When DH wants absolutely nothing to do with Disney anymore

[jbehr12]

I don't want to sound negative, but it may just be time to admit that it is over. That stuff does happen. It happened to me after 29 years. I saw it coming but kept mentally denying it. I'd ask about counseling and if the answer is no, then ask if he wants a divorce. It may end up that way anyway. I wish I had read the handwriting sooner and still would have been young enough to actually cultivate another relationship. I know that both of us were a whole lot happier after we divorced, at least I was, I cannot speak for her, but she really wanted nothing to do with me so I can assume she was too and I was OK with that. Just so you know, I did nothing warranting divorce nor did she, other then leaving. No cheating, no heavy arguments ever. Just unhappiness and being tired of being married. Familiarity breeds contempt, I guess.

Okay... so I think that there are potential red flags but advice like the post above is in fact jumping to conclusions based on their own experiences, and everyone’s experience with this type of thing is going to come from and result in something different.

Get counseling if you actually think it’ll help, not because a bunch of randoms on a Disney board are telling you you should. If you think it’ll just lead to another fight why would you pick that strategy?

While there are red flags, like a PP said talk to his friends to get some insight and a different perspective into what’s going on with him and use a strategy that might actually work for your situation - not someone else’s. I’ve seen too many people base decisions on other people’s experiences and it’s never an efficient way to go about solving a marital problem, in most cases it just makes it worse.

Do what is right for you and your husband, not for the other people on this board. But yes, you should never be “banned” from anything in a marriage. Definite red flag - now find out where it originated.

 

[Party.Of.4-NY>>>FL]

From what you have said this behaviour is out of character. You know him and know him far better than others who are jumping to conclusions. Could there be some underlying issues, worries about work, health or finance? Could he be suffering from depression? Is he grieving for someone or something?
You love him so follow your own instincts. A person doesn’t just have a personality change overnight without some underlying reasons. I hope that he is able to open up and share his feelings with you. Good luck.

@danjoealexis3006 , of all the responses you’ve received here, this one ^ strikes me as the best place to start.

You mentioned that your DH‘s attitude toward Disney changed “out of the blue”. I wonder if there were subtle signs in the past and maybe they weren’t noticed by you. Or maybe he didn’t do a very good job of expressing his growing disenchantment over the years.

You also mentioned it isn’t at all about the money. Fair enough. But is it possible that there’s more going on financially than you might be aware of at the moment? Is your DH still self-employed? That strikes me as a potentially stressful situation. Especially since, for some self-employed workers, finances can turn in a dime. In reading some of your previous posts, it seems you are well-versed on how to “squeeze a nickel out of a penny” when it comes to the Disney budget. I admire your ability to keep up with, what I consider to be, the very complicated credit card points and airline miles game. Would you say your DH is comfortable with the CC game, knowing the dangers of falling behind for even just one month can negate any potential savings that you worked so hard for.? I noticed awhile back your husband agreed to open a credit card in his name for this sole purpose. Was there any pushback from him on that at the time? Or maybe he was a willing and eager participant and I’m making unfair assumptions. Very possible!

You stated upthread that you’ve been to Disney 4 times in the past 15 years. A post of yours in the Bonnet Creek thread from 2016 states you’ve been 15+ times. Not sure if by those 15+ times you meant trips to only Bonnet Creek and you didn’t go to the parks those trips. Maybe I misunderstood your post. Again, wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done that.

You mentioned in early 2019 that you and your DH were looking into purchasing DVC resale. Did you complete the purchase? How has it been working out? Is it possible that your DH is uncomfortable with this type of long-term commitment and he’s not doing a very good job of communicating those feelings?

Whatever happens, I hope you and your DH can find some middle ground.

 

[cheryllarsen]

Weird.

 

[cheryllarsen]

Suggest counseling...

 

[Elsaalltheway]

So things haven’t been going great between DH and I for a while (20+years).


That is the line that concerns me. and I'm thinking since you started with it. Subconsciously it is concerning you too.

I'm not married. Heck i've never even been in a relationship with a man, but from an outsiders view. You don't need that negativity.... Just kidding on that one. I think counseling is a great idea, but not just for your husband but couples counseling. I think counseling is great for all relationships because we become complacent and forget to work on talking and communications. This could be him losing control somewhere else in his life, but yet trying to prove to himself that he still has control somewhere. I'm not a counselor but I think this is something deeper and if you want to work on it, both parties will have to work. Unfortunately we forget that relationships are work. When we get tired of working that is when we call it quits. You need to think about what makes you happy. What makes you happier in life. Disney is like a drug, when you are there it's almost euphoric and you forget about life, and then when you leave you think about your next fix. But relationships and marriage and family are every day things you need to find your happiness in too. But if he is unwilling to bend on counseling and also letting you do what makes you happy, you need to let him know that he needs to compromise too. I wish you all the luck. Please keep us updated.

