Would This Offend You?

[crisi]

Don't waste your time or money. You will be told to MYOB & sent away. How dare you want to do something nice.

I really don't think that is fair. Almost no one has not said that they would be rude in accepting or refusing - regardless of whether or not they were annoyed - and several people said they would be gracious - and almost no one has said they are actually offended. If anything, this thread should be an example of what you think is a generous gesture, and what you perceive to be received as a generous gesture, is sometimes received with mixed feelings on the other end.

I think if someone chose to do this, they would find that their gesture was accepted and go about the day believing they had brought delight to a family. And perhaps they did. And perhaps they inadvertently caused the "my balloon popped" meltdown. Or the "we can't go on rides because you won't let go of the balloon" day. Or the "we have to leave my favoritest balloon ever behind" tantrum at the airport.

 

[JUJU814]

As I read through this thread, I am puzzled how a 5 minute interaction with my child would undermine my parental authority. My son is well aware of what behaviours, attitudes, words are acceptable and what my expectations of him are. If a randon stranger did a very kind and generous act of giving something to my son, he would find it magical and I would be able to use it as a teaching opportunity of how wonderful it is that someone would do something so nice for him. I would share in his excitement and let him enjoy that moment of pixie dust.

Also, unless it has recently changed at the parks, you can't buy a balloon until the afternoon parade. I have tried but in my experience, the only balloons you see in the morning are from character breakfast where they were given out or they were bought the previous day.

OP, I think you did a very kind and generous thing and as I read your account of the conversation between the girl and the grandma, I could see such a conversation occuring between my son and I. I say "No" to him probably a 100 times a day on all kinds of things - he keeps asking for things though!

Life is so short and I think it is so nice when people geniunely want to do something kind without any thought of recipication. You and your husband are obviously very kind, loving, generous people who will make wonderful parents someday. I consider myself extremely lucky to have my son and when someone does something kind to him and makes him feel special - it means the world to me.

Really? It's because the OP overheard the grandmother say no, but wanted the kid to have the balloon anyway so got it for them. I do not understand how people do not see that as wrong. Kind and generous...yes, absolutely. But very inappropriate to do this without at least asking the parent/grandparent.

She said no. Period. You don't know them, it's none of your business..and you decide you want the kid to have the balloon, so you take it on yourself to give it to them?

It doesn't take more than a few seconds to undermine a parents authority. Parent says no, another person says yes...bam it's done.

 

[MoonFaerie]

While it was a sweet thing to do, I'd be irritated with the balloon. We wait until later in the afternoon to buy things like balloons. It's not that we can't afford them. It's that they are a pain to deal with. What would we do with it when we went on rides? Esp stuff like Space Mountain or other indoor rides. And if it's a windy day, you have to be very aware to make sure you're kid isn't unknowingly whacking other people in the face with the balloon. We always wait until the end of the day to buy them.

 

[Kat&Dom]

Really? It's because the OP overheard the grandmother say no, but wanted the kid to have the balloon anyway so got it for them. I do not understand how people do not see that as wrong. Kind and generous...yes, absolutely. But very inappropriate to do this without at least asking the parent/grandparent.

She said no. Period. You don't know them, it's none of your business..and you decide you want the kid to have the balloon, so you take it on yourself to give it to them?

It doesn't take more than a few seconds to undermine a parents authority. Parent says no, another person says yes...bam it's done.

No, it would not undermine my parental authority at all. If the exact situation occured as the OP described, my son would look at me prior to accepting the balloon for a non-verbal communication that it is okay for him to take it. If I shook my head no, he would graciously say "No, thank you" or if I smiled and nodded, he would very happily take the balloon and say "Thank you so much - this is totally cool". I would not feel like a mean mom for saying no as he understands that sometimes, he doesn't get everything he wants and he accepts that without whining or crying. It is likely that a similar non-verbal communication occured between the girl and her grandma prior to her accepting the balloon. JMO.

 

[DisneyFamily123]

For me, it's not so much about being offended.... it's about child safety and courtesy. If this sounds a little paranoid... GOOD! There are way too many perverts and crazies out there... everyone should be a little paranoid... when it comes to safety of children... You might be the nicest person in the world and full of Disney World magic and spirit. I don't care.

If I don't know you, DO NOT INTERACT with my child without going through me first. Don't talk to my child without addressing me first and do NOT give my child anything without asking first. I don't mind if your children interact with my child (I'm watching him like a hawk anyway!) It's that simple.... Just because you are at Disney World doesn't mean you are nice... I'm sure perverts, criminals, and psychopaths go to Disney too. And unfortunately, they are not always "strangers" which is why I make sure I know my child's coaches, teachers, etc. very well.

