Why are you a single parent?

englanddg

Mouseketeer
Joined
Jun 30, 2012
That REALLY happened to you? I really thought you were joking (as you had done in another post yesterday), so I didn't respond. If all that really happened to you, that's beyond crazy and I'm glad things are better.
Yes. That is exactly what happened that split me from my kiddo.

We never fought for custody, it wasnt worth tearing apart the family any more than had been done.

But the kid is 10 now, and she has questions. Ones I cannot answer honestly and completely, but she still asks from time to time.

The best compiment I can think of is when her mother calls me and says "she acts just like you!". Ive tried very hard to implant what I can on her while she was growing up. Ethics, attitude, curiosity, creativity, etc.

I am excited to have her to myself all of next month as we go to Uni/WDW/Disney Cruise. I havent seen her face to face (only our 3-4 time a week facetimes) in two years, due to the fact her mother moved.
 
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luvmy2babies

DIS Veteran
Joined
Apr 23, 2010
Yes. That is exactly what happened that split me from my kiddo.

We never fought for custody, it wasnt worth tearing apart the family any more than had been done.

But the kid is 10 now, and she has questions. Ones I cannot answer honestly, but she still asks from time to time.

The best compiment I can think of is when her mother calls me and says "she acts just like you!". Ive tried very hard to implant what I can on her while she was growing up. Ethics, attitude, curiosity, creativity, etc.

I am excited to have her to myself all of next month as we go to Uni/WDW/Disney Cruise. I havent seen her face to face (only our 3-4 time a week facetimes) in two years, due to the fact her mother moved.
I'm sorry you don't get to see her more often. My husband had a similar experience with his ex (assault and all). As they grew up, my stepchildren lived in a different state and it was hard on my husband especially the last few years of his life. I hope you enjoy your vacation and the rest of your visit.
 
  • MommyMeNDisney

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Mar 21, 2015
    Yes. That is exactly what happened that split me from my kiddo.

    We never fought for custody, it wasnt worth tearing apart the family any more than had been done.

    But the kid is 10 now, and she has questions. Ones I cannot answer honestly and completely, but she still asks from time to time.

    The best compiment I can think of is when her mother calls me and says "she acts just like you!". Ive tried very hard to implant what I can on her while she was growing up. Ethics, attitude, curiosity, creativity, etc.

    I am excited to have her to myself all of next month as we go to Uni/WDW/Disney Cruise. I havent seen her face to face (only our 3-4 time a week facetimes) in two years, due to the fact her mother moved.
    Again, I commend you! You are teaching your daughter some very good values through your actions. I'm sorry you don't get to see her more; however, your vacation next month sounds awesome. I bet she's excited to spend that time in Orlando with you. Enjoy every second. I hope you two will make another video of it. :)
     

    englanddg

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Jun 30, 2012
    Again, I commend you! You are teaching your daughter some very good values through your actions. I'm sorry you don't get to see her more; however, your vacation next month sounds awesome. I bet she's excited to spend that time in Orlando with you. Enjoy every second. I hope you two will make another video of it. :)
    She doesn't know about the trip. She won't find out until she either figures it out, or when we get there. Furthermore, she doesn't even know I'm coming to visit. Her mother wants to set up a "surprise meeting" in DC for some reason, so...whatever...

    That said, keeping Disney a secret is normal, we always keep the disney parts of the trips a secret from her. (and the cruise, and Uni, and all that...though that led to a sad day for her on our last trip because we only were at Magic Kingdom for one day, the next day we were off to the Fantasy (we were coming back to WDW for a 10 day stay after the Fantasy cruise, but she didn't know that)...anyhow, we left early because I had a Contemporary Club Level room and wanted to watch Wishes from up there so we could go to bed right after the fireworks as we had to be up early the next morning for breakfast and the DCL bus. On the way out, she really wanted one of those light up toys they sell (she doesn't ask for things often, she's not that type of child, so I'm like, sure)...but, what she wanted was the one that is shaped like a long sword (light saber?). Anyhow, I made the mistake of asking the vendor "does that close down or disassemble, we are leaving tomorrow and I want to be sure I can get it into my bag". Turns out it doesn't collapse or shrink small enough. So, we got a different light up toy.

