Moms with boys, bathroom question

[ConvenientTruth]

Safer standing in the same room as me or standing outside the door with a bunch of strangers passing by...hmmm, tough one, lol. If people weren't so uptight about things, this wouldn't even be a discussion. It's a BATHROOM....we ALL use it and it shouldn't be a big deal. I'm sorry but I don't feel comfortable leaving my son off by himself while I use the bathroom. I could really care less if some stick up the butt mother is scared that my son might have x-ray vision and see through stall doors.

Why not take advantage of the family restroom....you can protect your son avoid making other uncomfortable. Seems like the simple solution.

 

[jennylyn_b]

Oh no, not the boys in the girls room discussion again!

Can't we all just agree that the parent needs to use their best judgement on a case-by-case, kid-by-kid basis?

I would love to see a discussion of a bunch of dads on what they do with their daughters if the situation was reversed.

Actually when we were in wdw 3 wks ago my dh came out of the men's room half shaking his head and half chuckling. I asked him what was up and turns out a dad with his about 8 yr old daughter were in the men's room. The dad was obviously alone and wasn't comfortable leaving her alone which is understandable. The problem was the dad went into a stall and the daughter stood next to the urinals watching all the men relieving themselves. A lot of men were uncomfortable. If she had been outside dads stall with her feet so he could see it wouldn't have been so bad but nope she was getting a view! Lol we have a dd and she's only 2.5 so he did understand because if he was in that situation he wouldn't know what to do. I told him to leave her outside by the entrance or have her planted in front of his stall with her feet facing in so her "view" would be lessened.

As far as boys in the ladies room, well IMO once they hit 3rd grade or so a "normal" (I hate that word) child should use their own restroom by themselves. I know its important to keep your child safe but I feel we have to consider others too.
Just my two cents!

 

[SEA333]

Actually when we were in wdw 3 wks ago my dh came out of the men's room half shaking his head and half chuckling. I asked him what was up and turns out a dad with his about 8 yr old daughter were in the men's room. The dad was obviously alone and wasn't comfortable leaving her alone which is understandable. The problem was the dad went into a stall and the daughter stood next to the urinals watching all the men relieving themselves. A lot of men were uncomfortable. If she had been outside dads stall with her feet so he could see it wouldn't have been so bad but nope she was getting a view! Lol we have a dd and she's only 2.5 so he did understand because if he was in that situation he wouldn't know what to do. I told him to leave her outside by the entrance or have her planted in front of his stall with her feet facing in so her "view" would be lessened.

As far as boys in the ladies room, well IMO once they hit 3rd grade or so a "normal" (I hate that word) child should use their own restroom by themselves. I know its important to keep your child safe but I feel we have to consider others too.
Just my two cents!

Orrrr.....bring his daughter into the stall with him! What father would be more comfortable having his 8 year old DD watching strange grown men using the bathroom than bringing her into the stall with him and having her turn to face the door while he goes.

Honestly, it's not rocket science. I have three kids DS13, DD9, and DS7 - all about the same ages of this post. When I feel comfortable, I send the kids into the bathroom alone. When I don't, I don't. My 13 year old starting "noticing" girls around age 9-10, and my DD now would be very uncomfortable with a boy her age in the girls bathroom. DD7 couldn't care less about anything. When we are somewhere I feel he can handle himself, he goes alone. When we are somewhere less "safe", I bring him with me or stand at the doorway to the mens room. The last time I brought DS13 into the womens room, he was about 7-8. But we lived in the country at the time and everywhere we went was not crowded and relatively "safe". There's really no wrong answer here, folks!

 

[maxiesmom]

Tell you what if it not that big a deal, take him into the stall with you. Then you can protect him from everyone! Your big boy your stall!

Exactly. If it is not a big deal have him in the stall with you. That way he can be safe and everyone else can have their privacy. No need for either to be sacrificed. If he is too old to be in the stall with you he is too old to be in the restroom itself. Period.

 

[bumbershoot]

Actually when we were in wdw 3 wks ago my dh came out of the men's room half shaking his head and half chuckling. I asked him what was up and turns out a dad with his about 8 yr old daughter were in the men's room. The dad was obviously alone and wasn't comfortable leaving her alone which is understandable. The problem was the dad went into a stall and the daughter stood next to the urinals watching all the men relieving themselves. A lot of men were uncomfortable.

I really hope that someone told the dad what the girl was doing. Just like I hope someone told the mom what the boy mentioned earlier was doing.

 

[MomRN]

My almost 7 year old son just started asking to go to the men's room by himself. He will be in the 2nd grade. I figure once he's old enough to start asking, and realizing the difference, then it's time to let him go. He also doesn't want to have anything to do with going into the stall with me in the case of a "family" restroom.

