Would you allow your child to quit band during the school year?

I didn't ready other posts.. but maybe some of his classmates are teasing him because maybe his classmates thinks that being in the band is "nerdy"? And that to be in the sports is "cool"?

Maybe he wants to venture out and want to try something different like maybe sports. Maybe he sees his friends play sports and having fun out there and he wants the same thing too.

Quitting the band doesn't mean you're a quiter in life, maybe it just means it's time to venture out into something diffferent.

I would let my son take on something else. Sometimes time will change your passion for something. He is growing up and things change.

Yes it does make you a quitter. There are times for change, and those times are when your commitments are fulfilled. Venture in your spare time. That is what hobbies are all about.
 
I didn't ready other posts.. but maybe some of his classmates are teasing him because maybe his classmates think that being in the band is "nerdy"? And that to be in the sports is "cool"?

Maybe he wants to venture out and want to try something different like maybe sports. Maybe he sees his friends play sports and having fun out there and he wants the same thing too.

Quitting the band doesn't mean you're a quiter in life, maybe it just means it's time to venture out into something diffferent.

I would let my son take on something else. Sometimes time will change your passion for something. He is growing up and things change.

No, all his friends are also in band. Band kids here do not get teased. Many of the school's most popular kids are in the band. He is not athletic, so this has nothing to do with wanting to play sports. He just wants to not do anything because it means having to work at it.

As the PP said, the time to quit (if he continues to want to quit) will be at the end of the school year.
 
Yes it does make you a quitter. There are times for change, and those times are when your commitments are fulfilled. Venture in your spare time. That is what hobbies are all about.

I guess I was speaking for myself.. I took piano lesson for two years when I was about 8. After the second year, I just didn't want to do it anymore. This didn't make me a quiter even as an adult. I am doing fine with my life and my family.

When I moved to the U.S from the PI at age 10, it was a culture shock, I didn't like my new school, I didn't know anyone, the kids were pretty mean, I was a loner because I am new to the school. But I didn't quit going to school and I didn't quit trying to make new friends.

If I was a quitter, I would have lost my children a long time ago. I lost my husband about 7 years ago when my children was only 5 and 2. I felt lonely, depress, feeling lost in the world and life was hard, but I didn't quit living. I didn't give up on my children, and I didn't quit being a mom. I went back to work and did okay.

Now, if it's math, english they are struggling.. and they want to quit.. well that's another story! To know math and english is very important, it is part of the fundamental in life. If my kids want to play sports- that's fine. If they want to be in the band-that's fine. If they can do both-that's great. If they decide to change their electives- that's fine too. Life is too short, have fun.

I guess you can disregard my other post.. I guess it only pertains to me.

I always say to all my post (when it comes to stuff like these).. Do what works for you and your family. And I hope whatever the decision may be, will work out for everybody and that everyone is happy. :)

Hope all will turn out well..
Telly
 
No, all his friends are also in band. Band kids here do not get teased. Many of the school's most popular kids are in the band. He is not athletic, so this has nothing to do with wanting to play sports. He just wants to not do anything because it means having to work at it.

As the PP said, the time to quit (if he continues to want to quit) will be at the end of the school year.

Yes, the time to quit if he is going to quit would be at the end of the school year. Do you think maybe there's a girl involved? Maybe he likes a girl, and this girl thinks that being in a band is not "cool"? Sorry.. this thought just went through my mind.

Sounds like your son attends a great school. I myself think that to be in a band is pretty cool! I wish I was in a band, but my parents couldn't afford any instruments and where I went to school, to be in a band.. well what band??

I hope things work work out for him.
Telly
 


I have a slightly different take on this.

It depends.

If the kid is just trying to get out of work, if he or she has issues following through in other areas of life, if homework/grades are an issue, if the band seems to be a generally positive influence in the kid's life...
I'd say no way. Stay with it and, oh btw, you. are. going. to. practice. every. single. stinkin'. day.

On the other hand...
if the kid is getting good grades, doing their homework on time, fulfilling other obligations BUT is being made miserable because of circumstance beyond their control...band director a jerk, band full of nasty cliques, horrendous outside class practice/concert schedule, band director plays favorites, etc., etc. *Then* I would strongly consider finding and investigating any and all possible alternatives.

agnes!
PS - Good to see you around again Fantasia ::yes::.
 
