Wedding gifts

[DCbride]

Coworkers generally about $100-150

Close friends/extended family $200

DH sister- $500 gift plus bridal shower expenses/shower gift, both of us in wedding, hotel 2 nights....we were out easily $1000 and I don't really enjoy her-ha!)

 

[lauradis]

1) Holy Smokes.
2) I did the gift calculation site for the heck of it.
3) The site said I should give $345 for a Midwest wedding.
4) Huh ?!?!?!?!?!?!
5) There is no way!
. . . why should my annual compensation determine the gift level? (after my travel time and hotel costs)
. . . why should the reception location determine the gift level?
. . . why should the day of the wedding determine the gift level?
6) I think the calculator was made by a wedding coordinator or gift merchant.


IMHO: We give what we feel the bride/groom should receive, and not based
upon our income, the location, or the type of reception dinner. The level of
the wedding is the choosing of the bride/groom/parents, and WILL NOT
influence how much we will give the bride/groom.

Do you base it on how much you like the bride/groom or the parents?

 

[APiratesLifeForMe2]

1) Holy Smokes. 2) I did the gift calculation site for the heck of it. 3) The site said I should give $345 for a Midwest wedding. 4) Huh ?!?!?!?!?!?! 5) There is no way! . . . why should my annual compensation determine the gift level? (after my travel time and hotel costs) . . . why should the reception location determine the gift level? . . . why should the day of the wedding determine the gift level? 6) I think the calculator was made by a wedding coordinator or gift merchant. IMHO: We give what we feel the bride/groom should receive, and not based upon our income, the location, or the type of reception dinner. The level of the wedding is the choosing of the bride/groom/parents, and WILL NOT influence how much we will give the bride/groom.

I'm with you. Let me tell you I got married last year and we spent well over $100 a plate so it was not a backyard wedding. We had a few family members spend over $100 on us an we thought it was extravagant. For the most part the value of the gifts we received was around $50 per couple. The one thing that irks me is the people that never brought or sent a gift!!! I will remember these people til the day I die since it's the crappiest thing to do. My dad was furious since most were his family members. Our wedding was mostly family and very close friends but we had 200+ Guests since we have big families. No reason anyone can't afford to give even a small gift. The amount should not matter, it's the thought that really counts.

 

[cjbcam]

I'm with you. Let me tell you I got married last year and we spent well over $100 a plate so it was not a backyard wedding. We had a few family members spend over $100 on us an we thought it was extravagant. For the most part the value of the gifts we received was around $50 per couple. The one thing that irks me is the people that never brought or sent a gift!!! I will remember these people til the day I die since it's the crappiest thing to do. My dad was furious since most were his family members. Our wedding was mostly family and very close friends but we had 200+ Guests since we have big families. No reason anyone can't afford to give even a small gift. The amount should not matter, it's the thought that really counts.

Why would you be angry someone never brought something? When my DSIL got married two of our kids were flower girls, their dresses cost 150 each plus we had to pay for their hair. They had to have it on a Friday(so lost day pay). I just had csection four weeks previous so DH also had a week off pay then. We just bought house with 25%down and payed lawyers fees etc.. We were living on roman noodles poor. We gave shower gift and 150 dollars and felt bad cause DH other siblings gave at least 500 each. For the next few months we lived scrounging to play catch up on our bills all because of people like you made me feel it's mandatory for that gift and what not. And trust me I would have died of embarrassment to have had to say to them sorry we just can't afford it. Looking back now and the feelings I had back then I should have swallowed my pride. When my husband and I got married there were two different people who came up to me and apologized and were embarrassed because they could not afford gift. I looked at them and said you being here is gift enough and I truly believed it.

 

[APiratesLifeForMe2]

Why would you be angry someone never brought something? When my DSIL got married two of our kids were flower girls, their dresses cost 150 each plus we had to pay for their hair. They had to have it on a Friday(so lost day pay). I just had csection four weeks previous so DH also had a week off pay then. We just bought house with 25%down and payed lawyers fees etc.. We were living on roman noodles poor. We gave shower gift and 150 dollars and felt bad cause DH other siblings gave at least 500 each. For the next few months we lived scrounging to play catch up on our bills all because of people like you made me feel it's mandatory for that gift and what not. And trust me I would have died of embarrassment to have had to say to them sorry we just can't afford it. Looking back now and the feelings I had back then I should have swallowed my pride. When my husband and I got married there were two different people who came up to me and apologized and were embarrassed because they could not afford gift. I looked at them and said you being here is gift enough and I truly believed it.

I didn't mean to offend you but it sounds as if you are taking it personally. The ones who didn't give us gifts were not a part of our wedding party, did not attend showers, nor did they take off work or travel to be at our wedding. I get when bills get tough but my intention was to point out it's not the dollar amount of the gift that mattered to us. If someone doesn't even have $2 to get a card to Congratulate the couple then I don't see the point in attending the wedding. We had a friend give us popcorn and movie candy as a gift and we were just as appreciative to them as any other gift.

