Would You Have Taken Back The TV from Grandma?

[Imzadi]

But yeah we will buy her a new TV because in spite of myself, I DO feel a bit bad. Ugh.

I would have a very hard time rewarding her bad behavior by gifting her a tv.

She asked my friend if she knew anyone that was getting rid of a TV lol.

Perfect, get her a USED TV off Craigslist. If she had ASKED you & DH for a TV or even for your son's TV, she would deserve a NEW TV, but not after stealing your son's TV. Don't reward her for her bad behavior.

When you deliver the used TV and she asks where you got it from, just say your friend Craigslist was getting rid of one. You didn't think she'd mind a used TV since she was happy getting your son's TV used and she even asked your other friend if she knew of someone getting rid of one.

And if people complain about you getting a used one, you can say that their email telling you they will pitch in money for a new one must have gotten lost in the transmission.

 

[ronandannette]

Tell Granny I'll pray for her.

Well bless your heart!

@Skywalker, I think buying (or otherwise acquiring) a TV for her is a very "high-road" thing to do. It's not about her winning; you mentioned you and your DH would have gladly helped her out if she'd asked. Getting her a TV and taking it over there, all the while being "sweet as pie" cleverly side-steps the drama and short circuits the narrative that you're a villain. It now becomes a simple matter of DS needed his TV and wasn't able to "lend" it to Granny long-term so you fixed her up.

I don't get the impression you feel the need to shame or punish her (although the DIS is a good place to vent some of those baser instincts ). Call it an early Christmas present and put this incident behind you! You sound like a great wife, mom and daughter-in-law and you have my admiration for keeping your head and heart in the right places!

 

[Allison]

Sounds like she has you right where she wants you, wound right around her little finger.

It doesn't seem like that at all to me.

 

[spacemountainmom]

I can top the crazy. A friend of mine moved back in with her mother many years ago to care for her. She ended up caring for her mom for nearly 20 years. Mom willed her house to my friend when she passed.

Her siblings weren't very happy. Her one brother is pretty well off and had made some improvements to mom's house. He'd put some additional cabinets in the bathroom and added a small deck with a ramp to the front of the house. Brother showed up about a month after mom died and took the cabinets out of the bathroom. He then informed my friend that he'd be back for the deck.

All of her friends told her to call the police if he tried to take the deck. It was attached to the house. She didn't want to cause any problems with the family so when he came back, she let him take it. Five years later, I'm still shaking my head over it.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

Oh heck no, Grandma! That's theft, pure and simple. Even if she's family, she can't enter your house and take something. Now I know you don't want to have Grandma prosecuted, but she definitely does not deserve that TV!

 

[SallySkelington]

Frankly, I'd be willing to be "violated" if it meant that somebody besides me did some laundry around here once in a while. @Skywalker, would it help your MIL take her mind off her troubles if I let her come to my place and spruce things up a little? Yeah - I'd do that for you because I'm good like that.

Helping with the laundry is fine, it's the rearranging my drawer when the clothes are already in it that concerns me. lol

 

[hereyago]

Some people don't or grasp boundaries.

The eff if I would get her a new tv. You feel bad because you allowed her to manipulate you and talk crap about you.

My mom would have done crap like and tell people she was hurt by my resction.

 

[Wishing on a star]

Thanks for the update!!!!!
Yes, her complaining to others behind your back... her comments about your DH, and your DH's response....
Yay for your DH!!!

That all completes the puzzle...
Those were the details that I thought seemed missing until now.

Seems like your DH didn't even seem surprised or blink an eye.
So, I think this has probably been an ongoing attitude, and she seems very very entitled!

I would leave it ENTIRELY up to DH to do whatever he wants to do about getting a TV for his mom.
There are not many things that I hate more than this kind of attitude and entitlement.
But, hey, it's his mom... If he wants to buy her a really nice $$$ TV.... (unless that really would affect my personal budget.)

But, hey.... buy your son a really nice $$$$ TV, that can go with him one-day... And give her that raffle one back!!! And, make sure she sees that big nice new TV in your son's room!!!