Now.. I will talk to other children at Disney World but it's always clear to me that the parents are aware. For example, on the bus... I strike up a conversation with another adult (with child) on the bus.... then I say Hi to the child - "I like your Mickey ears".

Here's an example of doing it the right way. At Animal Kingdom Park, on parade route. An adult with a child sitting up close had some extra space. The adult asked me if my DS would like to move next to them to see better. I asked my DS, he said yes. He moved closer. And I said thank you!

It's really not a complicated principle.... before interacting with a child... make sure the adults are aware -- and giving a sign (verbal or non-verbal) that its OK.

 

[Mandyjg20]

Don't waste your time or money. You will be told to MYOB & sent away. How dare you want to do something nice.

Haha
I also think its good to point out that everyone involved was on vacation, they were feeling good and in higher spirits then usual. That being said I do not think the grandma would be upset. Also if I read the op posts correctly at some point she was having a conversation with the grandma.

 

[Zhoen]

That is it exactly! I've been the recipient of so much kindness and generosity of spirit, I just like to pass it on. I see a little one getting yelled at WDW and I want to cry! I see a child looking longingly at something and I want to give it to them. Because I WAS that kid getting yelled at, and I was that kid whose parents couldn't afford the extras (although, there isn't anything wrong with that). I am finally in position to be able to make those occasional gestures and I'm just so grateful, I want to pay it forward!
Also, just for the record... I wouldn't dream of giving away a food item (I do know better than that) and it was just the little girl. I wouldn't intentionally leave out siblings! I know how that feels too (DB got to kiss Shamu and I have never gotten over it!)

I do think its interesting how the responsed are so split.

In the end, people are people and no matter what opinion you have, someone in the world will completely disagree. If it was my child, I wouldn't be offended at all. No matter what my reason for saying "no," (probably I didn't want to spend the money, or I thought they had enough "stuff" for the moment) That is *me* saying, "I do not want to get that for you." And I usually give a reason. If the reason is not "You are not behaving well," which I would state, then why would I be offended if a generous soul wanted to give my child a gift? If there was a reason, I would restate it and tell you (kindly), "No thank you. No sweetheart, you cant have that.)

Honestly, it happens to my kids quite a bit (I'm biased, but they really ARE very very cute...) We go to a lot of yard sales, and frequently they are handed some doll or toy or whatever simply because the seller wants to give it to them. It is a mutually warm and friendly experience between a generous person and my child, it helps both parties (and me as the observer/consenter) see that there really is kindness left in this world... not just the nastiness all over the media, or the sugar-coated PR stunts that sometimes make the news... My daughters, in turn, are generous with their property with friends. We talk a lot about how we have "enough", and that "things are just things, they can't make us happy, only we can make us happy." But what makes the giving/receiving worthwhile is not the object, it is the nonverbal communication -- "Dear person in front of me, I want to see you smile. I hope you have a moment of happiness right now."

And of course, I'm WITH my child. If the situation felt in any way unsafe, we wouldn't be hanging around.

If someone gives my kid something TRULY hideous... I let them both enjoy the gesture, then the object disappears as soon as it can without causing drama. If the child becomes attached to the object... no matter how much I dislike it, I let them keep it unless there's a reason not to (ie-it's something old and unsafe)

Glitter is awful. (though it was kinda neat in my mom's card's case, but a stranger at WDW isn't in the same situation)

Maybe a bigger "confetti-type" would be easier to clean up, but if someone sprinkled glitter on my kids, it would match the glitter STILL in their hair from our cascarones from Easter... (yeah, that stuff NEVER comes out!)

When someone asks a question about how something should be handled, people are allowed to be brutally honest about it. It's actually much better than if we just sugar-coat it. The OP wants to be nice; the majority of us are saying that we wouldn't appreciate it. I'm SURE that the OP will eventually be glad to know the true feelings of people that she might encounter.

Of course, just know that my true feeling are different, that's what makes the world interesting...
Even babies point up at balloons, and for a baby, that's a request.


We started calling it "balloon tragedies", because it upsets children so much.

We ADORE balloons, like, we keep a helium tank around the house, adore them... And we've had our fair-share of runaway balloons. But my girls don't cry about it. As soon as it's definitely not-retrievable, we say "Goodbye balloon, have a wonderful trip!" and we talk about where the balloon is going (usually to China, according to my daughters)... if there's a character on the balloon, they shout goodbye to the character. They might watch it until it fades away and we'll talk about the air currents and how much fun it must be for the balloon to be swirling around and round like that... I know that wouldn't work with some children, but with mine, it's not losing a balloon, it's seeing a friend off on the beginning of a new adventure... And of course, there's always another balloon somewhere not too far in their future...