I can see your point about sticking things out. I have the same problem with my DS11. He thinks everything should be fun. I keep reminding him that life isn't always fun.

And, if my kids pick an outside activity that I pay for, they are not allowed to quit, I don't care if I have to lecture them every time they have a practice, or game, or whatever. I don't force them to take it, and I warn them ahead of time that once they sign up they are finishing it through no matter what. And they do finish.

That being said, when my DD13 signed up for band, she hated it. It was an elective and she was able to transfer to chorus. I had absolutely no problem with her doing so. The school had to problem with her doing it. To me, it was a learning experience; she learned she didn't like band all that much.

If this was DS11, I would feel the same way. But, our school program may be entirely different than yours. So I think that would be a big consideration.
 
I guess I was speaking for myself.. I took piano lesson for two years when I was about 8. After the second year, I just didn't want to do it anymore. This didn't make me a quitter even as an adult. I am doing fine with my life and my family.

An 8 year old taking piano lessons is a bit different than a 13 year old in band. The band is dependent upon everyone, music is chosen to match the members, etc. A beginning piano student is only affecting herself.

Had your parents allowed you to quit your commitment to the school when it got tough would be a whole different ballgame. You obviously learned somewhere along the line to stick thru the tough times.
 


An 8 year old taking piano lessons is a bit different than a 13 year old in band. The band is dependent upon everyone, music is chosen to match the members, etc. A beginning piano student is only affecting herself.

Had your parents allowed you to quit your commitment to the school when it got tough would be a whole different ballgame. You obviously learned somewhere along the line to stick thru the tough times.

Hi I_Know_You2!

My parents let me quit when I took violin lesson in 4th grade. It was at the beginning of the school year. My parents were renting the violin. The teacher was always sick or not there some of the time. I wasn't learning much, and I realize that I'm not really into violin, so I took up choir, which I enjoyed very much (hehehe.. I still don't have the singing voice, but I enjoyed the class!) My parents didn't mind cause it was an elective and it wasn't hurting my studies. I don't think I am a quiter, I just like to do what is enjoying to me. I mean I like to try different things.

In high school, I took drafting and drawing.. I found out I am not good at it and it was just not fun.. for me. The following quarter or semester, I took up ceramics.. and had a blast! :yay: It was awesome! My parents were okay with it, as long as it didn't affect my studies in Biology, Geometry, American/World History, English Literature.. So, I took up Ceramics for 3 years, and my parents werre always happy to see me bring home a pot/cups, vases, candle holders, flower pots..

I dreaded gym.. I mean I had fun there too, but never good at sports. Our 9th grade gym requirement was to pass swimming. Oooohh.. that was a big problem for me, I didn't know how to swim, I was afraid to float or to even put my whole head in the water. I didn't quit, I knew what I had to do to pass gym. I struggled, but at end, I was able to swim from one end to another. I made it! My teacher was sooo proud of me and my other classmates too! Too this day, my swimming sucks! Hehehe.. Oh well.. I finished my requirements.. I didn't quit. I was proud of myself!

My mother-in-law put my daughter through ballet/tap dance a few years back. At the beginning, she was excited about it because it was new to her, but as time went on, I had to drag her to class. I told her grandma, and she said maybe it's not her thing. She took up soccer.. and oh how she loves it! She is always happy and excited whenever she makes the goal.. so do I! :yay:

My son was in basketball.. then in baseball for awhile, then in soccer for awhile, then back in baseball.. He said to me that he wants to try football next year, I said okay. He is now 11, going on 12.

For me.. it depends on what it is and how severe it's going to make an impact on that person and other things. And there's some situation where you have to just hang in there - "endurance." It's whatever works for each family.

Telly
popcorn:: loooong post... sorry about that.
And to the OP, I hope everything will turn out okay in whatever decision you guys make. :)
 
When he signed up for band at the start of the school year, was it something you wanted him to do and he felt like he had to? Especially since it was so hard to get him to practice last year.

My DS wants to take guitar lessons, I told him he is not going to be an instant rock star guiter player by a couple of lessons. So he really needs to think if he wants to do it. I want him to have the experience if he wants to do it, but if he decides he doesn't like it anymore, that is fine. He won't know if he likes it until he tries it, plus why waste the insturctors time if he doesn't like it.