    Anyhow, on the way to the monorail station to head back to Contemporary she frumped, and I couldn't figure out why. I eventually asked her and she teared up and said "I don't want to leave Disney tomorrow, we just got here!"

    Heartbreaking. But, she was ok the next day after she figured out what was in store! (grins)

    Anyhow, now that she's been several times (every year since 2010 except last year), she knows that a big mouse lives in Orlando. :P

    That said, she has asked me several times if we can go to the "Florida Resort", by that she means Universal (as that's how they end their commercials...the "Universal Florida Resort" phrase), so she should be thrilled, and now she is tall enough for all the coasters she wanted to do last time (yeah, she loves coasters...not afraid of anything thrill ride wise, but still buries herself into my arm on Haunted Mansion and refused to ride the Mummy last time we went to Uni!).
     

    MommyMeNDisney

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Mar 21, 2015
    She doesn't know about the trip. She won't find out until she either figures it out, or when we get there. Furthermore, she doesn't even know I'm coming to visit. Her mother wants to set up a "surprise meeting" in DC for some reason, so...whatever...

    That said, keeping Disney a secret is normal, we always keep the disney parts of the trips a secret from her. (and the cruise, and Uni, and all that...though that led to a sad day for her on our last trip because we only were at Magic Kingdom for one day, the next day we were off to the Fantasy (we were coming back to WDW for a 10 day stay after the Fantasy cruise, but she didn't know that)...anyhow, we left early because I had a Contemporary Club Level room and wanted to watch Wishes from up there so we could go to bed right after the fireworks as we had to be up early the next morning for breakfast and the DCL bus. On the way out, she really wanted one of those light up toys they sell (she doesn't ask for things often, she's not that type of child, so I'm like, sure)...but, what she wanted was the one that is shaped like a long sword (light saber?). Anyhow, I made the mistake of asking the vendor "does that close down or disassemble, we are leaving tomorrow and I want to be sure I can get it into my bag". Turns out it doesn't collapse or shrink small enough. So, we got a different light up toy.

    Anyhow, on the way to the monorail station to head back to Contemporary she frumped, and I couldn't figure out why. I eventually asked her and she teared up and said "I don't want to leave Disney tomorrow, we just got here!"

    Heartbreaking. But, she was ok the next day after she figured out what was in store! (grins)

    Anyhow, now that she's been several times (every year since 2010 except last year), she knows that a big mouse lives in Orlando. :P

    That said, she has asked me several times if we can go to the "Florida Resort", by that she means Universal (as that's how they end their commercials...the "Universal Florida Resort" phrase), so she should be thrilled, and now she is tall enough for all the coasters she wanted to do last time (yeah, she loves coasters...not afraid of anything thrill ride wise, but still buries herself into my arm on Haunted Mansion and refused to ride the Mummy last time we went to Uni!).
    That's sweet! I don't know how you keep it a secret though. DS makes me melt. If he would've teared up, I would've given in. Lol
     

    englanddg

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Jun 30, 2012
    That's sweet! I don't know how you keep it a secret though. DS makes me melt. If he would've teared up, I would've given in. Lol
    I like the surprise reactions, and so does her mother (after I send the videos to her). This is from 2011. In 2010, our first trip, I failed to realize that she'd figure out that we were at "Disney World" when we were at MCO due to the Magical Express, so I didn't get that year on tape. I fixed that for every year after. <wink>



    Also, if you note a slight speech impediment, that's because she had one when she was younger. She had a broken front tooth that caused her to speak oddly. In fact the broken tooth was from the car accident I mentioned earlier where my Ex totalled her vehicle (a Sebring I had bought her). The seat belt in the rear seat apparently failed, and even though the kiddo was in a car seat, the car seat flew forward and slammed her face into the rear of the driver side headrest, chipping her tooth, breaking her nose, and giving her a massive scar on her upper lip (it's hard to see as she's gotten older, but for a while her upper lip was disfigured). The kiddo was 5 at the time of the accident.