 

[GinnyEmma]

Lol, it is sending trash into the world. Pretty much why akl doesn't allow them. Why would anyone want to ignore a grandma? A gma is important to a child's life.

 

[Andrew78]

For me, it's not so much about being offended.... it's about child safety and courtesy. If this sounds a little paranoid... GOOD! There are way too many perverts and crazies out there... everyone should be a little paranoid... when it comes to safety of children... You might be the nicest person in the world and full of Disney World magic and spirit. I don't care.

If I don't know you, DO NOT INTERACT with my child without going through me first. Don't talk to my child without addressing me first and do NOT give my child anything without asking first. I don't mind if your children interact with my child (I'm watching him like a hawk anyway!) It's that simple.... Just because you are at Disney World doesn't mean you are nice... I'm sure perverts, criminals, and psychopaths go to Disney too. And unfortunately, they are not always "strangers" which is why I make sure I know my child's coaches, teachers, etc. very well.

Now.. I will talk to other children at Disney World but it's always clear to me that the parents are aware. For example, on the bus... I strike up a conversation with another adult (with child) on the bus.... then I say Hi to the child - "I like your Mickey ears".

Here's an example of doing it the right way. At Animal Kingdom Park, on parade route. An adult with a child sitting up close had some extra space. The adult asked me if my DS would like to move next to them to see better. I asked my DS, he said yes. He moved closer. And I said thank you!

It's really not a complicated principle.... before interacting with a child... make sure the adults are aware -- and giving a sign (verbal or non-verbal) that its OK.

This post was rediculous. I rarely do talk to another child, but if I feel like saying cool hat, or nice shirt I will say it and I am not going to try to get the parents attention first, If I feel like doing something I will do it. People come up to my babies all the time and I am paranoid like you that someone may attempt to do something, that is why I watch and stand guard at all times. Maybe I am blessed with beautiful children but I find both women and men coming ovr to them and talking to them all the time, while I don't like it when men approach us, I am watchful, but either way, they don't need to approach me and say "hello sir, do you mind if I comment on how cute your kids are."

Yes even Disney has people with wrong intentions but this may shock you, I already know that An d as far as you saying you get to know the teachers and coaches well....hate to break it to you, almost all of those teachers and coaches usually show no signs before you hear of the charges, so in reality trust noone but since you are so smart maybe u know that.

 

[Andrew78]

Lol, it is sending trash into the world. Pretty much why akl doesn't allow them. Why would anyone want to ignore a grandma? A gma is important to a child's life.

The reason why grandma's get ignored is because there is a sterotype that they are not "with it" or their opinion doesn't matter. While I disagree with anyone who would ignore Grandma, the fact is that in this case the posters family thought nothing of her authority . My hunch is things would have been different if a mom or a dad was there.

 

[arcticdisneylovers]

If someone was leaving the park and offered my DD their balloon saying they couldn't take it with them I would be thankful for such a nice gesture. If the person heard me say no to my child and then bought it and offered it to them I would want to politely decline. I might not decline, but I would feel that was inappropriate.

 

[DisneyFamily123]

It's more about making sure that my child understands the rules, not at all about controlling who tries to talk with my child. Don't talk to strangers and don't accept things from strangers unless Mommy or Daddy say ok. Those rules have been in place 50+ years. Unfortunately child abduction and molestation etc is very real. And children are too young to discern who is Ok. Adults are not that great at discernment either. But as a parent, that's my job.

If people want to spread the magic, that's great. I do it all the time. But doing so with the adult Ok should be a given. I'm talking about younger children. I have seen teens on their own in the park and have handed off fast passes without thinking twice about it.

 

[GinnyEmma]

The reason why grandma's get ignored is because there is a sterotype that they are not "with it" or their opinion doesn't matter. While I disagree with anyone who would ignore Grandma, the fact is that in this case the posters family thought nothing of her authority . My hunch is things would have been different if a mom or a dad was there.

Lol, probably why it bothers me so much. My mom has traveled with us often. It would so tick me off if someone ignored her wishes.

 

[Andrew78]

Lol, probably why it bothers me so much. My mom has traveled with us often. It would so tick me off if someone ignored her wishes.

I hear you, and understand why that would tick you off. It would bother me too if that happened because now I would in addition feel like they took advantage of my mom.

 

[Andrew78]

It's more about making sure that my child understands the rules, not at all about controlling who tries to talk with my child. Don't talk to strangers and don't accept things from strangers unless Mommy or Daddy say ok. Those rules have been in place 50+ years. Unfortunately child abduction and molestation etc is very real. And children are too young to discern who is Ok. Adults are not that great at discernment either. But as a parent, that's my job.