Wouldn't band be considered a hobbie? I do think he can grow up to be a well adjusted adult when he grows up and not be a quitter.

You need to do what is best for your family.
 
When he signed up for band at the start of the school year, was it something you wanted him to do and he felt like he had to? Especially since it was so hard to get him to practice last year.

My DS wants to take guitar lessons, I told him he is not going to be an instant rock star guiter player by a couple of lessons. So he really needs to think if he wants to do it. I want him to have the experience if he wants to do it, but if he decides he doesn't like it anymore, that is fine. He won't know if he likes it until he tries it, plus why waste the insturctors time if he doesn't like it.

Wouldn't band be considered a hobbie? I do think he can grow up to be a well adjusted adult when he grows up and not be a quitter.

You need to do what is best for your family.

Band is not a hobby in JH - it is a graded class. My dd12 used to take piano lessons, but would never practice, so she stopped. There is a difference between dropping an outside or afterschool activity, than quiting a class. :confused3
 
In my JH or HS it wasn't a graded class, it was an extra if you wanted to take it. I thought it was something he had to sign up for so I assumed it was an after school activity.
 
In our district, band is a graded class from 6th-12th grade. It is a fine arts elective. The other fine arts electives are choir, art, and theater. If you drop out of any one of them, you have to choose another until your fine arts requirement is met. In high school, band is also a PE credit because of marching. Definitely not a hobby here...
 
In our middle schools, band is an elective class..the alternative being drama, art and chorus. High School is a whole nother ballgame because you are in marching band unless you are in orchestra as my ds is.

If he is in middle school, its an elective class that he can change to another class he would like much better then I would let him with the knowledge that whatever else he chooses he stays with. He might just end up in band again next year.

I very rarely allow my kids to back out of something, they understand from the beginning it is a committment. For themselves and the others on the team or class. But, changing a class before he gets into the "team" atmosphere so to speak, wouldn't worry me to much. But, they have to choose something they are at least interested in because after one do over, well they are in it no matter what.

Kelly
 
Ok- so since the comments I did read- seem that your son- isn't in any danger or discomfort- other than not wanting to work at something...

I would say- he would have to stick it out for the year and can move on next time.

I'm strong on commitments with my kids- if you join a group/team/club- then you commit to following the rules, attending practice/meetings, and giving it at least a civil try. Even if it means you can't go to your best friends birthday party or you miss the movie that "all the cool kids are seeing"- I've had a few tears over the years- but I've also gotten quite a few, "thanks for making me stick it outs"

That said- sometimes things aren't the right fit- my oldest son is a music natural- and in middle school he got kicked out of band for getting upset and yelling at another student who was goofing off and not following the rules (my son is Aspergers and tended to follow rules strictly back then). His band teacher said- that is it- he's out... He was a kid that could literally play every instrument in the band room- well enough to take anyone's spot. He finished the year in an alternate elective class (applied technology or something- he liked it but he missed music). The choir teacher approached him at the end of the the 6th grade year and asked him to consider choir for his elective next year. He did and found another musical outlet- and excelled in choir- all through the rest of middle school and high school- and even into college.

Now- this wasn't him quitting- but I could see if the situation was such that your son might get into trouble because he didn't want to be in then perhaps getting out would be an alternative.


Overall- though- I'd say- "you wanted this, you chose it, you finish the year."
And then assist in him choosing something else.

My parents never made me follow through with things- some I did on my own -even if I didn't want to- others I quit when I got bored or it got difficult- it is the latter that I regret and remember to this day.
 
Did the kid want to do it or did you push them? If they were gung-ho for it, I'd probably make them stick it out. If they gave it a shot because you pushed them into it and now don't like it, I'd probably let them quit.

Good luck with your decision!!
 
I played the clarinet from 4th grade through 8th and quit. I was an average player, didn't really want to practice too much, wanted to do more with my friends and started to feel like band was a little nerdy. I grew up to be a responsible, productive member of society who doesn't quit everything.

That said, whenever I think about it, I regret quitting. I missed out on the marching band, parades, trips - all the really fun parts of band and I wish I had stuck with it.

Both my kids are in band. Both started in 5th grade. I wanted them to try it but the choice was ultimately theirs. DS13 is in his 4th year of band. It's a graded class which he has every day. He had mentioned several times last year that he wanted to quit and I told him that it's not an option. We have a really great music program in our district and I just think that band is good for kids in so many ways.

