out of town. We are in the sunny SW so hopefully our normally nice weather will hold and the ceremony will be outdoors.
 
Then what do you do if they show up?
:confused3 In general, do you think a lot of people who don't RSVP end up actually attending? I'd think not, unless they're people who are such close family or friends that they think their attendance will just be assumed?

I did wonder the same thing though, which is why I asked the OP about the wedding venue.
 
Fyi: the post office is notoriously bad at handling wedding invitations. Several of mine never made it to the guests, including my boss! A phone call to see if they even got the invitation may be in order. I hate the post office for important items like these.
 
Then what do you do if they show up?

That was the fear. DH and I have been to two weddings in the last year where they ran out of food. Our wedding planner said, yes, that happens and that’s why you have to contact people.

I kind of agree with this and I wonder how those conversations went? Granted, it's poor etiquette to neglect to RSVP but being (sort of) called out would feel awkward.
I sent a friendly text to my people... “hey friend, we have to get the final wedding count in by this evening. I sure hope that you are going to be able to make it. Please tap the link and let us now.”

Some just did it, others texted back and apology for not having done it sooner, some said, sorry, I thought I did. no one seemed upset. I will say that everyone I had to contact was a friend or family who I am close to so it didn’t feel any more awkward than, hey, are you going to make the barbecue this weekend? Heck DH and I had to contact our brothers🙄

The groom’s side had many more to contact.
 
:confused3 In general, do you think a lot of people who don't RSVP end up actually attending? I'd think not, unless they're people who are such close family or friends that they think their attendance will just be assumed?

I did wonder the same thing though, which is why I asked the OP about the wedding venue.

Yes, some just assumed that we would know that they were coming. According to our wedding planner (a busy one in a major city), this is common. She encourages contacting so that you have the smoothest day possible.
 
For me, that would be much more awkward and uncomfortable than checking with them this morning. I don’t want that stress on the wedding day.
Fair enough. For me, it wouldn’t be the least bit awkward and would be preferable to tracking down 200 people to try to get answers from them.
 
I hate when people ignore an rsvp.

I don’t think our family of five collectively know 350 people enough to invite them to a wedding. Wow. I can’t imagine what the cost to feed that many people would be. Not to mention the liquor bill! 😬
 
Explain to them that because they didn’t say they were coming, we didn’t account for them in the planning and therefore, regretfully, cannot accommodate them. Toodles!

Goodness I couldn't imagine this. Would you have a bouncer at the door or something? And what would happen when Aunt Sally gets really upset because she is 100% certain that she tried that "link thing" and was sure she had rsvpd?

If these are people that I liked enough to invite to the wedding, that I wouldn't mind sending out a quick reminder text to double check. Seems like turning people away at the door would lead to a lot of long term drama amid a family/friend group - and that's not how I would want my/my child's wedding to be remembered.
 
I hate when people ignore an rsvp.

I don’t think our family of five collectively know 350 people enough to invite them to a wedding. Wow. I can’t imagine what the cost to feed that many people would be. Not to mention the liquor bill! 😬

When all is said and done, it is looking to be about 185 guests. I would have been happier if the guest list had been smaller but both sides have large families. The groom’s side also had many many friends.
 
I was taught: you are supposed to RSVP within 24 hours of receiving and invitation. Wedding invitations should arrive a month prior to the event.

My wedding planner had us add 10% to our final count because that’s about how many people will fail to RSVP/the RSVP will be list in the mail but will show up at the wedding.
 

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