If people want to spread the magic, that's great. I do it all the time. But doing so with the adult Ok should be a given. I'm talking about younger children. I have seen teens on their own in the park and have handed off fast passes without thinking twice about it.

I understand what you are saying and I agree abductions are molestations are very real things. I guess what Im not getting is how they will be abducted by talking to my kid in my presence, particularly when I am looking to make sure they don't invade their space? In reality its almost impossible to discern, but the one thing I do look for is a man that shows too much interest in talking or looking at my kids, thats always a red flag.

As ar as molestation, unfortunatley the facts are that most of the time it's someone they know often in the family.

But hey Im all with you if a stranger approaches my kid with a balloon I have no problem punching the balloon into the strangers face if need be They are my boys and noone is going to hurt them

 

[DisneyFamily123]

I agree 100%. If someone talks to DS5, I'm not going to scream at them. But I'll engage the adult in conversation too. But if someone tried to carry on a long conversation with DS but didn't say anything to me at all, I'd be a little creeped out.

Imagining someone punching a balloon back made me laugh! How about popping it with a pin!

I live in Baltimore where creepy people are everywhere. Non-threatening requests are sometimes used to get close enough to do a robbery or worse. Got a light? I'm lost can you tell me how to get to.....? Can you spare a quarter for the train, I'm just a little short?

At home, my guard is very high. At Disney, I let my guard down a LOT!

I understand what you are saying and I agree abductions are molestations are very real things. I guess what Im not getting is how they will be abducted by talking to my kid in my presence, particularly when I am looking to make sure they don't invade their space? In reality its almost impossible to discern, but the one thing I do look for is a man that shows too much interest in talking or looking at my kids, thats always a red flag.

As ar as molestation, unfortunatley the facts are that most of the time it's someone they know often in the family.

But hey Im all with you if a stranger approaches my kid with a balloon I have no problem punching the balloon into the strangers face if need be They are my boys and noone is going to hurt them

 

[plutoplanet]

Stranger danger is not as big a threat. The people who will hurt you are teachers, coaches, church leaders etc. The people you know and trust. Who no one has any reason to suspect.
Anyway I do agree now that she should ask the family before buying the kid something...but I still don't think it's a big enough deal for everybody to be like "how dare she". she was just being nice. Yeah ask first but still. It was a nice thing. She didn't do anything wrong really. That's how I see it.

 

[Andrew78]

I agree 100%. If someone talks to DS5, I'm not going to scream at them. But I'll engage the adult in conversation too. But if someone tried to carry on a long conversation with DS but didn't say anything to me at all, I'd be a little creeped out.

Imagining someone punching a balloon back made me laugh! How about popping it with a pin!

I live in Baltimore where creepy people are everywhere. Non-threatening requests are sometimes used to get close enough to do a robbery or worse. Got a light? I'm lost can you tell me how to get to.....? Can you spare a quarter for the train, I'm just a little short?

At home, my guard is very high. At Disney, I let my guard down a LOT!

I couldn't agree more, when someone uses a line like hey can I speak to you for a minute, can I borrow your phone, I see it as a way for them to bait you in closer for something. If a stranger talks to me and uses any of those lines, I assumed an assault may be next. I was at the gas station a month ago at midnight(which as a parent I should know better) at a man came walking over to me and said hey can I talk to you, I thought this is going to be bad, during the time he walked over to me I put my fists up to which he said please don't beat me up , then asked for money, Granted he was 50 and I am 33, but things like this bother me even more now because I think what if something happened to me and my kids don't have a father.

 

[GinnyEmma]

Stranger danger is not as big a threat. The people who will hurt you are teachers, coaches, church leaders etc. The people you know and trust. Who no one has any reason to suspect.it.

Or gals who who had several kids removed from he custody and make it with 14 year olds. I actually agree with you.

As YOU said she should have asked. The point many of us have been making.

 

[mommy*RN]

My daughter and I attended the Perfectly Princess Tea Party at the Grand Floridian last trip. When it was over we were walking from the upstairs gift shop to the monorail and a nice gentleman offered my daughter one of the clear balloons with the pink Mickey balloon inside. He asked me if it was okay as they were going home that day and I said yes, thank you! My daughter was thrilled as we had said no to balloons this trip...too expensive with three kiddos. Her older brother was jealous and I had to explain to him it was a gift. He had spent the day with dad at Universal so I told him he should be grateful for that.

I'm all for random acts of kindness and especially in a place as magical as Disney.