 

[FireflyTrance]

I can understand him being sick of Disney, but he should let you do what you want. What strikes me as concerning is how controlling this sounds. How can he tell you that you are not allowed to buy any Disney merchandise? If there was a serious financial issue then you two should work together to determine how to cut back. If money is not an issue then he shouldn't be micromanaging your behavior at this level.

 

[luvthatmouseinohio]

This post sounds eerily familiar.

First and foremost, Disney is not your problem. And second, what seems to come out of the blue to you is definitely not out of the blue to him. I believe any professional counselor will tell you that. At least that’s what they told me when my ex had an affair and left "out of the blue" after 23 years of marriage. I have to believe that your marriage has underlying problems that you, like me, are in many ways not dealing with.

Readers here don’t know the details of your marriage, but your initial statement is telling ... things haven’t been great in awhile. Him forbidding Disney, if money truly isn’t the issue, is only the first of other ultimatums likely to come. If you comply with this, what will be next? You simply giving in on this one may pacify things for the time being, but it will not fix things long-term. Interestingly, my ex also complained about too many trips to Disney and didn't get, nor care, that it's my happy place.

There is no question you both need counseling. If he refuses to go, then please go on your own. Or talk to your pastor if you have one. Neither planning another trip to keep you happy, nor not planning another one to keep him happy, is the solution. I truly wish you the best.

 

[loves to dive]

Like another posted, I HAD one many, many years ago. HAD being the key word there. My SO now isn't a big Disney fan but I either go solo or go with my adult son. I take other trips solo as well. I dare him to tell me I'm not "allowed" to do anything especially what to look at.

 

[cobright]

So things haven’t been going great between DH and I for a while (20+years). The other day out of the blue he said he wants nothing to do with Disney anymore. Which is fine, I get it, we’ve been a million times over the years. I was shocked when he said that I am no longer allowed to talk about it or go. He said that it’s not fair that I go, he would never think of going anywhere without me. When I asked him where he would like to go he said to DC, when I asked him when he said “he didn’t know”. We usually travel in the spring bc this is a slow time for him. I am also not allowed to make any purchases that are related to Disney, not that I do make hardly any. Yes, I like to look at what’s new on the Disney store website but I don’t make purchases. I have some Disney pandora jewelry that I love to wear but I haven’t bc of how he feels (he purchased it for me).This isn’t about money. Does anyone have a Significant other who is like this? If so how did you handle it? How did you get them to understand that it’s ok if they don’t want to go but it’s your happy place?

Luckily my dear wife (21 years last Halloween) is as much a fan as I am. But she knows if I can't get my Dis-Fix with her I'll get it with someone else.

I'm not going to tear apart your marriage to see what's making that ratchety sound or anything but ... someone might want to. There's a lot of terms in that paragraph that tickle the gag reflex of a partnership of equals sensibility. Maybe respond with a Disney tattoo?

But seriously... save up for an AP then just pop down there without him whenever travel deals can be found. If you need to march the parks with a clan, find someone here to meet up with.

 

[EsseG]

If you answer "yes" to even one of these questions...https://www.thehotline.org/is-this-abuse/

 

[ajrwdwgirl]

I would also suggest a conversation with your husband to try to get his side, then maybe couples counseling, and if it doesn't work then that's too bad but you tried. I agree with some others that it probably isn't all about Disney.

Personally I wouldn't put up with my husband telling me what to do and what I can talk about. The only person who can really tell me what to do is my boss at work, and in they case they can only tell me what to do professionally. In my opinion marriage is a partnership that allows each person personal freedoms as well. Good luck.

 

[danjoealexis3006]

We are all being arm chair marriage counselors which probably isn’t helpful. But if it were me, I would talk to a few close friends of his to see if his behavior has changed recently.

You say it’s not about money but I would check into your finances to make sure something hasn’t happened to your assets recently to make him paranoid about any spending of money. There’s always a chance that he is worried about money and has decided to make these decrees as his way of saving money without telling You why.

And if he said he wants to go to DC call his bluff. Make plans, pick a date and tell him where to be and when.

I do the house bills and his business bills as well so I know his financial situation. I have a full time job now that our kids are in college. We have never been as financially secure in our marriage as we are now, even with 2 kids in college.

 

[danjoealexis3006]

@danjoealexis3006 , of all the responses you’ve received here, this one ^ strikes me as the best place to start.

You mentioned that your DH‘s attitude toward Disney changed “out of the blue”. I wonder if there were subtle signs in the past and maybe they weren’t noticed by you. Or maybe he didn’t do a very good job of expressing his growing disenchantment over the years.

You also mentioned it isn’t at all about the money. Fair enough. But is it possible that there’s more going on financially than you might be aware of at the moment? Is your DH still self-employed? That strikes me as a potentially stressful situation. Especially since, for some self-employed workers, finances can turn in a dime. In reading some of your previous posts, it seems you are well-versed on how to “squeeze a nickel out of a penny” when it comes to the Disney budget. I admire your ability to keep up with, what I consider to be, the very complicated credit card points and airline miles game. Would you say your DH is comfortable with the CC game, knowing the dangers of falling behind for even just one month can negate any potential savings that you worked so hard for.? I noticed awhile back your husband agreed to open a credit card in his name for this sole purpose. Was there any pushback from him on that at the time? Or maybe he was a willing and eager participant and I’m making unfair assumptions. Very possible!