This has only been going on the last couple of months, and it's been very difficult for me to do. He, on the other hand, has had no problem with it.

 

[DisneyWalle]

I actually posted this almost exact same question back in 2009.

My DS was 8 or 9 at the time (can't remember if it was before his birthday or not). As another poster stated these posts can become very ugly. I had asked this question because of something that had happened to my son at a restaurant restroom in our town. A boy had attempted to hit him and his cousin stepped in. Unfortunately, the boy assaulted my nephew, who was protecting my child. This incident made both boys very uneasy and me a little worried about their safety. We had been sitting in a busy restaurant not more than 25 feet from that bathroom and never heard them yell. When it came time for our disney vacation, neither boy still felt comfortable but didn't feel comfortable going into the women's bathroom either. So I bought both boys a Coast Guard Boater's Whistle, this whistle can be heard from over a mile away (when blown hard). My sister and I took turns standing outside the restrooms listening for them or that whistle. (Of course, everything was fine but it made them and us feel more at ease).

The companion restrooms were given to me as a suggestion on my thread. But some of those comments weren't as supportive for using these during our visit. And I understand why! Families traveling with a disability use these and there are not many of them. So out of a courtesy to them, we didn't use the companion restrooms.

However, you have to do what makes you, as a parent, feel comfortable. Because if anything ever happened, you have to be able to live with the outcome of those decisions.

And by the way, my son doesn't allow anyone to pick on him or any other child now. One of his biggest pet peaves, is a bully (as is mine). I feel like that incident changed him.

 

[Burnedout]

Wow 9 seems a little old, unless there are other challenges you child has. I'm really hoping you take him into your stall with you. That way he can be safe, and everyone else can be comfortable as well.

There were more boys than girls in some of the restrooms in January!!

6 is kindergarten. I figure if they could spend the day away from me they could use the restroom on their own at wdw. But a 6 year old in the restroom wouldn't offend me.

9 however is ridiculous. At 9 mine were going away to 4h, church, and Boy Scout camp. Far more dangerous than 2 minutes in a wdw restroom.

 

[maxiesmom]

There were more boys than girls in some of the restrooms in January!!

6 is kindergarten. I figure if they could spend the day away from me they could use the restroom on their own at wdw. But a 6 year old in the restroom wouldn't offend me.

At age 6 in our school system they could be as far in as second grade. I know I started kindergarten when I was 4. And now kindergarten is full days as well.

I honestly think taking children into the restroom area at large, but not into the stall with you, is just giving the parent a false feeling of security. In their minds they are doing something that keeps their child safe. But, unless they are in the stall with you, someone can grab them and be off in a second!

I will never understand why leaving them in the restroom area with women is ok, but if you leave a male child in a male restroom alone, suddenly everyone in there is a predator.

As I said, I truly believe the parents are only making themselves feel better, and not really doing anything about keeping their child safe.

 

[Gracie09]

At age 6 in our school system they could be as far in as second grade. I know I started kindergarten when I was 4. And now kindergarten is full days as well.

I honestly think taking children into the restroom area at large, but not into the stall with you, is just giving the parent a false feeling of security. In their minds they are doing something that keeps their child safe. But, unless they are in the stall with you, someone can grab them and be off in a second!

I will never understand why leaving them in the restroom area with women is ok, but if you leave a male child in a male restroom alone, suddenly everyone in there is a predator.

As I said, I truly believe the parents are only making themselves feel better, and not really doing anything about keeping their child safe.

Amen!
I still haven't figured out how moms are protecting their kids while they (the moms) are sitting on the toilet with the pants down. By the time they realized something was wrong, got up and pulled up their pants (not even including time to clean themselves) the kid would be long gone. If you must "protect" your tween by bringing them into the ladies room being them into the stall with you.

 

[Burnedout]

At age 6 in our school system they could be as far in as second grade. I know I started kindergarten when I was 4. And now kindergarten is full days as well.

I honestly think taking children into the restroom area at large, but not into the stall with you, is just giving the parent a false feeling of security. In their minds they are doing something that keeps their child safe. But, unless they are in the stall with you, someone can grab them and be off in a second!

I will never understand why leaving them in the restroom area with women is ok, but if you leave a male child in a male restroom alone, suddenly everyone in there is a predator.

As I said, I truly believe the parents are only making themselves feel better, and not really doing anything about keeping their child safe.

Well said

Women are afraid of the men in the restrooms. What does that teach their sons? That men are predators and that is how they will be seen too as soon as they are "allowed" to be in their appropriate restroom.

 

[OceanAnnie]

It's an emotionally charged issue. I don't think it serves any purpose to bash a mother that is trying to protect her child. You might not agree with the way she approaches it, but it doesn't help to put her down. It certainly won't change her mind by putting her down. We are all parents on this family board.

