Worried about my Step Daughter (weight update pg 3)

[HaleyB]

I just want to clear one point up. Not all Anorexics purge. Many do not.

I 100% understand what you are saying about not being able to take her to a doctor. Maybe you could contact her school guidance counslor?

Other things to look for might be dark circles under her eyes, brittle or weak fingernails, becoming more distant with friends and family, avoiding eating in front of others (more so after she knows you are watching), dry skin, hair will look flat and lack luster, hair loss, dry lips.

Do keep an eye on her. The tearing food worries me, that is not normal.

 

[browneyes]

She's definately underweight. My dd is 11 yo and comes to about my chin (I'm 1/2 an inch shorter than you are, Melora). My dd weighs about 89 pounds. She went to the dr recently and they told me she is average for her height and weight. My ds is 7 yo, comes to about his sister's chin, and weighs 4 pounds more than your step-daughter.

If she and her mom are fighting a lot, kids that age sometimes try to find some kind of control over anything and the easiest control for them is food. Either they'll over eat or under eat to be able to have some kind of control on things.

 

[poohandwendy]

If she and her mom are fighting a lot, kids that age sometimes try to find some kind of control over anything and the easiest control for them is food. Either they'll over eat or under eat to be able to have some kind of control on things.

I agree, and especially if her mother has such issues with weight/being thin. Of course we could be over analyzing the situation, but I think you should go with your gut and keep a close eye on her.

I just want to clear one point up. Not all Anorexics purge. Many do not.

Absolutely.

 

[Melora]

Thank you all for your caring responses.

I just spoke to Jeff and at first he seemed irritated that I was bringing it up then he conceded that he too was a little worried. He made the point that in Karate she is strong without any weakness which he thinks means she is eating enough.

I emailed her mom and said that we are doing a project on height/weight and could she send over both their charts from birth til now (just the year marks). I know she keeps stuff like that. Jeff says it will help him see if she is gaining at a regular interval or suddenly not any more. We will also weigh her this weekend.

Jeff also pointed out that she eats her fries when she gets a kids meal so now I am wondering if I am just being too neurotic. I guess I would rather bring it up and be wrong then not bring it up and find out I would have been right.

And maybe like C Ann says, she just cant eat that much because shes stressed out. Her home life is quite dysfunctional with lots of yelling and her younger brother coddled and favored. Her mom has said in front of her.."Ive devoted my entire life to Kevin" because she feels he has issues that we know (and have been told) he does not have. The whole thing is so sad.

But as most kids do, Erin wants her moms approval and attention and I worry about how she is going to go about trying to get it.

 

[janette]

My DD also tears up her food so I'm not sure how much to put into that, she's always done it especially with something like chicken strips. Seems more like a nervous habit, just handles her food more than I'm used to or her sister does.

 

[calypso*a*go-go]

If she really is stressed out about her situation with her mom, it could be that she may be suffering from problems such as an ulcer or maybe even a nervous stomach. It may be painful for her to eat. My friend's DD just picks at her food because she knows eating too much, too fast, will give her a stomach ache. She is 11 and spent a week with us while her parents were out of town and I was sure she would "starve to death" before they got home. I was amazed that someone could eat so little and be able to function normally. In her case, the pediatrician said just to keep her away from really greasy food and use antacids when necessary.

If it does turn out that your stepdaughter has some of the other symptoms mentioned, could you possibly talk to a counselor or nurse at her school? Perhaps a confidential meeting in which you express your concerns will allow them to become involved as a third party and keep you away from the wrath of the "ex". I wouldn't even let your stepdaughter know you had done it.

In any case, good luck.

 

[holycow]

Have you tried just talking with the child and see what her views are...does she think she is too fat? What is happening at school...I mean you live in So. Cal. the no fat zone of the world for petes sake...I've heard girls as young as 8 say they are fat!
(Drives me nuts that their parents DON't talk to them about this issue)...does she have a healthy self esteem and feel good about herself and what she looks like?


I used to live in So. Ca. I've worked with young girls in a church group before...I've seen the " can I have a hamberger without the burger just the lettuce and tomato...and an exclamation of "Oh, I'm so full afterward" very very sad! (just a small explanation but hopefully you get the gist of it)

Just talk with her and see how she feels about herself.

Holycow

 

[cabmom]

I'm sorry I haven't read all the posts here, but I just wanted to add this:
My niece who we thought was anorexic, turned out to be diabetic at 15 and had to have her cateracs removed. It was because of her deteorating sight that they finally took her to the Dr. She did not see a Dr. regularly!
I hope you find out what is causing her to be so slim.

