Baby naming pressures... Updated with PIC: post #71

[java]

My nephew (4) goes by his middle name. In fact I am one of the few that know his actual first name.

If you want to stick with tradition(8 generations are a whole lot of ghosts to come haunting) I think you could just call him Harrison. Love that name by the way I hope it's the real one.

 

[Tosie]

Been there.

I bucked.

The naming tradition was a little different but it was a name I would have never ever ever chosen for my son.

I went through a lot of the same options as you, OP, but in the end, I just said to my dh, "I feel like I'm doing all the work here and I don't even get the honor of naming my own son."

He understood, and my son now has the name as his middle name.

No regrets here.

 

[jennyjinx3]

It's not really that bad if you give your son Harrison as a middle name and use that as his given name. My DH was given his father;s name but has always used his middle name and it has never been a problem for him.

 

[MainStreetMomma]

I think you could just call him Harrison. Love that name by the way I hope it's the real one.

Thank you, it is.

OP here, I just wanted to thank everyone for their thoughtful and honest replies. I am especially thankful to those who shared anecdotes about what it's like to go by a middle name or if you know someone who does. That was indeed very helpful.

Inspired by some of the advice here, I tried a different approach with my husband tonight and we actually had a really wonderful, productive conversation about our thoughts and feelings. As it turns out, I was right about DH's feelings being swayed by familial pressure from his father and guilt about his dying grandfather.

As it turns out, DH doesn't have a real problem with breaking the tradition as long as the name is given as the middle name to give an honorable nod to the tradition. He simply feels bad for not going along with what is expected of him. We talked a lot about how important it is that our own feelings are considered, and I know that was hard for him because he is fiercely loyal and very much the golden son, so he likes to do what's expected of him.

I really do not want to create a lifelong internal conflict for my husband, so I suggested he speak to his father about it directly. This whole time we've just been assuming that they'd be disappointed if we broke tradition, but we're not 100% certain that's the case.

He made some plans to visit his dad within the next week and he plans to talk to him about it then. After that, he will let me know how he has decided to proceed, and after tonight's discussion and really realizing how hard this is for him, I've concluded that I will happily move forward with whatever he decides is best. Posting this and talking with my husband made me realize that my child will probably not really care one way or the other, but my husband has a lot of invested feelings in this situation and it's important he's able to justify his choice to himself. In the end, I am getting a say in the name he will be called, and I am grateful for that.

Thank you again, disers. I appreciate it!

 

[christineann]

Good news Have a happy, stress free pregnancy!

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

The rule, people. The rule

Good job!

Maybe I'm reading too much into this but it sounds to me like this is important to your husband but he doesn't want to disappoint you. With 8 generations of sons given this name, I wouldn't want to be the one to mess with it. It's a lovely tradition. Unless the name is straight up hideous, I'd go ahead follow tradition but give him the middle name you want and call him by the middle name. That way, in a small way, everyone is pleased.

This is how I feel too. It sounds like your DH understands where you're coming from, but DOES want to carry on the tradition. Personally, I'd also follow tradition but call him by the middle name.

My son is fourth generation with the same MIDDLE name (which I know is much easier to deal with) and I absolutely love that fact, as does my FIL, his mother (FIL's father was deceased by then), DH, and our son. I really hope he'll carry on the tradition.

Having said all that, it's really difficult to judge without knowing what the first name is.

My niece is getting married in June to a man with a very unusual first name...I don't think I've ever heard it before. He's something like "the 5th", but none of them actually use the name...they all use nicknames. DN and her fiance said that if they have a boy, they'll name him the unusual name AND actually call him that.

(For full disclosure, I haven't read past page one, in case I've been overly repetitive or missed an update. I don't normally do this. )

 

[MaryAnnDVC]

Thank you, it is.

OP here, I just wanted to thank everyone for their thoughtful and honest replies. I am especially thankful to those who shared anecdotes about what it's like to go by a middle name or if you know someone who does. That was indeed very helpful.

Inspired by some of the advice here, I tried a different approach with my husband tonight and we actually had a really wonderful, productive conversation about our thoughts and feelings. As it turns out, I was right about DH's feelings being swayed by familial pressure from his father and guilt about his dying grandfather.

As it turns out, DH doesn't have a real problem with breaking the tradition as long as the name is given as the middle name to give an honorable nod to the tradition. He simply feels bad for not going along with what is expected of him. We talked a lot about how important it is that our own feelings are considered, and I know that was hard for him because he is fiercely loyal and very much the golden son, so he likes to do what's expected of him.

I really do not want to create a lifelong internal conflict for my husband, so I suggested he speak to his father about it directly. This whole time we've just been assuming that they'd be disappointed if we broke tradition, but we're not 100% certain that's the case.

He made some plans to visit his dad within the next week and he plans to talk to him about it then. After that, he will let me know how he has decided to proceed, and after tonight's discussion and really realizing how hard this is for him, I've concluded that I will happily move forward with whatever he decides is best. Posting this and talking with my husband made me realize that my child will probably not really care one way or the other, but my husband has a lot of invested feelings in this situation and it's important he's able to justify his choice to himself. In the end, I am getting a say in the name he will be called, and I am grateful for that.