 

[cjbcam]

I didn't mean to offend you but it sounds as if you are taking it personally. The ones who didn't give us gifts were not a part of our wedding party, did not attend showers, nor did they take off work or travel to be at our wedding. I get when bills get tough but my intention was to point out it's not the dollar amount of the gift that mattered to us. If someone doesn't even have $2 to get a card to Congratulate the couple then I don't see the point in attending the wedding. We had a friend give us popcorn and movie candy as a gift and we were just as appreciative to them as any other gift.

But that's just it. You even state if they don't even have $2 then don't bother attend. Why? I would be more upset if someone didn't come because they couldn't afford a gift. But I guess that's just me. The gifts aren't what makes a wedding special its the people that are there to celebrate your love that makes it special. I also don't take your comment personally just stating a fact that people shouldn't feel pressured to give a gift if they can't afford it and other people shouldn't judge them because of it.

 

[barkley]

But that's just it. You even state if they don't even have $2 then don't bother attend. Why? I would be more upset if someone didn't come because they couldn't afford a gift. But I guess that's just me. The gifts aren't what makes a wedding special its the people that are there to celebrate your love that makes it special. I also don't take your comment personally just stating a fact that people shouldn't feel pressured to give a gift if they can't afford it and other people shouldn't judge them because of it.

amen.


if you look to the wording of most wedding invitations they read that the parents and or bride/groom are asking the invitee(s) for "the honor of your attendance". that implicates that someone is being invited and their very presence is honoring the hosts/primary participants in the event.


if it's the thought that counts, then the presence of the invited guest shows they thought enough to attend the wedding.

dh and I have been married 22 years, and the greatest gift we received was the gathering of those who attending our wedding. I go through our wedding album now and so many in attendance have passed-our 'family' photo (us/parents/sibs/spouses/nieces & nephews) is the only group photo of either side with all in attendance and ever will be (parents gone, 3 sibs gone...). I cherish these photos. if people had opted out of attending b/c they felt an obligation to provide a physical gift that for whatever reason they could not/would not provide our wedding photos and memories would be greatly lacking.

 

[holden]

I think the amount of the gift depends on where you live. Here (in the Philadelphia suburbs) $300 would be an average gift. We would give more to close family/friends. When I got married in 1993, the average gift was around $150. Boy, times have changed!

 

[LovesTimone]

My DD got married back in March. It was a destination wedding in Fl. We are from there originally, they had a small ( 66 guests/ rsvp) intimate wedding, and reception, at a resort.

In the last few weeks leading up to the wedding - they received lots of registry gifts, for people not being able to attend, or they did not want them to have to transport back to Georgia, and some cash & GC's from family who knew there Mickeymoon plans.

At the wedding itself, we had a small gift table w/ a basket for cards. They mostly got cards, with either cash or GC for Disney, with a few gifts,

At the present time with the economy they way it is. I think it is really based on what you can afford and are comfortable with, and who they are to you, immediate family, a distant cousin, Best friend/ family, an co-worker or co-worker child.

 

[lovinpoohbear]

This is an interesting thread. Last year, DH and I were in a wedding party for lifelong friends of ours. In addition to the expense of being in the wedding , we gave $500 as the wedding gif.
I am no longer friends with the bride because after the wedding, she stated to me that our gift was cheap and that we hadn't "covered" our plates.

 

[averysmom]

1) Holy Smokes.
2) I did the gift calculation site for the heck of it.
3) The site said I should give $345 for a Midwest wedding.
4) Huh ?!?!?!?!?!?!
5) There is no way!
. . . why should my annual compensation determine the gift level? (after my travel time and hotel costs)
. . . why should the reception location determine the gift level?
. . . why should the day of the wedding determine the gift level?
6) I think the calculator was made by a wedding coordinator or gift merchant.

IMHO: We give what we feel the bride/groom should receive, and not based
upon our income, the location, or the type of reception dinner. The level of
the wedding is the choosing of the bride/groom/parents, and WILL NOT
influence how much we will give the bride/groom.

5a-b/c the more you earn, the more you can afford, the less you earn the more you can afford. This is true with all gift-giving. Also, if you travel a long way and have hotel, etc. then really, you can afford less b/c you have already paid out so much.
5b-b/c if I am being served dinner and full bar in a 4 or 5 star establishment, then I would be inclined to give a more generous gift.
5c-b/c some times are more expensive to host a wedding than others.

I live in an area where we give money-it's called presentation here- and all those factors (how close you are to the couple, how established you are, what types of wedding it is, etc) all fit in to what you give for a gift. It's the norm here, and if you aren't from an area where you grew up with this, then it might seem strange, but no more strange than it is for us to hear of someone getting serving ware for their wedding. That's a shower thing around here! Lol!

 

[JanaDee]

I went to a website that tells you how much you should pay.
http://www.theweddingenvelope.com/
It will calculate by how much you make and how well do you know the couple.. I love it...I've haven't gone to many wedding this last few year and will be getting ready to go to one next year. It told me I should give $235.00 which is around the price I was thinking about sending.

I just used this and got an amount of $360 for a relatives wedding I attended this summer. Will never, ever happen, unless it is someone that I gave birth to.

 

[set1208]

When my husband and I go to a wedding, I give $100 from both of us. It's better than nothing! We are a single income family with four kids so its what we can do.