 

[TEENEE]

I don't have any experience with eating disorders but the fact that she is tearing her food up concerns me. She may just be a petite girl. My dd is 8 y/o 58" 63 lbs. Her doctor says she quite healthy. If I were in your shoes I would keep a close eye on her. Good luck with the wicked mother.

 

[piglet too]

I would be concerned, if not about an eating disorder, about the stress she seems to be under. I understand that you can not take her to the doctor on your own, but maybe talk to a health professional about it without Erin knowing. If she truly does have an eating disorder, to the heck with her Mom, and you and her Dad get her the help she needs.

 

[Melora]

Again, thank you all for you responses.

I am going to keep a very close eye on her, and hopefully get a better idea of her true weight this weekend.

I have noticed the Erin is JUST starting to develop. After going through puberty with 3 kids so far I usually notice that they fatten up a bit before they mature, then lean out afterwards.

 

[Rajah]

I would also be concerned. Please keep us posted on her?

 

[MHopkins2]

Keep in mind that height/weight charts can be very misleading, since they don't take into account frame size. I would keep an eye on her for sure. (The controlling mother you mentioned set off major bells for me - mother/daughter issues can exacerbate an eating disorder.) If you decide to take her to a doctor, try to find one that specializes in eating disorders, but preferably doesn't advertise that fact in her office. S/he will know what to look for better than the average GP, yet will be cagey enough not to let onto your SD that she's being "evaluated."

 

[tkd lisa]

I was also going to point out the concern that she might be showing signs of diabetis. My MIL told me to watch for this after a friend of her's daughter had this happen.

My DD is 12, is about 5' 1" tall, and weighs 83 pounds. I consider her pretty slim (she always has been) but not scarecrow like thin.

I hope that you're able to find out what's going on with her. I understand the concern over the ex- but hopefully you can resolve it without causing a major crisis.

 

[dumboiu]

Originally posted by Melora
BTW..there is no talking to anyone outside of the family about this (esp the doc) as her mother would go ballistic... "How could you talk to the doc without my consent etc etc.." even if we are allowed by law since its his kid, she would make serious issues out of it..and believe me, you dont want to have issues with her!

I am concerned by this statement. Really, it shouldn't matter WHAT the mother thinks..........the best interest of the child is all that should matter.

Think of all the abused children that continue to be abused since adults are "afraid" to make waves. While your situation is not one of abuse, your actions (or potential inactions) are similar.

The child may need help. You should seek a professional opinion no matter what the mother says.

 

[Melora]

I talked to her mom this morning and casually got her to tell me that as of the last doc visit she weighs 63 pounds.

Putting that into the BMI indicator she has a BMI of about an even 14 which is considered underweight.

If after a few weeks she isnt looking better we will take action no matter what her mother says.

 

[Cruise04]

In most states if the parents have joint custody it means that either one can make medical decisions (or any decisions at that fact). Or that was what I was told by a lawyer a few weeks ago.

I agree to keep watching her. The picking of the food does mean she is probably not getting proper nutrition - even if she is "strong". When I was in high school all I ate each day was a candy bar and a diet coke and maybe half a sandwich for dinner. And I had a lot of strength - or so I thought.

 

[Evil Princess]

Originally posted by Melora
I talked to her mom this morning and casually got her to tell me that as of the last doc visit she weighs 63 pounds.

Putting that into the BMI indicator she has a BMI of about an even 14 which is considered underweight.

If after a few weeks she isnt looking better we will take action no matter what her mother says.

Just to let you know, I didn't hit 100 pounds until I was in eighth grade. My BMI was ALWAYS underweight, even though I knew that I was healthy. I had a small frame, and even though I weigh more now at 19 people still feel my wrists and can't get over how tiny my bones are. I was always built small.

To this day I hardly ever finish meals when I go out to eat, my stomach just can't old that much. The whole picking apart at food does sound suspicious, but I just wanted to let you know that it could be possible that she doesn't have an eating disorder.

In middle school obnoxious boys used to call me "Anorexic Amy", oh how I loved that.

 

[JEssi mika]

what happened?!

 

[Dan Murphy]

what happened?!

Not sure how her daughter is doing, but she should be about 26 years old now. She was 12 when this was initially posted.

Welcome to the dis, Jessi.