Would you allow your child to quit band during the school year?

[imabrat]

It depends on the situation.

My 8th grade year, band became terrible. I had the same teacher for 7th, but he was just an !@#. Constantly belittling us, making fun of us, "Oh come on the NINTH GRADERS can do better than this @#$%", the whole deal.
Always conflicting information, he'd tell the students one thing, the parents another. Band participation rates dropped, no one wanted to put up with him for another year. What was once a great East Coast championship-winning marching band has been reduced to a puny 25 person band.

It really depends. This isn't your sons' situation, but I think I'd have him stick it out for now, and talk to the guidance counselor and see if there's an alternative.

 

[OrlandoMike]

Yes I would let him quit. If he doesn't enjoy it- he doesn't enjoy it and making him participate is pointless.

I dont enjoy going to work, cutting the grass, cleaning my house, laundry, paying bills, and multiple other things......

Guess I should just quit!

Letting him quit will not teach him anyting, other than if you dont like something, you simply dont have to do it anymore.....

 

[Tinijocaro]

In our house you start it you finish it, so he would have to finish out the year. Secondly, it's not his 1st year, he knew what he was in for and still chose to do it. Sorry but you have to fulfill that obligation IMO.

My thoughts on this are, if you make your child finish out the year, make him practice too. It's a drain on the group to have a member who isn't carrying his weight and not making an effort at home. As a music teacher, it really bothers me to have a student who is required to finish out the year, yet there is no parental enforcement of practicing. Doesn't make sense to me. I always feel bad for the kids in the lesson group who ARE practicing.

 

[FSUDisneyGirl]

Are they having a fall or winter concert? Chances are, the director has already chosen music based on the number of students and instrumentation in the band. If there is a concert coming up, I would definitely make my student stay and finish their commitment, so they do not let the other students down. If there is not a concert, I'm not sure what I would do.

Either way, I would definitely call the band director and talk about the situation. He/she may be able to give ideas about why your son is not enjoying, change something, etc. If he is bored of practicing or frustrated, maybe he can even switch instruments! I would definitely talk to the teacher.

 

[Tinijocaro]

Are they having a fall or winter concert? Chances are, the director has already chosen music based on the number of students and instrumentation in the band. If there is a concert coming up, I would definitely make my student stay and finish their commitment, so they do not let the other students down. If there is not a concert, I'm not sure what I would do.

Either way, I would definitely call the band director and talk about the situation. He/she may be able to give ideas about why your son is not enjoying, change something, etc. If he is bored of practicing or frustrated, maybe he can even switch instruments! I would definitely talk to the teacher.

Yes! My niece wanted to quit band and the teacher talked her into the flute. Turns out she was ok with band, but she hated carrying the huge french horn case.

 

[minkydog]

Lots of good advice here. Personally, I have let both my kids quit band I know--shocking, isn't it?

My oldest DS22 played trumpet for about 5 years, until he started HS and then he just lost interest. I was beside myself! But you know, he found his way to chorus & drama and from that point on he was fine. Who knew the boy could sing? Not only that, but after HS he re-discovered instrumental music--guitar & piano--and now spends long hours writingmusic and playing in a band.

Seven years later, here comes his little sister DD15. She played oboe for 4 years, long enough to pay the dang thing off! She decided in the middle of the year that she had had enough. Okaaaay...she too switched over to drama & chorus and this year she made the top level performance choir. Really, who knew?

Much as I loved band in HS and college, I have learned my lesson. Life is too short to be stuck in something you hate. The teen years are when we find out what we think and what we like. I think it's reasonable to ask that he stay through the first semester, to do the concerts. Then let him off the hook. No need to punish him, but do require that he explore some other area that he thinks he likes. Who knows what he'll pick?

 

[Tiffanova]

I was just going to say the same thing as the above poster. Life is too short to waste time doing something you don't like and don't need to do. You can learn commitment and responsibility in a lot of different ways.

 

[Tuffcookie]

My youngest DS (age 16 now) has been in band since 5th grade. Every year he talks about dropping out and every year I am more stubborn and talk him into staying. Why???? DS has always joined things and then dropped out. I initially rented his trombone and then bought it when he was early into the band program and told him then that because I had invested in the instrument he was going to stay with it. He needs to learn how to stay with something!!! Besides if he wasn't in band he would just have more time to play video games!

DS also has Asperger's (diagnosed in 6th grade). Band gives him the opportunity to work as a team on something and has really helped his people skills. He has made alot of friendships!
So, sometimes insisting your child stay with something is not all bad!!!

TC

 

[Hedy]

I quit clarinet on the middle of sixth grade. I hated my teacher. I hated the student I took my lessons with, and I didn't like band. My teacher went out on maternity leave, I got a new teacher. I was still miserable. My parents let me quit. Shockingly, I turned out all right. I'm a responsible, committed person, and I think forcing me to finish the year in band would have made me miserable.
Life's too short to force your kid to play an instrument (and why waste your money?).

