Your ideal school program for middle and high school students w/aspergers or HFA?

[disney-super-mom]

I have a son (9) in the third grade this year. He was diagnosed with PDD-NOS back when he was four years old. But whatever he actually "has" (PDD-NOS, Aspergers, HFA, ????) he's definitely higher functioning.

What I've come to find is my son does't really fit in with any particular group of kids at school, or in the offered class settings. He doesn't really "fit in" in a regular classroom or have any real friends (sure the kids are nice to him at school, but they don't invite him to play or to parties/outings). He also doesn't "fit in" in the special-ed classroom where he's obviously more advanced academically and certainly doesn't have the special needs that some of the students in special-ed need.

My son does spend about 2 hours per day in the resource room to receive extra help in reading, writing, and math. He also receives a little speech therapy and a little occupational therapy (to help improve his writing). But he is still in a regular classroom most of the time, with kids who can't relate to him.

Now, dealing with these issues in grade school is one thing. Certainly school days in grade school is more simplistic. But once middle school and high school come around, all the horrors of bullying, girlfriends, and a lot more rejection is going to rage their ugly heads. I just don't think regular middle school and high school is a proper setting for kids like my son.....at all!

So, if you have a child like mine, what would the ideal school be like for your child?......What kind of setting and programs?......Would you like it if the school was just for kids like yours, where they could become real friends with one another and relate to one another without the worry of being bullied and rejected for being a little different?

Or do you want your child to stay in a regular middle school and high school setting, and if so, why?

 

[BeckyScott]

I don't have a really easy answer, I guess there isn't one.

One thought I did have, is the difficulty of choosing between a specialized environment vs having the child live in the "real world". I think maybe that is the crux of your post?

And probably every parent is going to feel differently, and it so much depends on the individual child.

And there is historic precedence set that now we are trying find our own way through. First, we didn't even try to educate and sent kids away. Then they were educated, but in different buildings with different curriculum. Then they got moved to the trailer outside the regular school and got to attend classes like Home Ec with the other kids. (that's how it was in the early 80's when I was in high school) Then the schools were basically forced to put everyone in a regular room as much as possible.

Now, we're trying to figure out if that really works or not, or if we need to do something else. And I don't know if anybody really knows.

My son is in 3rd grade and I am already dreading middle school, because middle school stinks if you're typical! Our school district has Smaller Learning Communities, which I think is a step in the right direction.

I don't know. It would be easier if he was in an environment with other kids like him, but that isn't the real world. What I've found happening, and he's still young so you know it could change, is that he makes "friends" with all the other future-geeks and future-nerds. Cause you can spot that even with 3rd graders. Every pal he's had has "nerd" written all over them. It's kinda funny. He has a little girlfriend, bless her heart, she's a girl nerd. I think she's pretty smart, because I remember when I was in high school and there I was trying to be all popular and ignoring the geeks. And now all the geeks are rich and here I sit. Whoops. Anyway, I think both the boys are headed right into geek central, but I'm cool with that, geeks have friends too and I'm sure plenty are borderline Aspie and it'll all work out.

Sorry, I digressed again.

I guess my short answer is this- where we live now, there is no choice. So I hadn't really considered other plans, I've just decided to prepare as best I can and roll with it.

 

[bookwormde]

I guess first I would say do not make fitting in more of an issue than it is for him.

Second a progressive bullying prevention program is essential for our children, if it his not part of your state/district/school policies then write it into his IEP. Delaware has just initiated a state wide bullying prevention policy to replace their ineffective no tolerance bullying policy.

bookwormde

 

[J'aime Paris]

I work with special needs children, and I agree that their academic and social skills are quite varied. But that doesn't mean these kids don't fit in with their peers.
Is your son happy at school? Some kids play alone by choice.
Does he express that he would like to make friends, or have invitations to friends houses? I often facilitate friendships with kids on the playground. In fact, you can have it written in his IEP.
Middle and high school can be tough. My experience has been that good staff=good environment. I don't think that special needs kids are targets. If anything, most kids look out for them a bit more.
Best of luck to you. It's never easy when you're worried about your child.

 

[disney-super-mom]

I guess first I would say do not make fitting in more of an issue than it is for him.

Second a progressive bullying prevention program is essential for our children, if it his not part of your state/district/school policies then write it into his IEP. Delaware has just initiated a state wide bullying prevention policy to replace their ineffective no tolerance bullying policy.

bookwormde

How could you prevent bullying with a policy? I don't see how a prevention policy will be any more effective than a no tolerance policy.

Also, it isn't about him "fitting in" per se. It's about him being in an all-around supportive, positive learning environment, and a happy social life (or at least being treated like a person by his peers and not ignored) is part of that.

Is he happy at school? Well he's not miserable, but I wouldn't say he's happy. I'm just concerned that this will change when he starts middle school and high school because of what our neighborhood junior high and high school students tell me about how kids like mine are treated by others. It's pretty horrible and it happens on a daily basis, and yes, our school and school district has an "harassment, intimidation, and bullying" prevention policy.