On a trip to Las Vegas, I saw a young boy crying uncontrollably, clinging to his mother outside a restroom with cops surrounding the area. It's something that has stayed with me. I'll never forget it. Someone will undoubtedly say, "Yeah, Las Vegas". Well, I'm here to tell you -- look at the sex offender registry in your area. You may be surprised. Then you will get people that tell you, "I won't live in fear.". Good for you. But at least educate yourself and your kids.

We have had talks over the years with our kids on what is normal behavior in restrooms and what is not. Same with elevators. We have talks about what to do if someone approaches you in a restroom. Trust your gut. You don't have to use the restroom (even when nature is insistent) if you don't feel safe. Leave. Yell out.

If you are on an elevator and someone gets on that make you uncomfortable, get off. Trust your gut.

We are all parents here. We should play nice, like we tell our kids.

 

[OceanAnnie]

I actually posted this almost exact same question back in 2009.

My DS was 8 or 9 at the time (can't remember if it was before his birthday or not). As another poster stated these posts can become very ugly. I had asked this question because of something that had happened to my son at a restaurant restroom in our town. A boy had attempted to hit him and his cousin stepped in. Unfortunately, the boy assaulted my nephew, who was protecting my child. This incident made both boys very uneasy and me a little worried about their safety. We had been sitting in a busy restaurant not more than 25 feet from that bathroom and never heard them yell. When it came time for our disney vacation, neither boy still felt comfortable but didn't feel comfortable going into the women's bathroom either. So I bought both boys a Coast Guard Boater's Whistle, this whistle can be heard from over a mile away (when blown hard). My sister and I took turns standing outside the restrooms listening for them or that whistle. (Of course, everything was fine but it made them and us feel more at ease).

The companion restrooms were given to me as a suggestion on my thread. But some of those comments weren't as supportive for using these during our visit. And I understand why! Families traveling with a disability use these and there are not many of them. So out of a courtesy to them, we didn't use the companion restrooms.

However, you have to do what makes you, as a parent, feel comfortable. Because if anything ever happened, you have to be able to live with the outcome of those decisions.

And by the way, my son doesn't allow anyone to pick on him or any other child now. One of his biggest pet peaves, is a bully (as is mine). I feel like that incident changed him.

Thank you for sharing the whistle idea. That's great.

I have taken the kids to the Companion Restrooms. I always checked to make sure on one was around, there was no line. We hurried. No dawdling. No one was waiting when we left.

I'm sorry about what happened to the boys. That's traumatic, especially out of the blue like that.

 

[Freesia123]

I have no problems with little boys in the ladies room. There are stalls so everything private is in a stall. I'd just take my boy into the handicapped stall.

 

[bumbershoot]

Well said

Women are afraid of the men in the restrooms. What does that teach their sons? That men are predators and that is how they will be seen too as soon as they are "allowed" to be in their appropriate restroom.

Statistically, men are more likely to be predators than women. What does it teach our sons if we conveniently forget to teach them to be careful of those more likely to harm them? My son knows that he is a good person and so is his dad. He ALSO knows that if some dude on the street (we live in a downtown area which isn't fun sometimes) gives him the heebie jeebies, he should trust his instincts and keep a wide berth. Being wary hasn't taught him that HE is bad.

We go to the Y all the time. They have adult locker rooms and they have family locker rooms. They ask that by 8 all kids be using the proper sex family locker room. DS wanted to use his own restroom at the Y, but was still nervous about the male family locker room; recently he told me it's because of all the "old" men who walk around naked in there. Same problem with the female family locker room, lots of older women all nekky. The adult locker rooms are upstairs, so I suppose it makes sense that they don't want to travel to shower after their swims, but the kids don't particularly care for it.

I finally asked him how he would feel if this particular girl (that he has loooooved since they were 6), that he met in swim class, saw him changing. He said he would be embarrassed. And that helped turn it around; that if he was walking through the shower room and saw HER, she would feel the same way.


He still went into the bathrooms with me, on a case by case basis, where he would stand outside my stall, facing the door. Feet visible. If I saw those feet move or heard him yelp it's funny to think that I would bother pulling up my pants, LOL. I would be up and out and I don't care what was showing, if I saw his feet disappear suddenly. At movie theaters if it's just the two of us, he still goes in with me. Case by case.


Statistically, men simply are more of a danger than women are, and it doesn't solve a thing if we sugarcoat that.