PS: If that raffle was a fundraiser like many fundraisers I have heard of... At the very least, there was the cost of the raffle tickets that were bought... Plus any other money, for the event, food, etc... That TV was NOT free. It didn't materialize out of thin air!

 

[hereyago]

Getting her another tv may be setting your self up for more shenanigans if and when something else of hers breaks.

Tell your son if grabby grandma comes over again when parents aren't there he doesn't have to answer the door.

If roles were reversed and the son did this he would be arrested probably

 

[sam_gordon]

I would leave it ENTIRELY up to DH to do whatever he wants to do about getting a TV for his mom.
There are not many things that I hate more than this kind of attitude and entitlement.
But, hey, it's his mom... If he wants to buy her a really nice $$$ TV.... (unless that really would affect my personal budget.)

I hate to bring it up again, but are we sure we're reading the same thread? You seem to be blaming the DH for 'enabling' his mom, when the DH even said it should come back. The OP also said 'WE" when referring to who's buying a TV, so why do you assume the husband wants to?

I've bolded the key points so you know what I'm referring to (see how helpful quotes can be?):

Of course she also said that my husband would have let her keep it had he been around. (In actual fact when I called my husband and told him the situation his reaction was "oh, lord. So did you get the TV back yet or should I figure out when I can do it." Already done, sweetie. Already done.) LOL


The hardest part has been assuring my son he has nothing to feel guilty about (because he does feel guilty). But yeah we will buy her a new TV because in spite of myself, I DO feel a bit bad. Ugh.

 

[lovesmurfs]

Poor judgment is an early symptom of dementia. I'd have Granny evaluated by a doctor.

It's not poor judgment. The woman is a master manipulator.

 

[Frankie Nova]

That's horrible. I would take it back and that might be coming to Jesus talk with her.

amen!

 

[Wishing on a star]

AMEN to the above!!!!!

And, does anybody even have the ability to read...
Or have any reading comprehension, at all....

The level of mis-quoting, putting words in other's mouth, and twisting words in ways that are just not even believable...
All in an effort to derail somebodies thread, and turn it into a personal attack against one poster that one thinks they do not like.
Wow...
As I have said before....
You guys are gooooood!!!!!
Gotta give you kudo's!!!!
Glad to know that I take up so much of your DIS time and attention.

Just to clarify....
I did not blame the DH for anything. Not one tiny bit.
I had asked to OP, who had seemed to be very non-specific and evasive (using the word grand-ma, instead of DH's mother, or MIL) where her husband stood on it. Because it did seem to be clear that it was his mother, her MIL.
She came back and made it clear in the later update that her husband understood and was onboard with getting the TV back.
I said GREAT!!!! Good deal!!!!!

Now, all of the sudden, everybody else is piling on the 'grandma', and saying they would absolutely never get her a replacement TV.
And, I wouldn't either...
I simply said, as it is HIS mother, if the DH did want to, maybe, get his mother a TV... That is his decision.
Lat thing I would personally want to do is purposefully place myself between somebody and their mother.
The OP and her husband seem to be, basically, on the same page.
I wouldn't want a stupid TV to be a factor, at all, in my marriage......
Somebody walking into my house and stealing from my son??? YES.
But the DH's decision to replace his mother's TV... NO.

 

[wenrob]

AMEN to the above!!!!!

And, does anybody even have the ability to read...
Or have any reading comprehension, at all....

The level of mis-quoting, putting words in other's mouth, and twisting words in ways that are just not even believable...
All in an effort to derail somebodies thread, and turn it into a personal attack against one poster that one thinks they do not like.
Wow...
As I have said before....
You guys are gooooood!!!!!
Gotta give you kudo's!!!!
Glad to know that I take up so much of your DIS time and attention.

Just to clarify....
I did not blame the DH for anything. Not one tiny bit.
I had asked to OP, who had seemed to be very non-specific and evasive (using the word grand-ma, instead of DH's mother, or MIL) where her husband stood on it. Because it did seem to be clear that it was his mother, her MIL.
She came back and made it clear in the later update that her husband understood and was onboard with getting the TV back.
I said GREAT!!!! Good deal!!!!!