HARASSMENT, INTIMIDATION AND BULLYING
1. Everyone at the Mead School District has the right to feel respected and safe.
Consequently, we want you to know about our policy to prevent harassment,
intimidation and bullying on the basis of race, color, religion, ancestry, national
origin, gender/sex, age, sexual orientation, or disability.
2. A harasser may be a student or an adult. Harassment may include the following
when related to religion, race, sex, or gender.
a. Name calling, jokes or rumors;
b. Pulling on clothing;
c. Graffiti;
d. Notes or cartoons;
e. Unwelcome touching of a person or clothing;
f. Offensive or graphic posters or book covers, or;
g. Any words or actions that make you feel uncomfortable, embarrass you,
or hurt your feelings.
3. If any word or action makes you feel uncomfortable or fearful, you need to tell a
teacher, counselor, supervisor, or the principal.
4. You may also make a written report. It should be given to a teacher, counselor,
supervisor, or the principal.
5. Your right to privacy will be respected as much as possible.
6. We take seriously all reports of religious, racial or sexual harassment of violence
and will take appropriate actions based on your report.
7. The School District will also take action if anyone tries to intimidate you or take
action to harm you because you have reported.
8. This is a summary of the School District policy against religious, racial and sexual
harassment. Complete policies are available in the School and District offices.
RELIGIOUS, RACIAL AND SEXUAL HARASSMENT ARE AGAINST THE LAW
DISCRIMINATION IS AGAINST THE LAW
RCW 9A.365.080 (3)

Middle school and high school is hard for everybody. Those can be tough years! But to add bullying and peer exclusion to it is a torturous learning environment, don't you think? For kids like mine, who think so literally, they have no way to defend themselves (verbally or physically) or mentally process why it's happening.

I want these kids to get the most out of their learning years in a positive environment, and once they're out in the real world, hopefully most of the bullies have matured enough as adults to no longer beat up their "quirky" co-workers or call them names, which in the real world could/would get them fired (an actual consequence that would probably prevent it from happening in the first place).

 

[JESW]

My ds13 is an Aspie kid and was pulled out of public school in the middle of 6th grade. It was a long drawn out process after first being diagnosed in 3rd grade. Years of IEP's, pull outs, aides, etc. It's a loooooong story as most of ours are.

He is now in a program for kids with Asperger's and learning disabilities. (He also has auditory processing disorder) The program is inside a public school in another town. My son is in with kids like him. He has FRIENDS like him! We have had FRIENDS over to our house! It has been such a good and positive experience.

My son is in a small classroom with 4 other boys. The program is not just for boys but just the way things are now. The other classroom has a couple of girls. (And students can transfer in when they need to as our son did)

The program is for 5th - 8th grade in this school and next year he will continue with the program but go on to the high school in yet another town but this one will be closer to home.

There is one teacher and one aide per classroom and they also combine the classrooms for different activities. (There are two classrooms)

Inside the program he gets OT & PT and different social classes along with all the academics. Almost every day they have walking group. They also go on many field trips and the go bowling! Lots of things that "normal" kids do that would be difficult for them if they were in a public school.

There are days when my son (or any of the other kids) wants to share something with the class and they are allowed to do so - something that the public school can't always do. My son loves to draw and write so he gets to spend a lot of time with his friends working on projects that involve those things. He also TALKS ON THE PHONE with his friends - something that was impossible before.

I could go on and on... We were in your shoes back when our son was 9 and I can so feel for you! I look back on those times and can't believe all that we went through and how far he has come. Our son EXCELLS in this program while he was lost and floundering in public school. Once the grades started changing classrooms and teachers it was way too much for him. And then throw in all the social changes and hormones - whoa! We feared for our son's mental health. It was AMAZING the change in him once he was in this program.

If your son is truly having trouble then your school can help him find a better place. They will make him try many things before they recommend a change as it will cost the school system to place him in a program. We went through a lot and comlied with everything they asked. It was the testing and then reccomendation by the neuropsychologist that finally helped him out.

I am writing a novel here...I know that our son is one of the lucky ones where he is now and I hope that everyone can get the help they need.

Good luck to you and your son!!!

Jill

 

[disney-super-mom]

Jill (JESW) - Thanks so much for your post. The program that your son is in is exactly what I was thinking of and sounds great!

It's too bad that all school districts don't have a similar program. And a sad fact is that hardly any schools or school districts offer such a program.

I'd love to read about the program you're talking about. Is there a website I could go to?

 

[JESW]

I sent you a PM!

Another funny thing about DS' school was that when they sent out the welcoming package there was a quote from Walt Disney on the front page! Talk about a good sign!

Jill

 

[disney-super-mom]

I sent you a PM!

Another funny thing about DS' school was that when they sent out the welcoming package there was a quote from Walt Disney on the front page! Talk about a good sign!

Jill

Oh, I love that! That is a good sign!

 

[brenalexacamp]

look under your state dept of education for 766 approved schools- there should be a list and what the school specializes in.

 

[Luv Bunnies]

My son attends a private school with an Asperger's program. He is 13 and in 7th grade and has been at the school since last November. He did well enough in mainstream public school until 6th grade and then we fought to get him a placement at the private school.

The program has a specially designed system for rewarding behavior. The students evaluate their behavior and choices at the end of every class period. They can also reward other students for good behavior and exhibiting good values. They earn points that they can use to buy prizes at the end of each week. They are very consistent in using the behavior system. All of the kids know the consequences for their behavior and everyone is treated the same. My son felt he was being singled-out in the public school but now he feels like he's treated fairly.

The entire program has about 40 students right now. They are grouped by grade level and age. My son's group has 9 middle school students and they travel from class to class as a group. One aide travels with the group and a few of the kids in the program have one-on-one aides. Each classroom has a quiet area where the kids can go to "take space."

The teachers tailor each student's program according to their abilities. There is some group instruction but for subjects like math, each student has a workbook based on their level. The social studies teacher told us our son is far beyond what she is planning to teach this year so she will come up with some individual projects for him.

There are no electives in the program, but every student has a Social Thinking class. This is where they discuss and role-play different social situations. Twice a month, they have field trips. Sometimes they go to a restaurant and practice ordering and paying for their lunch. This year, they're scheduled to go to a few plays.

We love the school and feel very fortunate that the program exists in our city. We feel this is the ideal school for our son!