 

[crz4mm2]

Yes. If he hates it, he will not do well. Life is too short.

 

[It's A Happy Day]

My thoughts on this are, if you make your child finish out the year, make him practice too. It's a drain on the group to have a member who isn't carrying his weight and not making an effort at home. As a music teacher, it really bothers me to have a student who is required to finish out the year, yet there is no parental enforcement of practicing. Doesn't make sense to me. I always feel bad for the kids in the lesson group who ARE practicing.

Oh, I agree wholeheartedly! If you participate you will give 100% from start till finish. There would be set practicing times set and he/she would know that it is not an option it is an obligation they chose and must fulfill.

 

[I_Know_You2!]

There are a lot of committments in life that I would like to ditch on occasion. It just doesn't work like that. This is the time for him to learn that lesson, so that he doesn't grow up to be a flake.

 

[just4today]

There are a lot of committments in life that I would like to ditch on occasion. It just doesn't work like that. This is the time for him to learn that lesson, so that he doesn't grow up to be a flake.

This is exactly how I feel about it. He has quit just about everything he has ever tried. He needs to learn how to see things through. It would be different if he had told me at the end of the school year last spring, but he signed up for this willingly. He knew what band is like.

As tough as it is to admit, he is lazy. He hates having to work at anything. School work is the same. This kid is very smart, but does just bare minimum to get by. He gets B's and C's when he could easily get A's with just a little bit of effort.

For those who said "life is too short," etc., I do agree that life is short and we should spend our time doing what makes us happy. But, he's 13. These few months are not going to make or break his life, and I feel the lesson of honoring his committment is more important in this case.

 

[GJM]

I would let him quit and take up something else. Why make him do something he doesn't like, as you said last year was hard to get him to practice. He is 13 - I don't think quiting band will make him a "flake" when he is an adult.

When he is an adult there will be lots of things he will have to do, if he likes it or not.

 

[I_Know_You2!]

I've seen my kids go through this faze, and learning this lesson. They came out all right on the other side, just so you know!

 

[I_Know_You2!]

I would let him quit and take up something else. Why make him do something he doesn't like, as you said last year was hard to get him to practice. He is 13 - I don't think quiting band will make him a "flake" when he is an adult.

When he is and adult there will be lots of things he will have to do, if he likes it or not.

So, where is he supposed to learn to stick it out, if not at home, growing up. That is the place for life lessons. Not when he is 30, his wife is pmsing, the baby has colic, he hates his job, and that new cutie at work thinks he is jus wonderful and unappreciated at home.

 

[froglady]

The most important thing to do, IMO, is to find out IF he can quit. There may not be any alternatives available that can fit into his schedule. This is not an after school activity, but rather, a graded class.

If DS decided that he hated drama, for instance, he would have a hard time finding another elective, and would be behind the other students in class.

 

[mjkacmom]

Yes. If he hates it, he will not do well. Life is too short.

What if he hated science? Math? This isn't an after school activity, this is an elective class that he signed up for, part of his curriculum. Should kids be allowed to just switch classes during the school year? Hmm, thought I would enjoy Spanish, but I now want to switch to Latin. Language Arts are not as fun as I thought - maybe I'll switch to concert choir. Sure would be hard on the teachers, who had to figure out grades!

 

[HunnyPots]

This is exactly how I feel about it. He has quit just about everything he has ever tried. He needs to learn how to see things through. It would be different if he had told me at the end of the school year last spring, but he signed up for this willingly. He knew what band is like.

As tough as it is to admit, he is lazy. He hates having to work at anything. School work is the same. This kid is very smart, but does just bare minimum to get by. He gets B's and C's when he could easily get A's with just a little bit of effort.

For those who said "life is too short," etc., I do agree that life is short and we should spend our time doing what makes us happy. But, he's 13. These few months are not going to make or break his life, and I feel the lesson of honoring his committment is more important in this case.

Sounds like you've got it figured out. I think you've got the right idea.

Another spin on the whole "life is too short" thing: life is too short to never know the satisfaction of seeing something through from start to finish. I don't think we as parents can do enough to stress the importance of perserverance; whether its playing an instrument or getting your degree, there will be highs and lows and you've just got to plow through all of it to get to the final outcome!

 

[*Fantasia*]

I didn't ready other posts.. but maybe some of his classmates are teasing him because maybe his classmates think that being in the band is "nerdy"? And that to be in the sports is "cool"?

Maybe he wants to venture out and want to try something different like maybe sports. Maybe he sees his friends play sports and having fun out there and he wants the same thing too.

Quitting the band doesn't mean you're a quiter in life, maybe it just means it's time to venture out into something diffferent.

I would let my son take on something else. Sometimes time will change your passion for something. He is growing up and things change.