    The Dentist said that since it was a baby tooth, we should just wait for it to fall out unless it got infected or she indicated it was painful, but it did mean that when she was younger and learning to speak, she tended to be a bit nasally and slurred her words.

    She's gotten over that now.
     
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  • MommyMeNDisney

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Mar 21, 2015
    I like the surprise reactions, and so does her mother (after I send the videos to her). This is from 2011. In 2010, our first trip, I failed to realize that she'd figure out that we were at "Disney World" when we were at MCO due to the Magical Express, so I didn't get that year on tape. I fixed that for every year after. <wink>



    Also, if you note a slight speech impediment, that's because she had one when she was younger. She had a broken front tooth that caused her to speak oddly. In fact the broken tooth was from the car accident I mentioned earlier where my Ex totalled her vehicle (a Sebring I had bought her). The seat belt in the rear seat apparently failed, and even though the kiddo was in a car seat, the car seat flew forward and slammed her face into the rear of the driver side headrest, chipping her tooth, breaking her nose, and giving her a massive scar on her upper lip (it's hard to see as she's gotten older, but for a while her upper lip was disfigured). The kiddo was 5 at the time of the accident.

    The Dentist said that since it was a baby tooth, we should just wait for it to fall out unless it got infected or she indicated it was painful, but it did mean that when she was younger and learning to speak, she tended to be a bit nasally and slurred her words.

    She's gotten over that now.
    Aww, those are some special memories! Thanks for sharing those videos. She's going to be so excited next month! Watching her walking into WDW made me long to take DS for the first time. I can't wait. :)
     

    smashing

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Aug 19, 2013
    I'm newly single and still adjusting :(
    Like a few others have said....exh started getting miserable to be around, came home one day after work and said he couldn't live with us anymore. Found out days later he had been emotionally involved for years with a person from the past.
    I'm struggling with my ups and downs of feeling releved not to come home daily to his moods and the shear hurt of what he caused.
    Staying focused on my upcoming trip with the kids :)
     

    nicks mom

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Jan 5, 2013
    Single by choice...the best choice of my life. I wanted to be a mom, and had not met Mr. Right, so I started the adoption process on my 35th birthday and brought my son home from Guatemala one year later. He is 9 now and a really well adjusted kid. Best decision of my life...a bit tough a times but the good definitely outweighs the challenges.
    Thanks everyone for sharing your stories...I've read a lot of really inspiring stories here about strength and determination!
     
  • IloveDisney77

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    May 6, 2009
    I thought I was relatively happily married for 15 years. This past Thanksgiving we came back from my brother's for the weekend and within an hour of unloading the car I was told "I'm done, im leaving." I was shocked...still am I guess...he sees the kids (11 and 7) every other weekend. We don't speak, only email, divorce court date is August 25. House is for sale, heading to Mom's to get solvent and maybe buy a little house for me and the kids. Don't know that we will ever be civil because he just quit, no attempt at counseling, he just walked.i agree house is a lot more peaceful but I wasn't unhappy so it's hard to see the good in this. I'm grateful because I have great supportive people and 2 good jobs. We are headed to WDW at the end of the month with mom...we are DVC members and I really hope to keep it in the divorce. We had a big trip to Disneyland planned for April for my 40th but I cancelled when he left and used the air credit for this trip. I'm hoping that this trip is good for the 3 of us.
    I'm so sorry to hear this! Something similar happened to me last November as well...must have been something in the water! After 15 years of being mostly happily married, I found out my wife had had a couple of affairs dating back to 2012. I always had strong suspicions and had some "proof" but nothing that I could put a stake in the ground as definitive proof. After I confronted her and told her it was over, she wanted to save our marriage so we went to counseling and things had improved. However, when I took my DD10 on our yearly camping trip for a week in August, we come back and she is acting bat-S#$T crazy again and it was obvious the wheels had come. How or why I had no idea.... Fast forward to early November, I found some information that she was planning on emptying a chunk of the house one day when I was supposed to have been off on a business trip. Needless to say I confronted her and she told me she was done, was in love with and found her "soul-mate" with a guy she had met...while my daughter and I were camping. Turns out that some women can be serial cheaters as well. I said fine, we are done and get out of the house. Within a week we quickly divided up some of the items in the house and off she went. 6 months later we divided up our assets and I kept the house, DVC, and most of the items in the house. We also agreed to shared 50/50 custody but I knew she would continue with her same behavior of always having excuses on why she can't watch our daughter on some nights. At the end of the day, I end up having her about 70% of the time and am thrilled to be able to have this time with her and help her through this difficult time. I have a minimal social life right as she is her so often and I wouldn't want it any other way!!!
     