Thank you again, disers. I appreciate it!

Oh, this is a nice update.

 

[Lassie Lynne]

My father had an idea about children's names. He hated his first name (family name) and I hated my full name (first and last together), although my first name is ok. After years of hearing teasing about my name and his name, he decided that all kids should be called "hey you" untill they get 18 and then they can choose their own names .

Glad to hear you had a great talk with your DH. It is amazing how hard naming a child can be in a family!

 

[NaLisa]

Glad to hear you and your husband had such a healthy, productive discussion about the issue and that you're feeling better about things. Thanks for the update, and please relax and take care of yourself for the remainder of your pregnancy.

 

[antmaril]

Thanks for the update. Sounds like a perfect plan.

Good luck!

 

[MainStreetMomma]

Sorry to resurrect a zombie post, but I know some people who posted here are probably curious about what happened!

I neglected to mention at the time of posting that I wasn't aware of my child's gender. We chose not to find out, but I just had a feeling he was a boy. I was right!

When our son was born, we still didn't have a plan set forth entirely. It was a tumultuous and crazy birth (he was born about 2 hours after I arrived a the hospital... fast, natural (read: PAINFUL) and furious. After he arrived, we were so in awe of him. He was (and is) beautiful. We were blessed that day in June!

Anyway, after he was born and my husband was holding him, he told me he really felt he wanted our son to have his name. And so he is legally "Hank" Harrison. However, since the moment he arrived, we have made it clear he is called Harrison. My ILs have completely abided (given there are 4 living "Hank's", it's easier for them, too!) and we were able to design a birth announcement that both displays his full given name as well as makes it obvious what we call him.

8 months after his birth, we rarely think about his name complications. He is simply Harrison, and simply wonderful. He is a blond haired blue eyed charmer, a surprise to both of us since dad is a jet-black haired Italian boy. Harrison suits him so very well. He is the easiest and calmest baby and has already been to Disney at 6 months old-- he was in awe of the snowflakes at MVMCP.

(and more recently, on Valentine's day at 8 months old...)

I don't know if there's a right or wrong answer to what ended up happening, but I will say... I took a photograph of DS, DH, DFIL and DGFIL, all named "Hank," shortly after Harrison's birth. They were born between 1919 and 2012, and that "Four Generations" picture was pretty moving. I feel like we did the right thing, and DH and I agree that if Harrison disagrees in the future, we'll be happy to help him change his name.

 

[MandM3]

Loveliest update EVER!

 

[MainStreetMomma]

Loveliest update EVER!

Awwww, thank you! Can't wait to take him on the Dream in August!

 

[kimblebee]

What a sweetie! Glad everything worked out for you.

 

[Robbi]

Sorry to resurrect a zombie post, but I know some people who posted here are probably curious about what happened!

I neglected to mention at the time of posting that I wasn't aware of my child's gender. We chose not to find out, but I just had a feeling he was a boy. I was right!

When our son was born, we still didn't have a plan set forth entirely. It was a tumultuous and crazy birth (he was born about 2 hours after I arrived a the hospital... fast, natural (read: PAINFUL) and furious. After he arrived, we were so in awe of him. He was (and is) beautiful. We were blessed that day in June!

Anyway, after he was born and my husband was holding him, he told me he really felt he wanted our son to have his name. And so he is legally "Hank" Harrison. However, since the moment he arrived, we have made it clear he is called Harrison. My ILs have completely abided (given there are 4 living "Hank's", it's easier for them, too!) and we were able to design a birth announcement that both displays his full given name as well as makes it obvious what we call him.

8 months after his birth, we rarely think about his name complications. He is simply Harrison, and simply wonderful. He is a blond haired blue eyed charmer, a surprise to both of us since dad is a jet-black haired Italian boy. Harrison suits him so very well. He is the easiest and calmest baby and has already been to Disney at 6 months old-- he was in awe of the snowflakes at MVMCP.

(and more recently, on Valentine's day at 8 months old...)

I don't know if there's a right or wrong answer to what ended up happening, but I will say... I took a photograph of DS, DH, DFIL and DGFIL, all named "Hank," shortly after Harrison's birth. They were born between 1919 and 2012, and that "Four Generations" picture was pretty moving. I feel like we did the right thing, and DH and I agree that if Harrison disagrees in the future, we'll be happy to help him change his name.

He's darling and I love his name.

 

[superme80]

He is adorable! Congrats!!!!

 

[java]

Best update! So happy for you and Harrison is adorable!

 

[Darcy03231]

Congratulations! What a gorgeous little boy.

I somehow missed this thread originally. We have a family name. It was my great-great grandmother's first name, my great grandmother's first name, my grandmother's middle name, and my mother's middle name. My mother bucked tradition and didn't use it for either of my names or my sisters. Both my sister and I have always been a bit disappointed over it. Since I had the first girl, I did use it for my daughter's middle name. I think as your son gets older he will be happy to have the family name.

 

[mombrontrent]

Thanks for coming back with such a great update and adorable pictures. He's definatley a cutie I think you made a great choice with the name as well.

 

[lynxstch]

Congratulations! He is a beautiful little boy, and I love the name Harrison. Thanks for updating the DIS with this great news to start the day with!