WWYD: elementary school harassment/assault

Did the mother of the girl who was assaulted call the police? I'm not usually one to jump to such radical decisions but I'm not leaving something like that to the school to resolve. Actually, I think they have an obligation to report that incident to authorities. Something is not ok with this boy. He may very well be being abused himself.
 
I just came back from talking with the principal. Here are some main points:

1. The principal told me that the boy will no longer be in the same class as DD. I don't know how this decision was made and where he would be. I did not ask.
2. It was briefly mentioned that the boy is getting help. I don't know more than that and I did not ask.
3. The school counselor had another talk with DD and her friend today to assure them that they would be safe in class.
4. The principal apologized for not notifying me of the 2nd incident. When the classroom teacher brought the incident to her attention, the teacher only mentioned the boy and the victim. She only learned about DD's involvement when she talked to the victim's mom, which was about the same time I emailed her. She said I should have been notified given that DD witnessed the whole thing and reported it.
5. She did say they try not to notify the whole class if not everyone is involved.

Overall, I am happy with how it was handled. Other than keeping communicating with DD, teaching her self protection and raising awareness, I don't plan to do anything else.

I thank everyone here for your insights and suggestions. I also thank the school and teacher for doing a good job. (I did tell them in person when I was at the school earlier).
 
I just came back from talking with the principal. Here are some main points:

1. The principal told me that the boy will no longer be in the same class as DD. I don't know how this decision was made and where he would be. I did not ask.
2. It was briefly mentioned that the boy is getting help. I don't know more than that and I did not ask.
3. The school counselor had another talk with DD and her friend today to assure them that they would be safe in class.
4. The principal apologized for not notifying me of the 2nd incident. When the classroom teacher brought the incident to her attention, the teacher only mentioned the boy and the victim. She only learned about DD's involvement when she talked to the victim's mom, which was about the same time I emailed her. She said I should have been notified given that DD witnessed the whole thing and reported it.
5. She did say they try not to notify the whole class if not everyone is involved.

Overall, I am happy with how it was handled. Other than keeping communicating with DD, teaching her self protection and raising awareness, I don't plan to do anything else.

I thank everyone here for your insights and suggestions. I also thank the school and teacher for doing a good job. (I did tell them in person when I was at the school earlier).

Sounds like a good meeting, and outcome for you. Very glad he is being moved, something like that changes the class environment and you have a long ways to go this year.

I agree with 1-4 and think that your school seems to be proactive for the benefit of the two girls and this boy.

I disagree with 5. Why? If one child has lice, they tell everyone so parents can check them. If one child has chickenpox, they tell everyone so parents can watch close. By not letting everyone know of the incidents they may inadvertently be leaving a child who is keeping something to themselves in the lurch. Every parent should have been notified of the incidents (no names) so parents have the opportunity to speak with their child to make sure they were not the victim or witness to something. A child might keep this to themselves, suffering inside, manifesting somehow. Keeping this hushed from those families who may have been impacted isn't a good route to go. Honesty is the best policy.
 
Glad you got a resolution you are happy with!

You're right that they can't tell you specifics of how the boy's case was handled, but I'd be willing to bet that CPS was called. (I'm a substitute teacher, and three of my schools include first grade. - What the boy did is considered a possible indication of abuse, and we're trained to "bring the team in" to make sure the situation is looked at closely.)

And kudos to your DD for knowing when to tell you about things and for helping her friend do the same!
 
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Thanks for your update.
It does sound like the school is taking this seriously and is responding fully.
That is best-case for everyone.
I hope all goes well with your DD in school!!!
 
About mandatory reporting. Again, I would make no assumption, at all. As mentioned above, I think transfer of students and also teachers is a common way to brush off these problems.
I was involved in a situation once where I made a visit to the counselor and called in the principal. I brought my son in as he was the one who was aware and witness. This involved another child’s parent. I was very careful in my wording, and did specifically use the description ‘abusive situation’. The counselor seemed to be receptive. The principal was annoyed and walked out within 30 seconds. As far as I could determine nothing was done, no mandated reporting to CPS. Nothing.
That is why I would report to authorities such as police and CPS.
OP, I would request that this child be separated from your daughter. There should be options, such as a special situation to deal with this boy. Unfortunately, they will not want to provide for him and might suggest moving your daughter. Insist that they address the situation with this boy,! Not shift around your daughter or other innocent students.

You would have no way of knowing if something was reported to CPS. When a call to CPS is made, no one is told other than possibly the principal or counselor (but you don't have to tell them). There is absolutely no way a parent of another child would be told that a call to CPS was made. As a teacher, if I ever did something like tell a parent about another child's CPS call, I would be fired.
 
Of course I know that! Why would you suggest otherwise. Ohhh jeez.
If anyone would read my comments, (which might help) I specifically said, "I would make NO assumptions..."

"About mandatory reporting. Again, I would make no assumption, at all. As mentioned above, I think transfer of students and also teachers is a common way to brush off these problems.
I was involved in a situation once where I made a visit to the counselor and called in the principal. I brought my son in as he was the one who was aware and witness. This involved another child’s parent. I was very careful in my wording, and did specifically use the description ‘abusive situation’. The counselor seemed to be receptive. The principal was annoyed and walked out within 30 seconds. As far as I could determine nothing was done, no mandated reporting to CPS."


But, remember, we personally knew the people involved here, and I think we probably would have had some idea if CPS had become involved.
This is a smaller community, and people know everything.
Doesn't help that I already knew the school would ignore the situation, based on how the Principal blew the whole thing off and just left the room.
But, hey, if it floats your boat, flame away!!!!!!

My point remains the same.... I would not assume, in any way, that the school system would automatically take things seriously enough and follow the laws on mandated reporting.
Perhaps CPS would take the situations more seriously when teachers/schools do report, if another person involved also reports.

OP, again, hope things work out well for you and your DD!!!
 
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From a teacher:
- This is a very difficult situation, and the school and parents must walk a fine line to do what's right and fair to everyone.
- Your daughter deserves to be in a safe space ... but so does this boy. And he likely isn't in a safe place at home. At their age, I strongly suspect he doesn't fully understand what he's doing or his motives for his action.
- Sounds like you did all the right things by talking to your daughter ... but also avoiding blowing the pants-pulling-down out of proportion. Be SURE she reports to you any further shenanigans ... be SURE the teacher knows every event and be SURE to keep your own records.
- The school is certainly keeping records of what this student does. When they reach a certain number, they can ask to have him moved to a special class (or a special school), but they cannot do it -- cannot do it successfully ... without documenting X number of issues. This is fair; imagine your child does something really, really dumb one day ... you wouldn't want her kicked out of school for one bad mistake, would you?
- No, the school won't talk to you about another student's specifics ... nor should they.
- No, you can't know whether a child has been reported to CPS. As a teacher, I have made that call a couple times, and it's always been VERY private. The counselors and the school nurse are sometimes "in on it", but not even the child's other teachers know. The point: Don't assume things aren't moving "behind the scenes".
- Unless things get much worse, I would not ask for my child to be moved to another class. She is already bonded with other students in this class, and it'd be unfair to her.
- Finally, sometimes you need to be THAT PARENT. If you really think it's time, go in with your spouse, stick to facts /not feelings, have your records of what has happened, your list of contacts with the school about it. But be SURE. You can only be THAT PARENT so many times before the school writes you off as a kook.
 

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