    NCTwinMom

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Jul 16, 2015
    I got married at 40 and it didn't take. We both had our issues and we just couldn't work them out. I think we were both too set in our ways. My kids are the best thing I've ever done, I almost wish I had skipped marriage and gone the sperm donor route. Thankfully XH and I divorced amicably and we share legal and physical custody - we are friendly towards each other but not friends at this point.
     

    PghPixie

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Jul 30, 2015
    I've been divorced for 3 years. There's a lot that led to our divorce, but I guess it just boils down to us being too young. I was 20 when we married and had DS; 24 when we divorced. I have sole legal and physical custody of DS and my ex has visitation one day/week (when he doesn't "have to work"). We're cordial towards each other during pick-ups and drop-offs, but we're far from friends at this point. He pretty much has nothing to do with DS or I outside of his one day.
     

    NJOYURLIFE

    DIS Veteran
    Joined
    Apr 6, 2005
    We would have been married for 25 years this past June. In December 2012 I discovered that he had been cheating a lot and involved in alot of online stuff since 2009. For several years prior we had been discovering that I had some chronic health issues and lifestyle changes needed to be made. He said he couldn't cope with having to step up to the plate a bit more and that is why he did what he did.

    It definitely left my family reeling. But you move forward. You have good days and some not so good. Going to Disney has been hard but I refuse to let him take that happy place away from me.
     

    iheartolaf

    I like warm hugs
    Joined
    Aug 7, 2015
    My answer is pretty simple why I am a single parent. I went to a high school dance with my ex-boyfriend and after the dance we had sex and I got pregnant. My baby boy is now 18 months old and I am still working my butt off to give everything I can to him. I am still adjusting and living with my Mom, but I finally have a good job and am starting to save to get an apartment in the future.
     

    Single mom in Canada

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Aug 8, 2015
    I'm newly single and still adjusting :(
    Like a few others have said....exh started getting miserable to be around, came home one day after work and said he couldn't live with us anymore. Found out days later he had been emotionally involved for years with a person from the past.
    I'm struggling with my ups and downs of feeling releved not to come home daily to his moods and the shear hurt of what he caused.
    Staying focused on my upcoming trip with the kids :)
    A similar storey to mine. He emotionally checked out years before we split but and every time I confronted him about his actions (texting people all the time, racking up the credit card, smoking again) it was me who was crazy and overreacting. Mine actually told everyone he worked with we were separated a year before he told me....guess that one slipped his mind! And all the while he was complaining about me to his co-worker (who not so coincidentally became his girlfriend shortly after) he was coming home saying how much he loved me..crazy betrayal. Becoming emotionally involved with someone of the opposite sex is dangerous when you are married. I'm living proof of that. But it does get better. It's been 3 years for me now and I'm not nearly as hurt as I was when it first happened. Won't communicate with him unless it's over email as everything needs to be documented because he lies so much. But I am mich happier. Sorry for the novel...could go on and on sometimes..lol
     