Now, all of the sudden, everybody else is piling on the 'grandma', and saying they would absolutely never get her a replacement TV.
And, I wouldn't either...
I simply said, as it is HIS mother, if the DH did want to, maybe, get his mother a TV... That is his decision.
Lat thing I would personally want to do is purposefully place myself between somebody and their mother.
The OP and her husband seem to be, basically, on the same page.
I wouldn't want a stupid TV to be a factor, at all, in my marriage......
Somebody walking into my house and stealing from my son??? YES.
But the DH's decision to replace his mother's TV... NO.

No one has misquoted you. They've DIRECTLY quoted you.

 

[LilyWDW]

1) I would 100% have gone right over and taken the TV back.

2) I would NOT be buying grandma a new TV after she had stolen my son's. If she had asked, I would have been happy to help, but she showed her true colors and doesn't deserve my help now for this.

3) I would have told her that she was not to come into my home when myself or my husband was not there.

4) I would have told my son that he is not to allow anyone into the house without my approval if I am not there.

It is obvious that this woman has no boundaries.

 

[Jazzybell]

AMEN to the above!!!!!

I did not blame the DH for anything. Not one tiny bit.
I had asked to OP, who had seemed to be very non-specific and evasive (using the word grand-ma, instead of DH's mother, or MIL) where her husband stood on it. Because it did seem to be clear that it was his mother, her MIL.
She came back and made it clear in the later update that her husband understood and was onboard with getting the TV back.
I said GREAT!!!! Good deal!!!!!

It was clear from the start that it was the OP's mother in law, as the OP stated in her original post that she went to her mother-in-law's to retrieve the TV.

 

[sam_gordon]

It was clear from the start that it was the OP's mother in law, as the OP stated in her original post that she went to her mother-in-law's to retrieve the TV.

Just leaving this right here...

The level of mis-quoting, putting words in other's mouth, and twisting words in ways that are just not even believable...

 

[dzorn]

If you do buy her a tv I would get the smallest one out there. At least half the size of DS.

 

[Bianca and Bernard]

Hi OP here, so, first of all I would like to know who voted "Yes" and "Other" lol.

Just to answer a few things that have been mentioned:

Grandma does not have a key, my son let her in. (Because why wouldn't he? He didn't know he was about to be strong-armed out of his tv!)

As for my husband he was at work, and in fact with the long hours he is working this week (he is management in a workplace currently dealing with a strike) he wouldn't have even had time to deal with this until , well, who knows when, and I wasn't willing to wait. He was fully on board with me taking the TV back though.

The people that helped her take the TV were the two adult sons of her next door neighbour. They help her out a lot with various neighbourly things, and from what I have seen of them in the past, seem like fine young men. (That's why I tried to give them a neutral sounding name like "helpers", rather than "henchmen" or "goon squad" lol.) I am sure they simply thought they were being kind by helping her move a TV. I don't blame them at all!

I don't believe there are cognitive issues, only boundary issues. We don't have her dog sit when we go away anymore, due to issues like rearranging our furniture ("doesn't it look SO MUCH BETTER like this?") , reorganizing our drawers ("They were just SO MESSY. I have sorted them by colour!") (I hate that she touched my underwear lol) and trying to "help" by getting rid of things from the garage and basement ("I brought 6 garbage bags of your stuff to the dump! Don't worry I only brought stuff I didn't think you needed!"). I mean she is not constantly like that, these are three things that have happened over like 20 years and they have been shut down each time...So this doesn't exactly shock me, although it is a new low. We usually just laugh and joke that she is a sitcom mother-in-law, but this one was too unfair to my son.

As for me being the "bad guy", yeah, there are rumblings of that. Apparently she is very hurt?! Hey, if any one takes her side they can let her take their TV, have at it lol.

https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/

Trust me. You'll be with your people.

 

[mummabear]

I think bringing police into a situation like this is a bit extreme, IMO.

I do t think the police should have been called either but I am curious where you would stand if the son had taken $200 from Grandmas wallet without permission, would you think she was in the wrong if she called the police?