You stated upthread that you’ve been to Disney 4 times in the past 15 years. A post of yours in the Bonnet Creek thread from 2016 states you’ve been 15+ times. Not sure if by those 15+ times you meant trips to only Bonnet Creek and you didn’t go to the parks those trips. Maybe I misunderstood your post. Again, wouldn’t be the first time I’ve done that.

You mentioned in early 2019 that you and your DH were looking into purchasing DVC resale. Did you complete the purchase? How has it been working out? Is it possible that your DH is uncomfortable with this type of long-term commitment and he’s not doing a very good job of communicating those feelings?

Whatever happens, I hope you and your DH can find some middle ground.

So the 4 trips were the ones without him. Others were to Florida, not all Disney. We never did follow through on a DVC purchase bc he didn’t want too, and that’s ok. As far as CC churning I only did it.

 

[goofyernmost]

Okay... so I think that there are potential red flags but advice like the post above is in fact jumping to conclusions based on their own experiences, and everyone’s experience with this type of thing is going to come from and result in something different.

Get counseling if you actually think it’ll help, not because a bunch of randoms on a Disney board are telling you you should. If you think it’ll just lead to another fight why would you pick that strategy?

While there are red flags, like a PP said talk to his friends to get some insight and a different perspective into what’s going on with him and use a strategy that might actually work for your situation - not someone else’s. I’ve seen too many people base decisions on other people’s experiences and it’s never an efficient way to go about solving a marital problem, in most cases it just makes it worse.

Do what is right for you and your husband, not for the other people on this board. But yes, you should never be “banned” from anything in a marriage. Definite red flag - now find out where it originated.

Sorry, but I don't see anything negative about expressing experiences instead of just theory. Nothing I said happened before counseling was pursued and many both anger and tear filled discussions happened. Mine wasn't advice, like yours was, I was relaying actual situations that played out to that end. That wasn't the beginning direction taken. If the situation lines up with the experience of others, it might lighten the burden that goes with breaking up.

 

[RoseGold]

My husband cut me off from talking about Disney like a month ago, because quarantine is tough and we are all sick of each other. And I'll admit that the only escape I could find was the Disney bubble and I'd probably also be sick of hearing about the theoretical Grand Floridian walkway several states away. But the controlling purchases, wow.

That said, I am a DVC member and Disney lover, and I can't say I understand going without kids. For the price, you could go to Europe or Latin America or many more exciting adult places. And it's not like prices are going down.

 

[jerseygal]

@danjoealexis3006 ,I hope by now you have found a happy middle ground! We are DVC owners and now that kids are grown and out of the house, we still enjoy going to different resorts, often times to just enjoy the resort, chill, walk around the Boardwalk, DS, enjoy the pools. We love going to Vero and HH also! Not thinking of selling our DVC right now..can't wait till grands come along and we can all go together, see Disney through a grands eyes!

 

[Alicefan]

I hope you reminded him that it's not 1952 and that you'll do as you please and he as well as you are free to leave if need be.

 

[sjrec]

@danjoealexis3006 ,I hope by now you have found a happy middle ground! We are DVC owners and now that kids are grown and out of the house, we still enjoy going to different resorts, often times to just enjoy the resort, chill, walk around the Boardwalk, DS, enjoy the pools. We love going to Vero and HH also! Not thinking of selling our DVC right now..can't wait till grands come along and we can all go together, see Disney through a grands eyes!

Yes, grandchildren make it so much fun again!

 

[JFox]

"I am no longer allowed to talk about it or go."

"I am also not allowed to make any purchases that are related to Disney,"

Ummmm. That is some serious BS right there.

 

[Disney Frenhines]

So things haven’t been going great between DH and I for a while (20+years). The other day out of the blue he said he wants nothing to do with Disney anymore. Which is fine, I get it, we’ve been a million times over the years. I was shocked when he said that I am no longer allowed to talk about it or go. He said that it’s not fair that I go, he would never think of going anywhere without me. When I asked him where he would like to go he said to DC, when I asked him when he said “he didn’t know”. We usually travel in the spring bc this is a slow time for him. I am also not allowed to make any purchases that are related to Disney, not that I do make hardly any. Yes, I like to look at what’s new on the Disney store website but I don’t make purchases. I have some Disney pandora jewelry that I love to wear but I haven’t bc of how he feels (he purchased it for me).This isn’t about money. Does anyone have a Significant other who is like this? If so how did you handle it? How did you get them to understand that it’s ok if they don’t want to go but it’s your happy place?

Is there something he really loves that you couldn't care less about? If so then impose the same rules on him.