    smashing

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Aug 19, 2013
    A similar storey to mine. He emotionally checked out years before we split but and every time I confronted him about his actions (texting people all the time, racking up the credit card, smoking again) it was me who was cra
    A similar storey to mine. He emotionally checked out years before we split but and every time I confronted him about his actions (texting people all the time, racking up the credit card, smoking again) it was me who was crazy and overreacting. Mine actually told everyone he worked with we were separated a year before he told me....guess that one slipped his mind! And all the while he was complaining about me to his co-worker (who not so coincidentally became his girlfriend shortly after) he was coming home saying how much he loved me..crazy betrayal. Becoming emotionally involved with someone of the opposite sex is dangerous when you are married. I'm living proof of that. But it does get better. It's been 3 years for me now and I'm not nearly as hurt as I was when it first happened. Won't communicate with him unless it's over email as everything needs to be documented because he lies so much. But I am mich happier. Sorry for the novel...could go on and on sometimes..lol
    zy and overreacting. Mine actually told everyone he worked with we were separated a year before he told me....guess that one slipped his mind! And all the while he was complaining about me to his co-worker (who not so coincidentally became his girlfriend shortly after) he was coming home saying how much he loved me..crazy betrayal. Becoming emotionally involved with someone of the opposite sex is dangerous when you are married. I'm living proof of that. But it does get better. It's been 3 years for me now and I'm not nearly as hurt as I was when it first happened. Won't communicate with him unless it's over email as everything needs to be documented because he lies so much. But I am mich happier. Sorry for the novel...could go on and on sometimes..lol[/QUOTE
    It's so hard! That's exactly what he was like. Suddenly I could do no right. He complained about how I cooked (after almost 12 years of thanking me every time I made dinner), how I slept, if I coughed. It was crazy....he was never mentally abusive then suddenly just kind of turned that way. I couldn't understand it for the life of me. It was shortly after his mother passed away so all I could do was assume depression. I now know she started heavily messaging him around that time to be a shoulder to cry on so to speak. They were old friends from high school.
    He still denies it even though I evidence. That makes me more angry.....I just feel like I deserve the truth. But I'm starting to finally enter a better space for myself and realize I'm better off without him and I don't need the truth or any more lies from him.
    We are trying to be very civil with each other for the kids sake.....but it's tough!
     

    Single mom in Canada

    Earning My Ears
    Joined
    Aug 8, 2015
    It's so hard! That's exactly what he was like. Suddenly I could do no right. He complained about how I cooked (after almost 12 years of thanking me every time I made dinner), how I slept, if I coughed. It was crazy....he was never mentally abusive then suddenly just kind of turned that way. I couldn't understand it for the life of me. It was shortly after his mother passed away so all I could do was assume depression. I now know she started heavily messaging him around that time to be a shoulder to cry on so to speak. They were old friends from high school.
    He still denies it even though I evidence. That makes me more angry.....I just feel like I deserve the truth. But I'm starting to finally enter a better space for myself and realize I'm better off without him and I don't need the truth or any more lies from him.
    We are trying to be very civil with each other for the kids sake.....but it's tough!
    Oh I completely understand the denial part. They desperately want to appear as the better person who was forced into the affairs by an uncaring wife. It's a defence mechanism that's all. Mine still has not apologized or admitted his betrayal. At this point I don't think I would accept it anyway. I hope you know his actions are no reflection on you. People (men and woman both) who treat their spouses like that are more worried about themselves than anyone else. My ex (and sounds like yours as well) always lacked self esteem and self worth. He always needs the praises and validation so of others. But you can't live life expecting others to boost you up in order to feel good about yourself. You need to find that inside yourself first so that when others compliment you....well that's just icing on the cake.
     

    smashing

    Mouseketeer
    Joined
    Aug 19, 2013
    Oh I completely understand the denial part. They desperately want to appear as the better person who was forced into the affairs by an uncaring wife. It's a defence mechanism that's all. Mine still has not apologized or admitted his betrayal. At this point I don't think I would accept it anyway. I hope you know his actions are no reflection on you. People (men and woman both) who treat their spouses like that are more worried about themselves than anyone else. My ex (and sounds like yours as well) always lacked self esteem and self worth. He always needs the praises and validation so of others. But you can't live life expecting others to boost you up in order to feel good about yourself. You need to find that inside yourself first so that when others compliment you....well that's just icing on the cake.
    You are so right!!! I don't expect I will ever receive an apology or truth either. Now I'm trying to focus on being happy again for myself and the kids :)

    Thanks,
    Your fellow canadian :)
     

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