When he gets discouraged, I tell him:

1. He's got over three years invested in this - keep at it.
2. In another year, it's really going to get fun - football games, marching, trips, friends - a whole lot more than just the band room.
3. Down the road there are scholarship opportunities
4. And band teachers feel free to flame but I lay off the drill about the constant practicing. I ease the pressure a little. He's in class with it every day so I just back off a little.
5. I don't care if he's 1st chair or last, solo or no solo - I just don't want him to miss out on the experience and quit out of frustration.
6. I also spent A LOT of hard-earned money on his sax which he chose to play.

You have to do what you feel is right for your son but I'd push him into sticking it at least until high school.

And I don't think making a kid play an instrument when they don't really want to will turn them against music. There's WAY much great music out there. :)

Good luck with your decision.
 
I played the clarinet from 4th grade through 8th and quit. I was an average player, didn't really want to practice too much, wanted to do more with my friends and started to feel like band was a little nerdy. I grew up to be a responsible, productive member of society who doesn't quit everything.

That said, whenever I think about it, I regret quitting. I missed out on the marching band, parades, trips - all the really fun parts of band and I wish I had stuck with it.

Both my kids are in band. Both started in 5th grade. I wanted them to try it but the choice was ultimately theirs. DS13 is in his 4th year of band. It's a graded class which he has every day. He had mentioned several times last year that he wanted to quit and I told him that it's not an option. We have a really great music program in our district and I just think that band is good for kids in so many ways.

When he gets discouraged, I tell him:

1. He's got over three years invested in this - keep at it.
2. In another year, it's really going to get fun - football games, marching, trips, friends - a whole lot more than just the band room.
3. Down the road there are scholarship opportunities
4. And band teachers feel free to flame but I lay off the drill about the constant practicing. I ease the pressure a little. He's in class with it every day so I just back off a little.
5. I don't care if he's 1st chair or last, solo or no solo - I just don't want him to miss out on the experience and quit out of frustration.
6. I also spent A LOT of hard-earned money on his sax which he chose to play.

You have to do what you feel is right for your son but I'd push him into sticking it at least until high school.

And I don't think making a kid play an instrument when they don't really want to will turn them against music. There's WAY much great music out there. :)

Good luck with your decision.

I agree with much of what you've said here. His older sister went through an "I want to quit" phase last year as well, although it has never been nearly the struggle with her getting her to keep up with practice. Now she is in marching band and LOVES it. She's having a blast and even thanked me the other day for not letting her quit.
 
I agree with much of what you've said here. His older sister went through an "I want to quit" phase last year as well, although it has never been nearly the struggle with her getting her to keep up with practice. Now she is in marching band and LOVES it. She's having a blast and even thanked me the other day for not letting her quit.

So far we have had 3 clarinets and a flute in the marching band. 1 clarinet and 1 flute decided to go with color gaurd after the first year but played their instrument in the symphonic band the second half. I do think they did some of it because who can miss a trip to WDW, the fun of football games etc.

I do think music is very important. All the kids at one time or another didn't want to cont. playing and I encouraged them to go further. But, in your case if your son is just not getting into it and can change to a different class it might be better to let him do it before he hits the "Marching Band" phase. When a child bows out then, it compromises alot of things as I am sure you know. I agree you know your child best. I hope he continues but I also believe he may find something else that interests him enough to want to paticipate.

Kelly
 
OOOOOO A zombie thread.

6 out of 10 zombies asked why would we want to quit eating the band?
3 out of 10 zombies answered, because the color guard is tastier.
One zombie asked what instrument we played in the band. So while running to the car we yelled back we're vocalists and ended the survey.
 
My daughter was a little bit older in 11th grade when she texted me that she wanted to quit because she was bad at it. I spoke with her teacher and in her case she is a very good singer and he maintained a good violinist (at 20 looking back she still says she is bad at all stringed instruments) but she was not as good at violin as she is singing so he thought maybe boredom playing since 4th grade contributed to it so he suggested an instrument switch. I wonder if that might help?
 

GET A DISNEY VACATION QUOTE

Dreams Unlimited Travel is committed to providing you with the very best vacation planning experience possible. Our Vacation Planners are experts and will share their honest advice to help you have a magical vacation.

Let us help you with your next Disney Vacation!










Top