DS is dancing at a recital tonight. The ONLY men allowed backstage are dancers and the one teacher/choreographer who is male. That's it. NO DADS can volunteer backstage. As unfair as that feels, as much as my husband would LOVE to volunteer in the "boy room" (10 boys to umpteen gazillion girls), as great as a few dads would be to help the boys get ready...we ALL understand the reasons. Statistically, it just makes sense. It's also more practical, as there are girls from 2-18 (and older b/c the staff dance, too) who are changing in and out of costumes, and the girls (see how many there are?) are all over the place. The boys are contained; their room is private, and the girls need privacy too. As uncomfortable as it would be for my son to accidentally see a 16 year old girl doing a "quick change", it would be a million times worse if my husband, or another dad, saw it.


(we can always tell the Gavin de Becker readers in posts like this, can't we?) (like me)

 

[Gracie09]

Statistically, men are more likely to be predators than women. What does it teach our sons if we conveniently forget to teach them to be careful of those more likely to harm them? My son knows that he is a good person and so is his dad. He ALSO knows that if some dude on the street (we live in a downtown area which isn't fun sometimes) gives him the heebie jeebies, he should trust his instincts and keep a wide berth. Being wary hasn't taught him that HE is bad.

We go to the Y all the time. They have adult locker rooms and they have family locker rooms. They ask that by 8 all kids be using the proper sex family locker room. DS wanted to use his own restroom at the Y, but was still nervous about the male family locker room; recently he told me it's because of all the "old" men who walk around naked in there. Same problem with the female family locker room, lots of older women all nekky. The adult locker rooms are upstairs, so I suppose it makes sense that they don't want to travel to shower after their swims, but the kids don't particularly care for it.

I finally asked him how he would feel if this particular girl (that he has loooooved since they were 6), that he met in swim class, saw him changing. He said he would be embarrassed. And that helped turn it around; that if he was walking through the shower room and saw HER, she would feel the same way.


He still went into the bathrooms with me, on a case by case basis, where he would stand outside my stall, facing the door. Feet visible. If I saw those feet move or heard him yelp it's funny to think that I would bother pulling up my pants, LOL. I would be up and out and I don't care what was showing, if I saw his feet disappear suddenly. At movie theaters if it's just the two of us, he still goes in with me. Case by case.


Statistically, men simply are more of a danger than women are, and it doesn't solve a thing if we sugarcoat that.

DS is dancing at a recital tonight. The ONLY men allowed backstage are dancers and the one teacher/choreographer who is male. That's it. NO DADS can volunteer backstage. As unfair as that feels, as much as my husband would LOVE to volunteer in the "boy room" (10 boys to umpteen gazillion girls), as great as a few dads would be to help the boys get ready...we ALL understand the reasons. Statistically, it just makes sense. It's also more practical, as there are girls from 2-18 (and older b/c the staff dance, too) who are changing in and out of costumes, and the girls (see how many there are?) are all over the place. The boys are contained; their room is private, and the girls need privacy too. As uncomfortable as it would be for my son to accidentally see a 16 year old girl doing a "quick change", it would be a million times worse if my husband, or another dad, saw it.


(we can always tell the Gavin de Becker readers in posts like this, can't we?) (like me)

If you want to talk stats- statically the person you have to worry about is someone you know, relative, neighbor, friend, not the stranger in a theme park.

 

[Burnedout]

If you want to talk stats- statically the person you have to worry about is someone you know, relative, neighbor, friend, not the stranger in a theme park.

Lol, you took the words right out of my mouth!

Moms aren't keeping their older boys safe for the boys sake. It is all about mommy's insecurities. It is a false sense of security. What it does for the boy is say that in 2 years or 20, when mommy lets them have a set, then they are then those statistical predators.

I, btw, love the whistle.

No clue who Gavin Becker is. So if that was in some way an insult it was lost on me.

 

[4HppyCamprs]

Lol, you took the words right out of my mouth!

Moms aren't keeping their older boys safe for the boys sake. It is all about mommy's insecurities. It is a false sense of security. What it does for the boy is say that in 2 years or 20, when mommy lets them have a set, then they are then those statistical predators.

I, btw, love the whistle.

No clue who Gavin Becker is. So if that was in some way an insult it was lost on me.

Your ridiculous. Your saying protecting our young children is going to turn them into child molesters when they are allowed to use the restrooms by themselves?! Really!

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

 

[Gracie09]

Your ridiculous. Your saying protecting our young children is going to turn them into child molesters when they are allowed to use the restrooms by themselves?! Really!

Sent from my iPhone using DISBoards

Well if the reason boys are not allowed to use the appropriate gender bathroom is to protect them from the sneaky male predators waiting for them. When those boys grow up they will be the sneaky male predator for someone else. And this the circle of life continues

 

[Mama Who]

I have no problems with little boys in the ladies room. There are stalls so everything private is in a stall. I'd just take my boy into the handicapped stall.

Yep, and as long as you take your boy into your stall instead of leaving him to roam around, I'm fine with it.