Personally, I think it's extremely classless for a couple to expect specific amounts from guests. If you want to make money, then sell tickets, otherwise "you get what you get and you don't get upset".

Don't forget, etiquette wise, it's okay to give a wedding gift up to a year after the wedding.

 

[lauradis]

When my husband and I go to a wedding, I give $100 from both of us. It's better than nothing! We are a single income family with four kids so its what we can do.

Personally, I think it's extremely classless for a couple to expect specific amounts from guests. If you want to make money, then sell tickets, otherwise "you get what you get and you don't get upset".

Don't forget, etiquette wise, it's okay to give a wedding gift up to a year after the wedding.

Sell ticket oh I love that

 

[Pooh2]

Sell ticket oh I love that

Actually went to a party (was told this was instead of a bridal shower) that I had to purchase tickets for my family of 5 to attend, was asked to bring a pot luck dish, and told where the couple was registered so we could also buy a gift. Then they requested people donate money to dance with the bride because we were "raising" money for the couple's honeymoon.
This was more than 10 years ago for my husband's cousin. I went along with it at the time, but when her sister had a similar event a few years I ago, we politely declined the "fundraising party".
Tacky!

 

[PelletierBears]

I went to a website that tells you how much you should pay.
http://www.theweddingenvelope.com/
It will calculate by how much you make and how well do you know the couple.. I love it...I've haven't gone to many wedding this last few year and will be getting ready to go to one next year. It told me I should give $235.00 which is around the price I was thinking about sending.

The calculator is interesting but according to it I should give "relatives" having a traditional style wedding $400! That is way too much in my opinion.

I stay in the $200 range for neices / nephews and if anyone thinks I'm cheap they should feel free to not include me in future affairs

 

[lauradis]

Actually went to a party (was told this was instead of a bridal shower) that I had to purchase tickets for my family of 5 to attend, was asked to bring a pot luck dish, and told where the couple was registered so we could also buy a gift. Then they requested people donate money to dance with the bride because we were "raising" money for the couple's honeymoon.
This was more than 10 years ago for my husband's cousin. I went along with it at the time, but when her sister had a similar event a few years I ago, we politely declined the "fundraising party".
Tacky!

Never heard of that one. Dollar dance, yes. Old fashion potluck weddings, yes. Tickets no lol very tacky but interesting

 

[veraletta]

I like using the calculator because it's been years, since I went to a wedding. Years ago you gave a gift that would at least pay for the plate or dinner..
Last wedding I went to was my daughter's and that was almost 20 years ago..lol

We live in a small town in Ohio and I know most people wouldn't or couldn't pay $235 and I don't think anyone would get upset if they didn't.
But I'm getting ready to go to a wedding in Boston, MA where I know it's going to cost a lot for a plate and I don't want to be cheap.

Averysmom your welcome...I'm glad you were able to use it.

I didn't mean to post it to upset people I posted the website as I thought it may help others to decide what to give or at least help them out.
No one will be upset if you don't give what the websites says... It was to be used as a tool.. no more or no less... I found it helpful...Others may not see it that way and that's okay...

 

[barkley]

5a-b/c the more you earn, the more you can afford, what I have earned at different points in my life/career was often based on the cost of living where I was employed AND required/necessitated living. sales tax, childcare, local property tax levies...dollar to dollar I often had the same or less income than many of my peers in adjacent areas (my choice-but if someone is basing their estimation on what I should gift based on what I earn they should be clued in on all the facts) the less you earn the more you can afford. This is true with all gift-giving. Also, if you travel a long way and have hotel, etc. then really, you can afford less b/c you have already paid out so much.
5b-b/c if I am being served dinner and full bar in a 4 or 5 star establishment, then I would be inclined to give a more generous gift.
5c-b/c some times are more expensive to host a wedding than others.
unless someone has intimate information on what a particular venue charges for each individual event then they could be grossly overestimating what to gift on this basis. I coordinated weddings for what is still a prime napa valley wedding destination. identical weddings for the identical date/time/menu could vary wildly depending on how it was negotiated. use our 'preferred' vs our 'contracted' vendors for photography, flowers, music and the wedding cake-reduce the cost, have your out of town guests book rooms at our hotel-REALY reduce the costs, invite a minimum number of guests (who will have to pay our outrageous valet parking rates ) and it will reduce the per plate cost considerably.
I live in an area where we give money-it's called presentation here- and all those factors (how close you are to the couple, how established you are, what types of wedding it is, etc) all fit in to what you give for a gift. It's the norm here, and if you aren't from an area where you grew up with this, then it might seem strange, but no more strange than it is for us to hear of someone getting serving ware for their wedding. That's a shower thing around here! Lol!

not knocking how it's done in your area, but pointing out that given the issues with income and wedding costs in other areas it would be difficult at best for a guest to determine on what dollar basis to gift

 

[aprilpeter]

If they have registered for cash gifts as well then go for that cause I think money matters more than spoons and forks. They can use it for anything they want to have and If they are planning to get something big this will be a contribution towards that. If I have budget like $100-$200 I generally prefer to give cash.